Bay's POV

I sit in the chair shaking while the attorney shuffles around the papers and finally starts to approach me. I hear as he feet connect to the ground and I hear a pounding of my heart in my ears, mixed with the loud crash of his feet meeting the floor.

"Ms. Kennish, have you ever been arrested?"

"Once."

"Why?" He looked at me and then to the jury with hungry expecting eyes.

"For a fake I.D. My friend ratted me out."

"Is it true your biological mother is an alcoholic?"

"Objection! Irrelevant." He looks back to Stephanie then to the judge.

"Ms. Kennish established that he forced her to drink, but she was arrested for a fake I.D and her mother has a drinking problem. She could have just wanted to get drunk."

"Sustained. Stick to questions about your witness defense."

"Yes your honor. Now, Ms. Kennish, you say he had you down there for 12 hours correct?"

"Yes."

"But he never raped you?"

"No, I never let him."

"And you say that he had a sudden interest in you?"

"Yes. Until that time in the alley way I had never even seen him, except for a couple times around school."

"But how do you think it went from as simple as miner bullying to kidnap and attempted rape?"

"Excuse me, miner bullying? I had to have surgery-"

"Your honor please tell the witness to answer the question."

"Ms. Kennish?"

"I don't know. I don't know why he zeroed in on me, but he did."

"Now, you say he cornered you under a stairwell and tried to rape you then too?"

"Yes."

"But he didn't, you fought him off?"

"Yes. I got away and ran."

"Come on, you expect us to believe you overpowered a six foot tall boy who is a year older than you, once before and then again for 12 hours while you were drugged and intoxicated?"

"Yes. I would know if I was raped."

"And ms. Kennish, you had these long times when he had left you alone. Why did you not just leave?"

"I don't know. I guess I was just, paralyzed by the fear. He had locked the door so I couldn't have left once I got to the room even if I wanted too."

"How do you remember all this? It's been going on for weeks and you were drugged and intoxicated the whole time you were kidnapped. How can you expect the jury to believe you remember such clear details?" I feel myself start to shake.

"How can I not remember them? It's all I see when I close my eyes. All I hear when there is silence. Everything that happens to me makes me think of him. I hate myself. I think every day, how was I dumb enough to get into that situation? Why didn't I tell anyone sooner, why didn't I leave, you ask me and I don't know! He had a knife and he had this, this control over me, I was scared I was going to die and some days I wish he had just killed me, I can't look in the mirror with out feeling disgusted with myself. I can't see someone on the street without thinking, what if they would do something like this too? I'm not comfortable with myself anymore, every little thing terrifies me. Every door that opens is one he is going to come through and get me. Every sound is his voice. I saw him every day at school and thought nothing of it, he was friends with people I know, I just think, how could he be this monster when he looked so normal. Every man I look at terrifies me because I think, would they have the power of doing something like this? I can't even hug my own father without getting scared! He ruined my life! You ruined my life!" I look over at him sitting there.

"So ask how can I possibly remember everything he said and did and what came first when I was drunk and drugged, and all I can say is I don't know! But I do, remember. I will always, remember what he did to me." He looks at me and then the attorney turns to look at him then the jury and finally back at me.

"No further questions." He walks off and I sit there and run my fingers through my hair.

"The witness may step down." I get up as fast as I can and go out the doors into the hallway. I feel tears start to fall down my face so I look around and go into the bathroom. I shut the door and see that no one is in there so I sink to the floor and cry. I let my sobs fill the room.

Why was I letting him do this to me. I should be strong enough to stand up and say I wasn't going to let it bother me. I should be able to stand and say I'm strong enough to put this in the past. But why was I letting myself be such a, victim? There are plenty of other people who have it so much worse than I do. Woman who are actually raped. Or in abusive relationships. This was just one fall in my life. Aside from the switch, my life had been perfect. So why did I feel like such a victim? Why can't I just be strong and walk out into that court room and take control. Why was I still letting him control my life? I can hear myself crying and I can feel the tears on my face, but I feel so detached. Like this is all a dream. A terrible nightmare and I can't wake up. I close my eyes and let myself drift away for a little while. I think about everything good in my life. I try to focus on Emmett, and my family, and art. Everything but that room. But I know I can't escape this. It would follow me forever. I wipe my eyes and try to stand up, but I just want to fall back down. I go and look in a mirror and look to where I still have cuts and bruises on my face. My make up had run down and I didn't even look recognizable. My hair is in knots from my hands running through it and I still have tears coming out of my eyes, rolling down black from the remaining make up. I run my hands under the cold water but I feel nothing. Like my whole body is numb and I am letting my mind take over. I close my eyes and feel his hands on my skin. His mouth on mine his tongue down my throat. I see him coming closer and I hear the sound of that door opening and locking over and over. I feel the sting of the blade as he cuts me. I hear his words over and over. you shouldn't have run from me. But this time they aren't coming from him, I hear myself. I shouldn't have tried to run from these thoughts. I open my eyes and look down at my wrist and see the scars. I imagine them with the blood still fresh. Him on top of me. I can't escape this hell. I close my eyes again but open them and look at myself. I see a scared girl. But I feel nothing. I close my eyes and feel this black overtake me. Like paint spilling and covering me up. I feel like I am fading into nothing. And in that moment, I just want to disappear. I feel myself fall back to the floor and the pain as my head hits the wall. But I don't care. I let the blackness overtake me. I let myself fade away.

End of chapter 38

so that took a while. sorry, i'm writing a collab with someone and school. question: how many of you would have hated me if i made it a dream when she said it felt like a nightmare? its okay i would have hated me too.