A/N Here is Chapter 38! Hope you all don't hate me too much for it :D

Chapter 38

It was going to be awful. After Percy leaving them, after what happened to Arthur, it was going to be just terrible. It was for the best though, and Erin knew it. This was what Dumbledore wanted. It was necessary.

Still, sitting on her bed in her room at Grimmauld Place with her head in her hands, Erin thought about what she had to do, and fought back tears. It wouldn't be easy. But in the end, it would be worth it.

Erin wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stood.

Harry was uncharacteristically reading a book at the kitchen table in Grimmauld Place when Erin uncharacteristically came up and sat down next to him.

"Hi," She said seriously, dropping her voice to an urgent whisper, "I need you to know that whatever I say in the next few moments is subject to be disregarded, and you must not judge me through any of it. It is vital that you, only you, understand this, alright?"

"Ok," He said slowly, puzzled. Erin nodded once and rose from her seat, and Harry watched her curiously as she walked to the sink and stood cautiously next to Molly.

"So, Aunt Molly," Erin said nervously, "Draco invited me to his house for Christmas, and I- I thought I might go."

Molly dropped the dish she had been washing into the sink. Water splashed up at her, soaking her front.

"I don't think so, dear," Molly said, trying very hard to be gentle, but having the words come out shaky and barely controlled. Erin frowned.

"Why not?" She asked indignantly, already knowing the answer full well, but keeping up for the sake of her charade.

"Because Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater," The older witch tried to explain calmly, "He-"

"So what if he's a Death Eater?" Erin could hear the sane, rational part of her mind, telling her to stop arguing, to stay in the comfortable home with her family. Even as it hurt her to watch Molly stare at her so sadly, she continued. "They're not that bad. And besides, Draco's my best friend."

"Now you listen here," Molly said, her voice dangerously low, "You will not be going to the Malfoy house for Christmas. You will not be associating with the Malfoys, period. I want you to go up to your room and-"

"You know what? I don't have to take this," Erin said rather loudly, causing the nearby table's occupants to look at her. It was a rather bold statement, and a rather hasty reaction, but it was the best she could come up with. The quicker this was done with, the better. She turned her back on Molly and headed for the stairs.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Molly called after her, throwing her dish rag in the sink and following Erin. "Erin Olivine Riddle! You come down here at once, young lady! I am not through with you!"

"Don't!" Erin yelled suddenly, whirling around to face a shell-shocked Molly. "Don't call me 'young lady' like I'm yours! And don't use my full name!" She slammed the door to her room behind her, lifting her trunk onto the bed and flinging trinkets, books, and clothes into it left and right.

"Stop packing at once!" Molly commanded her from the in the now open doorway. Erin was shaking her head, laughing coldly.

"You can't honestly believe that you can still order me around like that!" Erin shouted, slamming her trunk shut and pushing past Molly with it.

"I don't want you in that house!" Molly barked, her face as red as her hair.

"I don't bloody care, Molly!" Erin screamed as she ran down the stairs, her trunk in tow.

"You will not use that language with me, young lady! And you won't just call me by my first name either!" Molly yelled back, hot on Erin's heels. "Furthermore, you will not be leaving this house! I refuse to let you spend Christmas with any family like the Malfoys!"

"You don't understand!" Erin's tone of voice was getting steadily louder, if it was at all possible, "I have friends who are in my own house, I have opinions that clash with yours, I have the right to be close to the people who knew my father-" She stopped in the middle of her sentence, making a frustrated noise and gritting her teeth. She wanted so badly to turn around and fling herself into Molly's arms, sobbing apologies, but she knew she couldn't; she was in much too deep to changer her mind now.

They were in the kitchen by now, and a crowd of people had gathered in the kitchen after hearing their undeniably loud argument. Ginny looked like she was on the verge of tears, and Harry had his arm around her in a comforting gesture. Ron, as well as the twins, just looked shocked, as if they could not believe that their sister would actually dare raise her voice to the Weasley matriarch. Remus was watching concernedly, and was just about to intervene when Sirius kicked him under the table. Sirius shook his head, warning his friend not to get involved.

"Erin, I know what's best for you because I'm-" Molly stopped short as she realized how she was about to finish that sentence.

"Don't you dare!" Erin snarled, causing Molly to take a step back. "Don't you dare say 'Because I'm your mother'! You are most definitely not my mother, and you will never be my mother, so don't go kidding yourself!"

