Ninja Wizard 37
By David
Author's Notes: All characters belong to JK Rowling with the exception of "Tino".
Ninja Wizard 37
"Umbridge Attacks! Hogwarts Retaliates!"
Harry sighed as he looked around the room at the group attempting the Expecto Patronum spell. A tiny few people were managing it and the rest of the group certainly needed a lot more work to get it. Of the group, Harry and Hermione were the only ones to really get it up to now. Harry smiled as Cho Chang managed to create a Swan with hers. He watched as it flew gracefully around the room before disappearing.
"Well done, Cho. That was perfect," Harry grinned.
She turned to Harry and beamed. "You definitely are an excellent teacher."
Before Harry could reply Dobby suddenly appeared next to him with an extremely worried expression on his face. Harry had the sudden feeling this wasn't good.
"Dobby…" Harry began.
"Harry Potter must be warned," Dobby squeaked, and then Harry put it together.
Umbridge knew. He turned to Hermione but she was covering the door as people quickly left. Fred and George were busy pulling defense posters off the walls and making them disappear. Hermione nodded to Harry and left. Ron, George, and Fred were the next to leave and Harry looked around the room to make sure nothing was left behind. He picked up the book he had brought in with him and casually walked out of the door. The door vanished a moment later as Harry headed towards the stairs. He casually strolled towards the staircase until he tripped over something and went down to the stone floor, using his hands to break his fall. He sat up as he heard loud laughter behind him. He turned to see Malfoy standing there looking at him with a huge grin on his face.
"The Trip Jinx, Potter. Just the perfect thing to bring you down off your high horse," Malfoy chuckled. "Professor! I got one!"
Harry stood up on his feet just as Umbridge came bustling around the corner and then stopped short.
"Potter?" she shrilled. "Very good, Draco! You got the leader!"
Harry blinked at them. "Leader? What are you rambling about?"
Umbridge grabbed Harry by the right upper arm and snarled as she dragged him up to the headmaster's office. She pushed him through the door and Harry stumbled and then fell on the floor in front of Fudge. Dumbledore was on his feet instantly.
"Harry! Are you okay?" he asked with concern on his old face.
Harry stood up slowly and nodded. "Yes sir I am."
Harry looked up into Fudge's face and knew things were really getting out of hand now. Umbridge was right behind him and she shoved Harry down into a chair. Malfoy picked up the book Harry had dropped when he fell in Dumbledore's office.
"Shogun," he read off the cover. "What the hell is this?"
Harry turned to look at Draco. "You really are intelligent, aren't you?"
Draco pulled his fist back and Harry didn't try to defend himself. Draco never threw the punch as he managed to get himself under control a moment later.
"It's a historical novel set in the 15th century Japan," Harry said calmly. "Read it sometime. You might learn a thing or two about honor."
"Mr. Potter, do you know why you are here?" Fudge rumbled, looking very stern at Harry.
"No, not a clue. I do know I was attacked by Malfoy here. I plan on discussing criminal charges with the school board and the Wizengamot against Malfoy tomorrow morning," Harry said calmly.
"And what charges would that be?" Umbridge snapped.
"Assault and battery, assault and battery with a deadly weapon, assault and battery with a deadly weapon with intent to cause injury, attempted murder, attempted murder with a deadly weapon with special circumstance of premeditation, and lying in wait," Harry said.
There was silence in the room as people blinked at Harry. Fudge was the first to react.
"As the new head of the Wizengamot, I hereby dismiss those charges against Malfoy on the grounds that he was engaged in lawful activities in the service of the Inquisition Squad," Fudge intoned as Malfoy smirked.
Harry acted if that didn't bother him but he put another black mark next to Malfoy's name as well as Umbridge's and Fudge's. He knew that if he bided his time and waited for the right moment he would get the opportunity to get his revenge on them.
"I was unaware that there had been a change in the Wizengamot," Harry said calmly. "I was certain that Professor Dumbledore led that esteemed body of people."
"Not any more, Potter. He is far too unstable to be directing anything," Umbridge informed him. "The Wizengamot is now under the direction of somebody that is a lot more stable in his mind."
That told Harry a great deal. He now knew for sure there was a secret plot against Dumbledore and he had just helped it along by starting the DA.
"Now, to business. You are here because it was brought to my attention that you are running an illegal defense club," Umbridge stated.
Harry steepled his fingers and looked thoughtful. "Oh really?"
Umbridge fought back the urge to slap him. "We have a witness."
"And who might that be?" Harry asked.
Umbridge smirked and turned to the shadows. "Come out my dear. You have nothing to be afraid of."
Marietta Edgecomb shuffled out of the shadows and Harry saw the word 'sneak' written across her face with close set purple pustules. Harry remained calm but inside he was seething. This girl was about to sell out everybody.
"Tell the nice minister everything," Umbridge prodded.
Marietta whimpered and hid her face in her hands.
"Don't worry about the silly spots, just tell what you know," Umbridge prodded.
