Dodge Ball
San Francisco
Zatanna and Madame Xanadu stood in front of her closet looking at her clothes. They had been standing there for twenty minutes. The task before them presented a rather unique set of problems. Usually when standing in front of one's closet the decision is what will make me look fantastic. What combination will work perfectly to capture the image I want to send to the rest of the world? Or put simply, what in this closet makes me look really really desirable.
That was not the goal this time.
The exact goal was rather nebulous in both their minds. As Zatanna tried explaining it to Madame Xanadu that she was having dinner with Martha Kent. While Kara hadn't come right out and said it, Zee got the impression Martha thought Zee was on the slutty side or at least the way she dressed was. Seeing as how Zee was having a child with Martha's son, she wanted to make a good impression on her. There was no use starting off badly and having to dig herself out of a hole. So as many people do when they want to prove that something isn't true, they tend to go to the opposite extreme.
"Those boots are rather hideous,' Nimue suggested, pointing towards the back of the closet.
"You gave me those, Nimue,' Zee replied.
"Was I drinking at the time?"
"By the looks of those boots, yeah."
"Looking at your things, I don't think you have much room to talk, honey,' Nimue fired back.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Zatanna demanded.
"Well, you're a professional magician, so many of your outfits have a rather flamboyant aura about them. That's to be expected, I guess."
"I have regular clothes,' Zee objected.
"Those tend to be a little Goth,' Nimue replied.
"Goth? How do you even know about Goth?" Zee asked.
"I have eyes, you know? I see things,' Nimue justified. "I even have a computer, I'll have you know."
"Well, excuse me, Miss Twenty First Century,' Zee snidely said. "Besides, my clothes aren't that Goth. I mean not that much, really."
"Why do you want to dress like Laura Ingalls again?"
"I want to make a good impression,' Zee explained. "If she doesn't like me it will always be awkward and I'd like to avoid that."
"Well according to Malcolm Gladwell in Blink most people make an impression in the first six seconds, "Madame Xanadu replied. "So she already has an impression of you honey."
Zee turned and just looked at Nimue.
"Well aren't you just a fountain of information today." Her tone was rather snide. "Have you been watching Jeopardy or something?'
"Cute." Nimue replied. "They have these things called books, you should look into them."
"So I'm a Goth that doesn't read? I thought you were here to help me?"
"It's called tough love."
"Is that from another book?" Zee sarcastically asked.
The two women just stared at each other for a moment. Their glare-off was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. It surprised them both.
"Did you order more food?" Zee asked.
"No."
"I wonder who that is?'
"Well…"
"If you say I could answer it and find out, I'm really going to be upset with you, Nimue."
"Just trying to be helpful,' Nimue said with a smile.
"Right."
Zatanna shook her head and went to the front door. Madame Xanadu was right behind her. Zee opened the door to find a young woman of medium height standing in the doorway smoking and chewing gum. She was rather thin, with blue hair and several facial piercings. She was wearing a black leather jacket over some sort of industrial punk outfit. She appeared to be in her early twenties. She gave Zatanna the once over with her eyes and then exhaled, blowing smoke in her face.
"Cough-Yes?" Zatanna said, waving the smoke away.
"I'm Epiphany Greaves or Epiphany Constantine now,' the woman said. "I want to talk to Zatanna Zatara. You her?"
"Um, yeah."
Epiphany nodded and then barged the apartment, basically pushing Zee out of the way. She looked with disdain at Madame Xanadu.
"Who's this? Your sister?"
Nimue smiled, while Zatanna rolled her eyes.
"That only encourages her,' Zee grumbled. She slowly closed the door, seeing the young woman wasn't leaving. Who she was Zee had no clue.
"Can I help you with something? Miss … what was it, Edie?"
"Epiphany, as in you're about to have one, sweets,' Epiphany counted.
Zee and Nimue looked at each other incredulously. What was with the attitude coming from this chick, they both seem to think. Epiphany took another hit off her cigarette and exhaled.
"Do you have to do that?"
"Don't try and change the subject," Epiphany snapped. "I'm on to you, Miss Zatanna! Big star thinks she can have anything she wants! Well sister, I'm here to tell you my husband is off limits!"
Madame Xanadu turned and looked at Zatanna.
"And you accuse me of getting around,' she said. "First you get pregnant with one man and now you're running around with this girl's husband?"