With that, Erin dragged her suitcase down the hall and ripped the front door open. The tears in her eyes were not faked, but they were of sadness, not the anger she was portraying. She stuck out her wand at the curb, and the Knight Bus appeared down the street. Molly was standing in the doorway when Erin looked back, and she sneered at her, then turned back and dug in her pocket for her money. She thrust the change at Stan Shunpike, who caught it somewhat awkwardly. He tipped his hat to Molly, who was still standing and watching, dazed.

"Mum?" Ron said gently, resting a hand on his mother's shoulder. Instead of bursting out crying as they all expected her to, Molly ignored her youngest son, marching back into the kitchen and turning on the water. She didn't acknowledge the whispers that came from behind her, or the salty, wet tears that were running down her face.

The first thing Erin did was go back to the Burrow to collect her things.

There wasn't much that she hadn't taken with her to school- just a few shirts, an old jumper of Draco's that he'd lent her in third year and she'd never given back, some little trinkets that were sitting on the windowsill. There were other things, of course, that she probably hadn't touched in years; the little toys that her brothers would pick up for her on trips to Diagon Alley when she was small, the ribbons Molly had used to tie her hair back for special occasions, a box of notes she and Draco had passed back in second year.

There was a bag Charlie had sent her from Romania, a good sized rucksack made of green dragon hide, that she had convinced Arthur to put an undetectable extension charm on. It was sitting at the foot of her bed, just where she'd left it, and it was the first thing she grabbed when she walked into her room. She sighed sadly and wondered where she should start packing from.

After several minutes of slow deliberation, Erin stalked over to her dresser and began transferring clothes into the bag. She finished with that and moved to the closet. As she crossed the room, she stopped suddenly and listened carefully. Everyone who was in the country at the moment was at Grimmauld Place, weren't they? Then why did it sound like the door was opening down in the kitchen? Why were there footsteps on the stairs…?

Erin spun around and pointed her wand at the doorway just in time to see Percy pass by on the landing. At the sight of her, he stopped and blinked, just as surprised as she was to find someone else in the house.

"Percy? What are you doing here?" Erin asked indelicately, lowering her wand and making a frustrated gesture with her hands. When he didn't answer, she rolled her eyes and turned her back to him, continuing in her packing.

"I came to get the rest of my things," Percy explained slowly. "I left so abruptly, I forgot some things- what are you doing here?"

"Same as you," Erin said gruffly, moving to sweep the things off the windowsill into a small beaded bag that she had plucked off a peg on the wall. "Packing my things. Leaving on short notice. Getting the hell out before the bad stuff starts happening."

"What happened?" Percy asked, frowning in concern. "Why are you going? Where are you going?"

"Nowhere special," Erin said vaguely, and it occurred to her that she didn't know where she was going to go. What she had told Molly about Draco inviting her over for Christmas hadn't been a lie, but it was still several days away, and she didn't know if Narcissa would appreciate an unexpected guest. (As for Lucius, she didn't particularly care how he felt.) "Listen, just do what you have to and go crawl back into your Ministry hidey-hole where nothing bad ever happens."

"What do you mean?" Percy asked stiffly, and Erin just snorted at his apparent lack of the ability to grasp a concept.

"I mean that, personally, Perce, I think you're better off on your own. It really is best that you abandoned us," Erin said, tossing a few more items in the rucksack. Percy stared at her, not believing that those words were coming out of his baby sister's mouth.

"W-what?" Percy stuttered, watching Erin as she walked about the room, picking up objects seemingly at random and still not looking at him as she threw them into the rucksack. Still confused, he asked again, "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Erin said, a bit impatiently, coming out from under the bed and pocketing something rather old and dusty looking, "That even though you hurt us all spectacularly, it's much better this way."

Erin straightened up, pulling the tie on the rucksack shut and slinging it over one shoulder. She finally met Percy's baffled eyes, walking over to him and reaching up her hand to gently pet his face in a maternal way. His eyes clouded slightly, knowing that she really thought that they were better off without him- he had always secretly thought it himself, but never really believed it until now.

"This way, you're safe," Erin whispered. She stood on her toes and swiftly kissed his cheek, and then she was gone, leaving Percy in the remnants of what was her room.

