Just Like Home

by iamtheunknown15

After over a year without a word, Olivia walks into the squad room to find none other than Alex Cabot, the woman who had her heart and left with it yet again. This time, Alex seems to be back for good, leaving them at the precipice of coming closer together than ever or ending their relationship for good. Mostly T and all M content has warning in advance.

38. Chapter 38

IMPORTANT A/N: Hi everyone – sorry for the delay in updates. Classes just started back up so it was a hectic week. I will try to update more frequently, however, especially because the next couple of chapters will deal with the Lewis case. As mentioned previously:

- I will not be depicting any torture scenes. I can't handle reading them, let alone writing them. I could hardly handle watching the original episodes.

- These chapters will focus more on Alex's perspective, as well as the recovery process.

- This will not become a long-stretched plotline for this story, with only a couple of chapters directly focusing on it. For each of those chapters, I will include a CW: Lewis case at the top so that those who want to skip over it can.

- Beast's Obsession will not happen. Lewis will not get out from behind bars once he's put there.

- Feel free to comment/PM me with specific questions or concerns.

CW: Lewis Case

Rating: T

Chapter 38:

The next several months were nothing but blissful for the newly engaged couple, both still not quite able to believe that after all these years, they were finally getting married. Their family and friends were nothing short of elated as well, especially Cragen, Munch, Fin, and Liz, who had witnessed the ups and downs of the two women's relationship from the very start. In the words of Fin, whose response was immediately a teasing but happy grin, "It was about damn time."

Neither Alex nor Olivia wanted to wait very long to have the ceremony – having had years of courtship with one another under their belts by this point. Frankly, at this point, they were both just excited to make things official. That said, with a predicted rainy Spring season and the steaminess of Manhattan summers, they had ultimately set the date for the first week in September when the weather would just begin to cool off.

Much to Olivia's lack of surprise, Alex had spear-headed organizing the small event, assisted largely by Jane and Tiffany, who were also all too excited to help the attorney. The brunette found it rather endearing, having secretly suspected Alex would be the type to have had a dream image of her wedding one day in mind (though of course the attorney would never actually admit it). Olivia's greatest involvement thus far had been helping to select a venue. The couple had toyed with the idea of the Hamptons at Alex's family's home; however the younger woman ultimately nixed that plan, disinterested in dealing with things like the sand given that the backyard only had a small area of grass. Instead, they had settled on the nearby Peconic Bay Yacht Club – a venue with a beautiful view of the water but far less limited outdoor space.

With that all settled and the invitations sent out, the majority of their energy was now focused in figuring out the rest of the smaller details, something Alex had clearly been stressing about, especially given an upcoming business trip that she had in Albany for the DA's office. SVU had been quite busy in the recent weeks, but by some miracle, Olivia had managed to get the day off before Alex left, and she was intent on spending some quality time destressing with her blonde fiancée. As much as they were excited about the wedding, between their jobs and all of the planning, the older woman imagined a small break from discussions of table linens and flowers and cake tastings to alleviate both of their stress levels.

"Hey, Al," the brunette called out from her position reclining on the living room sofa in a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie. She couldn't help but twist the small diamond-encrusted engagement ring on her finger, where it had been since Alex picked it out for her after the proposal. "There's an exhibit of the plein air painters at the Whitney. What do you say we head uptown and grab some brunch? Sound good?" she asked, as the blonde peeked her head out of the master bedroom, where she was finishing packing.

"Umm, that sounds really cool, babe," Alex considered, walking over to the desk to make sure that she had all of her paperwork. "I'm kind of stressed though. I mean, I'm packed but there's so much I should do before this trip. I need to call the caterers. I'm reconsidering the whole chicken and beef plan. What do you think about salmon as an option? I mean, it's healthier."

Olivia shrugged, tossing her magazine down. "Whatever you want, sweetheart," she said, sitting up and beckoning for the blonde to join her. "But I was just thinking that maybe we could take the day to relax together. After all, then you're going to be gone one, whole week," she added, jutting out her lower lip.

