Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in 7 days!

"Mummy it's cold, can I have a hot chocolate?"

My handsome boy was looking up at me with those big green eyes that made me melt every time. We were walking towards the Billy Johnson playground inCentral Park; I wanted today to be laid-back and simple. We stopped off at Starbucks and grabbed some drinks for us and made our way to the park, it was Anthony's favorite; I sat down and opened my laptop as Anthony took off. It was breezy and cool but beautiful and sunny; I let myself take in the sunshine while going over some notes from my editor before Jake showed up.

This was big for me, so big; I was introducing Anthony to Jake today and wanted everything to go well. Jake and I had started out casual and fun but six months later and I think things were getting serious. He was great and funny and sweet, kind of the perfect guy without having to try. He wasn't my perfect match but that was okay. I already had my perfect match and lost him, I could learn to be happy with someone who wasn't Edward.

"Hi beautiful," Jake's deep voice said from behind me, laying a gentle kiss the back of my neck before coming around to join me on the park bench. I liked how his kisses sent butterflies through my belly but it was never the electricity that shot through me whenever Edward would touch me. It was hard to settle for the butterflies instead of the electricity but again, I could learn.

"Hi there," I said smiling, closing my work up for now.

"How's your day been?"

"Horrible, had to get up at six-thirty to bring Anthony to school only to find out that it was a half day so I couldn't get in my usual nap and now I'm here, you?" We both laughed because my days were usually rather open, I loved having such flexibility. I listened as Jake gave me a play by play of his morning. He did not have such an easy schedule, he was always up and out by five-thirty so he could get in an hour at the gym, shower before work and most days he would work through his lunch.

"So you wanted to meet up here because?" I asked, trailing off. Jake had been excited but secretive about us meeting up today. It was rare that he could find enough time in his day to meet up during the week so I figured it was something big.

"I know you're looking to buy a place and I just did a closing with a friend this morning, he told me about a great place right down the street, it sounds exactly like what you are looking for." I could see Jake's eyes dancing with excitement but couldn't understand how a potential apartment for me was so exciting for him.

"Really, when can I look?" I asked, willing to look at anything. I had no idea how hard it would be to find a place I loved, that would be great for Anthony and not over five million. The price of real estate was staggering in the city and even though I could actually afford something that cost five million didn't mean I wanted to spend that, not even close. Hell, it was still crazy to me that I could afford that, never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would have been possible.

"Well, I was hoping we could look at it, you know, together," he said quietly but I could hear the hopefulness. It took me a minute to process that, to actually understand what he meant by looking at it together and there was no way.

"Jake, I don't think-" I started but was cut off.

"It was stupid, my lease is up next month and I just thought that maybe… but forget it."

I tried to forget it but now things were off and uneasy between us. We had been dating for less than a year, were barely serious and he still hadn't met my son and he wanted to house hunt with me.

No, just no.

I overcompensated the uncomfortableness with talks about the weekend and Thanksgiving, which was next week. Renee called last week asking about my plans for the holiday and invited Anthony and I to visit her and her fiancé Phil inFlorida. It would be the first holiday I had spent with my mother since I was sixteen.

"Anthony," I yelled, waving my hand for him to come to the bench, it was now or never and it would hopefully relax things between Jake and I.

"Yeah?" he asked looking curiously at the unknown man sitting next to me.

"I wanted you to meet my friend Jake. Jake, this is my son, Anthony," I was nervous as I introduced them but to Anthony it was nothing.

We all chatted for a few minutes and drank our warm drinks then Anthony asked Jake he if he liked to climb the rocks and go down the slide. Jake answered with a 'who doesn't?' Anthony and I laughed then he asked Jake to play with him because I was boring and only did work and that Jake would get bored sitting with me. I told Anthony that Jake only had a little time before he had to go back to work and shouldn't get his suit dirty but Jake waved me off, running off with Anthony.

