New Version: My Toes My Knees My Shoulders My Head

by Lapiz Sagana

Sakura, Shikamaru, and Sai thought they survived the ambush when they woke up in the ICU alive and whole. However, when Sakura identifies Shikamaru as her husband, the Hokage and her team are forced to acknowledge the possibility that there was more to the ambush than a mission gone wrong. Republished as perfect version.

36. Chapter Thirty-Five

My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head

Thirty - Five

Shikamaru / Shikaku

Shikamaru:

"How long have you known?"

"A couple of days."

"You can't be dying of heart failure and show no symptom beforehand!"

"If that's so then it's either I'm stupid or Sakura can't tell a bad heart when she sees one!" I inhaled through my nose and swallowed the air to compose myself. I had to remain calm. Calm. "I dove into the pond without considering the effect that a rebirth jutsu gone haywire can have on me – on my bleeding wounds and the thumb that I used to paint that fuckin' blood seal. It's my fault! Can you please stop walking around looking like you can't understand what heart failure is? It's heart failure."

"This is wrong!" Shikaku slammed his hand on the table and turned around, running his other hand across his face. The rubber band around his hair was thinning. It barely held his hair together at the back of his head. He continued to tap his foot.

Beside me, Sakura stood with her head down. Kakashi remained on the farthest corner of the room, peering out the window, watching Shizune and the rest of the team trudge across the meadow and vanish in the white veil that covered the forest.

Exhaustion bit my bones. I pulled a chair and sat on it. I stood and overturned the table. Scrolls fell and unravelled across the room. "I'm the one who's dying! You don't get to blame anyone or say that this is wrong, dad! Nothing's right anymore, okay? Nothing! You're not the one who's fucking losing everything! Can't you see that I'm doing my best to-"

Sakura moved to stand in front of me, her hand partly-raised as though to cover my mouth, when I saw what I had failed to see earlier.

Shikaku. Weeping.

He stared ahead of him – at the staircase that led to the attic-turned-library - and sat on the fourth step, touching his cheeks in recognition of the tears he didn't mean to shed.

"It's not the time to fight, Shikamaru," she whispered. "He's your dad for crying out loud."

"Stop crying," I said to him. He did not flinch. I marched towards him, repeating the same words, expecting the same impassiveness, and wishing he would do anything but be silent.

Anything but silence, Shikaku.

Upon reaching him, I knelt on the third tread and shook him. "Stop crying! Stop it! This is not the time to cry, dad!"

He stared at me. "I'm not crying."

"Yes, you are, and I know it's because you're overwhelmed with work and I didn't meant to add to you-"

"You're my son." He put his hands on my cheeks. His thumbs traced the tiny scars and bumps under my eyes. "You're my firstborn son. That's all the reason I have."

My knees caved in. I fell on my knees and clung to him for support. I dug my fingers in his winter coat. The smell of the incense that mum lit every morning still exuded from his clothes. Turning, I sat next to him and said, "I can't return to Konoha yet."

"You have to," he said in a low voice, as though it was a struggle to breathe. "The sooner we treat you, the higher your chances of survival."

"And leave Sakura here?"

"She's not your sole responsibility."

"She's changing." I fought the urge to glimpse her black hair. Everybody had been warned and had not reacted, but our refusal to acknowledge it didn't make it less of a fact. "You've taken away Naruto, Ino, and Captain Yamato. Kana might use this as a chance to overtake her completely. Besides, don't we have the rebirth jutsu's design to complete? Once we're done, I'll pack up and leave. Just don't expect me to leave her by herself like this. It's not right."

He scowled at me. It took him a while to say, "You're as important to the case as she is. You may not be morphing into another person, but you are – " he stopped and swallowed. "Shikamaru, you're-"

"-Dying."

"No, your life is in grave danger," he said. "I'm your commander and I have to emphasize the need to save you in case it will be too late for both Sakura and Sai. When – if they die, you will be our best chance at uncovering the plans of Kana and Ryo's group against the village."

"You know you can't just bring me back to Konoha now, dad. You'll have to make preparations if you want to medicate me. And hide me. I am aware of Danzo."

He inhaled, closed his eyes, and exhaled slowly. "If there's a single trace of the rebirth virus in your bloodstream, Danzo can use it to cause the Hokage's downfall."

"I'm sorry."

"I trust Sakura." He turned his head to look at me. "But she's not exactly herself at the moment. We'll need a second opinion."

I nodded over and over. "I'm okay."

"With what?"

"With everything. With that box and Aiko Hyuuga and Grandpa Michio and Shikame..." I raised my head and saw Sakura staring at us from inside the living room, her cheeks burning a bright red. "I'm okay with dying, I guess."

"I'll be seeing you soon." He chuckled wanly. "Your mother's gonna kill me."

I laughed at the remembrance of their arguments. "Nah. She stayed with you. She'll stay with you through it all."

