Okay, kiddies, grab your buddy; we're goin' on a feels trip!
A Candor always keeps their word, even if they turn Dauntless - especially if they turn Dauntless - and an hour later, despite the staff's protestations, Honey's friends had invaded the infirmary. There were only so many chairs, so Beth sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, Hotdog leaning half his butt on it beside her. Calhoun was folded into one of the chairs, making it look comically small, Daisy on his lap, and Joseph and Damon sat in the other two. They brought Honey fried sausage balls and chicken with parmesan and carrot sticks and an entire cake - which they were kind enough to help her eat. Calhoun brought his guitar and played for a while, the kind of soft, lilting melodies that reminded her of the better part of Visiting Day.
Apparently, news of her attack and Ryland's arrest had traveled through the faction like wildfire. In addition to her closest and most dear, much to the irritation of the doctor in charge, Honey had a parade of visitors. Four came to check on her, followed by Marta, then Cliff. Jasper, Gertie, and even a shockingly sober and concerned looking Chris. Every single one of her canine officers - the human ones, anyway. Max stopped by in a half-official capacity, but the snide tilt had left his gaze. Several of the initiates came in, which surprised and humbled the girl; Tris and loud Christina with her boyfriend Will. Zeke came in with his little brother, Uriah, who was part of the Dauntless-born initiate class. Even Dante showed up to ban the kid from the Mats until further notice.
Only one person never made an appearance, but Honey wasn't surprised. Hurt, crushed, soul-stealingly bereft, but not surprised. He wouldn't come. And she knew why. I will not disappoint you. She'd failed to keep her promise in so many ways that day. She didn't blame him one bit.
"You people can't stay here all night," the doctor announced, scowling at the group. "Honey is not the only patient here and, besides that, she needs to rest. I'm sorry, but you have to leave."
"We really don't," Daisy contradicted him, not even looking his way.
"He's right, you guys. I'm okay, really," Honey insisted.
"And you're going to stay that way," Beth declared in a rare show of obstinacy. The doctor huffed and straightened his lab coat - white, with black and blue striping down the arms and side seams.
"Two. Two of you can stay," he compromised. "Or I'll have you all removed."
Daisy just snorted as he left the room. She was Patrol, after all and Hotdog was a security officer. Who was he going to get to remove them?
"There, two. Then you can spell each other for bathroom breaks and naps and I'll never be alone," the girl in the hospital bed said. It was very reasonable.
"Well, I'm staying. I don't care," the squad leader announced defiantly. The others began to talk back and forth to decide who else remained, because they all knew better than to try and contradict Daisy.
"If I can't stay, I'm taking the rest of this cake with me," Hotdog announced.
"Should we cut off a piece for Eric, you think?" Daisy asked, without her usual vitriol. It was kind of her to suspend her dislike of the man while her friend was laid up. Honey's mouth went dry. She took a breath, steeling herself so her voice didn't shake when she told them he wouldn't be coming.
"Do you think they let you bring food down there?" Calhoun asked, stopping the crow's tongue.
"It's worth a shot," Daisy shrugged.
"What are you talking about?" the confused little crow asked. Her friends all looked at her and then at Hotdog who cringed under the scrutiny.
"You didn't tell her?" Beth asked in disbelief.
"I was gonna wait until tomorrow," her boyfriend replied in defense of whatever it was Honey didn't know.
"Are you kidding? She's just been sitting here this whole time, thinking- for fuck's sake, Hotdog!" Joseph turned to the white-haired girl. "Eric's down in the detention center."
"What?!" Honey immediately threw off her blankets and tried to get out of bed, only to be waylaid by a big barrier made of former-Amity muscle.
"This is why I was waiting," Hotdog insisted with a huff.
"What happened? Why is he locked up?" Honey demanded, falling back against the bed because it hurt to much to push against the Calhoun-shaped wall.
"He tried to kill Ryland," Joseph supplied the answer. Hotdog expounded, apparently not seeing any point to holding back now that the cat was out of the bag.
"He got here right after we brought you in. Eric asked the doctor if any of your injuries were life threatening and when the doc said you weren't in any danger, he took off. He caught up to Zeke and Laika escorting Ryland to lockup and started wailing on him. It took six guys to pull him off."
"They arrested him for that?" Honey was outraged, but Hotdog shook his head.
"No, they had to lock him up because he tried it again twenty minutes later, down in detention. Max told them just to toss him in a cell until after they take Ryland to Candor in the morning."
Daisy added with a sympathetic frown. "He beat on the cell door for an hour."