Still nothing from Marietta so Umbridge huffed in annoyance and turned to Fudge. "She came to my office earlier in the evening and started to tell me about this illegal defense club. Said that I could find a secret room on the seventh floor and then those spots appeared on her face and she couldn't tell me anymore after that."
Fudge shook his head. "She did do the right thing."
"I knew of the meeting Potter held in the Hog's Head a few months back when Willie Widdershims overheard them. He came up to the castle and informed me of the meeting," Umbridge said.
"That would explain why he was never prosecuted for his crimes," McGonagall stated coldly. "How very interesting how justice works these days."
"Shut up," Umbridge snapped. "You are out of line."
McGonagall glared at the woman for a moment and said nothing more. Umbridge turned to Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded.
"Ah yes, your famed Decrees. I believe you will be quoting number twenty four to me about the clubs, teams, and groups?" Dumbledore asked as he looked at Umbridge over his half moon glasses.
Umbridge trembled with anger. "You are correct."
"If my memory is right, and it usually is, that particular decree came out three days after Mr. Potter's meeting so the club was not illegal then," Dumbledore smiled.
Umbridge looked like she swallowed something bitter. Harry turned to Dumbledore and wondered what the old man had up his sleeve now. It had to be good, whatever it was.
He wasn't disappointed. Harry felt something move past him and he looked at the tall black man he knew to be Kingsford Shacklebolt standing behind Dumbledore. He could see the man's lips barely moving. He glanced at Marietta and noticed her face taking on a blank look. Then Harry realized what was going on. Shacklebolt was doing a Memory Charm on her. Umbridge turned to the girl.
"How many meetings has there been so far in the last six months?" she asked.
Marietta remained silent and Umbridge sighed. "If there has been more that three shake your head yes," she instructed.
Marietta shook her head no. Harry was elated deep inside but he kept calm and schooled his face into what would be the perfect poker face. Umbridge turned to Marietta.
"Are you sure?" she demanded. "Just shake your head for yes if there has been any meetings in the last six months."
By this point all anyone could see of her was her eyes. She had pulled her cloak around her face tight to try and cover up the word sneak. Umbridge grabbed her and started shaking her hard.
"I want the truth!" she screamed at a now very terrified Marietta.
Dumbledore was the first to react as he leaped out of his chair and started for Umbridge. Percy looked completely shocked, Fudge had gone pale, and Shacklebolt had raised his wand and let off a bunch of sparks. Everyone froze at the loud sound.
"Professor, please do sit down. Madame Umbridge, please let go of the girl. You do not want to be manhandling any of the students. It would be a big mistake on your part," Shacklebolt said softly.
Umbridge blinked and then managed to pull herself back under control. "Yes, quite right. I forgot myself."
She backed off and Fudge quickly stepped up. "So what kind of cock and bull story do you have for us this time, Dumbledore? Dementors in pink tutus?"
Dumbledore smiled at Fudge. "Now there's an amusing thought."
Harry tried not to laugh. Umbridge glared at Fudge.
"I had one of my Inquisitors raid the room in question. Unfortunately the room was swept clean indicating they had spies working for them. But I did come up with this," she said, handing it to Fudge.
He looked at the scrap of paper and Harry wondered what it was.
"They have named themselves Dumbledore's Army," he said softly. "At long last I now have the proof that you have been working against me, Dumbledore."
Harry groaned inwardly. This was going very badly.
"Teaching the students spells needed in order to attack the ministry and overthrow me," Fudge continued in a soft voice. "And to think I respected you."
Harry wanted to throw up all over Fudge on that last part. Respected him indeed.
"Aurors, arrest Dumbledore and charge him with treason," he said as he crumpled up the paper in his hand.
Dumbledore smiled. "Ah, but now this is the moment in which you discover the little snag in your plans."
"Snag? What little snag are you talking about?" Fudge looked puzzled as it became clear in Harry's mind as to what Dumbledore was going to do.
The shorter grey haired man retreated back a bit and casually dropped his hand down to his belt as Dumbledore smiled.
"Dawlish is it?" he asked and the man nodded. "Do you presume to take me by force then?"
"If necessary," Fudge snarled, suddenly realizing what Dumbledore had said about the little snag. "Do you think you can take on Weasley, Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Umbridge, and myself single handedly?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Yup."
Fudge turned a deep red from anger and Harry knew this was it. The proverbial fertilizer had just caught up with the fan, and it was about to start flying. Suddenly there was a bright light, a loud bang, and clouds of smoke filled the room as Harry dived for the floor, taking Marietta and McGonagall with him. He listened to the sounds of panic around him as his senses tracked Dumbledore having slipped into Getsumi no Michi in a heartbeat. Dumbledore stunned Dawlish, tripped Umbridge and cast something at her, ran his left elbow into the center of Fudge's chest, slapped Percy across the face with the palm of his left hand as he pivoted to his left, and stunned Shacklebolt all at the same time. Harry was grinning. The old man had a few good moves left in him.
The smoke quickly disappeared. Dawlish, Percy, Shacklebolt, Umbridge, and Fudge were scattered all over the place. McGonagall sat up. Marietta still had a blank look on her face.
