Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.
Author's Note: God, I love this song, it could be the best song The Dixie Chicks have recorded so far, if you have the means, I urge you to find it and listen while you read.
Chapter 16 – Lullaby
Lyrics for "Lullaby" from The Dixie Chicks:
They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Chapter 16 – Lullaby – Part 1 of 2
For the third morning in a row I woke up with Derek wrapped around me and I gotta say, a girl could get used to this, I could get used to this. I opened my eyes and watched as the early morning shadows danced the waltz along the four walls of my room … our room. The air smelled musty, like nighttime … it still smelled like us.
It was a curious thing that happened yesterday, we came upstairs after taking a short walk together and as I opened my bedroom door I was hit with this overpowering scent of Derek; my room smelled different … my room smelled like he had moved in. And as sure as I was that eventually this aroma would become second nature – part of my natural landscape – at the moment, I was happier than hell to breathe it in every chance I got, for it was a reminder, a subtle, but beautiful reminder.
I ran my hands over the bare skin of Derek's warm back – sure I wanted him to sleep, I knew he needed sleep – but it was just so much more fun with him awake I couldn't resist. I rubbed his back again. My lover, my love stirred in his sleep, burrowing deeper into my neck … his fingers floating over my collarbone, his mouth opening against my neck. Reflexively, he moved his knee down and away from the small three-inch scar on my right side. I smiled; his moving away from my wound in his sleep was just further proof that I was right … that he had become borderline-obsessed with my scar since my surgery. A stance he would strongly argue against if he were awake to defend himself. He stirred again, squeezing me gently.
"Good morning," I said softly into his hair.
"Good morning," he said gruffly into my neck, kissing me there. "I was having a good dream," he whispered before kissing me again, delving deeper into the crease of my neck.
"What kind of dream?" I asked, shifting under his weight.
"Well, it wasn't actually a dream," he said before he rolled off of me and opened his eyes to find mine.
"It wasn't?" I asked, taking his hand in mine and placing it on over my heart, his eyes softened on impact.
"Nope," he said, leaning down to pump my lips, once, twice. "Hmm, it wasn't," he said, kissing me again. "Because I was doing this," he said before pumping my lips again. "And this," he said before tossing the covers back and positioning his body on top of my legs. He moved down my body and lifted my tee shirt up – looking up – his mischievous eyes bore into mine. "And this," he said as he softly ran the pads of his fingers over my scar, I sucked in a deep breath, my spine tingled. "And this … isn't a dream," he said before kissing my healing flesh. "This is my reality," he said hoarsely; as he hovered over me for a split second before leaning down to kiss me fully on my lips.
I ran my fingertips along his muscular chest down to his abdomen and he moaned in response, his eyes never leaving mine. And in that moment, he looked like some kind of God of sex or lust, who was that Eros? Hmm, the way the light bounced off this man's body in the morning … yeah, it's definitely more fun when he's awake.
I smiled. "Hmm, tell me more," I said into his mouth – his last statement on instant-replay in my head – his hot breath warming me up from the outside in.
"I can't," he said, moving to my side again, he leaned up to cradle his head in his palm. He placed his free hand on my wound – his eyes flickered – I laced my fingers through his and felt my cheeks dust with raspberries instantaneously. "Because you woke me up," he pouted, and I laughed.
"Guilty as charged," I said. "You should thank me, you were dreaming and now you're awake, with me … in my bed," I teased, purposely batting my lashes … my skin pricking with heat from my words.
Derek pulled the covers back up and then moved his hand up to my face and pushed some hair away from my eyes. He stared at me for a split-second, almost like a duel, a game of who was gonna move first. "You know what says 'thank you' like nothing else?" he husked with a winning smile.
"No," I said, wondering what was up his sleeve.
"Come closer," he whispered and I obliged, rolling into him a little more. "Sex," he said thickly into my ear, before grabbing my earlobe with his lips and sucking on it hard. His free hand came to rest on my breast, my nipple rose from his touch through the thin fabric of my tee. I reflexively plunged my hands into his messy hair, bringing his mouth down hard on mine.
"Hmm, sex … I want it too, we can try it slow," I said into his mouth, holding his scalp in my hands as he lapped and lapped and lapped at my tongue.
"Slow … hmm I want you, but we should wait – few more days – tops," Derek said seriously as he pulled back gently from my mouth.
"I'm still sore, I'm no fun," I pouted, turning to rest my head on his chest. Derek moved his hand up and down my back. I sighed into his bare skin, I really did want sex.