"Just like you're staying with Sakura Haruno?"

"It's not her fault."

He sighed and hunched lower. He dipped his hand into the front pocket of his chuunin vest and slipped out a crumbled photograph. I took it from him and held it towards the light. "Gramps?" I exclaimed. "You keep a picture of gramps?"

"Everyday," he said. "I never told you much about him, did I? I thought all his scolding when you were just a boy was enough memory of him for you to carry. Seems I'm wrong. I should have told you at least the few good things he did for me and my family. First of all, he fought for my place as the next head of the Nara clan. He said that he didn't work his ass off for an inheritance that would be passed on to someone that his wife didn't give birth to."

"Sounds like something he would say."

"And after Yoshino returned to me, the first person that we went to was Michio," he said, smiling. "Experience told me he'd exile us, but there was something different the night that we came to him. He ran out of his room and hit my head. But he said nothing. He cooked for us, let us eat, and told us to return to our house. He arranged every crease with your mother's clan, and he was the first to be with Yoshino when she was giving birth to you. I was in a mission. You were already a ball-shaped human the size of my two hands when I first saw you."

When I looked at gramp's picture again, another man came into view. Suddenly his frown was not so severe. Not even scary. I knew he resembled Shikaku, but knowing was different from witnessing. They were more similar than I ever dared expect. "Dad, why were you always fighting with him? We often visited him here and each time you'd end up in an argument."

Shikaku stood, holding the railing to support his weight. He glanced down at me with a sad smile. "Michio wanted you to know about Aiko and the baby, just so you'd have nothing against me in the future. I told him that I couldn't bear the thought of you thinking any less of me and your mother."

"I don't. I-I don't think that's possible."

"Sixty percent of the time, though, we argued because I put you in a snail race and bet against you." He shrugged and laughed a little. "The rest of the shinobis bet that you'd win. Guess what? We came home with all their money and used it to pay our bills. Michio said that he'd take you from me if you keep being so depressingly lazy and replace you with a snail."

I glowered at him. "I've been paying for our living this entire time?"

"You're just an accessory, son," he said. "I was the one who exerted the effort."

Kakashi knocked on the wall, disturbing us. "I'm sorry, but you have to go, sir. We'll be starting the experiment with Sakura soon, and a good friend of mine will see if she can do anything for Shikamaru. You're needed in Konoha."

Shikaku only nodded, appreciating rather than condemning the fact that he'd eavesdropped on us. He pulled me to my feet and embraced me. "I never hated Michio more than I loved him. I hope that – "

"I love you, dad."

He kissed my forehead, removed his rubber band, and tied it around mine. I stepped back, gawking. He pulled his hood over his head.

"I'm not leaving this house, dad."

"I'll come back for you. This isn't over, son."

He turned. I grabbed his shoulder. "Dad?"

"Don't beg me to stay. I'll punch you."

I peered behind him and was glad that Kakashi had engaged Sakura in a conversation. "Dad, the Fifth told Sakura that a man and a woman that are in a mission for long periods of time should never trust their emotions...especially when t-they...you know, feel something for the other shinobi."

His eyes widened and his lips parted.

"Well?"

"It's true," he said, at last.

I waited for him to ask that one question I feared, but so badly wanted an answer to. He cleared his throat and stroked his beard once.

"Is it always true, dad? In all honesty."

He fidgeted, seeming unable to decide on whether he should keep his arms on his sides or put them on his waist, and whether to keep a neutral expression or hint his true emotions. The second before I urged him to speak up, a certain calmness overcame his being, and he said, "I never taught you that because love doesn't follow shinobi codes. Love isn't sexual pleasure or any form of physical and emotional gratification, although they remain a tender part of it. I think, son, that love is choosing to give your remaining breath to a certain medic because you'd want nothing more than to see her live. As your father, I'd want nothing more than to acknowledge that my son has...my son has made a good choice. Not that it doesn't hurt a little to see you grow up. I just never imagined it to be this way, Shikamaru."

"Dad-"

He called Sakura to approach us, cutting me short of my apology. She joined us in the corridor, holding her breath and unable to lift her eyes from the floor. He placed both his hands on her shoulders and told her to look at him. She did.

"Your parents know," he said. "Lady Tsunade reinstated them to their ranks and gave them the mission to assist the Feudal Lord's daughter while she tours the land. If anything is to happen to you or to any of us, the Feudal Lord's daughter can serve as a direct witness that they were with her and could not have possibly collaborated with any of us here."

"Thank you." Sakura grasped his wrists and hung her head low, trembling. "Thank you."

Shikaku ruffled her hair. He said, "And take care of my son."

"Sir." Kakashi scratched his head. "You really have to return to Konoha now."

