Love the response I've been getting lately with the reviews for this story. Some of you don't like what Aleah is doing but I promise you this fic has a good ending. Just stick with it :D

I appreciate the guest reviews as much as the logged in ones

Credits to Jess for her help and hard work.

I do not own SOA, I own Carter, Jess, Aleah, and Emalee and yes… you'll be seeing more of them. They all have a purpose I swear.

Chapter 34 Secrets and Lies

338 days in jail

Carter's POV

I walked out to the prison yard keeping my eyes open for the MC. It didn't take long to spot them, they were the group of white guys surrounded by Mexicans. I headed their way careful to make sure no one was behind me the entire time. No way was I going out because I fucked around and got stabbed in prison.

"Yo! What the hell are you doing in here?" Juice spotted me jogging towards me with a huge grin on his face.

"Thought we could have a family reunion. Missed you guys so much I needed to visit for a while." I grinned walking over to the rest of the guys with him.

Clay's eyes fell on me, recognizing who I was now. "Holy shit… What the hell did you do?"

I got a few claps on the back for a greeting while I explained it to them. They all shook their heads, grimacing. "And on my fuckin wedding night too."

"Congrats man. Welcome to prison. In more ways than one." Clay smirked at me. "Doesn't get much better than this."

Juice met my eyes nodding to the fence. "How is everyone on the outside? I didn't get to see Aleah last visit."

I walked with him leaning closer to talk in a low voice so the other guys couldn't hear us. "She's good. Real good. Took care of the Logan thing for her. Koz has been keeping a close eye on her. Stays over there a lot."

He was silent, thinking on that. "You think anything's going on there?"

"Doubt it. He's fuckin through the crow eaters like no tomorrow and between you and me, he told me all she does is cry while he's there. Said he doesn't want to leave her alone in case she does something stupid."

"Shit… I didn't know it was that bad." Juice sighed, his hair had grown out it made me look at him in a completely different light. "I knew she'd take this shit hard but damn… I can't do this to her Carter."

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. The look on Jessica's face was breaking my heart every time I thought about it. "I can't do it again either bro, and this is day one."

Our eyes met, an equal understanding going through silently. "Let's get this shit behind us.. Then we'll talk." Juice said in a hushed voice. What we were talking about now could be reason enough for the guys to throw us to the dogs. Or more like.. The Russians.

374 days in jail

Aleah's POV

I cooed at Abel lifting him into his highchair at Mom's house. I loved the morning I had off from class and could come over to see the boys. "Can I help do anything?" I offered to Mom as she flipped pancakes on a griddle.

"Nope. Just watch the kid while I cook." She smiled over at me moving around to get the syrup down from the cabinet. "You're good with him."

"I love babies." I stated the obvious. I worked in the nursery for crying out loud. I hated that Jax couldn't be with her just like he wasn't there for Wendy. This prison stint was kicking our family's ass.

Mom slid a plate down in front of me with a plastic baby spoon. "Cut him up a few bites, will ya?"

I nodded chopping up the pancakes in tiny pieces before dropping them onto his tray. Abel's chubby fingers grabbed at the bites gobbling them up hungrily. "Grandma's spoiling you."

"Grandma deserves it after all the hell she went through to get him back. Plus… I love my kids. You know that."

I did know that. From firsthand experience. "I know…" I ran my tongue over my lips thinking before I said what was on my mind. "You think you could handle a few more grandkids?"

She sat down handing me my own plate of food, hers was on the table in front of her. "You and the Rican talkin on expanding the family?"

"Maybe. I can't really talk much to him about it now. But I'm hoping… when he's out we could." I turned to look at her, she was studying me wit that maternal glint in her eyes. "I want a baby so bad. I see babies everywhere, everyone has a baby but me." I sounded like a brat I knew, but it was the truth.

"You guys ever talk about it before?"

"Once. A year or two ago. He said he didn't want kids for a while, until he was out of the club." I frowned knowing that would be an obstacle. "I don't know… I'm just.. Ready for a family."

"Sweetheart, you have the largest family I know of."

I knew that, my extended family was huge. I decided to bite the bullet and ask her something I'd only been able to question Kozik about. "What happened to my mom anyways? Alanna?"

Mom's face faltered for the smallest moment. "She moved. You know that. I don't know anything else about that woman. Or want to. What brought that up?"

I shrugged pushing my pancakes around on my plate. "Just… thinking about her lately is all. Thought maybe I'd look her up."

