I do not own Twilight! Thank you everyone for all the lovely reviews, they spur the quickness of my writing in my busy life.
Clary POV:
I have been losing moments. First, they were short and forgettable moments that could be explained by those mindless moments, like driving a known route that you know like the back of your hand. However, it has quickly turned into long moments, blocked inexplicably from my consciousness. Keally said she had seen me walking past the café yesterday with a purposeful stride and a disturbing scowl fixed on my face. She'd lost sight of me by the time she paid for her drink and walked to the night class we had together, but when class started I was nowhere to be seen. I have never missed a class. And when my consciousness surfaced, I was deep in the woods and up to my elbows in mud, which looked black and similar to the bloody moonlight of a flashback that elicited a strangled scream that shook me until I realized it was me. Shaken in the darkness the woods became a dark and twisted placed, instead of the calming safe haven I had once remembered. Keally found me curled into myself, sobbing, and trembling shortly after. I had no idea how I had gotten there and it terrified me.
Tonight it had happened again and I tried not to scream as the terror swelled, hard and desolate, in my withering belly. Turning to the side, my misty eyes widen at the sight of a dead doe carcass next to me then glance down at the dripping darkness on my hands and elbows. The scent of blood in the breeze impales my senses and causes me to turn to the side to vomit in revulsion. The darkness had returned with a vengeance and the feverish heat upon my skin burns as my shoulders heave and tremble. My eyes shut and will peace for myself, but the darkness of my closed eyelids is quickly replaced by the scene of the sky being filled with fire and smoke. Watching the flames climb higher into the night, I see fire burning the trees and wolves tearing into the flesh of deer carcasses. Another flash and of the dark vision and the flames cover the night sky, leaving me to watch as the sky begins to fall and the night is filled with screams of people. Another breeze brings blood and the roar of snarling wolves pounce on the distant screams that filled the night, until all that is left if a quiet whimper and the sound of crackling flames. I fall to my knees as the black wolf jumps into the circle of fire that surrounds me and wait for the devil to mark me again. A lick to my left shoulder and I slam my eyelids shut to will this vision away. There is a long pause and a shift in the air, but I still feel his nearness.
"You're mine, Clarrisssa."
The crack of a tree branch from behind me pulls me out of my hazy vision and my eyes widen at the sight of Jacob, edging towards me with concern filling his dark eyes. I jumped to my feet and put my feet in reverse until my back slammed into a tree. In my nervousness, my hands go to run a hand over my hair and then the scent of copper causes me to cough and heave again. Thankfully, there is nothing left to come up at this point so it's just a dry heave but the action causes me to bend over and tremble.
"There is a stream over there," Jacob says quietly, and cautiously takes a step forward with his hands held up in surrender. I start to straighten and look around for the stream, but I feel light headed and sway heavily on my feet. Jacob grips my elbow lightly to guide me over to the stream, but my legs feel unbearably heavy and my vision swims again for a moment before stabilizing. Strong hands slip around my waist, the grip is soft and cautious but it stabilizes my swaying feet. Heart pounding I glance up at Jacob and my hands feel the urge to touch him, but my head wants to appraise. My heart…it is somehow torn between the two urges. It has been almost two months now since I have seen Jacob in the flesh. His letters keep coming, sweet and caring. I know him better now, or at least I know what he has revealed to me on paper in his letters, which seem genuine. I look away as my breath quickens and my muscles tense and grow warm.
Sensing that I'm not going to run away from him, Jacob gently guides me through the darkness to a stream. I crouch down next to him and before I can start to clean myself, as Jacob takes my arms and washes away the dark blood from my hands and arms. His touch is feather light. And he treats my body like its fragile or fleeting, which is probably how it seems to him right now. I close my eyes, ashamed at appearing so weak, but also knowing that there is a monster deep inside me waiting to scratch its way out. What if it wasn't a deer next time? What if… I shook my head, slipped my arms from Jacob's tender touch and bent forward to douse my face with the cold water. I wonder if Jacob's letters would be so sweet if he knew about the burden that was in me, burrowing its home deep inside.
I see a nearby bush of mint that has been growing wildly and snag a few leaves, popping them in my mouth to get rid of the vile taste in my mouth. The cool spearmint taste soothes my lingering nausea. "I should go," I murmured to the trees. The moon was beginning to peek out of the trees, looming shyly behind a dark curtain. I wondered if the stars would be out tonight. Tanned hands grab my hands, instantly warming me. "Jacob…" His name is thick on my tongue. I realized that I had drawn even nearer to him. Our faces are close now, mine hovering just a space beneath his.