"Ah, one last thing!" Shikaku grinned at Sakura and me, his hands on his hips, his chest out, his eyes welling. "Yoshino's pregnant. We paid the best medic to predict the child's gender, and there's a huge possibility that you'll have a little sister, Shikamaru. We're going to name her Yutsuki. Yutsuki Nara. That alright with you, son?"

The heaviness in my soul lifted. Seeing dad put his best effort to make my death hurt less, to release us from the deafening blow of this case even just for a few seconds while the news startled us, made me realize that I did want to live. I wanted to live long enough to make sure that they could go on without me. "You got mum pregnant?"

"It's not a crime, Shikamaru."

I burst into laughter. "A baby sister? No way! I-I can't believe it!"

"Gives you another damsel in distress to fight for." He winked at me, waved goodbye once, paused, and curled his fingers into a fist. There was no reason to wave goodbye. I punched my fist into the air, my way of telling him that it was alright.

Everything was alright.

Sakura wringed her hands and tipped her head back, forcing her tears to seep back into her eyes. She mumbled to herself that she wasn't going to cry. She had cried enough. Her parents were safe, thank goodness.

I touched her forearm. She jumped back, startled, and a teardrop rolled down her right cheek. "He's not mad at me?"

"He's not mad at you."

"But I'm keeping you here."

"I'm here by choice."

Kakashi opened the window wider and lifted his forehead protector from his sharingan. I asked him about his good friend. Was she an ANBU with long hair, lean body, and gentle voice?

"She's escorting a very important person here to help Sakura complete the rebirth design and to draw out more information from Kana." Lowering his forehead protector, he heaved the table to the farthest side of the living room and dragged the couch to the centre. He told me to lie down.

"Shouldn't Sakura be the one to lie down?"

"We're treating you first." He motioned to the couch. "My friend's the best. She knows every trick in the book to keep a man alive."

Sakura prodded me forward. "So does Ryo and Orochimaru, Kakashi."

"She's not going to transfer you to another body..." Kakashi folded his arms across his chest and closed his eye. "Although sometimes, that alternative is tempting."

I stopped behind the couch.

"Funny, Kakashi," Sakura said.

No one moved. No one responded to her.

"Are you crazy?" she yelled. "We-we don't...No. We're never resorting to that. No!"

Kakashi remained unmoving. I shivered. He was giving me an idea – one that he was probably against to but could not deny the cleverness of. I rounded the couch and sat on it with my hands on my thighs and my mind in the cave where Sai and I battled Ryo for Sakura's life.

A pair of boots entered my field of vision. I looked up to find Sakura frowning at me. "Tell me you're not thinking about it. I know you think it's smart but it isn't." Turning around, she swung her arm towards Kakashi. "What's wrong with you? We're not doing what the enemy has done! That will make us real traitors! That will-"

"Fool Danzo into thinking that I, the only remaining trump card of the Hokage, am dead. My body will be buried but my soul will be elsewhere, working in the background."

Sakura slapped me across the face. I fell sideways and hit my forehead against the armrest. She went to Kakashi and slapped him, too.

Kakashi and I groaned.

"No one is going to reincarnate anyone – especially not Shikamaru!" She stomped her foot. "Are we clear?"

"Relax." Kakashi crept backwards and used his arm as a shield from Sakura. "I was testing if Shikamaru's considered it before. It seems you haven't."

"Why should he, Kakashi? It's stupid!"

Holding my swollen cheek, I sat up again and winced inwardly. "Because we might need desperate measures. If one thing in this entire case goes wrong, we disregard honour and pursue duty at all costs – duty that is focused on Konoha alone. But if I have alternatives, I won't even get near another pond. Thanks for distrusting me, Kakashi. Do you think I'd go that far? What difference will that make? I don't need your lectures today. Not here, anyway. I've had enough the last time."

Behind his mask, a smile formed. "Good. I'll be back soon. Our guest is near and she'll need assistance."

I squinted at him, attempting to comprehend the deviousness in his tone. "Who is this guest? I don't like any more surprises."

"You'll be surprised either way." He crouched on the window ledge, formed a hand seal, and disappeared.

Sakura's fists trembled. She stood in front of me again. "Were you? Were you considering it?"

"Sakura, it never crossed my mind until now."

"It better have gone from your mind or I'm going to smack if out of your brain."

"It doesn't surprise me that Kana's learned to suppress herself."

Sakura sat on the other end of the couch. She crossed her legs and rolled down the sleeves of her sweatshirt. "Why isn't your father forcing you to return to Konoha, Shikamaru?"

The frailty behind Shikaku's intonation during our discourse struck me. He had wanted to persuade me to go back with him, which was why he kept putting Kakashi off. Perhaps he was waiting for me to deliberate that option with him. However, I hadn't. "Dad isn't the controlling type. He just likes to scold me as form of guidance, but the last thing he'll do is dictate my life. The remainder of it, anyway."