Alex took a seat on the arm of the couch, chuckling slightly at her fiancée's tactics. She was never very good as resisting that Benson pout. The blonde placed a kiss on the crown of Olivia's head. "I'm just worried about getting everything squared away. These caterers are very exclusive. I don't want to give them any reason to decide to bump us for Ms. Picadilly's luncheon or something."

The detective chuckled, grabbing both of Alex's plans. "What about this. How about you write down everything you want to change with the caterers, and I will call them tomorrow during my lunch break."

Alex quirked an eyebrow, a teasing smile on her face. "You, take a lunch break?"

"For my impending nuptials with the love of my life, sure," the brunette retorted with a grin, giving the attorney a chaste kiss. "But can we please get out of this apartment. It's gorgeous outside."

Alex laughed. "I think we can make that work," she replied, squeezing Olivia's hand before standing up. "I just need to shower before we head out," she relayed, walking towards the bathroom. She turned and quirked an eyebrow as she leaned against the doorframe. "Care to join me, Detective?"

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

"Oh Liv, this one is beautiful."

Olivia looked over to the painting that Alex was gesturing to, an autumnal scene in Central Park. As silly as it might seem, the detective couldn't help but smile at the thought that by the time the leaves were changing over this year, she would be married to the incredible woman at her side. The buzzing of her cell phone, however, pulled the older woman from that pleasant thought, and she looked down to see Amanda's name on her caller ID.

"I'm sorry, baby. It's Rollins. I should take this," the detective relayed to Alex apologetically, the younger woman giving her an understanding nod in return. Olivia stepped out of the gallery to take the call, listening as Amanda described what in her words was a strange perpetrator picked up in Central Park. Something about no fingerprints or ID. The Southern detective requested that she come down to the station, apologizing for interrupting their weekend off but stating that it was urgent.

"Everything okay?" Alex asked as she saw Olivia return.

The brunette sighed. "I don't know. Rollins was saying something about a perp who burned his fingerprints off? I asked if it was really necessary, but she wants me to go down to the precinct with the rest of the squad." Alex nodded, moving to leave the gallery. "I'm so sorry, Al. I can call her back and see if it can wait. This is our last day together."

The blonde gave her partner a soft smile, caressing the woman's olive-toned cheek. "It's okay, Liv. Look, I'll be back in just a week. Let me drop you off down at the precinct."

The detective smiled, thankful to be with someone so understanding of her work. As much as there were certainly times where both women felt the strain of each other's careers, they came from a place of mutual understanding, something that had really allowed them to subsist over the years, making their time together even more precious.

This seemed like any other Sunday. An unfortunate call out to a case but nothing to experience strife over. Alex would be back by the following weekend. They would hopefully have their lazy Sunday then.

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

Their perp was a creep. That much Olivia knew was true. Always a victim, never taking any responsibility. As much as she had been skeptical as to Rollin's degree of concern, after spending not more than 5 minutes with William Lewis – if that was even his real name – the brunette was glad that Amanda had called. Something was just… off about the whole situation. Even if they didn't yet know what.

Barba agreed to charge the perp with Public Lewdness, arraignment taking place the following day. It was only a class B misdemeanor, but the team hoped it would allow them enough leeway to pry into Lewis' background further. To see what it was exactly that he was trying to hide.

Alex had landed in Albany, having called Olivia to tell her that her flight had landed. The detective still felt guilty that she was unable to drop her fiancée off at the airport that Monday morning, but Alex had insisted that it was fine and that she wound up splitting a taxi with Casey. Her only request, she said in partial jest, was that Olivia remember to phone the caterers as she promised.

That task flew by the wayside, however, after court, when Lewis pleaded not guilty in spite of a generous plea deal, the judge releasing him on his own recognizance, and things became even worse the next day, when Alice Parker – a witness to Lewis' original crime – was rushed to the emergency room after being viciously assaulted and attacked, identifying their perp as her assailant. What they found – what Lewis put that innocent, older woman though – was completely disgusting.