"What? No! I don't even know who her husband is,' Zee replied. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm not sleeping with anyone! Well, you know, as of a couple of days ago, that is."
"And we're going to make sure it stays that way!" Epiphany growled. "You don't fool me, I know all about your meeting with my husband!"
"Who are you?" Zee asked in confusion.
"She met with your husband? Where? Was it in a cabin by a lake,' Nimue asked. "Could this be 'you know whose' secret wife that he hasn't told anyone about? Its always those Boy Scout types you have to watch out for."
Epiphany snorted with laughter at this.
"He's been called a lot of things, but Boy Scout ain't one of them."
"Look, I'm telling you I don't even know your husband and I'm certainly not having an affair with him,' Zee explained.
Epiphany took another long drag off her cigarette and then stepped closer to Zatanna.
"So that's the way you want to play it, huh?" She said. "All right, Miss magician, have it your way. I'm an alchemist and I know my share of black magic so I'm not just going to stand by and let you interfere with our marriage!"
Zee ran her fingers through her hair trying to wrap her mind around what was happening. She waved the smoke out of her face, as Epiphany blew it at her again.
"Did-Did you just-just threaten me?" She finally asked. "With magic? Seriously?"
"Oh, not worried about little old me and my magic are you?" Epiphany replied. "Well perhaps you won't be so dismissive if we do this the old school way. My father is one Terry Greaves and he knows how to handle little tarts like you!"
"Terry Greaves, the East End mobster?" Madame Xanadu asked. "The leg breaker?"
"That's the one!"
Zatanna looked at Nimue in shock.
"How do you even know these things?"
"I spent some time in London, I still have contacts in some circles,' Nimue offered.
"Contacts? Leg breakers? East End mobsters? Who are you friends with the Krays?"
"Look sweetie, one way or another you're going to stay away from my husband!" Epiphany demanded. "Is that clear?"
"I don't even know your husband!" Zee shouted in frustration. Just as she did, Epiphany put cigarette out in an empty pop can. She took her gum out next and stuck in under the coffee table rim.
"Don't bullshit to me, sweetie! I know you know him! John told me all about how you never got over him!"
Zatanna was looking at the pop can as the smoke curled out of it.
"Wait, wait, John?" She said. "John Constantine?"
"Oh, so now you remember,' Epiphany smugly said.
"You-You-Your married to-to-to John Constantine?" Zee asked, not quite believing it.
"Yes!"
"Why?" Nimue asked, leaning over Zatanna's shoulder.
"Because we love each other, 'Epiphany replied.
"No, seriously, why?" Nimue said.
"Yeah, did you lose a bet or something?" Zee added.
"You know he said you'd deny it,' Epiphany snapped. "You show business types are all alike. You think with your Hollywood good looks and your big plastic boobs, you can just take what you want! Not this time, bitch!"
"Hey!" Zee protested. "First of all, they are not that big and second they are most certainly real!"
"She did say you had Hollywood good looks.' Nimue pointed out.
"Oh, right, thanks for that,' Zee said to Epiphany. She then waved this off and got back on topic. "I'm not having any affair or anything with John Constantine, so you really and I mean really have nothing to worry about, Mrs. Constantine."
Zee turned to Nimue.
"Did that sound as weird to you as it did saying it?"
"Mrs. Constantine, yeah it did.' Nimue agreed.
Epiphany was not happy and she pulled a small switchblade out of her pocket and snapped it open.
"I'm serious! Unless you want those pretty features messed up permanently, stay away from John!"
"Oh, knife fight!" Nimue gasped. "It's just like Rip and Bernardo in West Side Story!"
Zatanna turned and gave her a look of confusion.
"Seriously, where are these references coming from?"
"I'm not screwing around here!" Epiphany shouted.
"Look, calm down, will you,' Zee said, holding up her hands in surrender. "I'm not having any kind of relationship with your husband. I think he's kind of a douchebag to be honest. Um, well, anyway I'm sure he's completely different with you. Probably much less of a douchebag than normal."
Epiphany grabbed the front of Zee's shirt and pulled her close.
"You've been warned, honey, stay away from John!"
She pushed her away and then stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door after her.
"Well, that was unpleasant,' Nimue said.
"Do you believe that little prick, accusing me of sleeping with her husband?" Zee complained.
"Well you did think about it, didn't you? When you were looking for someone to get you pregnant,' Nimue pointed out.
