Hi again guys! I'll be going on week long vacation with my family today so there won't be much update on the fic after this so I hope this chapter will suffice for now. As always, I would like to thank my lovely beta alikssepia for all her help in shaping this chapter. For now, I leave you with this piece and will get back to you with a new chapter in a few weeks time. Thank you for your patience and read on!
Ben continued to stare at Rey's sleeping form, Papa Doll tucked tight in her arms as early morning sunlight peered through the window of the shuttle. He had not slept again since the incident in the desert, but Rey, clearly weakened from the ordeal, had fallen asleep almost the moment he led her back to bed. He had then cast a protective barrier around her, which seemed to work seeing as he saw nothing in her dreams, good or bad. He knew, however, that it would not hold for long. And that he knew what needed to be done.
"To protect Rey," he repeated to himself, standing up from where he had been sitting across the room to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek. But no matter how many times he told himself that this was for the best, it didn't stop his heart from aching at the thought of it. But what choice did he have?
With a deep sigh, he walked out of the quarters and down the shuttle's ramp, his eyes instantly on the hole that still needed fixing. It wouldn't be long before he had this ship up and running again, and after that he could proceed with his plans.
He took out the ladder and spent the morning fixing the ship. It was almost noon by the time he was done, and yet he could sense that Rey was still fast asleep.
Good, he thought. It was better that way.
Hurrying back inside, he went to the cockpit and flew the shuttle to Niima Outpost, landing it at the outskirts of the village. There was no queue at the concession stand, perhaps because the scavengers were yet to return from their day's work but Ben could see Unkar Plutt out and about, stubby hands on his hips as though he were waiting for something.
After checking on Rey one more time, he hurried out of the ship and walked towards the crolute. "Plutt."
"You again." Plutt harrumphed and eyed him from head to toe." Changed your mind about scavenging for me, eh?"
"No. I have something that may interest you," Ben took a deep breath and presented Plutt with his lightsaber, "in exchange for a monumental task."
Rey fluttered her eyes open and stretched on the bed, yawning as she did before staring out at the bright sunlight streaming in from the window. She was surprised she had been able to sleep, let alone a dreamless one. Last night she'd had a terrible nightmare and...
She blinked. No, not a nightmare. It had happened. That monster...Supreme Leader Snoke as it called itself...had been in her head. And Ben...he'd saved her.
"Ben?" Taking Papa Doll and putting it inside her pocket, Rey stood up from bed and raced to the cockpit, only to find it empty. Through the window, she could see that they were at Niima Outpost, though why Ben would fly out here was beyond her.
Fly...did that mean Ben already fixed the ship? Then why go back to Niima Outpost?
Rey peered through the cockpit window, her eyes instantly zeroing in on Ben, conversing with Unkar Plutt in the distance. He seemed to be holding something shiny before the crolute. It looked like...the lightsaber? Why would Ben be showing Plutt the lightsaber? Surely he wasn't going to sell such an important item, Rey thought.
Then, an unexpected feeling of dread fell over her—the same feeling she felt when Ben was being secretive with her, only this time, intensified tenfold.
She turned and ran out of the cockpit and stopped by the ship's ramp, watching in dismay as Plutt now held the lightsaber, examining it. "Ben!"
Ben turned to stare at her. He was still some distance away, and she couldn't make out his face in the harsh sunlight, but somehow, she could tell he was distraught at the sight of her.
She watched him take the lightsaber back, excuse himself from Plutt and hurry towards her, stopping only when he was within arm's reach. "Rey I..."
The words tumbled out of her lips before she could even think. "You're leaving me, aren't you?"
She didn't know why the thought had even crossed her mind, but it felt as though there was something whispering in her head—whispering the truth. The truth she didn't want to believe. But it showed in the way Ben's shoulders sagged, the way his face fell, and the way his voice broke with his next words.
"Rey...as long as Snoke's alive, we will never be free. He will always be after me, and now you."
"So you're going to face him alone?"
"No. Not yet." He shook his head then took a step closer. "I need to bide my time. Until I'm stronger. Stronger than my grandfather. So one day, I can defeat him."
"What about me, Ben?" Rey managed to keep her voice steady, even as the turmoil inside her threatened to overtake her senses. "What's going to happen to me?"
"I've arranged for Plutt to take care of you. Give you a place to live while I'm away."
"What? But..." Rey tilted her head a little so she could look over at Plutt, who stood some distance away, swollen arms crossed. No. She didn't want to be left behind with that brute. She had to stay calm and reason with Ben. He was just...confused, that's all, she thought, despite something telling her that he had already made up his mind. "What about my powers? What if what happened last night happens again? What if—"
"Rey...it won't happen again."
There was something in the way he had said it. The sureness in his words. And Rey just knew. She knew what he was planning to do, and she felt something break inside her.
Tears finally flowed free as she threw her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. "No! I don't care if I have this curse! I can't bear to forget you!"
Ben didn't respond. Not immediately, and it made her sob harder. He really was going to go through with it!
She tightened her grip around his waist, wishing and willing for him to change his mind but he gently pushed her away until he was kneeling in front of her, both hands on her quivering shoulders. "Rey...it's also the only way for Snoke to no longer reach you. If he can't find you through the Force...if I can make him think you're dead, you'd be safe from him."
She shook her head vigorously, loose tendrils of her hair swaying back and forth. "No! I'm coming with you. You promised me, Ben! You promised me we'd be together forever!"
"And we will, Rey. But for now...stay here. I'll come back for you."