"Mathematically, the remainder isn't the total end of the equation."

"I never enjoyed math back in the Academy."

"You slept through the class."

"Oh? Did you actually notice me then or was it only because Sir Iruka made it a habit to have me stand outside the classroom with Naruto?"

She rubbed her hands together, about to reply, and cut herself off. Later, she said that Kakashi was taking long to return.

"Are you afraid?" I said, causing her to turn to me. Twisting on the couch and stretching my arm over the length of the backrest, I repeated my question. Her discomfort was visible.

"Nobody wants to die. Not so young." She glimpsed my hand, which was within her reach. "Not this way."

"No, I meant if you're afraid of being left alone with me like this."

"There's no reason for me to fear you."

"Really? You're going to lie to me now after all we've been through and said to each other?"

"Are you?" She picked on the loose threads of her sleeves. "Are you afraid?"

I snickered. "Pretty much. It's bad, I think. I've never been so honest with anyone."

"I've never been so mad at myself," she whispered. "There are so many things running in my head and I can't tell if it's Kana's thoughts or mine. When we're alone and you're near, I have to restrain myself from getting closer...from wanting to feel safe through you. I don't know who'll be benefiting from it. Will it be me or Kana? What if all I feel is caused by the rebirth? What if this isn't me? What if it's Kana who wishes that time would stop right now and keep us here like this? Forever. See? I sound like the rebirth jutsu had it been a human. I was watching over you the other night and thinking that if I lay next to you...would the satisfaction be mine? Can I ever have a conversation with you and not be mad that I say things that mean something more than they should?"

My temples throbbed. This hurt too much. "I don't really have that kind of problem."

She rolled her eyes, her laughter forced. "Duh."

"If I'm going to die tomorrow, I don't want to spend today thinking that I have to wait until we're back in Konoha to know if what I feel for you, Sakura, is valid."

"Don't." She leapt to her feet and strode towards the window. She turned and pressed her back against the wall. "You're not supposed to say that! It will give Kana hope."

"And I'm supposed to leave you hopeless?" I stood, hesitant to approach her. "Just tell me. I'm asking Sakura, not Kana."

"...Asking what?"

"Are you completely and honestly convinced that we've fooled each other into developing affections that are beyond camaraderie?" I said. "Because it's a big contrast to what happened to Lady Tsunade. I didn't take advantage of you out of lust. We never did any of those things. Half the time, you're beating me up and shouting at me, and I've had no choice but say something because I can't keep quiet with you. I've put the effort to say something back and to contribute to our relationship, and that scares me the most because I know I can lose you. To the rebirth, to Danzo, or-or to somebody else. I don't know. I can lose you and yet I'm not distancing myself for the sake of not getting hurt. I want to feel something, Sakura."

Sakura pursed her lips and shrugged. "I want to feel something so badly, too."

We stared at each other.

I managed a small smile. "You're not scratching your back."

"I'm not scratching, yes."

"It's not Kana," I said.

"It's not Kana," she agreed.

The front door opened. We watched the empty corridor behind us, waiting to see who our guest was.

Voices resonated downstairs. The stairs creaked. The footfalls were light and came in intervals. Sakura and I shared a glance and walked to the stairs. I held onto the wall, unable to comprehend the sight of the person who was standing in front of me.

Kurenai rubbed her belly, panting. "It's heavy, alright. Hello, Shikamaru, Sakura."

Shikaku:

The Fifth Hokage would not respond. She sat still on her chair, staring blankly at her empty desk.

"I choose to continue," I said.

Ayano lowered TonTon to the floor and bent on her waist to bow to me. Inoichi stood beside her and bowed. Kazuo and Isas did the same. I shook my head at them and said, "I don't deserve your respect. This is my duty. This is expected of me and of my son and of each and every one of you. We live and die for Konoha. We will continue, milady. This is what Shikamaru and Sakura wants. This is what I want."

She scooped TonTon to her arms and squeezed him against her breasts. "I can't send anybody to him, Shikaku. I'm being watched. All of us are being watched."

"Kakashi has that covered," I said and closed my mouth to ease the contraction in my jaws. I would not choke. I would not show any weakness. "He has an ANBU medic to check on Shikamaru, milady. They will be fine. Sakura is there, remember? She'll know the options Shikamaru has."

"When will you tell Yoshino?"

"I'm still planning how. Now isn't the best time to upset her."

"Does Shikamaru know that Yoshino is pregnant?"

"I told him, ma'am."

"Send Yoshino to her family," said the Fifth with a sigh and a curse. "Somebody has to take care of her while you and Shikamaru are away. You'll need to tell her soon. Perhaps after you interrogate that prisoner?"

