Notes:I'd like to say sorry for how late I have been in posting this chapter

Notes:I'd like to say sorry for how late I have been in posting this chapter. I kept re-writing the entire chapter, as I was satisfied with the finished result. This chapter was hard to write, because I know from experience how people cope with loss in different ways. I wanted to put this across in the fics and I hope that I have achieved that. The ending of this chapter was going to be a happy one, but I felt that would have been the quick and easy way of doing things.

Notes:I was going to bring the crossroads demon into the chapter, but I thought it would serve the story better if the crossroads demon made an appearance in the next chapter.

Notes:I am working on a new chapter. There are also a few swear words in this chapter.

Notes: To theSarcasticShrew, thank you for your opinion. It was valued and I have pointed out many times that my spelling is not great and only the first ten chapters have been beta read. You are correct in saying that I should stop writing until I can do so without mistakes. I won't post anything on this fic again until I have improved on my writing. Thank you once again for pointing out what must have been obvious to everyone, but me.

He takes a breath to calm his nerves. His not the least bit surprised when that simple action doesn't work. He then closes his eyes, squeezing them painfully shut to stop the tears from falling. He can feel the scream working its way up his throat but ruthlessly bites his lip to stop any sound from escaping. With one hand, he gently pushes his son's pushchair. It's an action that will no longer bring any comfort, but a bone deep sadness. He wants to turn back so that he can relive the day. He wants a chance to bring his son back. He wants the life he had planned with Dean and his son back.

He is never going to get that chance. The longer he sits in the coffee shop refusing to accept that his son is dead the harder it will be to tell Dean. He doesn't want to tell Dean that his son is dead. He doesn't want to admit how it happened.

With smooth steady movement, he gets up from the seat. Ignoring all of the other coffee shop customers, he walks back out onto the street. For a few minutes, he just stands outside the coffee shop. He looks at his son and for a moment, hope swells his heart. His son looks as if he is sleeping peacefully. Then he notices that his son is just too still. There is none of the gentle movements that you would expect from a sleeping baby. There is just stillness and silence. He begins to walk down the street and he acts the part of the proud parent he is. He was so focused on just walking forward that he didn't realize that he had walked straight back to the apartment building. Looking up at the building, he knows that all he has to do is walk up a set of stairs and take an elevator to the sixth floor. All he had to move but he couldn't.

Licking his lips, he found himself thinking of all the possible alternatives that didn't include going back to Dean. He could leave the city taking his son with him. He could just leave his sons pushchair outside Dean's apartment. He could just go back to the apartment ignoring what had happened in the coffee shop and act surprised when Dean discovered that his son was dead.

Yeah denial was the option he was going for. As for as he was now concerned his son was just sleeping

Dean paced back and forth unable to remain in one place for longer than a few seconds. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened to Alexander and Sam.

"Dean stop pacing." John said. Since there conversation things had settled down between them to a point where they could stand to be civil to each other.

Dean stopped pacing and fixed his dad with a look that would have killed if he had that power and said. "Sam took Alexander out of this apartment without any protection. Anything could have happened."

"Sam is more than capable of looking after Alexander. You are worrying about nothing." John replied

"Worrying about nothing," Dean said repeating some of his dad's words "Did you forget about the demon we have spent a life time looking for. Did you suddenly forget that there are countless supernatural creatures who want my son? ."

"Sam wouldn't allow anyone or anything to harm Alex. You need to trust him a little." John said.

Without really thinking about it, Dean said. "Don't call Alexander Alex. I don't want his name to be shortened because it's easier for you. As for trusting Sam well that's not going to be something I do straight away. I've been though to much shit in the last few months for my trust of Sam to be automatic."

"Dean, Sam …

Whatever John had been about to say was interrupted by the apartment door opening. Sam walked into the apartment with Alexander in his pushchair and the closing of the door. All of that was completed in a silence that would normally be okay but it just felt odd to Dean

"Hey Dean, dad." Sam said. With great care, he undone the straps that kept his son safe in the buggy and careful picked him up. With a gentleness that came with having such a young son, he held his son close to him. Ignoring the coldness, he could feel on his son's smooth skin. Instead, he chooses to feel warmth that wasn't there.

"It has taken you four hours to sort out a furniture problem I didn't have. Do you have any idea how worried I have been?" Dean demanded. He wasn't going to admit just how emotional he had become since his pregnancy and Alexander's birth. He was damn well entitled to worry about his son's safety.

"Man you shouldn't worry so damn much. I just took my time. I figured that you needed sleep and I wanted to spend more time with my son." Sam said as he rubbed soothing circles on his son's back.

"Sam why is our son so quiet. Last time I took him out in New York he was a little grizzly." Dean said as he took several steps closer to Sam and there son only for Sam to step out of his reach.

"I tired him out." Sam said.

Dean tired not to let the worry show in his voice but the way in which Sam was acting was slowly beginning to creep him out. Sam was far too happy. He was the sort of happy that you see in a Disney movie. Taking a step forward he said. "Can I have our son? I need to give him his next feed."

