Chapter Thirty Eight:
He chose a suite in one of the casinos.
As they stepped out of the vehicle she glanced at him.
"We're going to gamble?" she asked.
He frowned as he grabbed her hand and led her to the penthouse suite.
"The view is beautiful," she murmured.
"I resolved a security problem for the owner once. I used to come here and just watch the strip below…much prettier…without so much of the glare…or the people below," he explained.
She smiled.
Later as they lay in bed, he twirled the wedding band on her finger.
"It's loose," he noted.
"It won't be for long," she sighed. "I ate everything in sight when I was pregnant with Emma."
"You named her Emma Grace," he pondered.
"Emma for Mom…and Grace…after your mother," she explained.
He smiled. "Thank you."
She looked around. "This feels different."
"How?" he asked.
"Just us…no dog…or Emma…or the nanny," she breathed.
"Different bad…or good?" he asked.
She smiled. "I miss Emma…but…good."
"Sara?"
"Hmmm?"
He gently slipped the engagement ring on her finger.
She stared at it.
"I wanted to pick just the right one," he said. "Nothing seemed…right. Diamonds seem so imperfect in comparison to you."
Her eyes misted.
"You like it?" he asked.
She nodded. "It's beautiful."
Weeks passed.
Each worked on their insecurities.
It wasn't easy as Grissom continued his visits with Graham.
It was proving to be difficult for both of them.
"You don't have to come," he grumbled.
"Afraid you'll find out the truth?" asked Grissom.
"No…I know the truth. Our father…tried to…help me. My mother wouldn't let him. I hated him…because of her…I never trusted him…because of her."
"Sara trusted you," glared Grissom.
"Yes, she did…and I used that trust…I just wanted her to love me," he whispered.
"You can't force someone to love you," said Grissom.
"I know."
"You hurt her…we both have," admitted Grissom.
Graham stared at Grissom. "You've never hurt her."
"I have…with my own insecurities," admitted Grissom.
"She loves you very much," said Graham.
Grissom tried to hide his own insecurity.
"How is Sara?" asked Graham.
"Why do you want to know?" asked Grissom angrily.
"I just want to know…she's well," he said quietly.
The conversation came to a screeching halt.
"I'll come next week," offered Grissom as he started to leave.
"Why…do you come?" he asked.
"Because….of Sara. She insisted…we try to…work this out between us…said we needed one another," explained Grissom.
"She's still trying to save me," he laughed but soon began to cry. "You're very lucky…to have someone like her. I appreciate…your visits…but don't come back. It's not necessary. You…tried to do this years ago and I repaid you by sleeping with Melissa. I'm sorry….but you don't have to take care of me…I'll be fine. Take care of your family…make Sara happy. She deserves to be happy."
He even extended his hand but he didn't expect Grissom to take it.
His words seemed final.
Grissom tapped on the door and waited to be released.
"I'll be back next week."
The attendant unlocked the door.
The clicking of the lock echoed inside the room.
It was almost deafening.
He stepped out of the room and listened as the door locked once more.
He stepped toward the door, glancing through the small window.
Graham stood there, looking out.
"Unlock the door," Grissom ordered.
"Visitation is over," said the attendant.
"Unlock the door…now," he ordered.
The attendant unlocked the door, letting Grissom back inside.
Graham did not turn around.
"How…are you planning to do it this time?" asked Grissom.
"What do you mean?" asked Graham.
"Suicide," he said.
"Go home, Grissom."
"That's your….last name also….call me Gil."
"My last name is Graham. It was my stepfather's name…the only man who took the time to legally have it changed."
"Sara told me about him," said Grissom.
Graham gulped. "Visitation is over."
Grissom glanced around the room. "Do you have anything…in here? I can have the attendant search the room."
"Leave me alone!" he grieved.
"Why? So you can implement your plan? I won't let you hurt her again!"
"I'm not trying to hurt her! I'm trying to help her."
"By killing yourself?"
"I'm just a reminder…I need to be punished…for what I did."
"Sara wanted you to get counseling…no other punishment."
Grissom looked around. "Isn't this enough?"
Graham shook his head. "It's not enough."
Grissom stepped back.