"You're still fun … soon, soon," he chuckled; I think to encourage us both. He kissed the top of my head; heat fanned my neck all the way down my spine to my ass. "So, since I'm not gonna get lucky, can I go back to sleep now?" he teased, kissing my head through my hair again.
"You are lucky, Derek!" I exclaimed, deliberately popping my head up to look at him.
"I know and I'm not going back to sleep …," he said seriously, his eyes darted around mine. "Actually I was thinking about heading out to the trailer today; take a little time to –"
"Take some space, you need time to yourself?" I asked, thinking out loud about how inseparable we had been lately. "You should go … clear your head," I encouraged, answering my own question … even though I secretly never ever wanted to give him up.
"Not without you, I'm not," he said with a chuckle. "What I was going to say was, I should take some time to pack up some of my things while we're both off, you could nap while I get the job done," he said before kissing my temple with his warm soft lips. "If you're up to the trip, I would love your company," he said, his eyes sparkling against the dim morning light.
"I am," I said, resting my head in the crook of his neck. "I could get used to this, waking up with you," I said, caressing his ribs with my fingertips, already lost in the dream of my nap in the trailer in the middle of nowhere.
"Me too," I heard him say as I closed my eyes briefly, letting myself get lost in the moment and Derek's warm embrace. He moved his hand up and down my arm and I moved my hand up, resting it on his collarbone. I inhaled a deep breath of our air and let the steady sound of his heartbeat relax me.
"Meredith," Derek said softly.
"Don't ask me to move yet," I whined.
"I won't," he chuckled. "But what are we going to do about Doc?" he asked and my eyes popped open.
I leaned up quickly and as I did I felt my abdomen tear slightly from my movement … it gave out completely. "Ouch! Shit!" I yelped and instinctually rolled away from Derek into a fetal position.
"Meredith, Meredith," I heard his desperate voice, he seemed really far away all of a sudden, but I couldn't open my eyes yet.
I felt him move around me, and then felt his large hand cover my hip bone. His weight pressed on the edge of the bed, causing me to roll into him gently as he knelt there. I squeezed my eyes shut tight – my abdomen was inflamed – a spark of pain radiated from the outer perimeter of my wound inward, it felt like pins and needles. I knew this could happen … it was supposed to take weeks to feel up to one-hundred percent and so far I felt pretty good. I was supposed to be back to work in two days and it had been decent recovery … except when I pulled the muscles too much.
"I'm okay," I stuttered, my eyes still closed as heat burned my cheeks and a light film of sweat covered my face, neck and brow. Despite my words, I felt sick to my stomach, my abdomen hummed with pain that reverberated all around my body there and into my hip and back muscles. Damn it!
"Do you think you can sit up?" Derek asked.
"Yep, yeah," I said, knowing movement would be best. I felt Derek's arms around me as he sat me up. He was on his knees in front of me, my legs on either side of his ribcage. He placed one of his hands on my wound, just holding it there, maybe trying to dull the pain like a healer or something … funny enough, most of the time it worked.
"You okay?" he asked. His face was flushed and he scanned my eyes with his, a small encouraging smile played along his lips.
"I think so," I said, resting my hands on his broad shoulders. I focused on his eyes for a moment and moved my hand down to rest on top of his; I let my heart calm down. "So, what do you think we should do about Doc?" I asked.
"I say we go visit him today and talk with Finn about what might be best for him, clearly battling it out with the 'coons was no good, and with no one ever home here, I'm not sure –"
"He's our dog, Derek. We can just give him up," I sighed, my chest tightening more and more with each passing second, my abdomen still on fire.
He sighed and looked up into my eyes. "I know, I know he is," he said. We stared at each other for another moment – my mind swirled with an untamed range of thoughts on the subject – for I knew we had a decision to make.
"Why did you get Doc?" Derek whispered; his gaze fixed on mine. I felt his breath stagger and I looked down gently. "Go ahead, you can tell me," he said, his voice cracking. He placed his hands on my thighs and I kept my eyes trained on his beautiful surgeon's fingers.
"I needed him, I needed something … someone after you went back to Addison," I said truthfully, my eyes pricked with tears.
"Cristina yelled at me," he blurted out and I looked at him. "The day you brought him out to the trailer … she let me have it … she said I drove you to get a dog you couldn't keep," he chuckled and shook his head in shame. "And now, do you know what I always think about when I see Doc?" he asked, his own tears threatening to fall.
"Derek?" I said, trying to lock my eyes on his, trying to make him focus on me before we both became too blurred around the edges.