"But I didn't tell him!" Zee complained. Nimue had turned away and was looking at the coffee table. Zatanna shook her head and dropped down on the couch. "I can't believe this is happen. As if I didn't have enough worries already now Constantine's wife is threatening me! What more could go wrong?"
"Someone is going to have to get that gum off there before it hardens,' Nimue said. "It's probably still all wet with her saliva. It's absolutely disgusting."
A shudder went through Madame Xanadu at the very thought. Zee just sighed and dropped her head into her hands.
The Watchtower
Collectors are not normal people. They tend to be a different breed than the rest of the population. They are not to be confused with hoarders. Hoarders are basically pigs that save everything, from old magazines to their toenails. It doesn't make a difference to them, they save it all.
A collector is someone that has stood in line for nine hours in the freezing rain. They're someone who scours flea markets and yard sales, as well as attends antique shows in hopes of finding that one special item. They will harass manufacturers to get extra pieces to fix toys they find. When it comes to collectors and their precious collections they had all the control and restrain of four year olds. They can make other collectors, presumably grown ups cry when they outbid them at auctions. They will curse others and the heavens when another reaches something faster than they do. They will even run for their dear lives from other collectors just because they got to something 'very' rare before them.
Fistfights have been known to break out.
Collectors are not...normal people, they tend to be very protective of their toys/series/things and take 'infractions' as personal insults directed at them.
Mary Marvel sat alone at one of the tables in the lounge. It was covered with diagrams, lay outs, schematics and time tables. Next to her was a rather large jar filled with change. As she once more went over her figures to make sure they were absolutely correct, there was a intense look of concentration on her face. Her tongue just barely slipped out of the side of her mouth, which of course showed just how deadly serious she was.
The door to the lounge opened as Courtney and Kara came in. They were laughing about something as they made their way over to Mary's table.
"Hey, Mary, we've been looking all over for you,' Courtney said. "What are you doing?"
Mary seemed surprised to seem them, as she was totally focused on what she was working on. She blushed a little when she looked up and then started to gather her papers hastily.
"Um, N-Nothing."
Kara reached over and snagged a couple of the papers.
"Give me those!" Mary shouted. "They're mine!"
"Time tables? Warehouse schematics? What is all this Mary?" Kara asked.
"It's just something I'm working on,' Mary replied, snapping the paper from Kara's hand.
"C-4? Delay timers?" Courtney read off another sheet. "Mary what's all this about?"
"N-N-Nothing."
"Let me see that,' Kara said to Courtney. She looked at the paper once Courtney handed it to her and then a scowl came over her face. "Mary! Are you serious?"
"What?" Courtney asked, not following Kara.
"These are diagrams of the Barbie warehouse in Gotham!" Kara said, thrusting the papers towards Mary. "You were thinking of blowing it up, weren't you, Mary?"
"Oh, come on, Kara, that's a bit much, don't you think?" Courtney said with a laugh. "You weren't really thinking about that were you Mary? Mary? ... Um, Mary?"
"Ah, well, no, of course not.' Mary offered.
"Mary!" Kara demanded.
"Okay, yes, I was thinking about it, satisfied?"
"Mary that's illegal!" Courtney gasped.
"Is it?" Mary countered. "Trotsky said there are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."
"Trotsky?" Kara asked, the look on her face not quite buying it. "You can't be a commie and a materialist, Mary. You're taking this Barbie thing way too far!"
"You aren't seriously thinking of blowing a building, are you, Mary?" Courtney asked.
"Where force is necessary, then it must be applied boldly, decisively and completely." Mary offered. "That's from Trotsky too."
"Great,' Kara grumbled. "Trotsky also ended up with an ice pick in his eye. Seriously Mary you've really gone off the deep end this time!"
"I think we need an intervention,' Courtney added. "Like right now!"
"Well what am I supposed to do,' Mary asked. "They didn't take my petition seriously and are going ahead with that sacrilegious Barbie. I'm just striking a blow for all the true Barbie fans everywhere!"
Kara rolled her eyes and sighed. She gestured to Courtney and the two of them sat down on either side of Mary. Courtney took Mary's hand in hers.
"We're heroes, remember? Blowing up buildings really not in the manual,' Courtney said. "Let's get some perspective here, okay? It's just a doll."
"No, it's not! It's Barbie!" Mary immediately replied. "If I'm going to make my voice heard I have to take to the streets! The revolution will not be televised!"