"Bravo sir," Harry nodded.
"No time," Dumbledore said. "Harry, listen to Minerva. She'll know what to do from here on out until this crisis is over. Do not do anything rash."
Harry nodded. Fawkes appeared in a burst of flame and Dumbledore took hold of his tail feathers and both disappeared in another burst of flame. Harry noticed Fudge coming to and he crawled on hands and knees towards the man. He helped the man sit up.
"Sir?" Harry questioned as the man blinked at him.
"What?" Fudge said in a daze.
Harry turned to Dawlish and noted the man was standing up. Harry got to his feet and looked him over.
"I don't see any injuries," Harry told him.
Dawlish nodded. "Thank you. How about the others?"
Harry turned to see Percy crawling out from under an upturned chair. Umbridge was face down and beginning to move. Marietta and McGonagall were unharmed.
"Everyone's okay," Harry reported, helping Fudge to his feet.
Fudge nodded as Dawlish looked around.
"Where's Dumbledore!" he demanded.
Dawlish raced to the door, flung it open, and raced down the stairs looking for Dumbledore. "Come out and fight like a man you old coward!"
"OH MY GOD!" Percy screamed. "He attacked us!"
"Weasley, get all of this written up and delivered to the Prophet immediately!" Fudge ordered. "The Wizarding World needs to know that Dumbledore is dangerous and has gone over to the dark side!"
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.
Harry stared at the sheet of paper on the door in front of him the next morning. What it said replaced the euphoria with gloom in his heart.
"By order of the Minister of Magic, Dolores Jane Umbridge, the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, has now replaced Albus Wulfric Brian Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts," Harry read out loud to the group of people around him.
"She can't," Colin Creevey said in shock. "She can't do that."
"She just did," Ron said with an angry look on his face. "And that blood traitor Percy helped her do it."
Ernie MacMillian nodded. "I heard from the Fat Friar that she attempted to take over Dumbledore's office last night after the search but his office sealed it's self up. The gargoyles told her to take a flying leap into the lake and she had a hissy fit like you wouldn't believe."
"If for one moment that sleazy, half witted…" Hermione began a rant.
"Do you really want to finish that, Granger?" a smooth voice said.
People turned to see a smirking Malfoy standing there with Crabbe and Goyle standing behind him.
"And if I do?" Hermione stared him down.
"As a member of the Inquisitorial Squad, I now have the happy power to dock points and award punishments," Malfoy grinned as Harry mentally slapped himself for forgetting to relate that fact.
"No you don't," Ernie snorted.
"I do now," Malfoy snarled. "I was invited to join Umbridge's efforts to whip this place into shape. Things are going to be much different now that Muggle lover Dumbledore is gone."
Malfoy laughed his ass off enjoying the looks of pain on the face around him. He then proceeded to knock off fifty points from Gryffindor house and then strode away in glee.
"He got you," Fred's voice said from behind them.
Harry nodded as he turned to look at Fred.
"Montague tried to do us a while ago so we sent him on a one way trip through the Vanishing Cabinet we found," George grinned. "It will be some time before he's found, I'm sure."
The twins chuckled at the joke as Hermione shook her head.
"What if you guys get busted?" she asked.
"Like we really care anymore?" Fred asked. "This is war now. We no longer care about getting educated. There is nothing worth learning here anymore because of Umbridge. The teachers tell us what she wants us to learn and they are just as pissed off as we are. Time to declare war on her and this little band of hers."
Harry nodded. "No mercy."
Both of the twins nodded grinning maliciously. Harry turned and headed for the great hall for lunch when Filch walked up.
"Good afternoon Filch. How are you?" Harry asked pleasantly.
Filch glared at Harry. "You are wanted, boy."
Harry blinked and backed off. This was unlike the Filch he knew.
"Okay," he said. "Who wishes to see me?"
"Umbridge," he snapped.
Harry turned to the others. "I'll find you guys later."
He followed Filch up the stairs as the old man began yakking away about how things were going to change and his ability to start using the old punishments once the new decree came through. Harry knew without a question that Umbridge had finally gotten to him, promising him his heart's desire.
"You've changed," Harry stated once Filch stopped talking. "You are not the honorable man I once knew."
Filch whipped around to stare at Harry. Harry shook his head sorrowfully.
"I had a lot of respect for you once. No longer," Harry said and then entered Umbridge's new office.
Umbridge looked up s Harry walked in. She smiled in a smirking kind of way.
"Ah, how delightful to see you!" she exclaimed.
Harry instantly went on the alert. She was up to something.
"Is there anything else, my lady?" Filch asked.
"No thank you Argus," she said with great enthusiasm.
Filch bowed and left the office. Umbridge turned to Harry.
"Something to drink?" she asked brightly.
"Normally that would be my line," Harry said as he observed the office.
Umbridge gave a little laugh as Harry saw his broom along with Fred and George's chained to the wall behind her as the garishly painted kitten cavorted about on the collection of plate on the wall to the left of her. To the right was a large picture that was empty at the moment. From the background it was obvious to Harry it was for someone to safeguard her office. Getting in here would be difficult, but not impossible.