Inoichi placed three scrolls in front of the Hokage. "We have studied the prisoner and tried to extract as many information from him as possible but...it's like trying to get a highly trained ANBU to speak. He has nothing. He can block my mind infiltration and cause himself to suffer, therefore rendering himself vulnerable to death and impossible to further infiltration. You interrogated him right before Shikamaru and the rest were deployed to meet Kana, Shikaku. What happened then?"

That time, I had been too eager to go home and catch Shikamaru before he was deployed that I did not pay enough attention to the prisoner. I remembered telling Shikamaru to go home, mainly because the bills were due to arrive, but also because there was doubt brewing inside me. Doubt that he was powerful enough to get through every mission he would be assigned to. Doubt that someday, he would be able to come home the same. "He said nothing to me. I made him bleed and he said nothing. But there's something, I'm sure of it. Let me go there alone and talk to him. I promise to come back with everything that bastard is hiding from us."

"And if he's not connected to this case?" Inoichi asked, stopping me from exiting the office.

I looked over my shoulder. "He is. We arrested him at the border of the Fire Country. It can't be a coincidence."

Shikamaru:

Of all the people who could be here.

Kakashi assisted her out of her layers of sweaters and coats. Freed of her gloves, she gathered her hair into a ponytail and made a bun of it at the top of her head. Kakashi, for the hundredth time, begged her to take a sit. "Please," he said, "Asuma will haunt me if anything happens to you or to your baby. Just sit down. Slowly. Are you in pain?"

The ANBU plucked the mask off her face and strapped it on the belt around her waist.

Sakura and I raised our eyebrows at the sight of her.

"Wow," I muttered to myself, finding it difficult to take my eyes off her. Very few women had managed to make me stop to observe, and this was the first time I did so without fearing for my life. Temari's character forced me to pay more attention than I was willing to give, mainly because a tactician like her knew what impression to give people in order to get what she wanted. This ANBU, on the other hand, shimmered with mystique and grace. At once, I was certain that I she was not somebody I would entrust my life with had not Kakashi recommended her. The luring aura that this ANBU radiated was intentional. Looking hard at her could not clarify the true nature behind her persona.

Sakura stepped on my toes.

"Ouch!" I pulled my poor foot from under her boot. "It's not what you think!" I hissed at her.

Kakashi chuckled but made no comment, leaving me guessing whether he knew my exact thoughts about his friend. Kurenai sat on a chair and interlaced her fingers over her swollen belly. "Kakashi has briefed me of the...the situation. The last time Ino visited me, I had asked about your whereabouts and her answer was obviously a lie. She was studying odd medical texts – not something a normal medic on a normal endeavour would study. Eventually, I interrogated Kakashi and he admitted to need my –"

"Why did you have to get her involved?" I asked Kakashi. I wanted to hide my defiance but couldn't.

Kurenai raised her hand to stop me. "He didn't. He practiced the genjutsu art prescribed in my case study but it was too complex for anyone to master in such a short period of time."

"We could have pursued another alternative." I avoided looking at her belly the entire time. Inside it was Asuma's baby. We put Kurenai and the baby in trouble by leading them here. The facts were suddenly crashing in my mind, preaching the extent of the damage that we could incur from this manoeuvre. "Kurenai, I'm sure that you want to help, but I don't want you harmed."

"And I don't want Asuma's student to die this death." Kurenai transferred her gaze from me to Sakura. "And Kakashi's. There's something you don't understand with the situation, both of you. We're all fighting for our lives. If I don't help Sakura regain the full picture of the rebirth jutsu, we'll be inviting war on the gates of Konoha. This is for everyone and everything we've fought for. Asuma made that clear to you, didn't he, Shikamaru?"

"Shikamaru." Sakura forced me down on the couch. "You think too much. She's right. Let the ANBU see what she can do for your heart while Kurenai and I work together to clean this mess ASAP."

"Wait, are you talking about the genjutsu you've been working on these past few months?" I asked Kurenai.

"The one and only."

"But that consumes too much chakra! It won't be safe for you!"

Kakashi set up two chairs facing one another and beckoned Sakura to sit on the one he was holding. "I'll share my chakra with her. You're wasting our time, Shikamaru."

"I'm not." I connected one existing memory of the mission, particularly our battle in the cave, to my knowledge of Sakura's past. I visited the conversations we had with Kana before I left her with Sakura to be medicated. I scoured the hut again for anything that might reveal more of Kana. Nothing intertwined perfectly. "Kurenai, I've read your case study. You'll be looking for matching fragments of both Kana and Sakura's memories that exist in the same place and time to converge their presence. You can't rely on their interaction during the mission. You'll only see a lot of Ryo and Sasuke and how she's confusing me with those two men."