"Maybe you shouldn't." Mom gave me a the tiniest of smiles pushing the plate of sausage over towards me. "Let's have a nice peaceful mom and daughter breakfast. How's blondie been treatin you?"

"If you mean Kozik, I've hardly saw him." I chewed on a bite of pancake thinking on my lover type person. "We decided to… cool it some."

Mom chopped up more food dropping it on the tray for Abel. "Its easier that way. Otherwise you're dealing with a shit storm when Juice gets out. How's Jess handling it? I tried talking to her at TM but she just smiles."

"She's actually doing good with it. Carter won't let her visit though, she's been sleeping at the house a few nights, and the rest at the clubhouse." I laid my fork down, finished with my food. "I'm so ready for things to be back to normal Mom. You have no idea."

"You doin better? No slip ups?" She asked in the way only she could.

I shook my head, it'd been hard, but I'd been able to fight off all of my coke cravings. "Nope. No slip ups unless you count fuckin Kozik in place of using coke. I'm not sure which is lesser evil."

"Hey, whatever you gotta do to satisfy your…. 'urges' while Juice is gone." Mom winked at me across the table. "Think you can see Jax for Tara this weekend when you visit Juice?"

"Sure, why not? Its been a while since I got to bug the big brother anyways." I agreed knowing Jax was another person on my list to question about things that apparently, no one wanted to talk about. Like my mother.

379 days in jail

Aleah's POV

I waved to Jax when he was close enough to see me. "Hey bro." I greeted getting up to hug him. "Its been a while."

"Yeah I guess if my names not Juice I don't get the pleasure of your company." Jax smirked accepting the drink and chips I pushed over to him.

I'd snagged him a few of his favorites out of the machines, I knew unlike Juice, he'd be ready to eat when he came out to talk. "What can I say? I like seein my Old Man more than you and Tara making googly eyes at each other."

He crunched down on a handful of Doritos, eyeing me curiously. "So, something's on your mind or you wouldn't be wasting your visiting hours with me."

I cut to the chase, Jax wasn't a beat around the bush type of person. "Jax, do you remember what happened to my mom? To Alanna? No one will tell me anything. Kozik told me a little but he wouldn't say much. Its like… there's some big secret or something."

Jax leaned forward glancing beside us where Tig was visiting with one of the crow eaters. "Finally decided to dig into the family tree like I suggested then?"

It struck me then. Jax's words at the hospital when Juice had been shivved. "You were trying to tell me, weren't you?"

"I can only tell you what I know. I was a teenager then, Clay and Gemma are the only ones that can tell you where to start looking." Jax lowered his voice. "But you promise me, no matter what you hear… you keep it together ok?"

"Okay…" I slowly agreed wondering what Jax was about to tell me. I knew something bad must have happened but the story he told me wasn't completely awful.

It fit with what Kozik had told me. She'd come to look for me a few times before Dad ran her off of the property threatening her. She was a junkie and she wanted me back, wanted to see me. Dad didn't want her anymore, he was with Gemma by then and married. What Jax didn't know, was how Dad had finally gotten rid of her after she threatened to sue him for taking me against the custody agreement they had. It was a lot to think on, something I knew I had to keep to myself until I could dig some more. And I was running out of time to do it in.

I looked up at my brother, feeling closer to him. "Do you think… he did something to her?" I whispered.

"I don't know Lee. I really don't. You'll have to talk to Clay about it. I wouldn't mention the lying and cheating though. it's a touchy subject."

"Thanks Jax… I gotta see Juice still…" I trailed off hating to end the visit, but a glance at the clock told me I only had an hour left of visiting hours if I wanted to see Juice too.

"I'll see you soon sis." He finished off his chips with one last emptying gulp, shaking the bag into his mouth before standing up. "Love you."

I hugged him again. "Love you too bro."

395 days in jail

Juice's POV

I sat down across from the short haired blonde woman at the table, wondering what in the hell could have happened to bring her here to see me. With a baby too. "Uhh… hi?"

"Hey Juice." Jessica grinned at me pushing a pack of cigarettes towards me. "Carter won't let me visit him… so I thought I'd come see you instead. Aleah had to work a double last night when someone called in."

I didn't mind when she didn't visit if it was work related. It didn't hurt my feelings like it did when she didn't visit just because she didn't want to. "She doin ok?"