"I see you and how fragile and lonely and sad you were the night you brought him out to live with me … you were so brave," he cried. "To face me, to come out there, with Addison there … damn it," he heaved; his sorrow more than evident. "And at the time, I deserved it – I deserved that horrific reminder, you were a shell of yourself because of me – so I deserved it because I still loved you and I was a coward because I knew my heart wouldn't give you up," he said through his tears.
"Oh Derek," I shushed. "Don't … just don't," I persisted as we leaned into each other and he gently snaked his hands around my lower back. He buried his head into my chest and I tried to soothe him, his wild locks tickled my neck and I felt him relax into me.
"Meredith, do you still need Doc?" he asked barely above a whisper as he buried his nose into my neck, my heart fluttered around the true meaning of his question.
"No, I don't need him, but I want him, yes …," I answered softly.
"You love him?" he asked.
"Yes, of course," I answered.
"Then let him go with me … lets set him free," he said as he pulled out of our embrace. "Lets talk to Finn about finding him somewhere to live where he won't be alone all the time," he said with encouragement.
"But he won't be with us," I said, stating the obvious, for I had this strong allegiance to Doc and even though he hadn't been my dog for that long … he saved me, in some different way, he taught me to love when my heart just couldn't.
"Hmm, thankfully you found him and he filled a void – for both of us – and he's done his job, don't be sad, lets at least ask Finn," he suggested. "It's not right that he's by himself all the time," he sighed; I reached down and wiped his old tears from his face with my thumbs.
"Okay, okay," I agreed and Derek kissed me fully on my mouth.
"You know I love him too, I'm just trying to do what's best," Derek said as he reached up and cradled my skull in his hands. "I love you Meredith," he muttered and on his words, I leaned into him and kissed my lover over and over and over again until I was dizzy and lost in the moment.
"Why don't you shower and I'll call Finn," Derek said with a small smile after a minute. I smiled too, we both knew this was going to be hard for me, letting go of Doc again somehow felt like letting go of an old trusted coping mechanism.
"Do you want to stand?" Derek asked as he started to stand up.
"Yeah," I said as helped me stand up in his embrace.
"How's it feel?" he asked, snaking his arms low around my back.
"Okay, better," I said, the pain more bearable now, dull, muted. I reached up to peck his lips. I held onto him tightly and just let him hold me. With Derek's arms circling around me, I felt protected and loved and accepted. My heart began to simmer down and I could have easily stayed in this moment … forever.
Derek sighed. "I could stay here, in the here and now, forever – in this room with you – where it's just me and you," he confessed into my hair and I believed him.
"Me too," I said as he turned with me in his arms and we began to walk across the cool hardwood floor to the bathroom.
Derek closed the door behind us and I watched as he started the shower and turned around. Steam began to fill the small bathroom almost immediately. "Nice and hot, just how you like it," he smirked.
"Thanks, you'll never tire of that joke, will you?" I asked and he just shook his head. "And before you ask, I don't need any help … I'd like to actually shower today," I teased as I leaned down and gingerly pulled my yoga pants off.
"I bet you would," he husked as he took two large steps and was standing in front of me within seconds.
Where he wasted no time before he kissed me, smoothing my wild hair down away from my face – the humid air flirting with my skin, only warming me up even faster – as I dipped my tongue into his mouth and found my hands on his pajama bottoms. I pulled the tie and they dropped to his feet. He laid his hands gently on my ass cheeks and pulled me closer to him. I moaned in response as his semi-flaccid cock bobbed against my belly. Wasting no time now, he tugged gently at my tee shirt and pulled it over my head. Without breaking our kiss, his hands found my breasts and he ran the pads of his thumbs over my nipples … they hardened on command as he continued his assault on my mouth. I was rewarded …a sharp zing pierced my clit, pulse, pulse, pulse.
"Have I told you, you look ... good without an appendix. It suits you," he husked, pulling back, he sized me up.
"You have said this before, yes," I smirked as he pulled me even closer. His cock swept across my abdomen and I was a goner. Hmm, I wanted him.
"Sure you don't want company?" he asked thickly into my ear, no doubt sensing my weakening resolve.
"Hmm, I should say yes, but I can't, I always want you with me," I said hotly into his mouth as he kicked off his pants and walked me backwards towards the shower.
Derek held my hand as I stepped into the misty warm water carefully, he followed suit. Without words we lathered each other, washed each other and held each other as our minds drifted together and apart in wonder at all that had happened to get us to this moment. The hot shower cleansed us and melded us and suffused us to each other all over again … just as it did every morning since he came home with me … to stay.
Like I said, a girl could get used to this … yeah, I could get used to this.
Chapter 16 – Lullaby – Part 2 of 2 to follow.