"But you don't know Kana." She passed a piece of paper to Kakashi, who was now holding a paintbrush and a bottle of ink in one hand. "Fragments of their lives match in spite of the difference in time and space. All I need is one memory that fits into the same box and I can create a safe place to communicate with Kana. It's the only way we can derive the design without having Sakura shoulder the burden alone. Kakashi told me about what you did to complete a map. Resorting to that again will be fatal for Sakura. Kana will need another person to converse with if we don't want her overtaking the vessel. Unless, of course, Sakura is powerful enough to converse with Kana on her own with just enough reinforcement of mental strength and chakra."

Sakura pushed herself off the chair and stumbled towards Kakashi. He caught her and led her back to her seat. She twisted her neck left and right, her movements unusually sloppy. "What drug was that?" she asked the ANBU.

The ANBU ignored her and told me to lie down.

"She's talking to you," I said.

She bit her gloves off and pointed at the couch.

"Answer me."

"I'm not the enemy." She propped her knee on the space beside my hand, pressed two of her fingers on my chest, and pushed me to lie down. "That's all you need to know. Now, stay focused on your breathing."

Overhead, I heard Sakura complain about a headache. The chakra level in the room aggravated. The muscles in my chest contracted. The ANBU unzipped my jacket and rolled my sweater up until my torso was exposed. I dismissed the cold and busied myself with the fluctuating flow of chakra between Kurenai, Kakashi, and Sakura.

Suddenly, the chakras merged and there was one channel on which it flowed. I recoiled, barely able to make a sound despite the pinch in my heart. My mind blanked. The ANBU straightened me on the couch and made a hand seal. "This will be painless."

She flattened her palm directly over my heart, concentrating her energy there, and pressed harder and harder as the minutes passed.

What was Kuranai doing to Sakura? Would they both be alright?

Sakura's voice shattered the silence inside the living room. Was that amusement I was hearing? I could imagine her grinning at me. "When I grow up, I want to be-! Naruto, if you do that you'll screw everything up! Why can't you be more like Sasuke? He's super cool and...our first mission! Sir Kakashi, how long will we be gone from Konoha? Do you think Ino can last in the forest, Naruto? I highly doubt it! Yes, you're right. I am more capable than her. She's lucky to have someone capable like Shikamaru in her team. Choji's fine, too. I'm not so sure about that, Sasuke. The Byakugan is a powerful thing...but nothing that can outdo the sharingan! You're definitely better than Neji! Mum! Stop lecturing me about everything I do! Get a life of your own! Dad, she's doing it again! I'm not useless! I know I can do more. Lady Tsunade, I won't let you down. Being a medic isn't a joke and I'm taking this as seriously as I can. Ask Shizune – she can tell you how good I am."

"Sakura, turn to the right," Kurenai interrupted in an easy voice, one that simply blended in the background. "There. You're sixteen. Let go of your childhood and focus on the events of the recent months. I see you want to go to the hospital. It's a busy day. Let's skip that, shall we? Sakura, you can leave the hospital now. Where are you going?"

A genjutsu that followed the laws of mind infiltration. An artificial reality projected from the memory of the patient. A virtual sphere in which the patient and the genjutsu user could interact. A space where you could relive the past and share it with other people. Kurenai had poured her heart into this case study to divert from the pain of her loss. How effective was it? How safe could she switch from one memory to another?

"Sakura, where does this corridor lead? Who did you see?"

"Smoke," she answered. "A man is smoking in the corridor. It's not allowed. I'm going to him to remind him. I see a chuunin vest and black hair. It's Shikamaru."

The ANBU's hand was no longer on my torso – it was inside me.

"He is smoking and he looks upset. I sit beside him, startling him. He relaxes when he realizes it's only me. He says 'hey'. I point out that cigarette smoking is prohibited in the hospital. He takes a drag and puts it out. He tells me that revenge barely satisfied him. Every last one of the Akatsuki deserved more than death. I put my hand on his back. He asks why I am healing him. I explain that medics work on the surface. We touch the physical but rarely the mental and the emotional. One day, when I am as great as Lady Tsunade, I will find a way to heal graver wounds. It might be a long process...not like a surgery where I can remove the problem in a matter of hours and guarantee the total recovery of the patient. Shikamaru asks me how I'm supposed to mend an abstract matter. I say that I'll stay with a patient as long as needed. That will be a good start, right?"

"Sakura, you're flipping the page. I can't follow. Sakura!"

"Hiroshi, one day, I will mend the broken pieces of our past and our future. You can stop grieving for the loss of our comrade. Takeo and I are still here. The mission will go on."

The ANBU withdrew her hand from inside me. Blood dripped on my stomach. She used it to write a script from my belly button to my collarbone. "Breathe," she whispered.

Kurenai's intonation was drenched with panic. "Sakura, you are replacing Shikamaru with someone else. That's not Shikamaru anymore. That hand is not yours. You're not Kana. Displace yourself."

"Kurenai," said Kakashi, "We've found a perfect match. Sakura, displace. We can't see things clearly like you do. Talk to us."