"Aleah's doing great. She loves getting have a real job now other than changing diapers and making bottles. But she still does that too. I don't think she'll ever leave that maternity ward until they fire her." Jessica laughed leaning over to check on her own sleeping baby.

"You didn't have to bring the baby in here." I told her glancing over at Emalee. I wanted to see her, but shit… not in prison. I didn't want her earliest memories of Uncle Juice to be tainted with me being handcuffed.

"I know. I didn't want to tell anyone where I was going though, so I couldn't get a sitter." She explained lighting her own cigarette up. "Helps the nerves."

I nodded, understanding that feeling. "Carter's doin okay in here. He's staying a few cells down from us, with a Mayan so he's protected." I told her in a low voice knowing she had to be dying to get info on her Old Man. "He doesn't want them to see you here though."

Jessica sighed, looking down at the plastic table. "I know. He's worried the other inmates will recognize some of my… work." She picked at something on the table with one of her fake nails. "I hate him being in here Juice. It scares me."

"He'll be fine Jess. Carter can take care of himself better than I can trust me. No one's gonna mess with that big bastard in here. I think most of the block is scared of him based on just that."

"So not much longer in the big house huh?" She grinned blowing smoke at towards me.

I blew a puff of it back at her. "Nope…. Just a couple more weeks and I'm a freed man all over again. Carter won't be too far behind me."

Jessica nodded, looking around the room at everyone else inside of it. "You're coming home to an Old Lady that can cook, clean, and run the house now."

"No shit… Aleah learned to cook?" I asked in amazement. I'd always done a majority of the cooking around our place unless she made a stir fry from a frozen veggie bag.

"Yep. I taught her how last week. I've been staying a few nights over there, here and there."

I saw the chance to ask, so I did. "Kozik staying there too?" I tried not to look as jealous as I felt but I was terrible at hiding it.

She shook her head, putting her cigarette out. "Nope. He hasn't stayed over there in month or so. He visits while I'm there." Jessica's eyes met mine. "There's nothing funny going on Juice. That girl loves you for some crazy ass reason. I think Kozik just… gets her in a way I can't."

"I had to ask… and you'd know if anyone did." I sighed using my foot to pull the stroller closer to me. "She's gotten big Jess."

"I know, she's starting to look like Carter." Jessica smiled pulling the blanket back for me to see in better. "Doesn't it make you want a few of your own?"

It did in a way. But I wasn't exactly father material, I was in prison for a felony. "Maybe in a few years."

"You know… I think Aleah wants one. She's been talking about it some but don't tell her I told you that."

That perked me up. A girl that was cheating on me wouldn't want my baby inside of her. "Really? You think she's serious?" I glanced back at Jessica tearing my eyes off of the baby.

"I think she is. I think it'd make her feel better to have something of you left behind if this happens again. But don't tell her that either. Hey do you want a drink? I think I'll stay until they tell me to go… if you don't mind."

I didn't mind a bit if Jessica wanted to stay and visit me. It was nice to see someone from home even if it wasn't my Old Lady, Jessica was the closest thing I could get to her right now, so she stayed for the next few hours with me. We talked without jibing into each other too much, and I agreed to never tell Carter she was here and she agreed to not tell Aleah about the nosey questions I was asking. I had a new comrade.

405 days in jail

Aleah's POV

I spooned a generous amount of the egg noodle, sauce, and hamburger meat mixture onto a plate in front of Kozik. "Try this." I ordered stabbing a fork in the food.

Kozik looked at the glob with an appraising eye before gingerly picking up the fork. "What is this?"

"Food. Just try it." I watched his face for a reaction when he took a tiny bite.

He grabbed for the beer in front of him, downing half of it and gagging. "This ones a bust kid." he shoved the plate away from himself like it might bite. "I wouldn't feed that to the dog."

"It can't be that bad." I argued looking at the pot on the stove. I'd followed the recipe exactly like it'd said.

"It taste like my boots after a three day run."

I glared at him, spooning the apparently horrible food into the trash can. "Order us a pizza then if you're staying."

Koz just grinned at me, the corners of his eyes were crinkled starting to show his age slowly. "I'm not really hungry. I was just trying to humor you Leah."

"Juice gets out in a couple of weeks." I started, hating to have this conversation with him but I knew it needed to happen. "And…. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you being here for me like this."