"No! No! No!" She stomped her feet. It was childish, she knew, but she was getting desperate to make Ben understand. Why couldn't he understand that this wasn't the way things were supposed to go? Why couldn't he understand that this...what he was going to do was going to destroy her? Destroy everything she was? "You said you wouldn't leave me! You told me you'd never—"
"Rey..." Ben pulled her towards him and rested his forehead gently against hers, their noses almost touching. Heat radiated from where their foreheads met, and suddenly, Rey was awashed with thoughts and feelings which were not her own; thoughts so complex and feelings so deep, she couldn't even begin to fathom them.
Then she realized...they were Ben's. She was seeing his thoughts and slowly, her mind came to understand what he was trying to do for her. It was logical. It was sound.
It was excruciating.
Her mind understood but her heart...it was physically hurting, even more so when his feelings projected to her through this inexplicable connection, and what would have once made her delirious with bliss now filled her with pain.
"Why Ben?" she whispered between sobs, tears running down her cheeks in torrents. "Why now?"
Ben remained silent as he lifted his forehead from hers and embraced her then, and a well of panic seized her when she sensed his hand behind her head.
"Goodbye, Rey..."
"Ben, don't!"
One wave of a hand, and everything disappeared into oblivion.
He'd learned. For some time, he had buried himself in holos, datacards and even scrolls just to understand what his uncle had done to Rey so he would one day be able to reverse the effects.
He never once thought he would have to do the exact same thing Luke Skywalker had done.
What Luke Skywalker had had to do.
With one more tight embrace, he pulled back to see Rey, standing before him, her eyes wide open, her expression dazed. She was catatonic now. Mindless. But her tears continued to flow, and Ben found it impossible to hold back his. He tried to tell himself this was for the best, that there was no other choice but nothing could stop his heart from breaking, or the tears from falling.
"You know what you're worth?"
She didn't answer. She couldn't hear him now, he knew that, but he had to say it. Had to let her know even if it was too late, and so he took her hands and pressed the lightsaber into them, closing them with his own palms.
"You...are worth...everything that I am," he sobbed. "But I can't be that man anymore."
No answer. Only silence, and the soft whispers of a passing desert breeze.
"I can't have you," he continued, taking the lightsaber away and activating it, "not as you are now, nor as I am now." With the saber, he cut off Rey's padawan braid as well as his own, leaving both braids to fall to the sand, discarded. "Perhaps one day...one day...but not until the time is right. Not until I've defeated Snoke."
He clipped the deactivated lightsaber back on his belt, cupped her face in his hands and pulled her towards him. And in that brief moment when his lips touched her forehead, he knew he was damned, for there was nothing brotherly in what he had allowed himself to do, in the feelings he had finally surrendered himself to.
The moment ended almost before it began, and he pressed his forehead against hers once more, hot tears streaming down his cheeks as he took her hands and pressed it against his face.
"Forgive me, Rey. Forgive me..."
He pulled back and placed both his hands at her temples. Remembering everything he had learned studying Jedi mind tricks, he began the process of sealing Rey's memories to the deepest corners of her mind, tendrils of his Force power seeping into her, locking away every memory she had for the past nine years—including every single moment they had shared—until all that was left was the mind of a child.
Then, he embedded her with new memories—of being left by her parents in Jakku at age five under the care of Unkar Plutt, of a rough life as a scavenger, each day melding into the next until she was no longer his Rey, but Rey of Jakku.
A scavenger.
A survivor.
A lie.
He moved his hand down from her temples to cup her face and stared deep into her glassy eyes. Even in tears, she was so beautiful that he could already see how she was going to grow up to break hearts.
She was already breaking his.
"I'll come back, sweetheart. I promise," he whispered solemnly, and it was a promise he intended to keep. A promise he would stake his life on.
With one last kiss to her forehead, he stood up then and backed away. She was still catatonic, but she won't be for long. Which meant he didn't have enough time left. And so he hurried back to Unkar Plutt, handed over the lightsaber and said, "Take care of her. I'll come back for her in a few years."
"Yeah?" Plutt raised an almost absent brow. "How long?"
"As long as it takes," Ben muttered, almost to himself. "But you better keep your end of the bargain or else..."
"Or else wha—" Plutt didn't get to finish his sentence before he began to choke. He sputtered and fell on his knees, and only when he realized what was happening did Ben let the crolute go.
"And that's just a sample of what I can do to you," Ben hissed and put his hand down. "So hold your end of the deal or you'll end up with your guts spilled all over the sand. You hear me?"
Plutt could only nod, his large form almost flopping around the sand like a fish out of water.
Ben stepped away and headed to the ship, but not before throwing one last look at Rey. He could no longer sense her through the Force, yet here she was, still very much alive. And he intended to keep it that way.
"Goodbye, Rey," he whispered one last time before heading up the ship and flying the shuttle into the bright blue skies.
Only once he was out of Jakku's atmosphere did he put the ship on autopilot and sit on the floor of the cockpit.
He had one last thing he needed to do.
Assuming the lotus position, he closed his eyes and concentrated hard on his own memories, manipulating them until every recollection of Rey was sealed away. Until every tender emotion fell away to anger and determination.
And with that, he destroyed Ben Solo.
All that was left was Kylo Ren.
So there we have it. I did say there are going to be a lot of tears, and apparently not just from Rey, but Ben as well. This chapter will probably be controversial, but I feel that after 30+ chapters of What She's Worth, that Ben's acceptance of what he feels is the culmination of everything that has gone on in this fic. Thank you readers for staying with me through this journey. The end is near, only two chapters left and WSW will be wrapping up. Stay tuned until then, love you all!