I'd like you all to take a look at my new Merder fic - it's called Navy Taxi after a song by Kate Nash. Pretty please? :)

Chapter 34: Say something.

Suddenly a voice called from behind her.

"Hey Mer! You hungry?"

Meredith spun around and stared into the warm, cerulean eyes that belonged to Derek. Derek, who was going to be hurt by his wife and best friend in a matter of seconds, hurt in a way she couldn't even imagine…

Derek noticed her frozen form, the panic in her eyes. He quickly walked up to her, placing a hand on each of her shoulders, panic starting to build in him as well.

"Mer!" he softly said, worry etched on his face. "Mer, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Meredith couldn't speak, couldn't think of anything to say.

"Mer!" Derek repeated, really upset now. He gently pulled her head backwards so he could check her pupils in the light. They responded normally. "What is it? Tell me!"

"I…" Meredith began but was interrupted by an especially loud noise coming from the master bedroom.

"GOD, Mark, yesss!"

"What's was that?" Derek slowly whispered, only noticing the moans now that he was fairly sure nothing was seriously wrong with Meredith.

"Derek…" Meredith tried to say but his face was suddenly set in stone, like he knew what was coming. Derek walked past her and looked into the bedroom, suddenly freezing.

The pair in the bed now lay still, legs and arms intertwined. Derek's facial expression turned from confusion to a mixture of anger and pain. He weakly cleared his throat.

Derek's wife instantly looked up and locked eyes with her husband. She let out a screech and covered her mouth with her hand while she grabbed the sheet and concealed her body.

Derek's best friend looked up to see what in the world was making the woman beside him react like that. When he saw Derek standing in the doorway, he immediately rolled off of Addison, standing up beside the bed, entirely naked, shock visible in his eyes.

"Derek!" they whispered simultaneously in broken, alarmed voices, then noticing Meredith standing behind Derek with an unfathomable expression in her eyes.

Meredith reached out to lay a hand on Derek, who was just standing there, staring into nothing.

Meredith's touch was what seemed to bring him back to reality. He flinched like had an electric current gone through him.

He took one last look at the woman that had been his for the last seven years and the man he had known since kindergarten. They were both frozen, obvious guilt etched on their faces.

Then he spun around and ran down the stairs.

That woke everyone up.

"Derek!" Addison screamed, her high-pitched voice piercing through the deadly silence. She bolted out of bed with nothing but the sheet around her; but was held back by Mark's strong arms.

"Wait," he whispered, his voice wrecked and dead-beat. "You know Derek. Give him some time."

"Time…" Addison whispered, tears starting to pour down her face. "If he walks away now, we'll never survive this."

When he saw that Addison saw sense, Mark quickly let go of her like she was some poisonous object. She fell down on the bed, rocking back and forth, and buried her head in the fluffy pillows, while he picked up his pants from the floor and put them on. Then he looked up and noticed that Meredith was still standing in the doorway, having not uttered one word.

"Meredith?" Mark whispered, tears forming in his eyes as well.

She didn't say anything. What was there to say? She just kept staring directly ahead.

"Meredith?" Mark repeated, pleading pressure in his voice now. "Please say something."

Meredith was slowly waking up from her comatose state of mind.

"Derek," she said, her voice that sounded way too weak and dull to be hers. "I should go after him."

"Go!" Mark urged. "Before he's gone too far."

Something kicked inside Meredith as she spun around and ran down the stairs in no time at all without having looked at either Addison or Mark.

"Derek!"

A slight, unimportant part of her mind registered that she hadn't put her jacket on as she sprinted out in the cold, dark, rainy night. The downpour was quickly soaking through her t-shirt as she frantically looked around, trying to decide where to start looking.

"Where the hell are you?" she asked quietly into the night, ignoring the wet hair that was clinging to her head and the chills that slowly made their way down her spine.

That's when she noticed that his car was still there, the motor running… with him in it.

Relieved, Meredith took a mouthful of air in, quickly realizing that she'd been holding her breath for way too long.

"Damnit," she whispered and took a second to calm herself down before seeing him. She felt lightheaded, not only from the lack of oxygen but from the alcohol… Could it really be true that they'd been drinking, laughing, dancing only an hour ago? With uncertainty in her long strides, she was at the passenger door, grabbing the handle; it was locked.

Meredith hesitated; would he let her in if she begged him? Was it better to leave him alone?

Before she could do or say anything, a loud click interrupted her speculations. She gave the handle a trying squeeze and the door immediately gave in. Relief flooded through her as she slid in and closed the door after her, the heavy rain becoming a faint background sound, already a memory.

He let her in.

Neither said anything to begin with. They just sat there, frozen and wet, slowly warming up to the car's heating system, the leathery scent invading her senses. His hands were clenching the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white. Meredith focused on the hands. She was afraid to look at him, to see pure pain in his eyes, pain he'd never known of before… She felt almost ridiculously protective of him in that way; Derek should never ever experience hurt. He should be happy, content like the child she had grown up with…

Meredith didn't know what to say; seven years of thoughts and confessions and images she just wanted to bleach out of her brain were swimming around in her mushy mind.