"Okay, Che, dial it back a little,' Kara said. "Look, I understand you're upset about the new Barbie, but armed revolt isn't the way to go."
"By the way, what's the change for?" Courtney asked. "That's not your Barbie money, is it?"
"No, of course not,' Mary replied. "It's my babysitting money. I was going to see if I could buy a billboard right in the center of Gotham, you know near Wayne tower to ask Batman to sign my petition. I thought I had him cornered on the station the other day, but he just sort of disappeared into the shadows."
Kara snapped her fingers.
'That's it, Wayne towers,' she said. "Mary instead of going all urban guerilla, you need to get someone rich and powerful behind your cause. Bruce Wayne is just he man you need to see!"
Kara glanced over and Courtney and winked.
"Right, right, Bruce Wayne, absolutely!" Courtney quickly chimed in. "He's friends with Batman too, so maybe he could help you convince him to sign the petition!"
Kara had a full head of steam now and plunged ahead.
"That's right, Mary, Bruce Wayne is definitely the man you need to talk to,' Kara quickly added. "He's like rich squared. He probably even has Barbie stock, so he'd be able to talk directly to the board!"
"You think he'd see me?" Mary asked.
"I know he would,' Kara replied. She sat back with a rather satisfied smile on her face. "I happen to know someone that works for him, so I can call and get you in to see him. What do you say?"
"I'll do it! Anything to save Barbie's reputation!"
"So no demolition man, right?"
Mary seemed reluctant to give up that option.
"Mary?"
"All right,' Mary finally agreed. "I had it all worked out, you know; I would have gotten away with it. I would have been striking a blow against the man!"
"Mary, I really don't think the people that make Barbie are considered the Man,' Courtney offered. "Just stick with talking to Bruce Wayne."
"All right."
Kara suddenly got a huge grin on her face.
"Oh, but be careful around him, Mary,' she said. "You must have heard about his playboy reputation, haven't you?"
"Yes, so?"
"They say he's very charming,' Kara replied.
Courtney saw Kara wink again and knew where she was going with this.
"He likes his women young, I hear,' Courtney added.
"Very young,' Kara said.
"What-What are you saying?" Mary asked in concern.
"Just be on guard, Mary, he might put the moves on you,' Courtney said.
"Yeah,' Kara added. "He'll seem all nice and then wham, you're on your back, legs in the air and he'd moving in for the conquest!"
"But he's so old!" Mary gasped. "He's like twice my age! That's perverted!"
"You know those rich people, they like a challenge,' Courtney replied. "They think the rules don't apply to them. Dating hot girls half their age is a status symbol for guys like Bruce Wayne. Just focus on getting him to help you with Barbie. Don't let him work his charm on you or wham!"
"Maybe I shouldn't go to see him,' Mary said, backpedaling now as she thought about it. The thought of some pervy old rich guy hitting on her was a little upsetting.
"Oh, you can handle me, Mary, just by on guard,' Kara said trying to reassure her. "Stay strong and just keep an eye out if he tries to get close to you. I hear that's his first move. Whatever you do, don't let him put his arm around you or wham!"
"Don't be afraid to hit him if you have to, Mary,' Courtney added. "Men like him respect that."
"I don't know,' Mary said.
"Barbie's depending on you, Mary, are you going to let her and all the fans down?" Kara asked.
"You're right, I'll do it! He'll just have to keep his pervy hands to himself!" Mary announced and then marched out of the lounge. As soon as the door closed, Courtney and Kara doubled over with laughter.
"Oh, you're evil, Kara, evil!"
"You took part too, don't blame it all on me,' Kara replied.
They were still laughing when the door opened and Diana walked in. Kara saw her and turned away, not even acknowledging her. Diana rolled her eyes and sighed, before walking over to Kara.
"Kara, I know you're upset with me, but snubbing me is just rude,' Diana stated.
"Aren't you snubbing her cousin?" Courtney asked.
"Yes, but that's different," Diana replied, taking a step closer.
"Careful, Diana, you don't want to stand too close to me or someone might think you're my mom,' Kara replied. "I know who horrible you think that would be."
The snotty tone of voice Kara used put emphasis on her point.
"Kara, I'm only ten years older than you, how would you feel?" Diana asked.
"Well, Karen didn't go all crazy and they thought she was my aunt,' Kara countered. "We don't even like each other. I mean, Jeez, Diana, is being mistaken for my mom the worst thing in the world?"