They arrested Lewis, the excuse of a human becoming more and more arrogant throughout the interrogation. Olivia felt utterly sickened as she goaded the man into giving her more information, as he described the twisted "hypothetical" in which he hurt Alice. In all of her years as a detective, Olivia had seen and heard some of the most depraved actions imaginable, but after this interrogation, she left the office feeling indescribably dirty, after only a brief exposure to Lewis' disturbed nature. She called Alex on her way home, staying on the phone with the blonde for over an hour before eventually getting ready for bed and falling into a restless sleep.

Sleep escaped all of the detectives over the next couple of days as they desperately tried to find as much information as possible on Lewis, discovering a long pattern of rape and murders lost under pseudonyms and errors in court documentation. For each of his past crimes, he had escaped all odds and conviction. And to SVU's appall, this case proved no different.

"Look, don't tell me the DNA is inadmissible," Nick pleaded with Olivia, watching his partner's face fall from across their desks as she hung up her phone.

"Worse than that. The judge in her infinite wisdom declared a mistrial," the brunette replied, her fellow detectives' faces falling in shock.

"You've got to be kidding me," Cragen uttered, brow creviced with shock and concern.

Olivia sighed. "And it gets worse," she relayed, trying to maintain her temper as much as possible. "He's out on bail."

"Bail?" Fin asked incredulously. "He doesn't have a pot to piss in."

"Vanessa, his legal aid attorney, posted his bond."

"This guy is beyond lucky."

"Look, we'll make a stronger case on retrial," Nick offered, trying to not admit defeat.

"If they even let Barba retry it. There's no DNA. There's no victim."

Rollins grimaced. "Tell you what. Who wants to come with me and just shoot the son of a bitch."

"Rollins," Cragen chided, shaking a finger at the woman to indicate that she needed to stop.

"Don't worry, Captain. I'll take her out to get something to drink," Fin offered, standing up from his desk. "Anybody else while my wallet is open?"

Nick politely declined the invitation, having already scheduled plans with Cynthia and their son. Olivia also attempted to take a rain check, quite frankly wanting to head back home to her apartment. Alex would be done with her meetings for the day, and Olivia hoped that she would still be awake and available to Skype, craving the attorney's comfort in the aftermath of a challenging and fruitless case. She knew the blonde would blow a gasket once she heard about how the trial had gone.

"Well, go home," Cragen instructed. "Stay there, two days." He knew if he didn't specify that the brunette would be back at the precinct at the crack of dawn the next day, trying to figure out someone to fix an impossible case.

"Captain that's – "

"Liv, that's an order. You show up for work, I'll have you arrested," he added caringly.

The detective sighed. The idea of sitting around while Lewis roamed free on bail, potentially victimizing other women, didn't sit well with her. Besides, it wasn't even like Alex was home. That said, Olivia knew there was no sense in arguing with the captain over this one, and she figured that maybe she could use the time and surprise Alex by getting a bunch of their wedding to-do list done.

She stopped at the corner bodega on the way home, picking up a microwaveable dinner to make before heading back to the apartment. Alex was still out with colleagues for some sort of networking dinner, and while internally disappointed, Olivia figured she could sit down for a meal for the first time in days while she waited for the blonde to get back to her hotel room. She sat the bag down on the kitchen counter, tossing down her keys and phone beside it.

Just as she began to unload the groceries, however, the detective heard the sound of a floorboard creeking, and she looked up, a chill running down her spine. Something seemed off. "Hello?" she called out of habit, walking towards the bedroom. She noticed that all of the wedding planning files that Alex had left out on the desk were moved around, and briefly speculated that maybe Tiffany had stopped over to grab something, even though it would be strange to do so without mentioning it. "Hello?" she called out again, freezing instantly as she discovered the true source of the sound. William Lewis with a gun pointed directly at her forehead.

"Welcome home, Detective Benson."