"What a sense of humor you have, Potter!" she sighed as she leaned back.
Harry nodded his head slightly. "It helps at times."
He pulled a pocket watch out from the right pocket of his vest and checked the time, palming a small listening device into his palm.
"Early afternoon," Harry said. "A cold soda would be nice."
Umbridge blinked. "A what?"
"Cold soda. It's a Muggle fizzy drink," Harry said, leaning back in his chair.
"Ah," she said, completely taken off guard.
She turned to a book as Harry leaned forward and slipped the bug under the edge of the desk in front of him and leaned back.
"Would an iced tea suffice?" she asked.
Harry smiled. "It would."
She made it while her broad back was turned to Harry and she started a bit of insane chatter as she quickly made it and then set the tall glass in front of Harry. Harry made a big show of sipping it without really drinking it as his senses warned him of the truth potion in the iced tea.
"Where is Dumbledore," she asked, leaning forward.
Harry sighed. "No idea, so sorry."
"Are you sure?" she asked again.
"Yes," Harry said as he faked another sip of his tea, using his wandless magic to vaporize the truth potion completely, leaving the tea and ice behind.
"Sirius Black?" she asked once more.
"Here?" Harry asked. "I heard a rumor that he was in France."
Umbridge leaned forward and stared at Harry. "I know you talked with him in the fire back in October," she hissed. "Where is he?"
Before Harry had a chance to answer, a huge boom was heard in the corridor below them. Harry grabbed the arms of his chair, dropping the glass on the floor as Umbridge grabbed her desk to keep from falling off her own chair. She took a breath and then waddled out of her office as fast as she could. Harry nearly made it out the door before Lee Jordan and two others pushed him back in.
"Go," Lee said to the two boys with him.
They got busy opening cabinets and dropping things inside of them as Harry immediately guessed what was going on.
"Large picture on the wall is her office guardian," Harry said.
Lee nodded. "We reached an understanding with him."
Harry chuckled as he checked the listening device under the front of the desk. The two boys finished up and the four of them quickly dashed out of the office. What Harry saw he would always remember long after he left Hogwarts and what would go down in Hogwarts history as the Day of the Fireworks.
"The twins?" Harry asked Lee as he ducked, one smaller one flying overhead and exploding harmlessly against a quickly evacuated picture.
Lee grinned at Harry delightedly. Harry had to laugh as he followed Lee down to the ground floor. This was getting better and better.
For the rest of the day the fireworks continued to go off, flying in every direction possible. Umbridge at one point had made the mistake of trying a Vanishing Charm in an effort to get rid of them but they multiplied by ten and got even bigger and louder. By the time dinner hour rolled around she looked terrible. She slouched in her chair at the staff table looking like a complete wreck as the Inquisitorial Squad led by Malfoy took up the task of trying to get rid of the fireworks. Rumor had it that a few of them found their way into the dungeon and nearly burned half of Slytherin House out. Harry knew that Fred and George were being hailed as heroes by now. He really had to hand it to them for this particular stunt they managed to pull off in grand fashion. Harry knew he had absolutely no hope of ever matching pranks with the twins. There was no longer any doubt as to why they were called the undisputed grand masters of pranking. He knew that the twins were not finished just yet. Harry decided to renew the suit of amour prank later that evening and decided to take on the Inquisitorial Squad that he knew would be patrolling the halls later that evening and get in a little shadow work as well. He picked up a book and continued to read it for a bit and eventually dozed off.
He found himself back in the hall once more. He headed for the door and opened it, walking through it. He felt as if something was leading him. Something inside of him wanted something. This time he was led to another door and he passed through that one into a room with a high ceiling. In front of him were rows on rows of glass spun spheres with a strange mist inside of them. Harry felt elated. He was about to get his questions answered. He took a step and then found himself back in the Gryffindor commons lying on the floor. He blinked as he stood up. This was getting even stranger and he wasn't sure what to do next. He sat back down in the chair and then noticed the commons room was empty. He looked at the clock above the fireplace mantle and discovered it was eleven at night. The commons room was empty and Harry guessed everyone had gone to bed. How he was missed was easy. Harry had taken a chair in the far corner of the room. He stood up feeling renewed at once and then concentrated on his ninja suit appearing. He slipped the night vision goggles into place and headed out the portrait. The Fat Lady nodded to Harry, having been made privy to his secret in his first year. Violet watched Harry scurry off and silently asked Hogwarts to watch out for him. Harry was on a mission.
He yawned the next morning as he propped up his head with a hand as he stirred a bit of sugar into his coffee. The last firework had been corralled by a very pissed off Malfoy. He was swearing up a storm as he did so. Harry wished he could have gotten those comments on tape for evidence and then decided it was good that he didn't. Too many questions would have been asked as to how he had gotten it. He turned to see Hermione sitting down next to him.
"Morning love," he said.
Hermione kissed him on the cheek. "Same to you. Rough night?"