He rolled his eyes, getting up and heading into the living room just as casually as he would if he lived here. He'd already kicked his shoes off long ago by the front door. "Don't even start the sappy shit. Lets just… enjoy the next few days ok? I'm not expecting you to dump him or something. We did what we did, it was fun, but its gotta end. I told you…"

"I'm not your type." I laughed piling up on the couch beside him, happy that it was just the two of us here to watch horror movies all night. Jess had went to the clubhouse to make tacos with Chuckie for the guys that were over there.

"Exactly. So… zip it and watch the movie." He slung his arm over my shoulders, feet propped up on the coffee table while I stretched out so my head was under his arm. "No more talking tonight."

So we didn't talk. We sat there and stared at the TV in silence for hours, just hanging out as friends.

418 days in jail

Aleah's POV

I looked across the pool table at Kozik, he was leaned over the table lining up his shot so focused I couldn't help but grin. "Miss!" I chanted when he moved his pool stick back.

"You're cheating." He accused his eyes dancing when he grabbed his beer by the neck of the bottle.

This was the most time we'd spent together in a week or so. He'd came over to the house when I called him over, had sex and left again afterwards. We were slowly starting to wean ourselves off of each others company. Juice would be home in a few short days, and I knew it'd have to completely end by then. "You're scammin me Koz."

"I believe the correct term is 'hustling'." Opie smirked walking by us to the bar.

"Yeah. What Ope said." I stuck my tongue out at my friend getting a grin from him.

"I swear to God, its like hangin out with my kid sometimes." He smirked knowing the reference would bother me based on the things we'd done together. "Only she doesn't cheat."

I snatched his beer from him, taking a sip. "You're a sick man." I whispered in his ear making him laugh . I walked around the table checking out the possible shots I could make. "Hey can I ask you something?"

Kozik shrugged pushing back into the bar stool in the corner we were in. "Yeah why not? My life is full of your questions lately."

"What made you get married? How'd you know… you loved her enough to marry her?" I asked him, looking up just in time to catch the rare glimpse of pain in his eyes.

"You thinking about proposing to me little girl?" He joked before taking a more serious approach. "I knew I wanted to get married when she told me I did. There wasn't a romantic proposal or engagement ring. She told me she was knocked up and I could either marry her or she'd get an abortion. So I got hitched."

I hit the blue ball into the pocket with ease and walked back around to the corner he was in, pausing our game to listen to him talk. "Did you want kids? Or was that an accident?" I knew I was being just plain nosey, digging into his past for my kicks now.

He sucked in a sharp breath that sounded like a choke in a way. "I didn't want kids. Ever. Don't like kids, don't want to be responsible for anyone but me. But…. The heat of the moment got me…. And then.."

"Nine months later it got you parenthood and child support every month." I finished with a grin. "Wasn't it worth it though?"

"You tryin to tell me something with all this?" He asked in a low steady voice so that only we could hear it.

I shook my head giggling at his panic. "No, I'm not. I'm just thinking…. I think maybe I'd like to have a baby."

"Last time I checked you need someone to nut in you for that. And that ain't happenin until Juice gets home with his own juice." Kozik grinned tossing his empty bottle into the trash can. "Does Juice know he's knockin you up and getting hitched when he gets out of prison?"

"I told him how much I liked being with Thomas, and Emalee. And working in the nursery….. He knows how much I like babies lately… but I haven't came right out and asked him to have one." I admitted motioning for Phil to bring us more drinks over.

Kozik snatched the Miller from Phil, not even looking at the Prospect. "Yeah it was worth it. I wouldn't trade Kendra for the world even if she doesn't like me. Wouldn't do it again though. Too old for diapers and shit now. But Juice… Juice is young. I think he'll do whatever you tell him to."

"Hope so." I watched as he finished off our game, making several quick shots in a matter of a minute. "Want to rack again? Or you takin the redhead up on her rack?" I smirked seeing the redhead not too far away from us, she'd been eyeing him for a while now.

He looked over his shoulder, not even grinning at her, before he tossed his pool stick down onto the table. "I was thinking maybe we could get out of here." He leaned closer whispering in the same flirty, silky voice that had drew me into him two years ago. "One last night together."

I chewed on my upper lip, thinking it over. It felt bad to be cheat on Juice so close to him being home but…. He wasn't home yet. "Yeah, lets go. My place or yours?" I whispered back shooting a look over to Jessica when she looked our way.

"Doesn't matter. You can't stay if its my place though, too suspicious." He pointed out before moving away from me before that too, looked too suspicious as Chibs walked by going for the redhead himself.

