23
Annie watches him leave, memorizes the way his shoulder blades curve towards his spine, the roundness of his shoulders, the hair that falls to the collar of his shirt. When the hovercraft is out of sight, she walks back to their compartment. She feels empty, and so so tired all of a sudden, and she collapses onto their bed, the one that is too big without Finnick. She doesn't sleep, she just falls into a restless state where nothing seems quite real.
When morning comes, she gets up robotically, let's a schedule be stamped onto her arm without reading it. After eating, she goes to one of the common halls, with the big televisions. She curls up in one of the plastic chairs and stares at the screen, stares at it all day until dinner time comes, and then she falls into a restless stupor on their bed again. Another day passes in a similar manner, until the symbol of Panem flashes on the screen. A serious looking reporter announces that they have some important deaths to announce. Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, Finnick Odair, Lieutenant Boggs. Annie hears the name Finnick Odair and then it feels like the world is crashing down on her. No one is around, so no one sees that her reaction isn't to scream or cry. Her reaction is to sit there and stare blankly. Finnick is dead. Finnick is dead. Finnick is dead.
All of a sudden, she feels the urge to move, to prove to herself that it's not true. She runs to their compartment. When she sees that he's not there, she turns right around to sprint to the corridor where she first saw Finnick again after months of torture. He's not there either (he's nowhere anymore), but she keeps running. To the hall where they were married, to the place where Finnick practiced with his new trident, and finally to the place where she last saw him, before he took off in the hovercraft. She stands there, and tears are pouring down her face now. Slowly, she drags her feet and wanders aimlessly as the tears keep coming.
At some point, she finds herself standing in front of a compartment she vaguely recognizes as belonging to Johanna Mason. She hasn't spoken directly to Johanna since the night when the arena was destroyed, but she knocks anyways. Johanna answers with a snarl on her face, but when she sees who it is, she simply backs away from the door and lets Annie in. Haymitch and Beetee are in there too, both with a drink in hand. Annie holds out her hand and Haymitch hands her a glass that he fills to the brim. There are no more chairs, and she doesn't want to sit on the bed with Johanna, so she sits on the floor and downs her drink through the tears. Haymitch has a seemingly endless supply of alcohol, and he keeps refilling her drink every time she silently holds out her cup. They sit like that for hours, and the tears eventually stop flowing so frequently. Annie speaks up and startles the others with her voice husky after another hour or so.
"Did you know it took me 13 years to realize I loved Finnick? Everyone else loved him instantly, but I didn't even like him for the first few years. I didn't realize I loved him…in that way, until he told me first."
"I don't think anyone in this room liked Finnick instantly," Haymitch gives a little laugh. "When I first met him, I thought he was an arrogant boy who knew just how pretty he was."
"I didn't like Finnick, even when he was in the games. Everything always seemed to come so easy to him," Johanna snorts, looking disgusted even as she mourns.
"Finnick was always polite to me, but I don't think he ever viewed me as a friend. Not until we came here at least." Beetee's tone doesn't hold any bitterness, just honesty.
They continue to talk, all through the next day, about Finnick, and Peeta and Katniss. Late in the afternoon, she feels a burning in her chest, something peculiar she's never felt before. She clutches at her chest and wonders what is causing the burning sensation. It passes by soon enough though, leaving her to think for the thousandth time Finnick is gone.