"She has her hand on his back." Sakura coughed. "She's insisting that he compose himself. It's Kana and a black haired man sitting on a bench. In a forest. No. No! Kana, stay away. What? Who is that man? He...Hiroshi? Why did he kiss you? I thought you were married to Ryo? You love Ryo. Who is that man calling both of you? Give me a name. Takeo. He's your master. You're plotting something. Ryo is not there. Where's your wedding ring? Is that the map? Are those the targets? Why are you collecting the bodies of your comrades? Wait, if you're going to Ryo...Hiroshi. He doesn't want you to go. Why is Takeo insisting that you do? What is this mission you are trying to finish? Sasuke. Sasuke? Orochimaru? Sai! Shikamaru! You shouldn't be in the cave! It's useless! Don't save me! Save yourselves!"

"Sakura, take control!"

"Wake me up! Everything's turning black!"

The ANBU formed a hand seal and slammed her hand on my stomach. A surge of power entered me, forcing itself into my pathways, widening my narrowed channels, burning my bones, clutching my organs, prickling my skin, piercing my head, urging me to scream. Scream.

Shikaku:

I pressed my foot against the prisoner's bleeding knee. He squirmed on his chair, shutting his cries by baring his teeth and clenching his jaws. I pressed harder. "You were travelling across the Fire Country's border with a burnt body! Who was it? What were you doing there? Answer me now or I swear I'll pluck your teeth one by one until you bleed to death!"

He released his breath and screamed.

It was about time, I thought. Starving and wounded, I was certain he could not sustain his stubbornness. Grabbing his stiff, black hair, I dragged his head towards the light and slapped him. "C'mon, boy. I've got no time."

He screamed again. I was getting tired of him and my old interrogation methods. Risks had to be made. This rusty prison cell inside a vault minimized the danger of getting heard by the other prisoners, at least.

"You were one of Takeo's puppets, weren't you, boy?" I swung his head left and right to keep him aware of me. "You think you're so clever? I know you're Hiroshi. I know you're a skilled ninja trained by one of our best ANBUS – or should I say former ANBU? He's quite the traitor to our village. I'm not surprised you're after Konoha."

His pupils met mine, at last. His shaking worsened. Sweat oozed from his scalp and raced down his face.

More risks. No. Too dangerous. I gripped his hair tighter, certain that I had no choice but reveal every card I had and see what reaction I would get from him. "Kana. Ryo. You know those two? Ah, you can put on a different expression. Don't look so startled. You guessed right. Both of them are dead."

The redness of his face ebbed until he was ashen. "Kana," he croaked. "Kana."

"Yes. Kana. You, together with Kana, Ryo, and Takeo, collaborated with Orochimaru to bring down Konoha!"

"Orochimaru." He spat on my chuunin vest. "I'd never work with Orochimaru. Takeo and Kana never did. This is his fault! This is his fault!"

I let go of him and took three steps backward, absorbing the anger that emanated from him. "You're enemies with Orochimaru."

"We were trying to stop him!" He kicked and kicked on the floor, shouting curses at no one in particular. "Kana, Takeo, and I did everything to stop him! That bastard Ryo deserves to die! He sold all of us to Orochimaru and even took Kana from me! He took her from me and killed her!"

Shikamaru:

The ANBU rolled my sweater over my abdomen and zipped my jacket up. Slipping her hands between my back and the cushion, she heaved me to a sitting position and offered me a small bottle that contained bright, amber liquid. I waved it away and shifted on the couch so I could see what had happened to Sakura.

Kakashi sat next to her, erasing the script on her forehead with a wet towel. Sakura hunched over her knees, steadying her breathing.

Kurenai dabbed at the sweat on her temples.

The ANBU grabbed my chin and pressed the rim of the bottle against my lips. The liquid poured into my mouth. I swallowed it and coughed a few times.

"Good," she chirped, capping the bottle. "This will support the outgrowth at the back of your heart."

"What outgrowth?"

"There's a reservoir of chakra at the back of your heart and it's the source from which your heart draws power to continue beating. Do you know how that got there?"

A reservoir of chakra. The back of the heart. A greater supply of adrenaline. This was Sakura's case study, the one that Lady Tsunade was going to fund. The hospital. She created that reservoir inside me when she put her hand on my back. "Sakura?" I called. "Kurenai, are you okay? Is Sakura okay?"

Kurenai wrapped her arms around her belly, as though defending it. She said, "Sakura, you conversed with Kana. You didn't let us see what was happening. Do you remember anything?"

