Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'll see if I can come up with any new ideas for yuri/shoujo ai stuff in the future, hopefully...

The sun gleamed brightly over Izuru Kira's and Ayon's heads as they ran their daily afternoon jog around the neighborhood that day. Since Kira had gotten out of the hospital, Ayon was almost always by his side.

At first, Kira was quite against the notion, and felt very uneasy in Ayon's presence, but it did not take long before he actually found himself growing to like the bizarre monstrosity as a close friend of sorts. Sure, he didn't say much, but he was always willing to listen to Kira whenever he had problems or needed to get some things off his chest. Unlike Matsumoto, who got bored easily, or Tousen, who wasn't even around at the moment, Ayon was more than happy to hang out. Kira still had no idea what the hell Ayon was, though.

"Hey, Ayon, what's our time so far?" Kira asked.

Ayon did not reply.

"Uh...did you bring the stopwatch like I asked?"

Ayon did not reply.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Ayon did not reply. Kira had an idea just then.

"...What's your favorite food?"

"I DEVOUR THE FLESH AND SOULS OF THE SINFUL!" Ayon shouted boisterously enough to cause a group of birds in the tree overhead to flutter away.

"Good boy!"

Ayon's snake-tail wagged happily in response to Kira's praise.

Suddenly, a large, reptilian-like creature went speeding past the two of them, and it leaped high into the air, landing upon the roof of a house. Ayon could only catch a glimpse of the mysterious being before it went on its way. It was covered in patches of greasy black fur and green scales, tall and lean and terribly frightening. A scream could be heard in the distance as the monstrosity darted further away. Kira was lying on the ground, pale-faced and foaming at the mouth in utter horror. At that instant, Ayon started to slap his palm loudly against his chest, due to the sudden pounding he heard coming from his heart. He broke out into a cold sweat and he felt flushed. He had never felt this way before in his whole life.

It may or may not have been fate, but Ayon had fallen head over heels in love with Nemu.

Aizen, Matsumoto, Gin and Komamura all gave Kira very unconvinced looks after the situation at hand had been explained to them all.

"You want us...to help hook up Ayon...with some monster chick he saw?"

Kira nodded.

"HELL NO!"

"Oh, come onnnnnnn...how can you say 'no' to his adorable face?" Kira whined, and pointed over to Ayon, whose large eyes were literally bugging out from underneath his brown mane, and drool was trickling down the side of his chin. He didn't exactly look 'adorable' in any sense of the word. The fact he seemed to be staring lustfully at Matsumoto's chest didn't help any.

Gin scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, what did this thing he fell in love with look like?" he asked.

"It kind of looked...like a lizard..."

'OH SHIT, IT WAS THAT THING FROM THE MUSIC STORE NAMED NEMU, WASN'T IT? IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION!' Gin made a distressed expression similar to someone who was heavily constipated.

"Ayon," Kira cried, "Tell these guys just how badly you want to see her!"

"IF SHE IS SINFUL, THEN I SHALL DEVOUR HER FLESH AND HER SOUL! IF SHE IS NOT...THEN I SHALL GIVE HER LOVE AND CUDDLES!"

"Aww...how sweet, although a little frightening!" Matsumoto giggled.

"So what exactly do you expect us to do?" Aizen folded his arms in front of his chest and sighed. "I haven't dealt with love since my senior year of high school."

"Is that the reason why you're so bitter all the time?" asked Gin.

"No! Of course not! It's just ONE of the reasons why I'm so bitter all the time!"

"Oh, I see..."

"It's pretty simple what we need you guys to do," explained Kira with an elaborate motion of his hands, "If anything, we need to be able to find that thing and let Ayon talk to it...whatever the hell it was..."

Reluctantly, Gin raised his hand. "Uh, I don't really want to say this, but think I know where we can find that thing...HER name is Nemu, by the way..."

"NE...MU..." Ayon smiled as he muttered his crush's name to himself.

A little while later, at the music store...

Upon seeing Gin, followed up by Aizen and the others, step into the store, Shiba Ganju broke out laughing almost immediately. "Ha ha! I knew it! I knew you would be back one day because we're such good friends-"

"We're just here to speak with Nemu, you idiot."

"...Oh. She's in the back-room eating some roadkill she picked up on one of her walks."

"Thanks."

"Don't even think about trying to take some for yourself though; she won't hesitate to attack you."

"Why the hell would I want roadkill?"

"I'm just giving you a warning that I've come to learn from certain personal experiences."

Gin proceeded to walk towards the backroom as he was no longer interested in listening to Ganju ramble on. Ganju welcomed Aizen, Matsumoto and Kira with slight friendliness, but he nearly lost control of his bowels when he witnessed Ayon lumber past the counter. A wretched smell filled Gin' nostrils as he drew closer to Nemu's location. Honestly, Gin wanted nothing to do with any of this, but if he turned back now Ayon wouldn't hesitate to crush his arms. He really didn't want to have to go through that kind of pain again anytime soon.

"Well...here it is..." Gin sighed heavily. He opened the door to the backroom, and nudged Ayon inside before slamming it shut behind him.

"W-What the hell did you just do?" Kira asked, his face pale.

"Eh, it's something I've always wanted to try, with locking two people in a room together until they stop arguing, but instead they end up as lovers."

"THAT'S INCREDIBLY IDIOTIC!"

"It worked for me and Matsumoto after a fight over dried persimmons."

"Well...that's...that's odd..."

"In the end, she ate all of them."

"Eh?"

"I'm tired of waiting here, so let's check up on them!" Gin opened the door, and everyone let out gasps of disgust. It turned out that Ayon's snake-tail was actually his penis. And that Nemu liked being on top. There was also large splashes of blood EVERYWHERE.

"THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE HAD TO SUFFER SEEING THIS KIND OF THING IN TWO CHAPTERS ALREADY!" Aizen bawled.