37. GUILT

There were red welts that covered all over his skin as though he had been knocked into the sides of icebergs. His lower lip was swollen. Tiny, altered details I kept noticing in his features. Seth hardly looked like the cheerful boy that had entered into his mother's wedding reception with his beautiful date, Neena. This was a crestfallen man, wounded beyond the physical by the war that caused too many casualties.

"What happened?" Edward inquired for the third time. He was growing impatient. I could tell by his face. Confusion, worry, and anguish clearly indicated. "SETH?"

"Look, he's sorta incapable of speaking at the moment, Eddie." Embry bitterly remarked. "How would you feel if you were too late to save Alice from another vampire?"

I was definitely having another out of body experience, which was the only reason I didn't react to the news that split second. Instead, I stood completely stiff as my mind wandered. I remembered people say that life flashes before your eyes before you die. I digress; images of the day...of this past week, moments of the past...it all floods my unconscious like little motion pictures of replays I wish I could change. Maybe it had something to do with what I was but I couldn't help rewind the video that described every awkwardly painful, tragically heartbreaking, outrageously comical, and incredibly beautiful scene of my existence. I wondered if this was what it was like to be catatonic.

It wasn't until I realized the context of Embry's response that my knees began to buckle. I soon collapsed to the ground. "Leah's dead," I mumbled.

Embry turned to face me and took a deep breath before answering, "Yes." His hands quickly formed into hard fists. A pool of blood gushed to his cheeks. I could see the anger slowly reaching the surface. He was a loose cannon about to explode.

"I'm sorry." Edward replied.

Embry simply rolled his eyes. "You should be. If your goddamn coven never came back in the first place, Leah would have never shifted into a werewolf. None of us would have! And, she would still be ALIVE! This is all your fault." He shuddered as his fists tightening. His knuckles turned completely white as his fingernails continued to dig further into his palm. It almost appeared as though he would phase, but luckily he calmed himself down as Embry glanced over at a crushed Seth. However, he still couldn't contain himself from punching Edward in the nose.

"OW!" Embry exclaimed as pulled back his arm. As he held his one hand in the other, I noticed his middle knuckle on the right hand was clearly broken. The swelling was already that noticeable.

"You shouldn't have done that." Edward responded. His nose perfectly fine.

Somehow I thought Embry's acerbic tone and his action would affect me, but instead, I felt emptiness. Hollow as though my heart was already carved out, cut up in pieces, and given to so many others.

I didn't even flinch when he reeled back his arm about to deck Edward. It wasn't like Embry was going to cause any damage except to himself.

"Wanna take it outside, then!" Embry shouted in return.

Edward just sighed. "I'm not going to fight you. What would it achieve?"

"Another dead vamp tacked on the list."

I felt my heart pang even though it didn't beat. I couldn't bear the thought of Edward fighting Embry. Not after all that had happened. No, not after Paul and Leah. I wasn't so much as worried about Edward as what Edward would do to Embry if it came down to a duel where only the winner survived.

Seth broke down into tears as he sat on the couch. He didn't even seem to notice the exchange between Edward and Embry. All Seth did as he got comfortable was put his elbows on his knees and cupped his hands on his face. "Stop it," he whispered out loud, his voice cracking a little. "It's not their faults. Other vampires would have eventually come. Those three vamps before...Victoria and the two males would have shown up even if the Cullens hadn't taken up residency. Don't fight. Leah wouldn't have wanted it."

Devastation.

That was the feeling. I was stunned. Paralyzed.

It felt like I had been stung by a scorpion or put under anesthesia. I was awake but I couldn't talk. I could absorb everybody's actions but could not act upon my own.

Out of nowhere. Lead was dead.

Paul. Tia. This time, dead was dead. There was no coming back from it.

"I not putting any blame on anyone." Seth continued as he stared up at all of us, "I came here because I wanted it to be heard by me." There was a long pause before he finally added, "Leah's gone."

"Because of them!" Embry added as he pointed to Edward and myself.

"Pull yourself together, Embry." Seth pleaded. "Not here. Not now."