Honey covered her face in her hands. That certainly sounded like her monster. Poor Eric. "He must be going out of his mind in there," she groaned miserably. "I have to go see him."
"You are not going down to detention," Hotdog decreed in a steely voice. "He's a leader of Dauntless. He can handle it."
"You don't understand!"
"I don't care."
Honey scowled at him, ready to fight tooth and nail if she had to. The others suddenly burst into laughter, shocking the two of them into bewilderment. Beth leaned into her boyfriend and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his cheek while she giggled.
"It's like he's your dad!" Joseph guffawed, then mimicked in a very unflatteringly shrill impression of Honey. "You don't understand me!"
Daisy took on the role of Hotdog, with a rather accurate tenor. "As long as you live under my roof, you'll obey my rules!"
"I'm gonna run away to Amity and then you'll be sorry!"
"No daughter of mine is gonna be a banjo strummin' softy! Get back in here and finish your cake!"
Everyone started laughing again, even Hotdog. Everyone but Honey, thinking about Eric locked in a box, alone, feet away from the man who tried to take what was his and completely helpless to do anything about it.
Honey tried to leave the room so many times, the doctor threatened to restrain her. And then he made good on that threat. He couldn't sedate her into unconsciousness, because of the concussion, so the girl ended up strapped to the bed so tightly she couldn't move and no amount of pleading could make Daisy and Calhoun - who were the two that stayed - let her loose. She stared at the clock, counting the seconds until morning, until the doctor would let her go, until Ryland would be gone from Dauntless forever, until Eric would be free again. Between the fight with Ryland, her resultant injuries, the constant slow trickle of sedative, the belly full of food warming her from within, and the effort she'd put into struggling with her restraints, Honey didn't even know when a blink turned into sleep the moment her lashes hit her cheeks.
Sometime early that morning, Honey's bladder woke her with a vengeance. She nudged her head against Daisy's to wake the snoozing squad leader who was curled up beside her, one arm thrown protectively over Honey's shoulders. Calhoun had pulled his chair up to the bed and fallen asleep leaning back against the mattress, his feet propped up on another chair and his head resting on Daisy's butt in lieu of a pillow. The whole scene would have been sweet if not for the circumstances.
"Daisy, I gotta pee," Honey grumbled, nudging her again.
"Can't you just hold it?" her friend grumbled right back, nuzzling into the pillow beside Honey's head.
"No, so if you don't get up, I'm gonna aim it at you." Daisy made a sound of disgust and moved to sit up. She paused and looked down at Calhoun's head on her rear with an amused little smile that was full of affection. Normally that would make the snowy crow smile herself, but just now it caused a jolt of pain to lance through her heart and that made her harsher than was warranted. "God, could you hurry the hell up?"
"You never were a morning person." Daisy reached across the girl and pressed the call button on her bed rail. A moment later, a nurse poked his head in the door. "This one has to pee."
Honey was escorted to the bathroom by two very large orderlies who eyed her warily the entire time. That was unnecessary; she wasn't about to run anywhere, feeling about to pop like she was. She absolutely would have tried it afterwards, but they each had a hold of one of her arms and frog-marched her back to the bed and strapped her right back down.
"Feel better, princess?" Daisy asked, tucking the blankets snugly around the scowling girl.
"You know, sometimes I'm glad I broke your nose." The lovely Patrol officer just smiled and kissed Honey's cheek.
"I love you, too. Now, go back to sleep."
But Honey couldn't sleep. Not now that they'd cut the sedative, not now that her stomach was empty and growling. Now that her heart ached like Ryland's knife had cut into it, watching Daisy smile sweetly with her eyes closed as her fingers stroked Calhoun's copper-wool.
Just after seven, the door to Honey's room opened and the doctor came in to change her bandage.
"Keep this new one on until tomorrow. Keep it clean and dry. Then you can take it off and shower, but don't scrub the graft site," he instructed. "As I told you last night, it will only take a few days for the skin to heal, but you'll have some pain until the tissue below mends. I'm prescribing a mild painkiller and an antibiotic."
"You can keep your painkiller," Honey sneered.
"Honey's not into mind altering substances," Daisy supplied, making up for her friend's bad attitude.
"Then don't take it," the doc shrugged. "But I'm giving it to you, anyway."
Honey just glowered silently until the doctor left. Then, she just glared up at the ceiling. She almost told her friends they could leave, but didn't bother, knowing they wouldn't listen. She almost told them to stop smiling at each other, but didn't, knowing they'd make her explain why. If those pills the doctor prescribed could work on a broken heart, she'd have taken the whole bottle.