"See you in ten then, my place." I laid my stick down going to say bye to everyone. The only one that actually gave me a wink and a smirk was Jessica when I told her I had to work the next morning and needed to head out. I knew she knew even though I'd denied it when she asked me about Kozik a few months ago in the garage. I had a feeling a lot of people knew, they just weren't saying anything to anyone.

So I headed home, with Kozik not too far behind me. He worried me the way he rode the yellow line, made sharp turns, and passed cars with too much confidence but we made it to my place. We'd barely it in the door before he grabbed me, jerking me towards him. His lips pushed against mine kissing me slower than normal for him while a hand cupped the back of my head. I heard a slam when he must have kicked the door shut with his foot. "Want to do something different this time?" he asked through kisses.

I kissed him back again before answering, we were sharing those loud, smacking type of kisses. "What are you thinking?" I shivered when he leaned down to bite my ear lobe when he lifted me up into his arms, I wrapped my legs around his waist, arms hooked behind his neck.

"Nothin wild. Just thought I'd let you get on top." Kozik offered, he usually made a point of being on top. He walked in the darkness to the bedroom, he'd been inside my house so often he could navigate easily now.

I felt the cool bedding behind me when he laid me down, our mouths still on each others only now we'd added tongue. Lots of tongue. We were acting like we both knew this was it, this was the last time this would ever happen between us again. We'd be nothing but legitimate friends again soon. It was just fitting when he wasn't all about the dominance now, more slow and careful about leaving bruises or marks. It was even more fitting when he allowed me to cuddle into his side when we were done. It gave me a glimpse of what he must have been like before he'd had his heart ripped out twice.

"Do you ever think we could have not done this and still been friends?" I asked him, laying sideways so that my head rested on his rib cage.

"No, I don't." He said honestly. "I knew what I wanted from you the minute I started talking to you. But… this is going to make me sound like a pussy… but its cool with me that we do talk and shit."

I smiled, Kozik had more feelings than he'd ever admit. "Me too. I don't want us to not talk just because Juice is home. We can't….. do this anymore, but we can be friends."

"Maybe."

I reached a hand up, behind my head and felt the dog tags that always swung down and hit me in the face if he didn't toss them over his shoulder. "We can. Someone's gotta keep you straight."

"Speaking of straight…. Ope is testing out Jessica tonight. Seeing just how loyal she is to her man." Kozik laughed letting a hand drop down play with my hair, an unconscious movement.

"What? You guys actually do that?" I asked in shock. It seemed wrong, so dishonest. "No one ever gave me a loyalty test."

"Actually…. They did." he laughed some more, tugging on the roots of my hair now. "I was the one that tested you out. Guess you failed."

I popped him in the chest laughing with him. I knew he must have lied through his teeth to whoever had set him up to do it. "Oh yeah? Who'd you have to report to?"

He grabbed my hand that hit him, keeping a tight grip on it. "Tig of course. Juice was his guy remember?"

Of course I remembered. I hated that Tig was Juice's role model in a way, the one that sponsored him in. "Tig was such a dick to him when he was a prospect. You didn't tell him anything, did you?"

"Helllllll no."

"Good. This needs to stay between us, and well.. Gemma. No one else can ever know Kozik. Please." I turned my head to look up at him, he was staring down at me with an unreadable expression. "Promise?"

"Promise. I can't have this ruining my rep anyways." He finally grinned. "You're choking me by the way."

I let go of his dog tags, realizing I probably was choking him by the way the chain was stretched. "Sorry… why do you wear those anyways? Dad has his thrown in a drawer, and I have a set I wear around sometimes."

Kozik sat up, leaning against the headboard, my head slid down to his abdomen. "They're special to me. I take very good care of my tags." He lifted them off of his neck, unclasping the two sides to slide one off. "I wore this set the entire time I served, I have the extras put up in storage."

He held one of the tags out to me, I thought he was just offering to let me look at it at first. I looked down studying the metal tag reading his information over. Kozik was a Catholic, it made me smile to see that. I started to hand it back when he pushed my hand away. "You keep one. Put it on the chain with Clay's."

I knew what it meant for him to give it to me. "Thanks Kozi." I rolled over to hug his middle earning a pat on the head from him. "It means a lot that you trust me with this."

"Yeah yeah… I like you a little bit kid." Kozik grinned pushing me off of him to stand up. He grabbed his Dickies off of the floor. "Let's go finish off the rest of the stash hash before he gets home."

And we were back into the friend zone.