"Studying is hell," Harry sighed. "I really couldn't give a rat's ass about the Goblin Rebellion of whatever."
The Gryffindors present chuckled at that comment. Harry looked up in time to see Pansy Parkinson enter with her nose in the air as usual. He felt Hermione stiffen beside him and he knew the prank was getting started.
"What in hell is she wearing?" a puzzled Hermione asked.
Pansy stopped and looked at Hermione. "These, little girl, is the absolute best designer robes that can be bought anywhere."
Hermione had to laugh. "Really? Those so called designer trash bags must have cost you a fortune, little miss wannabe."
Pansy shrieked at the obvious insult and stomped over and slapped Hermione in the face. Hermione laughed even louder and Pansy shrank back, unsure of what Hermione would do next. Malfoy was the next to enter, followed by Crabbe and Goyle. The laughter began when they were spotted. Pansy immediately ran to Malfoy and clung to him, demanding that he do something about this right now. As the rest of Slytherin House drifted in, people pointed to them and laughed even more. Umbridge walked in at that moment and the hall cracked up even more.
"All rise in the presence of her Royal Toadliness!" the suit of armor shouted, setting off the hall even more.
That set her off but nobody could hear her over the laughter that rang through the hall. Umbridge stormed out as Slytherin House looked confused. Then Malfoy got a look at himself and was horrified when he saw himself looking like a homeless street person when a mirror mysteriously appeared. Pansy was next and she really let go with an ear piercing shriek. Malfoy threw a fit that would outdo a two-year-old toddler. Crabbe and Goyle were next. Both immediately came to attention.
"Hello!" Crabbe shouted. "I'm Dumb!"
"I'm Dumber!" Goyle shouted next, setting off the hall once more as they began to act like the three Stooges, poking and slapping each other.
Malfoy got a hold of both of them by their ears and dragged them out of the hall.
"Ow!" Goyle screamed.
"I'll be good, Mommy!" Crabbe shouted as the doors closed on the extremely red faced Slytherins.
"Barking mad, the lot," Ron howled with laughter.
"I love it when a plan comes together," Harry thought as he grinned.
But the day wasn't done yet.
An unknown force struck the Slytherins during lunch. They discovered they couldn't leave their benches when they tried to get up to head off to the next round of classes. The mysterious force affected even Snape. He tried to stand up but discovered he was glued completely into his chair.
"Problem professor?" McGonagall asked Snape.
Snape mumbled something.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you," McGonagall said.
"I SAID I AM STUCK IN THIS DAMNED CHAIR!" Snape roared in fury.
McGonagall's eyebrows rose. "Professor Snape! Your language!"
Snape began huffing like an excited buffalo in heat as McGonagall leaned back in her chair. She handed Snape the knife from the meat platter.
"I'm afraid you'll have to cut your outer clothes off," she said. "Otherwise it will take me quite some time to figure out the counter spell."
An enraged Snape took the knife after a moment and went to work. He tried to keep as much of his clothes as he could but failed. He sat there for a moment and then slowly rose. Harry's eyes bugged out. Snape did have boxers with yellow ducks on them. The laughter got started as Snape went to the Slytherin table and started freeing the Slytherins. One by one each Slytherin raced for their commons room as Snape freed them. By the time he was done with the last Slytherin he was really fuming. Even his death glare didn't work as he left the hall. Umbridge however was a different story.
"How dare you mock the Slytherins like that!" she shrieked and then slapped her hands over her mouth.
What had come out wasn't her voice but the voice of Donald Duck. The entire hall went wild as Umbridge made for the side door and slammed it behind her.
The Slytherins, Umbridge, and Snape did not show for dinner much to the chagrin of the school. People were betting on what would happen next. Harry shrugged his shoulders and sat down. The latest thing to be talked about was something called career counseling. Harry decided to have a bit of fun with that one. He grinned at his friends as they sat at the house table. Harry started with the twins first.
"I have a vision of the both of you wearing the ugliest lime green suits standing in front of a joke shop you guys will own in Diagon Alley called the WWW," Harry started as the people around the table chuckled.
"I have a vision of Hermione running the Ministry of Magic," Harry intoned, "telling people where to go and getting away with it."
There was even more laughter as Hermione blushed.
"I have a vision of Ron being Quidditch captain of a professional team. In the first game that he will captain he will show up at Wimble Stadium to find out the team is down in Little Hangleton," Harry intoned once more.
People were laughing some more.
"I have a vision of Lee Jordan being an announcer for women's wrestling," Harry announced, trying to keep the smile off his face.
Lee bowed as people laughed some more.
"I have a vision of Ginny taking control of the Daily Prophet and hiring Rita Skeeter to be the janitor," Harry intoned.
Ginny smiled broadly as people cheered.
"I have a vision of Neville teaching Herbology and using Snape as his test subject," Harry said.
Neville's face lit up in joy at the thought as the laughter started once more. Sybil Trelawney suddenly popped up from out of nowhere and stared at Harry.