"I like holding him." Sam said a slight edge of anger beginning to creep into his voice.

"Sam you can't hold our son all day. Just let me feed him and change then him. You can have our son back after I have done that." Dean asked keeping his voice gentle and calm.

"I can have my son back." Sam asked

"Sure." Dean replied as he reached out and took Alexander back from Sam. His relief at having Alexander back in his arms again soon faded into panic and utter devastation. Alexander was far to cold to be normal. With a steady hand, he checked Alexander for a pulse, there wasn't one. Instead of falling apart at the discovery there son was dead he felt an odd calmness come over him. It was more than obvious that what had happened Sam couldn't deal with it. Walking though to there son's nursery he placed there son in his cot. Swallowing back the tears and pain he walked back out of the nursery to there dad and Sam.

"Didn't Alexander need to be feed?" John asked

Without even looking at there dad Dean bluntly said. "Alexander is dead. Judging by how cold he is he has been that way for a while. I want Sam to tell me what happened."

"My son is sleeping." Sam said ignoring the heaviness that was growing in his chest.

He knew Sam was in denial about what had happened but he wasn't in the mood to deal with Sam's denial. He didn't care if this was Sam's way of dealing with what had happened. He just wanted to know if there son's death had been painless. He wanted to know that Alexander didn't suffer. With a steady voice, Dean asked. "Our son is dead and I need to know what happened."

"He is just sleeping." Sam said his voice taking on a slight edge to it.

"Alexander is never going to wake up. I carried him for 30 weeks. I sat by his incubator as he fought for his life. I managed to keep him safe from the demon for seven weeks. You're alone with him for four hours and he dies. Tell me how that happened."

"He is sleeping." Sam insisted. He knew that his son was never going to wake up but he did not want to say that aloud. His continuing denial meant that he could fool himself into thinking his son was still alive.

"Our son is dead and your continuing denial really isn't helping. I want to know how our son died. I need to know." Dean said. For Sam to continue to deny that there was dead he knew that whatever had happened was bad.

"I can't." Sam said

"Do I look like I care?" Dean snapped.

"Dean give Sam some time to accept what has happened." John said coming to the defense of a son who was obviously numb with grief.

"Time," Dean, said, "Alexander is dead and you want me to give Sam time. You don't get to tell me how I should handle this."

"Dean I understand how you feel. When I lost your mom, you want someone to blame. You want answers to all of those questions you have. Sam is in no fit state to answer those questions. You need to calm down Dean and accept that Alexander is dead." John said

"You lost mo over twenty years ago and I know you grieved for her. Losing a wife doesn't compare to losing a child. Alexander was only seven weeks old. He had the rest of his life to live. This is me being calm dad. I have a funeral to organize for Alexander. I have to keep calm because that is the only way I am going to get though the next few days." Dean said. He wasn't going to ask his dad why Sam was the only one who should be comforted. Why was it that his feelings didn't seem to matter as much?

"Dean, Sam is in shock. He can't even admit that Alexander is dead." John said. He wasn't going to start an argument with Dean about how had suffered the most.

"I don't care. I have to deal with this. You're not even considering my feelings. Sam needs to tell me what happened or he can just leave." Dean said

"Dean …

"Don't dad. I don't need you to defend Sam. I don't need your understanding. I just want to know how my son died." Deana said

"I can't dean." Sam said. He knew that he was causing Dean more pain by refusing to say how Alexander had died. He just didn't want to relive that moment. He didn't want to admit that he done nothing to prevent his son's death.

Rubbing a hand over his face Dean tired to reign in some of the anger he was feeling. He desperately attempted to understand why Sam was being so stubborn. He didn't want to believe that there son was dead, but he had held there sons body and it was so hard to deny the obvious. As Sam was so unwilling to share there son's last moments with him, he had to make plans. There son would need to be buried, a funeral needed to be planned. None of that could happen while he was still in New York and the apartment. Ignoring there Dad and Sam he walked though the apartment. Gently he took Alexander out of his cot and put him in the car seat. After securing his son in the car seat, he took a blanket out of the cot and placed it on the car seat. To everyone who looked at his son in the care seat it would appear as if he was just sleeping. Once he was satisfied that Alexander was safe and secure he picked up the car seat and walked out of the nursery.

"Why do you have my son in his car seat?" Sam asked. The last time Dean had taken his away from him in a car seat it had been a two-week separation. He wasn't going to be separated from his son again.

Suddenly all of the anger he had been holding back came flooding out. "Alexander our son but that seems to be something you have trouble remembering. Our son is dead and you can't accept that. Dad seems far more interested in how you're coping. It's like screw Dean his just not as important as Sam. It doesn't matter I'm barely holding everything together. The doctors and Angela are the only people I can trust to help me bury our son. Our son is in his care seat wrapped up in a blanket because I need him to have the appearance of him being alive. I need our son …; I want our son to still be here."

"You can't bury our son." Sam said

"Why." Dean asked.