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

Alex furrowed her brow as once again Olivia's phone went to voicemail. She had called the brunette the previous night after getting back to her room after dinner, as promised. Olivia hadn't picked up then either, and the attorney had figured that her fiancée had likely dozed off. Even having only heard the half of it as to the case SVU had caught this week, Alex knew that her partner must have been entirely exhausted.

It was now the next day. Alex had sent Olivia a text message before breakfast, not wanting to wake up the sleep-deprived woman should she have been trying to catch some extra rest.

Hi baby. Sorry to miss you last night. I hope that you are getting some rest. I have sessions all morning, but I'll be free around lunchtime if you want to talk. I love you and I can't wait to get home to you soon. Just 2 more days.

It was now well past noon, and the message had gone completely unresponded to. And Olivia wasn't picking up her phone. From her position sitting on her bed inside of the hotel room, the attorney willed herself not to try not to panic. But something wasn't right. It wasn't like Liv to disappear like that. At least not with her. At the very least, the detective would have sent a text saying that she just needed some time alone to regroup.

"You've reached Detective Olivia Benson. I'm sorry to have missed your call. Please leave your name and number and I will return it as soon as possible. If this is an emergency, please dial 911 immediately," Olivia's autorecorded voice played out as Alex dialed her the second time.

"Liv it's me. Can you give me a quick call when you can, sweetheart. I'm worried. I just want to make sure you're okay. Don't worry about my meetings. Just call please."

Alex sighed, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm herself down. Picking her phone back up, she scrolled through her contacts and began another call.

"Odafin Tutuola."

"Hey Fin, it's Alex."

"Hey Alex, how's Albany treatin' you?"

"It's fine," the attorney replied politely. "Hey Fin, have you heard from Liv at all. She hasn't responded to any calls or texts from me since she left the precinct yesterday."

"That's the last time I spoke to her too," Alex heard Fin reply from the other end of the line. "The Cap'n gave her the next couple of days off though. Maybe she's still asleep?"

"Yeah," Alex replied slowly, the skepticism in her voice evident. "Okay, I know I'm probably overreacting, but can you stop by our apartment and just check on her?"

"Yeah sure. Rollins and I were about to head out so we can stop by there before I drop her off at home. This is on you though if she's irritated," the pony-tailed detective teased.

Alex forced a small laugh. "Thank you, Fin."

"No problem, Alex. Enjoy the rest of your conference."

Enjoyment, however, was the farthest thing from being on Alex's mind as she eagerly awaited Olivia's call, checking her phone periodically throughout her next session. She wasn't even apologetic when she noticed the presenter glaring at her for being so distracted. That didn't matter right now. What mattered was that Olivia was okay.

The next call she received, however, was unexpected. As she exiting the now concluded meeting, she lifted the device – caller ID flashing Fin's name.

"Fin, did you talk to Liv?"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, and Alex felt the bile rising up in her stomach.

"Alex, you need to come back to the City."

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

Alex rushed into the 1-6. Suitcase still in hand, the normally well put-together attorney was completely disheveled, eyes rimmed with red as she looked around the precinct frantically for the first person that she recognized among the crowd of officers swarming about. "Munch!" she called out, voice raspy from crying, as she spotted the old man.

"Alex," he greeted solemnly, beginning to guide the younger woman towards the captain's office. Somewhere quiet.

The blonde, however, resisted. "Did you find her. Please," she asked, voice cracking.

Munch swallowed heavily at the attorney's distress, only wishing he had better news. "Not yet," he said, shaking his head. Again, he tried to shepherd her to privacy and again she resisted.

"Where are they looking? Have you found anything? Jesus Christ it's been over 5 fucking hours. God knows how long he had her before that. She could be –" Alex choked out a sob as her next thought registered. She couldn't even think about that.

"Alex, sweetie, come on. You need to sit down."

The attorney shot him an icy glare. "Where are they right now? You need to take me out there," she started, turning towards the door.

