The Story

"Henry's blood type is O-positive, right?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, same as mine." she answered.

"JJ, I hate to ask you this, but it could be important. Do you think you still have any of Will's DNA?"

"I... I don't think so... you mean like used clothing, or...?"

"Did you keep his razor, his comb, nail clippers, his... I don't know... shaving brush?"

"No... nothing like that."She thought for a moment. "OH, but Spence! There's a locket I haven't worn since he passed – it's got a lock of my, Henry's, and Will's hair all braided together!" she looked suddenly upset and Spencer went to her, folding his arms around her, and resting his chin on her head.

"JJ, we're going to have to talk about something that neither of us wants to revisit." He stepped back from her and holding on to her upper arms, looked into her eyes. They were clear blue and she matched his gaze in complete understanding.

"We don't have to talk about it Spence. We agreed a long time ago. Let's just get him tested. Tomorrow."

"JJ..." he said again. "I was... I was..." He looked down, his brows knitting. "You know what I was."

She looked up at him with such love, and reached up a hand to stroke his face. "It doesn't change anything, Spence. I love you. We... we were lost, both of us... and we were there for each other. Baby you didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't... remember. I know that you do and I wish I could but... JJ I was so messed up."

"Beautiful man, it has all worked out exactly as it was supposed to. We are here and we are fine and we are together. I don't regret what happened. I don't want you to, either. She pulled him to her.

"No, god no JJ... it's not about that, about regretting anything," he said, kissing her temple, his arms around her. "It's the not knowing." He looked at her expectantly.

She touched her lips to his before asking, solemnly, "You've never asked before. Do you want me to tell you?"

He touched his lips to hers and whispered "Yes."

She needed to go check on Henry first, she didn't want them to be disturbed. She pointed to the couch and he walked over, sitting down.

Henry was crashed on his bed, face down and butt up in the air surrounded by miniature trucks. JJ didn't touch him, but cleared all the toys away. Sometimes the soundest sleep was by his own design. She put his blanket in easy reach in case he woke up, and gently kissed his soft, blonde head.

God if he was Spencer's her heart would explode.

She gathered herself and went to sit with her man, to share the story only she could tell.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Apprehensive," he answered truthfully, wiping his palms on his pant legs.

"Spence, everything here is said with love, alright?"

He nodded, looking at her.

"Okay... you know when it was, right?"

He nodded again.

"It was just after Hankel. We were still reeling from those horrible two days. I couldn't take it that I'd almost lost you, that you were hurt... tortured... because of me. Because we split up at the farm."

"JJ, it wasn't your-" he put his hand on her arm.

"Spence. Just let me finish." She paused. God it was still so hard, so awful remembering what happened to him. She steeled herself and went on. "I didn't know it at the time but I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I was self-medicating big time. I'd had almost half a bottle of tequila when I decided I needed to see you. Needed you. I drove over to your place and you were passed out on the sofa. You were so strung out on Dilaudid but I didn't know... none of us did... none of us knew the extent of what he'd done to you. I just needed to make it better somehow..."

"Spence, can I come in?" she softly slurred. "Spence?" JJ let herself into his apartment, piles of clothes and fast food wrappers everywhere, so unlike him but she didn't care. She saw in the dim light that he was asleep on the sofa and she moved over to him, dropping her coat as she went. She knelt down beside her sweet friend, reaching up to brush his tangled hair from his forehead, feeling his warm skin... she leaned in and touched her lips to his and a soft moan escaped him.

"JJ," he whispered, still out of it, his head tilting to the side, his eyes closed.

She needed to be closer to him and she undid her blouse, kissing him harder and feeling him respond. His hands moved to her face of their own volition and JJ crawled on top of him, feeling his arousal beneath her she reached down and undid his zipper tugging his pants down and releasing him into her grasp. Her breath was coming faster now and his soft moans as they kissed encouraged her to keep going, god she just needed to be closer... closer... she pushed her skirt up around her waist and slid her panties down, kicking them off. She leaned forward and whispered "Do you want me Spence?" into his ear and he nodded, his eyes closed, his breathing ragged. He said her name over and over as she guided him in. It was over too quickly, but JJ couldn't leave him just yet. She reached down and pulled his pants back up then fixed her own skirt. She lay down on top of him and held him for dear life, his breathing telling her that he had already fallen back asleep, if he ever even woke up, she didn't know.

"I left sometime before morning broke. I remember covering you up and kissing you goodbye." she finished.

"I thought you were a dream."

"I know. But you have to know that loving you that night was a turning point for me. A life-affirming, meaningful thing. I needed to give you something. Something warm and tangible... and to let you know that no matter what, I was... there for you. Like I hadn't been at the cabin." JJ's eyes filled with tears as she said the last part.

Spencer reached for her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her head. She wrapped her arms around him and just held on, savoring the bittersweet memory.

"The one time that we did talk about it... you just said we needed to forget it. I agreed because I didn't know what else to do. I didn't even remember what had happened, so it would've been silly for me to dwell on it, you know?"

She nodded against his chest. "There's plenty I regret about that night, Spence. That we were both wasted, that we didn't take our time, that we didn't ever take it further... but if we did in fact make Henry that night? Then it has been the best night of my life so far." She looked up at him.

He nodded. "I know what you mean. So let's hurry up and find out." He kissed her then, and it was the best thing he could've done. He sensed she needed his... okay. His assurance that he was alright. With everything.

"First thing in the morning," she said, as they got up in unison and walked to the bedroom, arms around each other.

"Hey now that we can talk about it, maybe you can show me what you did – y'know, now that I'm awake and all..." he trailed off, joking.

She swatted his butt as they made it to the room and said "Watch it buster, I may just take you up on that."