Erin was at a loss. She had taken the Knight Bus from the Burrow to Diagon Alley, where she was currently sitting in a back corner booth in the Leaky Cauldron, hoping not to be noticed by anyone. She had already seen several friends of Molly and Arthur who she knew would insist on taking her home, but she had carefully hidden herself away, the hood of her cloak up and obscuring her face. A mug of butterbeer was warming her fingers, but the rest of her was still quite cold, as the fire was all the way across the large room. She didn't dare move any closer for the fear of being seen.

She supposed she could always just stay here for the rest of the holidays. For the rest of her life, if she had to. She could changer her hair and eyes and get a job in Flourish and Blotts so she could pay the rent, and then when she had enough money saved up, she could move to rural Canada and never have to deal with any of this madness ever again.

Erin sighed. Or she could do the smart thing, and call upon the only person she trusted at the moment to help her make a decision.

"Speak of the devil," Erin whispered to herself as the door to the Cauldron swung open and admitted, along with a gust of cold wind and some stray snow, just who she had been thinking of. He drew the hood of his cloak back and inconspicuously scanned the dining area. When his eyes passed over her, she drew her hood back slightly just long enough to wink at him. She could swear she heard his exasperated sigh from across the room.

When he approached her table, Erin looked up at him with an evasive smile. "Fancy meeting you here, sir. What brings you to London this time of the night?"

"Must you be so dramatic?" Snape said irritably, seating himself across from his student and folding his hands on the table. "Not only have you got Molly Weasley in a panic, but when word of your abrupt appearance in Ottery St. Catchpole, alone, reached the ears of Narcissa Malfoy, she threw a complete fit." His voice got lower as he continued, until Erin was straining to hear him. "Had I not volunteered to look for you, the both of them would have sent out a fleet of ships to locate you."

"Why did you volunteer to look for me?" Erin asked, totally off the point. Snape resisted the urge to smack his own forehead. "Could it be that you were worried, Professor?"

"Dumbledore has instructed me to look after you," Snape hissed furiously, "I can't do that if you disappear."

"Well, since you're apparently in charge of me, can I stay with you for the rest of the holiday?" Erin said, completely serious. "I've nowhere to go now that I've pissed off Molly, and I can't get back to school until the train leaves."

"That would be inappropriate," Snape said, and Erin was just a tad bit disappointed. "However, there is somewhere that you will be able to go- Malfoy Manor."

"Really?" Erin said, sarcastically adding, "Staying with a teacher is inappropriate, but moving in with my boyfriend is alright?"

"You will tell the Malfoys that you had a spat with your aunt about the Dark Lord and they threw you out of the house," Snape instructed, and Erin could tell that he had already thought this through. "You will say that there was no one else you trusted, so you turned to them. Lucius will be pleased because you are the Dark Lord's daughter and he will have a reason to be in his good graces again. Narcissa already favors you, and she will not only be pleased that you trusted her, but her protective instincts will prevent her from turning you away."

"I want to go home," Erin sighed, "I know I can't, but I want to."

"It has been said before that you cannot always get what you want," Snape reminded her.

"How about what I'd like? Because I don't like doing this," Erin said, "I don't like having to tell my friends to bugger off, I don't like ditching my family, I don't like not knowing what's going to happen-" She huffed impatiently. "Everything in my life has always been predictable, and safe, and not scary at all, and then I started Hogwarts and all of the sudden everything was dangerous and complicated, and I worry all the time, about everything."

"That, Miss Riddle," Snape said without sympathy, "Is called growing up."

"No, it's called 'Dumbledore is an old bat and I'm obviously insane as well for listening to him'," Erin argued, making a face.

"You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to be a double agent," Snape said, so quietly that Erin was almost not sure he said anything at all. "You knew that it would mean turning your back on your family, and your friends."

"I didn't know it would be this hard," Erin whispered, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. Snape sighed again, sadly this time.

"It is always hard," He told her, "And it only gets worse."

"That's it?" Erin laughed humorlessly. "No inspiring words of comfort? Just 'it gets worse'?"

"I am afraid that is all I have to offer you," Snape said, "Now if we might discuss how you will be getting to Malfoy Manor…"

"This place is huge," Erin stated the obvious as she tilted her head back to look up at the spires of the Manor. Snape guided her down the gated path to the front door, his hands on her shoulders protectively. If those peacocks got after her, they wouldn't relent.