"You can't go out there, Alex. You know that. Look," he said, guiding the woman towards the corkboard where they were displaying new evidence. "They found a car with Olivia's necklace in it on Long Island. They have the zone flooded. State troopers. Suffolk P.D. N.Y.P.D. You won't see something they don't."

Alex looked up at display, breath catching in her throat when she saw a picture of the necklace she had given Olivia for Christmas, the unmistakable crimson of the detective's blood caked in the engraved "Fearlessness." The attorney let out a sob, feeling her knees beginning to shake as Munch carefully guided her into a nearby chair. "He has her, Munch. That monster has her," she choked out. Bile rose to the back of her throat, burning the stomach that she had already emptied several times since receiving Fin's phone call. "What is he doing to her?" she all but whispered.

Munch grimaced, wrapping his arm around the younger woman to hold her together. "You can't think like that, Alex."

"What if she's – oh god."

"Liv's alive," Munch replied, putting into words the consolation to Alex's greatest fear. "She's a survivor."

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

She hadn't slept in days. Two days Olivia had been missing. Occasionally Alex would begin to succumb to her body's complete fatigue, and she would wake up shortly after screaming from vivid nightmares, whatever detective was nearby comforting her as she tried not to fall apart.

Against all advisement, she forced her way into trying to help. Mapping the evidence. Wracking her mind. She was a goddamn Bureau Chief for Manhattan. She had seen the profiles of countless of the most heinous rapists and murderers, had prosecuted and even helped solve many of those cases. But now, she was entirely useless. Entirely useless as the woman whose life she cared about more than her own was out there with a psychopath. There were no words to describe the complete and utter fear coursing through her veins as more and more she failed to be able to block the worst of scenarios out of her mind.

They needed to find her. They just had to.

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

The whirring of sirens through the air were almost uncanny. Olivia looked out the window to see a flood of police cars rushing into the dirt parking lot of the beach house that Lewis was holding her captive in.

Had held her captive in. Or was holding her captive in. She wasn't even sure anymore. Her attacker lied completely blooded and unconscious on the ground and even still she didn't feel free.

Bile rushed to the back of her throat as images of her beating Lewis flashed through her mind, and she forced the acidic fluid back down as she heard the front door open and someone call out "N.Y.P.D."

"Liv? Liv?"

That was Amaro's voice calling out from the main room, and even still she couldn't bring herself to move. She just stood there, looking out. "In here," she finally managed, voice flat and strained.

What happened next came in flashes. ESU and EMTs rushing in. Checking Lewis. Strapping Lewis onto a backboard. She walked out though. She was okay. Amaro's arm wrapped around her as he guided her outside, her hands frozen in position in front of her. Those hands. She couldn't bear to look at them.

"Olivia!"

The detective turned at the sound of a half-yell, half-cry. The voice she had replayed in her mind more times than she could count over the past couple of days in an attempt to make it through everything. She looked up to see Alex rushing towards her, more upset and disarranged that Olivia had ever seen her. Over the past couple of days, she had imagined the relief of seeing her partner, of having Alex's arms wrapped around her keeping her safe. Now she couldn't even bring herself to look the woman in the eye.

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

They were at the hospital. Alex looked at the closed wooden door from her position in the corridor, waiting for the nurse to invite her back inside. They were doing Olivia's rape kit. The detective had asked that Alex leave the room.

The blonde wanted to be there for her fiancée more than anything. To support her. To make sure she felt safe. From the moment she saw the detective step out of that beach house, nothing else had mattered.

But things were tense, and Alex wasn't sure the right way to be there for Olivia. The brunette had shirked away from her touch as she reached out for her upon reuniting with her, and the attorney chided herself for not being more cautious. Her fiancée had been through more trauma than she had been able to dare to imagine, and she resented herself for added to that distress in the slightest.

Alex had ridden alongside Olivia to the hospital in the ambulance, where she was quickly brought back for examination to assess her injuries and to avoid the floods of news reporters trying to get any inch of information. Before Olivia had even changed into her robe, however, she had shyly asked if Alex could leave the room, unable to meet her fiancée's eyes. Alex had agreed without pushing at all, simply saying that she loved the brunette and would be right outside if she needed her.