At precisely eight am, a cheerful orderly brought a tray of food for Honey. The famished girl curled her lip at its contents. Rubbery eggs that were an unnatural shade of dandelion yellow, burnt bacon, dry wheat toast, a handful of grapes, and a small bowl of what was either the slimiest oatmeal she'd ever seen or baby vomit. Calhoun went to the mess and brought back two trays for the three of them to share, full of fluffy pancakes, properly cooked bacon and sausage, buttered toast, orange slices, and the carrot sticks Honey liked to end her meals with.
Daisy fed Honey, since the young sub was still tied down. It all smelled delicious, but the girl may as well have been eating the hospital "food", because she didn't taste a bite. The growling in her gut had ceased, but the meal did nothing to loosen the knot in her stomach.
At eight thirty, a worker came in and changed the garbage, then ran a quick mop over the floor. At eight forty-five, a female nurse entered to check Honey's blood pressure and pulse and ask her several questions about how she was feeling, while checking the dilation of her pupils. This wasn't the girl's first concussion, so she barely paid attention at all and Daisy had to nudge her twice to give the nurse an answer.
Just before nine o'clock the door opened again and Honey didn't bother looking, not caring about whatever disapproving expression was on the orderly's face that the infirmary tray hadn't been touched or who was there to clean what or what pills the doctor had come to give her. She just wanted them to unbuckle her fucking straps and let her go.
"Get out."
Honey's head snapped up and she gasped, eyes wide, heart stilled in her chest. Eric looked awful. His hair was a mess and his shirt untucked and wrinkled. He looked paler than usual and drawn. Dark half-moons of exhaustion underscored his abnormally dull gray eyes. His knuckles were raw and scabbed over with dried blood.
Daisy looked to Honey in question, but the girl only saw the man standing just inside the door. Her friends stood as one and walked towards the exit. Just as they reached Eric, the leader opened his mouth as if to speak, but didn't. Instead, he gave a single, curt nod that acknowledged what he didn't need to say - thanking them for staying with her.
"We saved you a piece of cake," Daisy told him softly, nodding back towards the beside supply station, where a slice of chocolate cake rested on a paper towel. Then, she and Calhoun left, with just a glance back at Honey and a wave. The door shut and the lovers… former lovers were alone, staring silently at each other.
Eric walked slowly to the bed and every step was like a beat of Honey's heart, sending the cruelest anguish surging through her veins in place of blood. He stopped beside her and reached out to the band holding her chest to the bed. There was another across her waist, which the girl's wrists were strapped down to and one for her ankles as well. He unbuckled her without a word, but more importantly, very deliberately without touching her.
Honey couldn't stand the silence and by the time he'd freed her hands, she broke.
"I'm sorry, Eric," she choked out. His eyes jumped to hers in surprise. "I'm so sorry."
For a long, brutal moment, the man only stared at her, then he looked away and shook his head, focusing on her restraints once more, unstrapping her feet and freeing her entirely. "You don't have to apologize to me. I don't need it."
Honey's heart shattered and as much as she'd sworn to herself she wouldn't do anything to make Eric feel worse about the situation, the over-stressed girl couldn't help it and burst into tears. Eric had never seen her actually cry, not once in all the time they'd known each other, in all the harsh situations he'd seen the girl endure. The sight seemed to startle him and he drew back to look at her in irritated bewilderment.
"Why are you crying?"
Honey covered her face and sobbed into her hands, shrugging her shoulders helplessly.
"Well, stop then." She shook her head. She couldn't stop. Eric leaned his head back and took a deep breath, then puffed it out at the ceiling.
"Fine, if it makes you feel better, go ahead and apologize. Tell me how sorry you are," he said the words with weary resignation.
"I was so stupid," Honey said in a rush against her palms, her words crowded and stuttering. "I don't deserve any of it. I'm such a coward. And I didn't even think. And Ryland. And they wouldn't let me out-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Eric demanded. The girl looked up at him with wide eyes ringed with pink, puffy skin, tears streaking down her face.
"Everything," she insisted. "You told me everything I wanted to know and I ran away like a fucking coward! And then I was stupid and too drunk to recognize Ryland as a threat and I couldn't even fight him off and this happened. And you got locked in a fucking cell because of it. And I couldn't make them let me go so I could go to you last night, an-"
"Honey, stop," he reached for her arms, but Honey pushed his hands away.
"No! I'm so, so sorry I'm not the person you thought I was, Eric. And I let you down so bad. I'm so sorry."
"You're exactly who I think you are. How have you let me down?" he asked, angry and confused.
"I couldn't stop him!" she all but wailed. "All that training for nothing! And I ran away from you! Look at me; I'm such a fucking disappointment!"