God help me, but I feel the same way…
I wish you didn't exist…
I wish you would have succeeded the first time…
At that moment he realized for the first time, Graham's pain.
His mother had never wanted him.
She only saw him as a means of getting what she wanted.
Even their father had not wanted him because it meant his adulterous affair was about to be exposed.
"Richard, she doesn't need the stress," urged Grissom.
"I am her stress! I am a constant reminder of what I did!"
"She's pregnant!" yelled Grissom.
Graham took a ragged breath. "How is she? No…never mind…I'm sorry. Make sure she gets plenty of rest…don't overdo it. Maybe…this pregnancy will be different."
Grissom's head shot up. "Different?"
"There's no question who fathered this child. She doesn't have to fear that someone like me…go home Grissom."
He stepped out of the room and practically ran to his vehicle.
He walked into the lab, picking up files and thumbed through them.
With each dead cadaver, he saw Graham's face.
He threw a file across his office.
"Got a minute?" asked Catherine.
"No…I don't," he said as he picked up his phone and dialed the hospital.
His room was searched.
A razor was found.
Graham was placed on suicide watch.
The next day he went to visit him but Grissom was not permitted to see him.
The following week, he insisted on seeing his brother.
He stepped into the padded room.
Graham sat in the floor.
"I would offer you a seat but they won't allow me…anything…in here," he said as he spread out his arms to display the padded room.
Grissom leaned against the wall.
Graham sat there quietly.
Grissom attempted several times to talk with him but he remained quiet.
"Sara has been sick," he finally said.
Graham's eyes shot to Grissom.
"Morning sickness?" he asked.
Grissom nodded.
"Watch her for dehydration….if it gets too bad, they can prescribe something for her. Check her weight…she probably won't like it but she's too thin."
"I will."
"How is Emma?" asked Graham.
"Why…do you ask?"
"Sara…needs rest...she's not going to be as active for awhile until her body gets accustomed to the pregnancy…it would help to explain this to Emma so she doesn't feel…neglected. Sometimes children can feel resentment toward a new addition…if it's not handled correctly."
Grissom stared at him.
"Medical school…of course…I was interested in pediatrics when I thought Melissa and I…"
The conversation ended.
Even Grissom's attempts to start it again, just failed.
"Richard…they told me you refused counseling," said Grissom.
He picked at the padded floor.
"You…seemed to be making progress when you attended counseling," explained Grissom.
"I don't want to make progress," he finally admitted.
"Why not?" Grissom asked.
"Because there is nothing that they can do for me to change what I did to Sara," he said.
"Sara was hoping you would get better…so you could help others…perhaps open a clinic," he stated.
"A clinic?" he asked.
"Put your medical degree to use…by helping foster children or persons in the community," explained Grissom.
"She really thought I could do this?" he asked.
"Unless you just want to stay in here…and do this."
The next week was better.
Graham had returned to counseling and to a regular room.
They discussed the past even though it was rather painful.
Grissom watched as Sara's insecurities slowly drifted away with each day.
She seemed more secure as he shared his thoughts, his fears, and his inability to keep his hands from her abdomen while they slept.
One evening it arrived.
He saw the letter and his stomach knotted.
He wanted to burn it.
He held it in his hand, not wanting to show it to her.
Finally, Sara was feeling more secure.
Finally, he had convinced her he loved her.
Now, he stood there with the envelope in his hand that could change everything.
She'd not even mentioned it.
Maybe she forgot about it…
Throw it away, Grissom…
Don't open it…
He panicked when he heard footsteps.
He knew it was Sara.
He quickly stepped into the study, pulling down a book from the top shelf and placed the envelope inside.
He had just turned when she appeared in the doorway.
She smiled at him.
"Coming to bed?" she purred.
"I'll be there in a minute," he promised.
She glanced at his desk. "Paperwork?"
"Get the bed warm," he teased.
She waltzed over and kissed him.
Her tongue languished with his.
He gasped for air.
"Not nice," he breathed.
As soon as she disappeared, he reached for the book and took out the envelope but then shoved it back.
I don't need to know…
I don't want to know…
She stretched from their lovemaking as his hands settled on her abdomen.
She yawned.
"You should sleep," he cautioned.