"I have seen your future," she said, and the table went quiet. "You shall defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. You shall one day become headmaster of Hogwarts and all shall know you to be a great man."
She stood up and went on her way. Deep down Harry knew he just heard a true prophecy and he nodded as people looked at him.
"If that is to be my future, then I shall strive to be the best Headmaster of Hogwarts the Wizarding World has ever seen," Harry said.
Quiet echoes of "hear hear" went round the table. Harry knew this was serious business to be picked as a Headmaster of Hogwarts. He decided to have a talk with Dumbledore and the paintings in the headmaster's office some day.
Harry sat in the commons room that evening and let his thoughts run wild for a time. He hadn't considered what his future would be like after he left Hogwarts. He was more concerned with what was going on now, and that was to keep Umbridge from destroying the school. He had thought about going into the Auror service straight out of Hogwarts if the war wasn't over by then and by the way things looked that was becoming a real distinct possibility. Next chance he got he'd sit down with Moody and Tonks and ask them questions about the Auror service. He really admired Moody for his accomplishments from his Auror days in having taken out so many of the DE's. Dobby's sudden appearance broke his train of thought.
"Dobby," Harry smiled at the hyper elf. "Glad to see you. I wanted to thank you for the advance warning."
Dobby bowed his head. "I's is hearing the elves talking about Umbridge and what nasty woman she is."
Harry sighed. "I hope she's treating you guys fairly."
Dobby snorted at that. "That bitch looks down her long toadly nose at us as if we were animal droppings to be avoided."
"Her time's coming," Harry said. "Mark my words on that."
Dobby smiled. "Harry Potter's Snuffles sends me to give you this. Says tap on it with wand and call for Snuffles."
Dobby handed Harry a package and popped out. Harry unwrapped it to find a mirror inside. He went up the stairs to his room and closed his privacy curtains on his bed and set silencing charms around the bed.
"Sirius?" Harry called as he tapped the metal frame of the small mirror.
Sirius popped up almost immediately with a big grin. "How's this for secure communications, kid?"
Harry grinned at the buoyant spirit of the older man. "Good to see you Sirius."
"I've been hearing about some of the pranks going on of late. Wanna give me the inside scoop on them?" Sirius laughed.
Harry launched into a detailed description of them, ending with a description of Snape's ducky boxers. Sirius laughed until the tears ran down his face.
"You are a true Marauder, me boyo!" Sirius cheered.
Harry smiled and then remembered what he needed to talk to him about. "I wanted to ask you about my dad."
Sirius nodded. "What's the question?"
"Snape tested my mental defenses one night," Harry began and went into a detailed description of the incident. "I can understand Dad pranking somebody for fun, but that was downright nasty and I'm really upset about that, and what's more you encouraged him and Remus did nothing but continue to read his book."
Remus had appeared in the mirror at the start of the conversation and he looked embarrassed as Sirius looked grim.
"I will admit that your Dad wasn't a saint, Harry, and neither was I. Your mother did dress him down many times and it finally had an effect on your Dad and he did see the light. Once Lily was convinced that James had changed, she did give him the time of day so to speak and they had a date that eventually led them to getting married and having you. Your Dad did a hell of a lot of growing up that year he was sixteen and he did change, but what he did from then on will never make up for the things he did. Yeah I'm guilty of a few things myself and Lily took me to task for a lot of them, especially the time I took you up on my broom just before… that night. I'd give anything to hear her rant at me once more," Sirius said softly.
"I was no saint either," Remus said, jumping into the conversation. "There were times that I wished that I had stood up to your Dad and didn't. When he became Animagus to be with me on the full moon nights that I changed it proved to me that he really did care about my friendship and me. Your Mum wasn't exactly thrilled when he'd go romping around in the forest with me on the nights I had my change but she understood why James did it and that endeared him even more to her. Your Dad did change, and it was because of your Mum he did. She did tame him and it was the subject of great hilarity at the wedding."
"You're like your Dad in a great deal many ways and yet you are your own person. You're like your Mum in quite a few ways and yet you are your own person. Don't be afraid that you are going to turn out to be like your Dad because that's never going to happen. You are a very unique person and don't forget that. Please don't hate your Dad for what he did and said when he was younger. He did change for the better in the end," Sirius said. "You'll never be like that because it's not in your nature."
Harry felt better when he heard that.
"Now on to other subjects," Remus said. "There are whispers going on about something Voldemort wants. Don't know what it is so you best be on your toes. Wish we could talk to you some more but we have things to do and so do you. See you next time Harry."
The mirror shimmered and went back to normal. Harry carefully wrapped it in a piece of cloth and tucked it away someplace safe. Now he could relax knowing he had a very safe way to communicate with Sirius.
The next afternoon found him in McGonagall's office for the career counseling. They were not alone however. Umbridge had invited herself unexpectedly much to McGonagall's displeasure. Harry could tell she was pissed.
"Harry, as you know this career counseling is mandatory for the fifth years and up, especially now. You will need to take specialized classes in your last two years for whatever career you decide on," McGonagall said.