A few minutes later, Embry finally gained composure. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's fine." I replied, my voice barely higher than a whisper.

"How's Jacob? How's Paul?" He inquired and instantly my mouth froze wide open. They, the Quiluetes, did not know yet.

"Paul sustained multiple injuries...as did Jacob. However, Jake could be remediable." Edward announced.

"What does that mean?"

"His loss of blood was too severe. There was nothing any of us could do. Carlisle tried his best, but I'm afraid it was just too late. Jacob, though, should fully recover."

There was a few moments of silence before Embry broke it. "Where is his body?"

"He's on the second floor, third door from your left." Edward replied knowing Embry was referring to Paul. "He's on the floor with a white sheet placed on top. We didn't have anything else lying around."

Without another word, Embry turned to the staircase and headed up to the room. A few minutes later, he was carrying Paul, wrapped in the sheet, over his shoulders. He didn't say goodbye. Embry simply acknowledged Seth one last time and then walked out the front door.

I felt sick with quilt as if it was going to eat me alive. Seth looked so beaten down. My eyes burned as my body tried to produce tears out of habit. It didn't work, of course.

"Do you think you could explain what happened?" Edward finally asked Seth. "Leah."

Seth wiped his blurry eyes, nodded and shortly began, "I was deep in the forest, checking the outer perimeter so if any Volturi tried to leave the clearing, I would fight them. No one had come for a while and I headed a little to the east which was where I caught up with a vampire. She was missing a leg and wasn't wearing a black cloak so I assumed the vampire was someone from our side. Once she confirmed she was trying to walk to the Cullen house, I decided I should go too. About half a mile walk, I heard my sister. She was calling my name and screaming, "Help," in her mind. I sprinted as fast as I could back into the field. However, I-I was- I was too late..." Seth put his hands to his face. "There wasn't much blood, but I knew it was over. Her neck had two bite marks. Car-Carlisle couldn't have helped Leah even if the venom hadn't poison her. Whatever else the vamp did, it broke her in half."

Edward responded, "You don't have to go any further..."

"It's fine." Seth sighed. "My mind couldn't process what I was seeing in front of me. That was when the vampire, who's outfit was covered in blood...Leah's blood, attacked me from behind. He had kicked me a couple twenty yards away, but I didn't even feel the pain from it. I quickly got back on all fours and charged at him. I went straight for his jugular and ripped it off. I think he's part of dirt, now. Leah can rest in peace."

Seth seemed so accepting though tears kept falling down his cheeks. I knew it was all a front. He was barely holding himself together. One touch and he would crumble into dust.

I couldn't imagine the billion emotions he was probably going through. I couldn't even comprehend the million of mine.

"Afterward, I-I shifted back into human and carried her away back to La Push to-to her house." Seth added, continuing his story. "I gently laid her on top of her bed and put a blanket over... I-I, um, made Quil and a few others stay there while I told them I wanted to come here. Embry forced himself to come too. When I got here and I saw your faces...it was just too difficult to form the words. But, now that you know...that everyone will eventually know...it feels real. Not to mention, with the news Paul...that Paul is gone too...I think its time for me to go. Tell Jacob when he wakes...actually tell him whatever you like."

Seth then walked out, shutting the door behind him. I turned swiftly at Edward. His face was non-descriptive. How I wished I could read his mind.

Taking a few steps closer towards me, Edward was now only inches away from my face. He reached out slowly and stroked his fingertips across my cheek. His touch seemed to send a warm, electric current down my spine. "Are you okay, love?"

Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him. I breathed in his honey-lilac scent, and instantly felt at home. I cupped his face with my hands and gently kissed him. "I am now."

"Jacob will be alright. It will take some time, but things should revert back to normal."

I'd hardly call my existence normal. Everything in my life was unusual and remarkable. I was a vampire, that's undoubtedly not going to fall under the conventional category. "Normal is relative. I just hope Jake wakes up soon."

"Did someone call my name?" The familiar voice shouted from up the stairs. Mixed with some chemicals, it was definitely Jacob's sent. I stared in that direction to find Jacob being half-carried down by Carlisle. Clearly, Jake was going to need a few days to fully be able to stand erect.