"Kara, it's just that I'm not that old.' Diana tried to explain. "It's not the thought of being your mother, it's the thought that they think I'm old enough to be your mother that bothered me!"
"So you'd have been just as upset if they thought you were Courtney's mother?" Kara asked.
"Yes!"
"Hey! What the fuck, Diana, what's wrong with being my mom?" Courtney exclaimed. "Why are you dragging me into this anyway?"
Diana rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to say it,' Diana groaned.
"Well you're not my mom, Diana, which you seem to be very happy about,' Courtney said and then stormed out of the room. Kara looked at Courtney and then back and Diana. She shook her head in disappointment.
"Nice one, Diana, you insulted her."
Kara followed Courtney, leaving a confused and frustrated Diana standing in the lounge.
The Watchtower
Zatanna transported in. She wanted to check her closets on the station for anything that might be a little more conservative and plain. She doubted it, but there was no harm checking. As she walked towards her room, Dinah appeared and came over to her.
"Zatanna, just the person I wanted to talk to,' Dinah said.
"Hey, you wouldn't have any clothes that aren't slutty would you?" Zee absently asked. Dinah put her hands on her hips and was clearly not happy about the question.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean? Are you saying I dress like a slut?"
Oh, great, Zatanna thought, now another person hates me.
"No, no, that's wasn't what I meant, it's just I need something conservative to wear,' she offered. "You know, like Laura Ingalls, that sort of thing."
"Why?" Dinah asked. "You're pregnant so you're going to become Amish?"
"Laura Ingalls wasn't Amish,' Zee replied. "I mean, I don't think she was. I know she went blind, but I sort of stopped watching the reruns after that. Or was that her sister that went blind?"
"Why do you want to dress like the Amish anyway?"
"I'm having dinner with Martha Kent,' Zee explained. "You know, country people are more traditional."
"I thought you were done with that part of it,' Dinah asked. "I mean you just wanted him to help you get pregnant, right? Is it more than that between you two?'
Dinah's pointed questions put Zatanna on the defensive.
"What? No, no, I just want to make a good impression that's all,' Zee quickly explained. "I mean she will sort of be the grandmother, so I don't want her to hate me."
"So you and Clark aren't still together?" Dinah pointedly asked.
"Not really, why?"
"I wanted to borrow him,' Dinah stated.
"Borrow him?"
"Yes, I want to tell Plastic Man that I'm dating Clark so he'll leave me alone,' Dinah explained. "I'm desperate, Zee."
"Aren't you already dating Ollie?" Zee asked. She wasn't really sure she liked the idea of Dinah and Clark even pretending to date. "Why don't you just tell Plastic Man that you're with Ollie?"
"I have, but he doesn't believe me,' Dinah replied. "He thinks Ollie's not good enough for me. I figured if I say Clark and I are in love, that will get him off my back."
"In love? I don't know, have you asked Clark?" Zee said.
"No, I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first,' Dinah offered. "I mean I don't know what the status of your relationship with him is. I know you said he was sort of a stud for you, but if it's more I don't want to get mixed up in it."
"What? No, no, it's not more,' Zee quickly said, brushing the suggestion off.
"So then you won't mind?"
"I guess if Clark's all right with it." Zee unenthusiastically said.
"Oh, great, thanks, Zee!"
Dinah hugged her and then took off down the hall looking for Clark. Zatanna stood watching her go. She did not have a happy expression on her face.
Gotham
Alfred was standing in the kitchen just finishing up a phone call as Bruce walked in.
"Yes, Miss Kara, I understand completely,' Alfred said. "I'd be happy to help. Of course, I'll keep an eye out for her. Yes, yes, you're most welcome."
Bruce was glancing at the paper as Alfred hung up the phone.
"Who was that?"
"Miss Kara Kent, she asked for a favor,' Alfred explained.
Bruce put the paper down and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms.
"Oh, this should be good,' he said with a smile. "What does she want?"
"A friend of hers wishes to meet with you to ask a favor,' Alfred replied. "I said I would make sure she got to see you. It sounded harmless enough and Miss Kara said the young woman is very sweet."
"A friend?' Bruce asked. He suddenly had a bad feeling about it. "Did she happen to mention this friend's name?"
"I believe her name was Mary Batson, Master Bruce."
"Oh, shit,' Bruce groaned.