Sakura snapped her head up and scanned the room. She froze upon seeing me. "I was right. Kana was telling the truth. I saw everything – a lot of things! It wasn't uncertainty that linked Shikamaru to Kana. Shikamaru cutting the cord and blocking Kana's view of Ryo had a part in why I mistook him for my husband, but it's not that entirely. It's that one perfectly similar event with Kana putting her hand on Hiroshi's back and comforting him of his loss that made Shikamaru prone to my disillusionment. It's why I feel that I love you but I act otherwise. Physically, I'm treating you the way Kana would treat Ryo, but emotionally, I am loving you the way Kana loved Hiroshi. That's why we don't sleep on the same bed and-and-and I don't...staying with you in this house was wrong. We're like Kana and Hiroshi, not Kana and Ryo. Ryo was Kana's husband, but Hiroshi was the one with her all throughout. I-I d-don't know who you are to me anymore."

Kakashi stopped cleaning her forehead. "Sakura, who's Hiroshi?"

"Ryo left Kana when they were younger!" She blinked several times, testing her vision and assuring herself that she was awake. "Ryo left for a long time and Kana had a relationship with Hiroshi! Takeo discovered that Ryo was working for Orochimaru in order to cure Kana, even though he knew that Kana was just another experiment. He was hoping that it would be a success and Kana wouldn't have to die of her disease. Ryo returned to them and told Kana that he could save her using a rebirth jutsu. Kana told Takeo and Hiroshi about Ryo's plans. Takeo then instructed Kana to play along with Ryo. Ryo told Kana to lure the other members of the program towards Orochimaru, so he could use them for practice."

Shikaku:

"We who served under Takeo agreed to be sacrifices in order to bring down Orochimaru. Takeo's plan was to keep the bodies of his children detectable in order for me to steal them before Orochimaru could gather data through them. On the fourth body, however, Takeo was captured and used as a practice vessel. Takeo told Kana to play along, because I was still there to carry out the entire plan. He wouldn't die for nothing. Kana continued to play along."

I paced the length of the prison cell, soaking in the information as best as my boggled mind could. "And then Kana begged for Konoha's help in treating her disease. How were they sure that Sakura Haruno would be assigned to that mission?"

"You have a traitor in your midst," he hissed, licking the blood on the corner of his lips. "I don't know who it is. Orochimaru has his ways."

"How about that body you were carrying? Who's was it?"

"Takeo."

"Where were you taking him?"

"To the last destination in the map. I was supposed to bury him, but your shinobis captured me. You don't have any idea how big of a mistake that was."

I wrapped my fingers around his neck and bent on my waist so we could see each other eye-to-eye. "Tell me, Hiroshi. How big of a mistake was that?"

He scoffed. "You think you're so high and mighty when in fact, you destroyed the one plan that could have destroyed Orochimaru's attempts at reincarnation. I'm sure you've discovered a rogue ninja scouting the border. It's Kabuto. Orochimaru wants him to retrieve the bodies we've stolen."

"How is that supposed to bring Orochimaru down?"

"Those bodies that they experimented on are the keys to the completion of the rebirth jutsu. But Kabuto won't get to the targets alive!" He laughed, louder and louder. "He'll die the second he digs the ground for one of the targets! We were helping Konoha by delivering his own body to you! Our plan was perfect!"

I tightened my hold of his neck. "What the fuck is supposed to kill Kabuto, Hiroshi?"

The next word out of his mouth turned the world into black and white for moments too long. Too long.

"Bombs."

Shikamaru:

"I don't get it," I said as I kneaded my chest with my knuckles. "I don't understand how her relationship with Hiroshi and Ryo plays a part in our relationship. Are you saying you're more alike with Kana than we thought?"

Sakura bit her forefinger to help her concentrate on her thoughts. "That's the least important matter right now. I'm not the most important concern – Konoha is. This is bigger than the rebirth itself. Kana and Hiroshi and Takeo were on a mission to take down Orochimaru by sabotaging his attempts to perfect the rebirth jutsu. Kana was telling me to burn the map because they...fuck. She was sparing Konoha. She didn't want Konoha to pursue the targets because then we'd think that Takeo and the program were against Konoha rather than for it. The targets are their final assault against Orochimaru."

Kakashi glimpsed Kurenai, the ANBU, and me. "Sakura." He pressed his palm on her forehead and bound her wrists together with his other hand. "Is that you, Sakura?"

She exhaled, and her face withdrew from all emotions. "It's me. I k-know it's me."

Before I could stand and go to her, before I could tell her to fight it, before I could open my mouth and tell her that she could not surrender to the rebirth now, an explosion thundered outside. The house trembled. Two photo frames collided with the floor. Glass shattered. Kakashi and Kurenai reached for each other's hand at the same time to sustain their balance.

The ANBU rushed to the window and kicked it open, allowing us to witness black clouds devour the winter sky. She declared that she would organize the forest's defence. Kakashi followed her out of the window, saying that he had to report this to the Hokage at once.

Another series of explosion deafened us. I held on to Kurenai to keep her on her chair. Once the rumbling ceased, she gasped and looked down at her belly. "Shikamaru, my water just broke."