"Look miserable," Snape hissed as they approached the door. Erin didn't think that would be too hard. She reached up and used the enormous silver door knocker to announce herself. There was a bit of shuffling inside, and when the door swung open, it revealed a worried looking Narcissa Malfoy. Erin was impressed that she was still so put together at nearly two in the morning; she appeared to not even have so much as a hair out of place. Upon seeing Erin, Narcissa clapped her hand over her mouth; apparently she did not look well.

"Look who I found wandering about Diagon Alley all by herself," Snape said stiffly, straightening his arms and effectively pushing Erin forward. She stumbled over the threshold, attempting to right herself but instead finding herself in a bone-crushing embrace.

"You poor thing!" Narcissa cooed loudly, holding Erin's face against her shoulder in a way that cut off her oxygen. "I was so worried for you when I heard what happened! Oh, that awful woman, throwing you out like that!"

"I'm so sorry to have worried you, Mrs. Malfoy," Erin mumbled against Narcissa's shoulder. "And I'm terribly sorry to show up on such short notice. I- I asked Professor Snape to bring me here. There was no one else I trusted, no one else I could turn to-" Erin didn't have to fake her voice breaking at the end of her speech.

Narcissa pet her hair affectionately. "Darling, you don't need to worry over anything. You'll stay with us as long as you like. You're safe here, everything is all right now."

Strange as it was, Erin believed her. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Malfoy. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"How touching," Snape said dryly, "But I am afraid I must be on my way." He nodded to Naricssa. "Always good to see you, Narcissa. Give Lucius my best."

"Thank you, Severus," Narcissa said, finally releasing Erin to shut the door behind Snape. She turned back to Erin, putting her hands on her shoulders and squeezing them reassuringly. "Let's choose a room for you upstairs, shall we?"

"Hey, Mum," Came a voice from above them, and Erin twisted around and looked up the stairs. Draco was walking down them, his eyes on the steps, dressed in green flannel pajamas and his wand clutched tightly in his hand. "Who was that?"

"Hey, stranger," Erin said quietly, smiling up at him as he stopped mid-step to look down at her. Apparently tired enough that her presence was not a complete shock to him, he grinned stupidly and made his way down the rest of the stairs, slipping his wand into his pocket. When he got to where she was standing, he immediately drew her into his arms, holding her so tightly that she blushed. When he released her, he kept one arm around her waist, his hand slipped into the pocket of her jeans.

"What're you doing here?" Draco asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. The knocker had obviously woken him up, and Erin giggled at how rumpled his hair was. She lightly pecked his cheek, keeping in mind that his mother was still just a few feet away, though a quick glance in her direction made Erin see that she was smiling widely.

"I'm staying for Christmas," Erin told him in a soft voice. Draco appeared to still be half asleep, leaning heavily on her. "Don't you remember inviting me?"

"Yeah, yeah," Draco mumbled, "Course. Why're you hear so early, though?"

"Why don't you go to bed, and we'll talk about it in the morning, alright?" Erin offered, to which Draco mumbled an affirmative and sloppily kissed her temple.

"Come with me?" He said in a voice that was probably not as quiet as he thought he did. Narcissa laughed from behind Erin, who was sure her ears were aflame with embarrassment. "Erm, maybe not. Walk me there?"

"I think that'd be okay," Erin said, looking to Narcissa for confirmation. She nodded quickly, and Draco led the way upstairs and down many hallways. Portraits snoozed in their frames that lined the walls; there were too many vases and statues and other expensive-looking things on polished wooden end tables for Erin to count. Eventually they came to a door that looked exactly like every other door that they had passed, except for the silver plaque in the middle of it proclaiming it 'Draco's Room'.

Draco turned to face Erin and put his hands on her waist, leaning his forehead against hers. He must not have been aware, Erin guessed, that his mother had followed them and was standing not too far away again. He smirked suggestively at Erin. "Tuck me in?"

"You're a big boy," Erin said nervously, glancing at Narcissa, who looked as if she was suppressing laughter. "Can't you do it yourself?"

"Always better with two," Draco said with a yawn, sliding his thumb under the hem of her shirt and rubbing his thumb against her skin. She shivered. "But if you really don't want to…"

"I'm just going to say goodnight, love," Erin quickly pecked Draco on the mouth before reaching out and twisting the doorknob and ushering him inside. He was still grinning like an idiot as she pulled the door shut behind him. Erin turned to Narcissa, who had her hand over her mouth and her shoulders shaking with laughter. "I am so sorry, Mrs. Malfoy."