Harry nodded. "I've been looking through a number of these brochures on various careers, including the Auror Service and professional Quidditch."
There was a harrumph from the corner but Harry ignored it.
"Good, doing a little research of your own is a good start. Fifty points to Gryffindor," McGonagall said.
Nothing from the lump in the corner.
"So have you decided on something yet?" McGonagall asked.
Harry considered his next set of words. "Actually I have. I've learned some time ago that my parents were aces Aurors and I was seriously considering following in their footsteps and become one myself."
The lump in the corner quickly came to life. "I must object, Mr. Potter. In order to enter that particular career you must have excellent in DADA and potions. May I point out to you that you do not have the grades to support that career."
McGonagall reached for Harry's file and removed a lurid pink sheet of parchment. "You mean this disgusting piece of crap?"
Harry took it from McGonagall and looked it over as Umbridge scrambled to her feet. As both women got into each other's faces, Harry discovered just what Umbridge thought of him by the descriptions she wrote. He reached for the file and discovered another document written by Snape that was nearly identical.
"So you and Snape are plotting together to do me in, yes?" Harry asked quietly.
That stopped their argument as Umbridge looked furiously at Harry. "He feels the same way I do about you, Potter!"
"That's because you have allowed him to cloud your judgment with his lies," Harry said as he handed McGonagall the papers.
That set Umbridge off big time. "YOU WILL NEVER WORK AT THE MINISTRY, EVER! WE HAVE SEEN TO THAT!"
McGonagall had to admire Harry for his restraint. He stood there ever so calmly, his face showing no emotion. Umbridge was a different story. She was shaking with anger, he face a deep red and her fists were halfway up.
"Very well," Harry said softly, inclining his head to her. "If that is your decision then. I am sorry you have done that."
"It was the decision of a great number of people at the ministry, Potter, and that's the way it shall be," she ground out.
Harry bowed his head slightly. "So mote it be."
Harry turned to McGonagall. "Thank you for your time, my lady. I wish it could have ended on a better note."
Harry turned and left the office and went up to his training room. He spent the next half hour ripping training dummies apart in an effort to release the anger he felt towards the woman. Tino remained in the shadows as he watched Harry work out his stress. Deep in his spirit and soul he had the feeling that events would be spinning out of control very soon and that Harry would be in the center of it.
The day wasn't over just yet. As Harry headed down to dinner, he heard Filch's voice coming towards him. Harry moved into the shadows of a suit of armor and watched the old man wheeze his way past Harry.
"At last! At last!" the old man was crying out in happiness.
Harry was very puzzled. What in hell was going on now? Harry tailed Filch at a discrete distance to Umbridge's office. He watched the old man open one of the desk drawers and started going through the papers.
"Where is that Approval for Whipping form?" the old man growled.
Harry felt his innards go cold with shock. Umbridge was turning Filch loose on some poor kid by giving him what his heart truly desired.
"There it is!" he shouted in joy a moment later, pulling it out of the drawer.
He raised it to his face and kissed it and sighed as he hugged it to his chest. Filch left the office and Harry moved into a different corridor to try and beat Filch to the scene. Harry gaped at the sight. It reminded him of the night Trelawney had been sacked. In the center of it all was Fred and George, standing back to back with very calm expressions on their faces. Ron and Ginny were being restrained by a number of the Inquisitorial Squad. Harry had no doubt in his mind that Ron and Ginny would be looking for serious payback after this. Filch appeared next to Umbridge with the form.
"I have it!" he crowed. "The whips are ready, please let me do it now!"
Umbridge patted Filch on the arm as if he was a puppy dog to be praised. She turned to the twins and fixed her worst glare on them.
"So you think it was extremely funny to place a swamp in front of the Slytherin's entry to their rooms!" she shouted.
"Oh hell ya!" Fred grinned.
"Don't know why they got upset, they are a bunch of snakes after all who should be used to crawling through the same slime their Mummies and Daddies do," George said, grinning.
The foyer rang with laughter as Harry shook his head. The Slytherins hissed in anger at the twins and a few of them stepped forward to go after them. Umbridge stepped forward and shooed them back.
"Well, we shall see about that!" she stated.
Fred stretched and made a big show of yawning. "Can we hurry this up? I got better things to do than listen to you spew your liquid crap all over the place."
The hall rang with laughter once more, as Umbridge turned red with anger.
"You two are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school!" Umbridge screeched.
George scratched his chin for a moment and then nodded. "You know what? I don't think we are. Don't know about you Freddy, but I'm getting tired of this full time educating thing."
"Yipper, I been feeling that way for some time now," Fred nodded. "Think it's about time for us to try our talents in the real world. What do ya say?"
George turned to face Fred, and Harry had the feeling they were about to pull off something that would become part of Hogwarts legend forever.
"Quite right, old boy," George said, mangling the English accent badly.
"Both of you are hereby sentenced to receive twenty lashes of the whip!" Umbridge declared loudly, shocking everybody.
Fred and George nodded to each other.
"It is our great pleasure…" Fred began
"That we announce…" George picked up.
