Chapter 38: Then and Now

..ooOOoo..

Your defenses were on high, your walls built deep inside.

Yeah I'm a selfish bastard, but at least I'm not alone.

My intentions never change, what I wanted stays the same.

And I know what I should do, it's time to set myself on fire.

Was it a dream?

Is this the only evidence that proves it?

A photograph of you and I.

-30 Seconds To Mars (Was It A Dream?)

..ooOOoo..

Oji-san and Shigeru-san are the only ones actively engaging themselves in a mirthful conversation, the whiskey being the main cause of their merriment. The both of them had excused themselves from Sumiko-chan and I to drink outside in the patio, not wanting to drink in front of us; but to be honest, I think it's more of an excuse to talk about Sumiko-chan's surprise tomorrow in private. Whatever the real reason is, at least their booming laughter isn't revealing anything, though I wish they would stop laughing for a bit. Hearing them constantly reminds me of how much fun I'm not having.

How lucky of them, I thought to myself as I leaned back on the sofa, moving my bangs to the side of my face. Sumiko-chan and I - unlike oji-san and Shigeru-san - sit quietly in the living room, awkwardly ignoring each other's glances. I tried to initiate a conversation with her a couple of times, but the awkwardness I feel in the air between us is so terrible that it prevents me from successfully doing so each time.

Ugh, why is it so difficult to talk to her? For fuck's sake, a simple, 'how have you been?' isn't that hard to say! Come on, I can do this, it's just Su-chan. There is absolutely nothing for me to worry about, right? It's all just in my head... But, what if I'm wrong? What if she's currently replaying everything I said to her the last time we saw each other and refuses to forgive me for it? Su-chan, I - I didn't mean it! I'm so sorry... Ugh, that's enough! I'm beginning to lose confidence and that is exactly what I don't need right now. If I don't say something, then nothing is going to change because what if she does want to talk to me but won't break the silence between us because she probably thinks I don't want to talk to her? I am filled with a bunch of what if's, and I will never know unless I try. Okay, that's it, here it goes...

Determinedly, I asked Sumiko-chan, "How have you been?"

"I've been good," Sumiko-chan replied calmly, raising her glass of iced water to her lips.

Success!

"How about you? How was living in Canada?" Sumiko-chan asked me as she placed her glass down on the lamp table beside her.

"It was fun," I replied. "I did a lot of sightseeing with my itoko-sans. I brought pictures with me, but the pictures are in my obaa-san's house with the rest of my things."

"You're staying in your obaa-san's house?" Sumiko-chan asked confusedly.

I nodded.

"The house belongs to my okaa-san now. I just found out today by my itoko-san."

"Oh, so is your go ryoushin going to sell the house in Kyoto?"

"I don't think so. My otou-san will most likely continue living in that house once he returns."

"And what about you? Are you going to stay here or return to Kyoto?"

"I plan on staying here with my okaa-san, leaving her alone would be terrible especially now since my obaa-san has passed away."

Not like it really matters where I end up staying anyway; but for my sake, and, perhaps my okaa-san's sake as well, it would be wise to act accordingly... Act like I care.

"I understand, but... Tsubomi, why are you here with your oji-san instead of being with your okaa-san then? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine, Su-chan. My okaa-san asked my oji-san to pick me up from the funeral because she is going back to work and-"

"What?" Sumiko-chan gasped. "But you two just arrived, she should at least rest for a bit."

"I know, but that is what she decided to do. Once her mind is made up, there is no going back, unfortunately."

"Yeah, I know how that feels," Sumiko-chan frowned.

Quickly, she cleared her throat, and calmly continued, "My sincere sympathies to your okaa-san and go kazoku. May they find comfort and the strength to cope."

"Thanks..." I said, slightly taken aback by the sudden change in her tone.

I wonder if something happened between Su-chan and her okaa-san? Hmm, would it be alright to ask? She did sound upset... but it is also none of my business... I'll just ask her if she's okay. If she wants to talk, then she will.

"Su-chan, are you alright?" I asked curiously.

"Yes," Sumiko-chan replied. "Why do you ask?"

"You sounded upset," I said as I observed her facial expressions for answers. If it's one thing I'm good at, it's catching people when they lie. Like the saying goes, it takes one to know one. Sadly, I don't always succeed. The only way I can succeed is when the person I'm talking to isn't a comfortable liar with a well played poker face. Luckily, Su-chan was never one to hide her emotions successfully, not from me anyway.

"Oh, I just remembered something, that's all," Sumiko-chan smiled hesitantly. "It's in the past now. Sorry if I startled you, Tsubomi."

"...You never were able to hide things from me, Su-chan," I looked at her stilly, her hesitancy in making eye contact is an automatic give away. Truthfully, I speak from experience; and by the looks of it, I can assume she hasn't changed since, but that doesn't bother me... I'm glad, actually...

"What's wrong?" I continued.

Sumiko-chan sighed, "I don't feel like talking about it, sorry."

"I understand," I said, slightly disappointed. "If you ever want to talk, you know I'll listen."

"Thanks, but I'm fine," Sumiko-chan said.

Liar.

"So... how's Hiroshima?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Fine, I guess," Sumiko-chan shrugged. "I haven't been in Hiroshima for sometime now... I transferred schools."