"He is not dead." Sam said still steadfastly clinging onto that denial. He didn't want to believe that the life had planned with Dean and Alexander was never going too happened.

"Fuck Sam I'm done with you and the whole denial. I don't need to deal with your refusal to accept reality. I really could have done with your help in getting to the clinic but I guess what I want just doesn't matter to you." Dean said as he made a move towards the front door of his apartment.

"You're not leaving with my son." Sam said taking a step closer to Dean.

Inwardly cursing himself for what he was about to say Dean said. "Our son is dead. Do you really want him to stay with you until he rots? I have to tell you Sam a dead rotting corpse isn't a pretty sight. I'm leaving to bury our son. You can either come with me or take dad and get out of my apartment."

"He isn't DEAD." Sam said shouting out the last word as if being loud made the lie more real than it was.

"Have you ever known a baby to be so silent?" Dean asked. He knew that the longer Sam clung onto that denial the harder it would be for Sam to accept there son's death. He wished he could be like Sam and deny there son's death but he couldn't. He had chosen to deal with the brutal reality of the whole situation.

"He could be sleeping." Sam said still desperately clinging onto a denial that could only comfort him for so long.

"You know he isn't sleeping. Our son is never going to reach all those milestones. I know that it hurts to accept our son's death and I would give anything to change that, but I can't. I need you to be with me when I go to the clinic." Dean said.

"What about dad." Sam asked

"What about him. Do you seriously expect me to bring dad with us just to make you feel better. I don't want dad anywhere near the clinic." Dean said.

"He has a right to be there." Sam said even though a small part of his mind was screaming at him that there dad couldn't be trusted with the clinics location. That small part of his mind was being ignored.

Sam was going over old ground again. He was demanding things that had already been given a firm no to. He wasn't in the mood to argue with Sam about there dad all he wanted to do was get to the clinic with Alexander. He needed to organize the funeral before what little resolve he had left broke. Looking at Sam, he didn't see a grief stricken parent he just saw someone who still believed there son was alive. "Are you coming with me?"

"I can't leave dad." Sam said

Tightening his grip on Alexander's car seat, he ruthlessly swallowed down his emotions and tears. He wanted to beg Sam to come with him to the clinic. He needed Sam but he was done asking for things that would never happen. With a voice that sounded a hell of a lot calmer than he felt, he said. "I'm taking Alexander to the clinic. I promised Angela and the doctors I would visit. Why don't you stay here with dad, wait for the furniture to arrive and then come to the clinic."

"You don't mind." Sam asked once again ignoring that part of him that wanted to be with Dean and there son.

"No." Dean said unable to offer any other words for Sam. How much more could he continue to act if he was okay before it becomes obvious he was anything but okay?

"Dean you don't have to do this on your own. Give Sam more time to deal with what has happened. I know a few spells that can stop the decomposition of a body." John said.

"There is never going to be enough time for Sam to accept Alexander's death. Sam is stuck in a world where Alexander is alive and good for him if he can do that. I will not allow you to do any spells on Alexander. Spells are what fucked up everything to begin with. If you want to play the protective brother go right ahead its only fair that everyone gets a chance to do something new in there life at least once." Dean said.

"I have always done the right by you both." John said. He wasn't going to let Dean imply that he had been a bad parent.

Grabbing the impala's car keys from where he had left them on the kitchen counter two earlier he said. "I'm not getting into an argument about how that isn't the truth. So you've finally decided to be a parent well who knew you had that quality. You want to like you give a shit go right ahead."

"Don't talk to me like that. I am your father and you will treat me with respect." John ordered

"You have my respect as a hunter. As a father you have never had that respect." Dean said

"Dean you can't do this alone. Give Sam more time." John said

"I'll be gone for two weeks. Sam knows where I will be if he finally acknowledges our son's death. If he doesn't turn up in those two weeks I want nothing more to do with him." Dean said. He knew it sounded harsh to say that but he had his reasons. He couldn't spend the rest of his life waiting for Sam to do something for him. He needed to plan for a future that wasn't filled with constant disappointments from his family.

"You don't mean that." Sam said a small part of him awakening to the fact that he was about to lose Dean and his son.

"I'm tired of waiting for you to tell me how our son died. I don't want you to accept our son's death in a few weeks or months and expect me to comfort you. I'm handling all of this now and you to as well." Dean said

"I can't … I don't want to." Sam admitted

"I'm done talking to you Sam. I don't want to stand here and have a conversation that just keeps repeating." Dean said as he walked to the apartment's front door and opened it.

"Dean" Sam said stopping Dean before he could walk out of the apartment.

Dean didn't even bother to turn round so that he could once again face Sam. He didn't want to look at Sam again and see that complete and utter denial written all over his face. Taking a breath, he said. "Don't Sam I can't take any more of your excuses. If you want to come to the clinic, you know where it is. If you turn up with dad I will have you both arrested."

"You wouldn't do that to us." Sam said.

"Turn up at the clinic with dad and you'll find out just how serious I am." Dean said as he walked out of the apartment.

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