Carlisle gently placed Jake in a beat-up, mahogany chair brought in from another room. "Now, just rest." He quickly turned to faced Edward and I. "I'm going to make a quick stop at the hospital and see if I can locate any unused crutches or a cane since Jacob here is vehemently against a wheelchair."

"I never said that." Jacob remarked. "I just thought it was pointless when I'll be out of it in no time. Cane's easier to steal." Carlisle frowned at that last comment. He tried so hard to be moral, sometimes the line between black and white blurred a little.

"I should be back shortly." Before, Carlisle headed out, he glanced at me once last time. "I am truly sorry for what happened to your step-sister." That was right, she was my technically my sister by marriage. Charlie married Sue...what was it, a day ago? I lost track of time and there wasn't a working clock in the house. I listened carefully out on the highway to see if I could hear somebody's radio announcing the date and time. No such luck. All I heard was a bad country song about how love sucks, rap music, and a classic rock tune with roaring quitars. I heard a little bit about the weather; its going to be snowing tomorrow. However, I could have easily found that out from Alice sure enough.

"Yeah," I mumbled though my voice still sounded like church bells, "me too."

Sue was going to be crushed. She already lost a husband and now her very own flesh and blood, her daughter. I couldn't imagine losing Nessie. It would be unbearable. Someone would have to tell Sue. Someone would have to sit with her as her smile from just getting remarried turned sour and as tears streamed down her face as if the dam broke and a river flowed through. And, as her heart breaks.

It was so difficult focusing, even more so than usual, but it was understandable. So many things kept happening. I was reminded of the Volturi and instantly thought about Ben. Alice had yet to deliver any new information on his whereabouts and whether or not he met up with Aro. Then, there was Sue, Charlie, Greg, the town, the funeral that would have to be announced. I felt like I was going to get whip lashed.

I quickly glanced at Jacob while pushing back everything else in my mind. I noticed his russet skin had little cuts here and there and his black hair was sticking out all over the place. The dried blood didn't bother me since it was contaminated with medicine and the fact I couldn't stand his scent. There were also bandages covering his chest and he had a swollen black eye, but other than him slouching from not being able to sit straight, it was the same old Jake. I would have to wake Nessie soon to tell her the good news.

Carlisle's car had revved to life by the time the front door closed shut letting a fresh breeze roll in. I could smell pine, oak, the grass, tires, metal, and another scent that made my throat burn: human. The wind was traveling the scents from the road. The decadent fragrance was all I could think about before Edward shifted his weight to face Jacob. "Nice to see you up and about," he commented, genuinely.

"Yeah, it's good to be up and about." Jacob then smiled at me. "Hey Bella."

"Jake." I paused. "I'd hug you but..."

"Afraid you might break me? I'm not your grandmother's china."

"Still..."

"I gotcha. Um, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to Leah?" Jacob glanced down at his bare feet before looking back up. "She didn't make it, did she?"

"Did Carlisle tell you?" I inquired, ignoring the pain in my throat.

"No, uh, I sort of already knew but, um, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." I said. "It's not like we have seen and heard it all."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "You know that Quiluete story that Billy told everyone around the campfire way back when?" I tried to recall through my clouded human memories, but only dimly could I remember the story of the Third Wife. Jacob clarified, "The one about Spirit Warriors and how ever since Chief Taha Aki, the Quiluete men could transform into wolves whenever a cold one would return. That spirit world where those warriors traveled to when they left their bodies...I think I was there...with Leah."

"So, you're saying you were in limbo, a type of purgatory?" Edward asked, intrigued. "Are you sure it wasn't just your subconscious?"

"No, no way I'm that imaginative." Jacob frowned at the thought. "When I was knocked out, the conversation we had...it was too real. Of course, seeing Nessie all-grown up was strange...actually come to think of it-"

"What?" My eyes widen in shock, completely interrupting Jake mid-sentence. I was just about to ask what happened when all of a sudden, Alice came ambling down the stairs.

"Ah, Jacob. Good to see you're awake, however..." Alice glanced hastily at Edward. "We have a problem..."