That was over an hour ago, and Alex imagined that the nurse had transitioned from performing the rape kit to treating some of the detective's wounds. The wounds she had seen and the others that she could only sickeningly admit were likely present underneath the woman's clothes.

Alex's head shot up at the sound of the door opening, and she was greeted with a sympathetic smile from the nurse. "You can come in now, Alex," she relayed, stepping back into the room to gather the kit and bags of Olivia's clothing before leaving to give the two women some privacy. Olivia, who had been staring blankly at the wall, turned to meet Alex's presence.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" the blonde asked gently. "Do you need anything?"

The brunette shook her head. "I just want to go."

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

They couldn't go home. That was still a crime scene. But Olivia was eager to get back to the City. Instead, they went to a hotel room that the N.Y.P.D. had paid for, Alex's lease for her old apartment having been terminated at the start of the new year. She would figure out somewhere for them to stay for the foreseeable future in the morning. She also had some of her clothing still in storage from the move – enough for her and Olivia to get by. Hell, she would get them whatever they needed new if she had to. Money wasn't a problem. But right now. Right now she just needed to be there for Olivia, who had gripped her hand for dear life on the ride back into the City.

Alex wasn't sure what she needed to do, but she knew that she would do absolutely anything to make sure that Olivia was okay.

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

She woke up screaming. Screaming and drenched in sweat as the world swerved around her, the terrible images in her nightmare dissolving into the darkness of the hotel room.

"Shh, Liv. It's okay. You're safe. It's just a nightmare," Alex comforted, reaching out cautiously to rub the detective's back. This was the third time the woman had woken up from a restless sleep completely terrified from her dreams. Dreams that replaced the living nightmare of the past several days.

Olivia flinched at Alex's touch, causing the attorney to jut her hand away. "Sorry. I have – I have wounds there," the brunette explained, unable to look at the blonde.

"It's okay sweetheart. I'm sorry, I didn't know," the blonde replied gently. As she settled her palm down onto the bed, she felt it sink into wetness, and she realized that Olivia must have had an accident. "Liv, it looks like you had an accident," she explained. "How about we get out of bed, and I'll help you clean off." When she flicked on the bedside lamp, Alex looked over to see Olivia looking down with embarrassment, the tips of her ears bright red. "Sweetheart, it's okay. You don't need to be embarrassed. I'll help you."

The detective shook her head. "I can do it," she replied stiffly, stepping out of the bed and waddling awkwardly towards the adjacent restroom.

Alex sighed softly to herself in worry. "Okay sweetheart. I'll take care of the bed. There are extra pjs in my suitcase. You can change into those." Olivia nodded, grabbing the aforementioned clothing before retreating into the bathroom. Alex immediately heard the faucets running loudly. Exhaling heavily, she willed herself not to cry. As much as seeing Olivia in so much pain was tearing her apart, she needed to be strong. The last thing Olivia needed was to think that the blonde was falling apart.

After almost an hour, Olivia padded back into the hotel room. Her brown eyes were focused on the ground, but Alex noticed the redness around them and knew that Olivia had been crying. "The bed is all made, sweetheart. How about we try to go back to sleep?"

Olivia looked up, and Alex felt her heart breaking at the pain lying beneath those cocoa orbs. "I uh – I – would you be mad if I slept on the pullout?"

In surprise, Alex's eyebrows furrowed, but she quickly forced her face to relax, not wanting the brunette to be self-conscious. "Of course, Liv. Do you want the bed though? I can take the couch." Olivia shook her head. "Okay, let me help you make it," the attorney offered as she started out of the bed.

"I can do it."

*SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU* SVU*

When Alex roused the next morning, she could feel Olivia's eyes on her. Blinking awake, she looked up at her fiancée, whose face was filled with emotion yet completely unreadable. But nothing could have prepared Alex for what happened next, and she felt her heart sink as Olivia held out her hand and handed Alex her engagement ring.