"That was the most relaxed I have seen my son since he arrived home," Narcissa confessed, also smiling giddily. "Never apologize for making him happy." Erin couldn't think of anything to say to that. Narcissa put a hand on her shoulder. "And please, call me Narcissa."

Erin opened her mouth to thank Narcissa again, but thought better of saying anything as footsteps approached from behind her. She turned her head in time to see Lucius Malfoy strutting down the hall, also still in his day clothes and looking completely put together. He smirked when he saw her.

"I see that you've found the little lost duckling, Narcissa," Lucius drawled pleasantly, "Welcome, Miss Riddle, to our humble home."

"Thank you very much for having me, Mr. Malfoy," Erin said cordially, "It is an honor to be in such a lovely home." For good measure, she added, "It is much nicer than I am used to."

"I'm sure!" Narcissa said sympathetically. Erin fought away her anger; she was the one who had brought it up, and Narcissa was just not used to anything but the best. (Although, in Erin's opinion, the Burrow was the best.) "Now, it's late enough, we really ought to be getting you to bed."

"Actually," Lucius glanced at his wife. She wouldn't be pleased at all with him, but what he was doing was necessary. "There is something I should like you to attend to. Or, rather, someone."

Though Erin couldn't see it, Narcissa paled behind her. She willed herself not to allow her fear to show. This was the moment she had been dreading for months now, and she reacted exactly as she had rehearsed: with the widening of her eyes, the sharp intake of breath, and the words spoken on a quiet exhale.

"Take me to him."

Lucius smiled wickedly as Erin reached out and clasped his arm. The room began spinning (or was it them that was spinning? Erin had never really grasped the concept of what happened during apparation.), and she closed her eyes as her head spun with it. When her feet touched the floor again and the dizziness had subsided, Erin opened her eyes, and stifled a gasp.

There he was before her, looking exactly as he had when she was eleven, and she had seen him in her dreams. Tall, imposing, and red-eyed, his nose flat and his lips thin, he stood with the air of someone who had seen everything and done even more, unimpressed and vaguely bored. His face was expressionless; he gave no indication whether Erin's presence pleased or displeased him. Hell, she thought he might just kill her there on the spot. And so, in that moment of utter terror, she did the only thing she could think of.

Erin dropped to her knees in a deep bow and breathed, "My lord."

There was a beat of silence before Lord Voldemort's laugh echoed throughout the room. Erin didn't dare look up, but she felt a hand on her arm, pulling her to her feet. Her eyes were still on the ground when he said, in a soft, almost comforting voice what she had never imagined him saying:

"Rise, my girl. We are equals, you and I."

Erin looked up and met her father's eyes for the first time. She was struck by how frozen they were- not just empty, but cold, like blood stilled in a pool on the floor. With his hands on her it was even harder to keep him from her mind, but she fought him, using all of her strength to keep him out. He knew what she was doing, and it was written all over his face that he didn't like it.

"It is an honor, my lord, to serve you," Erin said, doing her best to replace fear with awe and hatred with respect. Voldemort smiled, and she suppressed a shiver.

"You shall not serve," He said softly, and Erin braced herself. So he was going to kill her, then. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face away. There was suddenly a finger under her chin, tilted her head up, and she dared to open her eyes just slightly. Voldemort was smiling down at her, a possessive smile, but one almost laced with affection, if he could feel that. "You will rule, at my side."

"My lord," Erin whispered, her eyes filling with tears of relief. "Thank you."

"My girl," Voldemort said, putting his hands on her shoulders and holding her firmly in place. "Please. Call me father."

A/N There were a couple questions in the reviews, and I hope this chapter cleared them up. I know a lot of people really didn't want Erin to join Voldemort, but just trust me. I know how this one's going down to the last 'T' :)

Sorry there was so little Draco in this chapter! I realized today that he wasn't in there at all, so I added that scene with him.

The second section was what I have had written for about, oh, two years now? Yeah, I modified it just slightly so that it fit with the direction I had taken the story.

I'm gonna plug the DLS tumblr here, like Daniel Tosh plugs his Tosh Tour On Ice at the end of the episode lately: visit dirtylittlesecretfic . tumblr . com for extras! I've also made a tumblr for the many fanmixes I've got stashed on my computer: mixes galore . tumblr . com , minus the spaces. Only one up right now, but I have 7 Lucissa mixes ready to go. Links will be on my profile page :)

Reviews are always appreciated, and I'd LOVE to hear what you guys think of what's been happening :)

xRachel