Your wife of six years cheated on you. I love you. With your best friend of almost 30 years. I love you. I would have slapped him. I love you. I totally would have. I love you. Now you don't have anyone you can trust. I love you. You can't trust me because well… I love you. I ran away from you. And I… I love you. I love you. I love you. And I'm pathetic and scary and damaged and the worst friend ever. I love you. A good friend would know what to do right now. I love you. A good friend would have kicked Mark in the guts and pulled Addison's hair out while she had the chance because she's a girl and not very tall which means she can get away with anything. I love you. A good friend would say something. I love you. A good friend would want nothing more than friendship from you. I love you.

"…Love you," she unthinkingly whispered into the deafening silence, accompanied by the delicate sound of rain, thrumming against the front window. Meredith threw her hand over her mouth, eyes wide and panicked.

"Huh?" Derek only asked. She should have foreseen his cheerlessness but that didn't make the lump in her throat any smaller as she heard his cold voice. It hurt her to know that he was suffering; mixed with relief that he hadn't heard her. But the ice was broken.

Get it together, Meredith.

She folded her hands in her lap and took yet another deep breath. Then she finally raised her head and looked into his eyes.

He was staring at her, too, but it was as if he was not really seeing her, like he was in fact looking at something else entirely, something beyond where she was able to follow him. She wondered if he, too, was unable to shake the images off. Derek's mouth was pressed into a thin line, his shoulders tense and his hands not letting go of the steering wheel. And although his beautiful cerulean eyes were unusually emotionless, she could feel it; the hurt and the anger was radiating from him, from every single cell in his body.

And while she still wanted to bleach out the mental images of Mark and Addison in bed, Meredith knew that this was the picture she'd never forget, no matter how hard she tried. This, Derek so filled with hurt, was what would keep her up at night.

"Is 31 too young?" Derek suddenly asked in a hoarse voice.

"Too young?" Meredith asked softly, laying her hand on top of his on the steering wheel. He didn't throw it off which she took as a good sign.

"Too young to look back at your life with nothing but regret?"

She could hear the bitterness creeping into his voice; but at least his shoulders relaxed a little when she let her hand stroke his in soothing circles. Meredith had no idea what to say. Nothing she said could possibly make anything better.

"I don't know," she honestly answered and went back to saying nothing.

Silence. Then…

"Meredith?" Derek asked and his voice was abruptly soft, almost tender as her name rolled off of his lips.

She felt something was coming, something big, something that made her stomach curl into a ball… She kept her mouth shut, waiting for him to continue.

"What do you think I should do?"

Meredith would have grabbed the front mirror and hit herself in the head with it if her hands weren't busy, trying to keep Derek as relaxed as possible in this moment.

She should have predicted that one. She should have been prepared. Instead…

He just sat there and looked at her, the complete, utter reliance so evident in his soft voice. Why did he have to make this her decision?

A sudden rush of adrenaline overpowered Meredith's emotions as something hit her; he could be a single man. He could be free, liberated… divorced. That was the word, the one word, Meredith had no doubt about that, and Derek would leave his wife. One stupid word was all it took.

One word.

But…

Did she truly believe that Derek would be better off if he left Addison? Or was some part of her heart, some little voice in her brain, hoping that he would need a shoulder to cry on… that he would turn to her? That he could be hers?

Derek loved Addison. Did Addison love Derek? Meredith was fairly sure she did. And even though Meredith could have killed that woman herself in this moment, she knew that Derek would be better off with the woman he loved, a perfect, beautiful woman, than… her. Twisted, ordinary Meredith.

The decision was almost made from the moment Derek asked her. She couldn't do this. She couldn't destroy a marriage, be a home wrecker…

Meredith looked at him, letting all her frustration and pain and love dominate her features for just a second. The only thing she wanted was to be there for him, to stroke the wetness off his cheek and kiss the tiny spot dry… She wanted, no, she needed to throw her arms around him and hold him together so he wouldn't break into a million pieces, just like he had held her together the first time they met.

We won't break Meredith. She could almost hear his adolescent voice in her ear… Meredith suddenly realized that Derek was waiting for an answer, his blue eyes staring into hers. She had to say something, anything really.

Deep breaths.

"You need to forgive her," Meredith said in a hoarse whisper. She cleared her throat to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. "And him. You need to forgive him."

She almost swore she could see his eyes darken a little in disappointment – but that had to be wishful thinking, right?

He looked… hurt. If possible more so than before she said it.

"Okay." When he replied, it came in a cold whisper, breaking a little in the end, his eyes narrowing to small, dark, empty holes. It sounded as if he was trying to convince himself. "Okay. I can do that."

He suddenly pulled his hands back and Meredith willingly let him have them. The constant thrumming of rain was the only sound to be heard.