"I'm tired," she admitted.
"Your body is trying to adjust," he said, kissing her on the lips.
"Maybe we should check with the lab…see what's taking so long," she said between yawns.
"I'll take care of it," he whispered as he pulled her closer.
"Just sleep," he whispered as he lovingly stroked her hair until she fell asleep.
No one will ever see those test results…
He was giddy with excitement when they stared at the ultrasound.
Sara could not seem to stop the smiles as they both stared at the monitor.
"Emma is going to have a brother," he whispered.
"Did you want a boy?" she asked.
He smiled. "I didn't care."
He was in awe of Sara's transformation.
Despite the fatigue and sickness, Sara's body glowed from the pregnancy.
She seemed to accept the fact that the lab had lost the paternity test.
She'd even agreed to let it go.
Her mind was now focused on the life inside her as Grissom focused on hovering around her intent to protect her.
The unit had been supportive of the pregnancy news.
There were offers of babysitting for Emma and the newborn.
He ushered the unit to rally around Sara, letting her know that she was loved.
It seemed to help as her smiles increased with each passing day.
She became more and more secure with the pregnancy.
The first indication that she was fearful, he was there holding her hand, soothing her complaints.
Graham sat nervously as he waited for Grissom's visit.
His brother stepped into the room.
"I need to talk with you," said Graham.
Grissom sat down across from him.
"They want to release me. I've got a job lined up with a clinic…but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you."
Grissom wasn't sure why he suddenly felt nervous.
"I'll be pulling some long hours at the clinic…but I think I can make a difference. I'll be the primary care physician for a residential home for children. I want you to know…I won't interfere…I won't…come by…I won't…could we…still meet for dinner? I've found this house near the clinic. I..…Gil, I want your approval."
He wasn't sure whether he could give it.
He was suddenly afraid for Sara.
Graham sensed this. "I won't come near Sara. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her or the baby. I just want her to be happy," he urged.
Later, that evening, he sat there at his desk as he tried to fathom what he had just done.
He'd given his brother the okay for the release.
Now, he sat there and wondered if he'd done the right thing.
There was a tap on his door and he glanced up to find her there.
"You've been quiet all evening," she whispered. "Gil, what's wrong?"
"Graham is being released," he said.
"I know," she admitted. "I ran into his attorney in court….he told me about the clinic…the house. I think it's good. I think he's going to be…okay."
"What about you?" he asked. "Sara…what if he…"
"I'm going to be fine," she said as her hand glided along her abdomen.
He was there in three strides.
"He's been very active," she said with a smile.
Grissom pulled her close. "I'm worried."
"I'm hungry," she pouted.
"You're always hungry…that's good," he teased.
The next several weeks were a blur as they purchased a house and began to pack.
Emma seemed reluctant at first until she realized the house was near the park.
Graham had been released and was now living across town.
Grissom met with him every week for dinner.
He'd been given a tour of the clinic as well the new house that Graham had purchased.
"I'm still living out of boxes," explained Graham. "I'm not home much to have time to unpack. The clinic was in poor condition when I arrived and I've been spending a lot of time trying to improve it…I meet with the board next week for the first time."
Grissom picked up on his discomfort.
"Is there a problem?" he asked.
"The board has some concerns...about the murder conviction. It seems they didn't bother with a background check until now," he breathed.
"The conviction was overturned," said Grissom.
"My stint with the psychiatric facility wasn't…they think I'm a druggy…imagine…the shock when I tell them I'm just off balanced."
"You're not," replied Grissom.
"No, I'm not. For the first time, I think I've finally got things…straight," admitted Graham.
"Good…I've got to go," said Grissom. "We moved…Sara refuses to let us live out of boxes so I've got to get home."
"How…is she?"
"She's good. The morning sickness is over. She still tires easily but she's fine."
"Good. Make sure they're checking her iron…she might be anemic, especially since she's a vegetarian."
Grissom started to leave when Graham called out to him.
"Gil…she's not worried…about me…hurting her…again. Is she?"
"No…but I am."
It shocked Graham.
He shuffled his feet trying to hide the hurt.
"I won't…I won't let you down…this time. I promise."
Note from author:
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