A/N: Next chapter. It is M-rated and short. I am sorry for the shortness. I am not happy with this one but I couldn't get more out of it. There will be longer updates soon. I hope you all like it!
Special thanks to Rid3ThatChocob0, jenny crum, PJBecker and samcarter1980!
Thanks for reading.
Please review!
I don't own criminal minds.
Chapter 37: The need to forget
JJ was kneeled down on the ground as the tears were streaming down her face. People were standing behind the cars. JJ was the only one who tried to get closer. Hotch was now standing a few feet away from JJ to give her some space. He could see her body trembling. She was hunched over and he couldn't see her face. The color of her sweater and jeans were unrecognizable. Her hair was covered in dust and mud. He didn't even stop to look at his own clothes. But he didn't care. His only concern was for JJ as she was still crying. He stepped closer towards her and he kneeled down next to her. JJ rose from the ground at that exact moment. Hotch did the same and he stepped next to her.
''Come here.'' he whispered softly as he tried to pull her into his embrace.
''No. Leave me alone!'' JJ cried out.
''Come here.'' he said again and he pulled her closer. JJ tried to struggle against his force but she stopped the moment she collided with his warm chest. Her hands went around his back. The tears were apparent on his shirt as she kept crying. She couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop. Everything that happened was coming to the surface. The betrayals, the loss, the pain and the love she experienced. It was too much.
''It is okay, JJ!'' Hotch said as he put a soft kiss to her head.
''No, it is not.'' JJ replied in a whisper.
''It will be. Eventually. You will get through this.'' he whispered into her ear.
JJ pulled away and she looked at him in astonishment. She thought her life was over. That was the only thing that kept going through her mind.
''Nate is dead. He is dead! How is that okay?'' JJ asked.
''You got through it before. You can do the same now. You are too strong to let this destroy your life.''
''We should have saved him.'' JJ said to get to another subject, knowing she was purposely looking for someone to blame.
''I didn't have a choice. We didn't have a choice! We would have died as well. Do you really want that, JJ?'' Hotch asked as he looked at her with anger.
''We always have a choice.''
''Give me a damn answer! Do you want to die? I mean, go ahead! There is a burning building in front of you.'' Hotch yelled angrily.
''You know what, I don't get you. You have so much to life for. You could accomplish so much more if you would just stop blaming everyone around you!'' he continued.
''I blame everyone? Are you kidding me? I only blame myself. I blame myself for having this job. Don't you understand?''
''People are dead because of me. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have to live with the fact that my only family died in an explosion. And loving someone hurts all the time. There is nothing I can do without hurting someone or myself.'' JJ continued.
''I love you, Aaron! Here I am, saying it only a couple of minutes after my fiancé died. I have been running away from what I felt for you. I have been doing that for years. I kept settling for second best because loving you hurts. It hurts to be without you. It hurts so much that I feel like I can't breathe. And I somehow survived without you. But I don't know if I can do that anymore. I need you and I feel foolish when I hear myself say it. In life we meet one person who is unlike any other. You are that person to me. You understand me. And I am ashamed to say that you are the one person I truly love and have loved. I am sorry for everything.'' JJ confessed and she sighed deeply when she got everything out.
''JJ!'' Hotch said hoarsely.
''I know. I am too late.''
''No, I didn't mean that. I just…ohhh…I don't how to say how sorry I am. I am here for you. I am never going to leave you.'' he said as he gently took her hand. He pulled her with him towards the cars. They both stepped into the backseat of a SUV to go back home. Hotch had already ordered Emily to inform James about Derrick Nash. The last thing he wanted was to confront JJ with all the facts. He was going to take her to his apartment. She needed to rest. Hotch knew JJ loved Nate. He saw it. But he didn't care. He loved her more than anything and he was willing to help her through her pain. He would do anything for her. He wanted to spent the rest of his life with her. He only wished he could have gone back ten years and change everything that happened to her. He would do anything to take away her pain and to replace it with the joy she had as an eighteen year old. JJ had changed and he still loved her. He didn't care about that because in the end the person he fell in love with was still inside her. Love is about accepting someone for who they are. It is to embrace the changes in someone. He knew JJ didn't make her changes willingly but it didn't mean she couldn't learn to live with them.
Hotch held the door to his apartment open for JJ. He followed her inside and he saw her dropping down on the couch. He walked into the kitchen and he quickly grabbed to glasses and a bottle of scotch.
''Would you like a drink?'' Hotch asked as he sat down next to her.
''You know I don't like to drink but I guess today changes everything. Give me one.'' JJ said.
''Here you are.''
JJ took the drink in her hand. She put the glass to her mouth and the scotch disappeared into her throat within seconds. She slammed it back onto the table and she poured herself another one.
''You should take it down a bit.'' Hotch said to warn JJ before she was getting too drunk. He could see she was just trying to drink her sorrows away and he couldn't object because he understood her motivations for wanting to forget.
''Help me forget, Aaron!'' JJ said with a husky voice. She leaned towards Hotch and she was straddling his lap before he could do anything.
''I don't want to take advantage of you, JJ. But if you keep teasing me I will not be able to stop myself.''
''That is exactly what I want. Let me see the rough side of Aaron Hotchner.'' JJ said and her lips landed on his bare chest. She had already shed him of his shirt and jacket. She felt him pick her up and he pushed her into the wall. Nothing about their encounter was normal. He could feel the heat rising in his body. It was like they both needed the reassurance that they were still alive and that they were together. There was no time for sweetness. Hotch was kissing her neck as he was pushing down his boxers and slacks at the same time. JJ had somehow lost her shirt and pants. He pushed aside her panties before driving himself into her. He heard her moan into his ear and it made him lose his control even more. Their bodies met each other's movements. JJ was going over to edge not long after and Hotch followed her. They dropped down to the floor with heaving chests. Their lest shred of energy was gone, but it was exactly what they both needed.
''Thank you.'' JJ sighed deeply.
''Your welcome. We should do that more often.'' Hotch said with a smirk on his face and JJ couldn't help but smile when his dimples appeared.
''I guess we were a little bit desperate. We didn't even take time to take of our clothes.'' JJ said and she realized she was smiling. She didn't know how, but she was. That was the most important.
They made their way into the bedroom. They crawled under the blankets and fell asleep in each other's arms, forgetting the events of the day.