"Clary," Jacob whispered and I look up into his pleading eyes. "Oh fuck it," he growled and Jacob's mouth covered mine before I could even start to reply. He felt amazing. Every time we had kissed in the past, it had been feverish and passionate. This kiss, on the other hand, was gentle and innocent. It sort of infuriated me because it insinuated that I was to be treated like a fragile piece of glass. The darkness inside me welled up, festering for more from a carnal need deep within. I should have walked away, but the thrill of this feeling is near explosive. I wanted his heated, passionate kisses back. Wait what? I tried to shake myself mentally because I told myself that I wouldn't get Jacob involved in this, that I wouldn't risk his life. In the mess that was kept quiet in me, the darkness that crept into my heart and wouldn't disappear. What if I hurt him? But my hands grasp the locks of his hair and pull him closer, ignoring my internal banner and making the choice to loving him proxy, giving nothing and taking all. Complete selfishness to the core, the darkness inside me snakes from my chest and coils downward into an animalistic desire. His hands grip my hips firmly and I groan, reminded of the heat of our other kisses. It is closer to the contact that I want, looking for whatever I can get. The stroke on my tongue matches his and my body begins to pick up, my hands wondering to his shoulders and tracing the muscle of his chest down to skin above his pants. Jacob's arms wrap around me and pull me closer, knocking me against him more roughly than expected so that we press into the bark of a nearby tree. Jacob's hands begin to move, pressing into my sides and then the warmth of his hands slip under my shirt. With his fingertips, he traces circles into my rib cage and I let out a soft moan that heat up my cheeks. Then I stop. What the hell do I think I'm doing? I start to pull away, but a hiss erupts from inside my head. The whispers and scratching are not pleased, and I grit my teeth at the darkness uncoiling and twisting inside of me. I feel at a loss for words because there is a storm raging inside of me. The whispers that are usually foreign become interpretable, telling me to devour and take what belongs to me, and the sinfully delicious urge overpowers me at once.
A dark haze covers my vision and I feel my mouth pull into a smile, but it feels as foreign as the whispers and the darkness unraveling inside of me. I look into Jacob's eyes at a distance, despite the fact that we are face to face and concern is written in his brown eyes. But I ignore the concern, which is so unlike me, and place my hands on his shoulders. Jacob looks at me, frowning slightly but doesn't say anything. My hands press down on his shoulders, causing him to stumble slightly but fall to his knees in a stunned silence. My right leg bends, followed closely by my left until I am sliding him backwards and straddling his lap.
Jacob stares at me with incredulous look on his face. "Clary—"One of index fingers pads over his lips, silencing him. I don't feel like I am in control of my body anymore.
"Shh," my mouth says with a hint of foreign seductiveness. My body pushes closer to him, until my core is pressed into his forming erection. A moan fills the air, suspending in between us for a moment before I realize it escaped from my own lips. My arms tangle around his neck and my hips rock my core into him again, which causes my head to fall back and another moan pass my lips. My eyes still feel hazy but I take in the trees above me, twisting and trembling in the shadow of the night.
"Can I kiss you?" Jacob's breathe murmurs on my neck. Instead of answering him, my arms push his face to the base of my neck, silently urging him to take me. I wrap my legs around his waist and lock him against me, while Jacob's hands are at my waist. I need more and frustrated the darkness grows, reaching out for something I seemed to have lost.
He moves his hand from my waist, to the side of my head, sweeping my hair back and then he pulls my neck against his mouth, holding nothing back. His mouth kisses and licks, teasing every inch of my neck. I need more… so I lean forward urging on more pressure from Jacob's mouth. My left should tingles painfully, like a burning bite of betrayal from the master who marked me. Turning my head to the side, I give into the desire and press a firm hand on Jacob's head pulling on his dark locks for a moment until he is staring into my eyes. "Mark me," my voice growls and I turn my head, exposing the skin of my left shoulder.
"Clary, I don't want to rush—"Jacob pleads in a shocked whisper, but I silence him with a finger to his hot mouth. My hips rock into him again, the hardness of his own desire pressing against my clitoris and cause both of us to moan once more.
"Give it to me," my voice says in that foreign seductive tone. "This is what I really want." My head feels foggy, like the darkness is intoxicating me. Meanwhile, my body continues to rock into him in a steady, heated frenzy, but my body craves more. His tongue licks a hot path across my left shoulder, skims his teeth across, and repeats the action of heated kisses and licks. "Give it to me, Jacob," my voice demands. And boy does Jacob give it to me. A growl erupts from inside of Jacob's throat and his teeth sink into my left shoulder. In a hazed euphoria, I groaned in a mix of pleasure and pain.
Clary looked inside herself, watching the darkness swirl around her heart, until it turns black… The foreign whispers again become interpretable to her for a moments time. Hello my child… We have waited for your listening ears for so long. Look away no longer for we will no longer fade away into black. Embrace me. What fun games we will have.
Sooo like I said, it has been getting darker. Let me know your thoughts! I shall update as soon as possible.