"The grand opening of…" Fred continued on.
"Weasley's Wizardly Wheezes…" George grinned.
"Located at number ninety three in Diagon Alley!" Fred crowed.
Both of them snapped to attention, gave Umbridge the one fingered salute, yanked their wands out, and pointed them upward.
"Accio brooms!" they cried in unison.
Umbridge reacted a little too late. There were loud crashing noises and suddenly a pair of brooms appeared, each with a length of chain attached to them with the pegs still imbedded into a chunk of wall from Umbridge's office. They jumped on their brooms and rose towards the ceiling.
"GET THEM!" Umbridge screamed, but it was far too late.
"Peevey old boy!" Fred called out to the poltergeist.
"Give her hell!" George shouted out.
Peeves smiled dementedly and swept the large plumed hat off his head in a salute to the twins as they roared out the doors and into the warm sunshine beyond them.
In the days after that, Peeves indeed gave Umbridge hell. He wasn't alone either. It was like someone had declared open season on her and the three houses Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw were trying their best to come up with the ultimate prank to drive her insane. Filch was included because of his joining the enemy as Harry informed him one evening when he encountered the man in a hallway nearly knee deep in water from overflowed toilets.
"You think this is funny?" Filch snarled at Harry.
"Can you prove I did it?" Harry asked him calmly.
Filch reached for the horsewhip he carried with him and shook it at him. "This will loosen your tongue!"
Harry shook his head sadly. "She played you well. She dangled the means of your long desired revenge against all of us kids for being just that. Kids. So we play a few pranks here and there. Big fat fucking hairy deal. Can you not find the humor in such a thing or have you lost what humanity you have left to go marching under her banner? Do you really intend to whip a little first year over a silly harmless prank? Do you really want to threaten people with that? If so, if this is what you have lowered yourself to, then you truly have lost your humanity. I do not know you any more. You have been found guilty of crimes committed against the students of the school and your punishment is to be pranked from here on out to the end of the school year."
Harry turned and walked away hoping what he had said had gotten through to the man.
The pranks continued. Umbridge, Filch, the Inquisitorial Squad, Snape, and the rest of Slytherin house continued to suffer under the onslaught. Suits of armor would slap Umbridge on the behind. Doors slammed into her face. Filch was spending a lot of his time chasing Peeves around the castle, slipping and sliding on all kinds of slime and other equally nasty things Peeved dropped on the floor. Peeves was having the time of his life. He practiced torch juggling over the Slytherin table scaring the crap out of the Slytherins, chasing them down with water balloons and inkwells, popping out of nowhere to scare the hell out of the Inquisitorial Squad, and creating so much havoc it was unbelievable. Harry did show a bit of mercy on a large group of the Slytherin first years when they begged him for mercy. Harry led them to a smaller dormitory and put out the word that those first years were to be left alone. Naturally the rest of Slytherin House tried to make their lives miserable but a small group of the DA students provided protection to them and taught them defensive spells away from prying eyes of the Inquisitorial Squad. Harry wondered just how much longer this would last.
Classes continued despite everything that went on. Harry wondered just how much longer people would last. Malfoy was looking like a zombie by now, his perfectly designed hair all over the place. Pansy was still wearing the antlers someone had given her and she had made the mistake of cussing out Pomfrey. Pomfrey informed he she needed a bit of time to research the counter spell to remove the antlers. Snape had taken to camping out in his classroom to avoid the pranks coming his way. Umbridge looked like she was close to insanity. She kept issuing Educational Decrees left and right in an attempt to fight back. Filch finally had enough and retreated to his private quarters taking Mrs. Norris with him and managed to signal his surrender to Peeves who informed Harry of it immediately. The three houses, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw, sent their student leaders to a secret meeting when they came up with a plan for one last attempt to get rid of Umbridge. When the petitition came around to Harry he signed it in a heartbeat. It had to work.
The scrolls were placed on the table in front of Umbridge a week later. She took one and unrolled it and read it quietly, her face turning red from anger.
"I AM IN CONTROL HERE! NO STUDENT IS TO DICTATE TO ME WHAT I AM TO DO!" she screamed defiantly.
One of the scrolls quivered and then jumped up into the air and opened it's self before Umbridge could stop it.
"WE THE UNDERSIGNED MEMBERS OF HUFFLEPUFF HOUSE HEARBY DEMAND THAT UMBRIDGE THE TOAD LEAVE HOGWARTS IMMEDIATELY AND RETURN CONTROL OF HOGWARTS BACK TO ALBUS WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE OR WE SHALL WALK OUT OF HOGWARTS!" it shouted in the manner of a howler. "YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO COMPLY!"
Then the scroll in her hand broke loose and repeated what the first one said and the one from Gryffindor house joined the other two. Umbridge stuck her nose into the air and walked out of the hall with the Inquisition Squad following her. Harry had the sudden feeling that things were about to happen and decided to inform McGonagall so she could prepare for it. But what happened nobody was prepared for, not even Harry.
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Next Episode: Examinations, Battle, and Harry Leaves