It was sweet to see them laughing and playing together but bittersweet; I wanted to watch Anthony running around with his dad, not my boyfriend. I shouldn't have been thinking about Edward but it wasn't often that he was far off in my mind even years later.

It had taken a long while but my life was finally feeling less and less empty mostly because I had Anthony who made me smile every day. But there was also Alice and Jasper, who had quickly become like family. They would invite us over for dinner and even joined Charlie, Anthony and I for Christmas Eve last year. My dad tried to visit as often as possible which wasn't very often but he was supportive through everything. I wasn't blind though, I knew how disappointed he was in my choice to move away and get divorced, even though for a long time that was Edward's fault in my mind.

And now I had Jake, five years older than me, a real estate attorney at a big firm in the financial district. Everything was simple and easy with Jake; he was just as busy with work as I was with writing and being a mother. We liked the same movies, shows and food; everything was just easy with him. Too easy in fact. From the beginning I knew that Jake could never repair the gaping hole that I had punched through my chest but had hoped that he would be enough to cover it up.

I smiled as Anthony and Jake were walking back to me, both smiling and dusty from running around; they definitely had fun together. Later that night Anthony asked if he could play with Jake again.

*- WWS-*

The warm air was a nice change from the bitter cold of New York; it had been unseasonably cold for the last few days at home. And at eighty-seven degrees in Jacksonville, it was unseasonably warm, not that I was complaining. I spotted Renee from across the airport, she looked the same as she did last year but had a blinding smile, she was really happy with Phil, you could see it.

"Hi baby," Renee, said hugging Anthony tight. A sight, I thought I might never see. "And hi my big baby," she said laughing as she pulled me in for a hug.

Walking into their house was a strange experience, I would have never guessed that my mother lived all hippy like but apparently, that was her now. We were staying in the guestroom, which was where Renee would paint or do yoga when she felt like it, she said that she let her moods dictate her days; it was so not the woman I grew up with. This trip that made me realize how unhappy Renee had been for most of my life, she never smiled the way she did now. And yes she loved me but I could see how much happier she was without the responsibility of a child.

We ate dinner, it made me miss Renee's cooking; she could always whip something up in no time and it was always delicious. She waved off my attempts at cleaning the dishes and kitchen; apparently, it was her and Phil's thing. I set Anthony up on the computer so he could have his nightly chat on the computer with Edward, once Edward got a new computer he installed the program and they both took advantage of their new way of talking.

"Hi baby, who's Anthony talking to?" she asked, you could hear Anthony giggling and chatting loudly in the room we were sharing for the week.

"He's Skyping with Edward, they do it almost every day, he loves it," I explained and then I had to explain what Skype was to my computer phobic mother, she loved the idea but could barely send emails.

"And what are you writing?" she asked being nosy looking over my shoulder.

The next morning, I let Anthony dress himself for the day, which wasn't hard, we were spending it at the beach but he liked the freedom to pick out his clothes whenever possible. I packed up a bag for the day and made sure my computer was fully charged but barely got a chance to write because Renee and her million questions.

I told her all about Jake and she said I should have brought him down and that I better next time. Then she wanted a very detailed description of the apartment I had put an offer on and she gushed over the all marble bathroom that I thought was pretentious. She didn't think outdoor space was important, but I gushed over the two outdoor terraces. One faced the Empire State Building the other faced Madison Square Park, it was just beautiful all around. She was blown away by the hefty price tag but I promised her that for its location, amenities, four bedrooms, four bathrooms and the terraces it was worth it. She cried at how unbelievably successfully I had become in such a short amount of time and said that she knew I was born to be a city girl.

I could have cried because she was right I was born to be a city girl but this city girl missed home, so much. I missed the rain, the trees, all the green; I missed it all including my father and my ex-husband. No matter how much I liked Jake and let him into my life it was becoming clear that he could never replace Edward.

Love? Hate?

I swear all this time apart will serve a purpose, just let me get there :)