"What?" My eyes widened in shock. "Why did you transfer out? You were doing so well before I-"

"You know, you ask a lot of questions, Tsubomi, and none of it concerns you," Sumiko-chan snapped.

"Because I still care!" I shouted. "After four years, Su-chan, I still care about you!"

"..."

I continued, "I know I said some cruel things to you, but trust me when I say I regret it. I regret everything, and I can't forgive myself for hurting you like I did. I should have listened to you, you were hurting and I was selfish. You truly didn't deserve that... There were times when I thought of you and how I should have apologized to you. I should have stopped you before you walked out that day... I know this won't heal the damage, but... I'm sorry, Su-chan. I'm sorry for everything..."

"There's nothing to forgive," Sumiko-chan smiled. Suddenly, like as if there was a light switch hidden in her smile, the room glowed brighter.

I missed you.

I stared at her in awe, rendered completely speechless.

"Heh, cat caught your tongue?" Sumiko-chan chuckled.

"No," I blushed. "Um, Su-chan, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing, why?"

"I was just wondering if you would like to go to an arcade with me. For your birthday, I mean. We could have some fun there, and then maybe go to the small ice cream shop next to it if the shop is still there. B-But that's only if you want to and if you're free."

Sumiko-chan laughs, "Do you want me to?"

Yes!

"I want you to answer me," I blushed a darker shade of red. "A simple yes or no will suffice. Please don't go around the question."

Sumiko-chan stares at me in amusement, grinning impishly. "Say it, Tsu-bo-mi, and I will."

"Wha- why!? I don't need to say it, Su-chan, I'm literally inviting you to go out for your birthday! I think it is pretty obvious, don't you?"

"Ohhh, so... you're asking me out then? Haha."

"Yes!" I said exasperatedly.

"Wow..." Sumiko-chan said.

"What?" I looked at her, feeling confused.

"Since when did you become so bold?" Sumiko-chan asked, slightly blushing.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Suddenly, I realized what I just said yes to.

"N-No, wait! Let me explain, Su-chan, I didn't mean it like that. I meant, yes, as in I'm taking you out, platonically. You know, as friends. Nooo going out, offically... Just friends! ...Um, am I making any sense?"

"Haha, it's fine Tsubomi, I was just teasing you," Sumiko-chan laughed.

Su-chan you're mean!

"I missed this," Sumiko-chan continued with a smiled.

"Uh, you mean picking on me?" I said.

"Well, that too, but... that's not it," Sumiko-chan said.

What could possibly be worse than picking on me?

"What is it then?" I asked.

"Let me rephrase it for you. I missed you..." Sumiko-chan replied.

"What!?" I gasped. "You missed me?"

"Yes?" Sumiko-chan said, feeling slightly confused.

"I find that hard to believe, Su-chan," I said flatly. "You weren't even there to see me off at the airport. How can you say you missed me? I know we had the argument prior to my departure, but, Su-chan, if you honestly cared, then we would have seen each other one more time before I left regardless if Yaya-senpai was there with me at that time. You would have been there to see me, not Yaya-senpai, she was irrelevant to you and vice versa I'm sure. Don't say you missed me, you weren't there. You were keeping yourself at a distance away from me. I know you had your reasons, but I still hoped you would come... Anyway, it doesn't matter now, and just so you know, I missed you too... I still have the photo you gave me by the way. I brought it with me to remember you in case I wouldn't see you again, and also if you were still keeping yourself away from me... Su-chan, I-"

"I was there," Sumiko-chan interrupted me. "At the airport, I saw you when the last call for your flight was announced."

"Liar," I frowned.

"I'm not lying, I really was. I didn't approach you because I didn't know whether or not you wanted to see me... I regret not doing so... Trust me, Tsubomi, I was there. Go ask your senpai, she saw me before I left the airport."

"...I haven't spoken to her in years, Su-chan."

"Really?" Her eyes widened in shock. "I thought you two would have kept in touch the entire time."

"No," I shook my head. "I did ask her to wait for me though, but I wouldn't be surprised if she found someone else; and if she did by chance, then I'll be happy for her, truly. Besides, it's selfish of me to keep her away from her happiness just to save my own... If she did wait for me, then we'll have a lot of catching up to do. Also... four years is a long time, and we all know that years can change a person... and feelings can change too... Well, what will be will be, and I can honestly say everything happens for a reason, regardless if one wants it."

"And what do you want, Tsubomi?"

I smiled.

"For us to be okay."

"I think you two will be," Sumiko-chan smiled warmly.

I wasn't referring to Yaya-senpai and I... I was referring to you and I...

"You care about her, right?" Sumiko-chan continued. "As long as you do, you'll be fine."

I care about you too!

"I'm not worried, Su-chan, it's like I said, what will be will be; and besides... what if it's time for a change... to someone new?"

Sumiko-chan smiled.

"Time for a change, huh?"

"Yes."

"Tsubomi, I-"

Suddenly, my oji-san and Shigeru-san enter the living room, laughing and grinning widely amongst each other. Quickly, I said to Sumiko-chan, "Su-chan, I want you to go to the arcade with me."

"Okay," Sumiko-chan grinned.

A/N: For those who don't know... I love making drama (only in my fanfiction). Lol :P

Till next time.