Eric knocked her hands away, catching her face between his own as he sat on the bed and looked into her tear-filled eyes. The dull cast was gone from his own gaze, leaving it sharp and clear. "I told you, no matter what you do, you will not disappoint me. Ever."
She did stop. Stopped and stared, brows up and together, eyes so wide and kittenish. You will not disappoint me. Said with such force and authority. The girl thought he'd meant she wasn't allowed to disappoint him. He was telling her she couldn't.
"Do you understand?" She nodded. She understood now. "When were you drunk?"
"I went to a bar in the Pit," Honey admitted with much shame, but without hesitation. "I thought if my mind was numb, it would be easier to apologize for running away and hiding. I was an idiot and when Ryland-"
"You managed to break his nose and collar bone and stick him with his own knife. While you were drunk. If you'd been sober, you'd have killed him." He said it like it was a given, like she was stupid for not already knowing.
"I should have known better than to meet you on the roof, anyplace so wide open. You hate being caught off guard. What did I expect you to do?" Eric shook his head, brushing his thumbs under her eyes and carefully wiping away the tears. "I could have killed Ryland the instant I got my hands on him, but I had to hurt him first. It's my own fault I ended up in that cell, Honey. Not yours."
"I don't understand," Honey said, laying her hands over his.
"I'm not angry with you," he told her. "I don't blame you for what happened. It's as much my fault as yours. Actually, it's much more my fault than yours."
"Then why were you so cold?" she pleaded, searching his eyes beseechingly. "Why did you tell me to apologize like that? Like you didn't want to hear anything I had to say?"
Eric sighed and took her hands in his and placed them into her lap. "I thought you were apologizing because you felt bad about not loving me anymore; because what we have is over."
Honey snatched her hands away and mimicked him, catching hold of his face. "I'd have to be dead to stop loving you," she told the stupid man fiercely, scowling at even the thought of it. "I'd have to be dead and gone and even then I'm not so sure, Eric. Don't you ever think that again. I don't care about Jeanine Matthews or Divergents or that you don't want me anymore. I will never stop loving you."
He caught her elbows and pulled her arms as he leaned in, so her hands slipped off his cheeks and over his shoulders. "How could you think I wouldn't want you?" he murmured in astonishment an instant before his lips met hers.
Honey's arms tightened around him as she pressed into the kiss with a needy sound. He still wanted her. He still loved her. She was still his. The girl had to get closer, she could never be close enough. She crawled into his lap and Eric shifted to sit further on the bed, helping her, wrapping her legs around his waist. Her patient's gown was open down the back, baring her to the room and anyone who came in from the base of her neck to her ass, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered, only that Eric was there, holding her; hers.
She rocked against him and he shushed against her lips, laying a hand on her hip to still her movements. Honey whined into his mouth, pleading and needy. He stroked her back soothingly and she melted against him, her lips slipping away from his as her head fell to rest on his shoulder. Eric buried his face in her white curls, his warm breath huffing against the back of her skull.
"I'm a heartless man, but I do love you," he murmured into her hair. "If I have a soul left at all, it's yours. Always."
"You're not heartless, Eric." Honey kissed his shoulder, stroking her fingers firmly against the back of his neck and the base of his skull.
"Not anymore," he conceded, barely above a whisper. "You're my heart."
She sniffled and tried to pull back, so she could look at him, but he wouldn't let her go even that far and the knots inside her were slowly loosening because of it. Eric rested his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling together.
"Make love to me," Honey begged in a whisper.
The man shook his head, his skin moving against hers. "You're hurt. I'm not gonna make it worse."
"You're the only thing that can make it better," she insisted. "Please, I want to be whole again."
"You are," Eric assured her, brushing their lips together. "You're so much stronger than you think. I wish… If you could just see yourself, Honey. You'd never feel like you weren't enough ever again."
"Eric, I thought I'd lost you. I-"
"You can't lose me." His words were steel set into stone and he sealed them with a soft kiss.
"Please." Honey's plea was spoken fervently against his lips. "I'm begging you, Eric. I need it. It's wonderful and clean and I can't take a shower and I need to wash yesterday off me."
Eric kissed her again and nodded and she could have wept with relief because he understood. Maybe she did a little. He carefully lifted her off his lap, depositing her on the bed, then went to the door. There was no lock. Opening it, he leaned out and barked an order at the first person he saw that no one was to come into her room or he'd see them and whoever interrupted him Factionless. The person was quite perceptive and protested.
"Sir, you can't do that here!"
"I do whatever I want, wherever I want and if you want to stay in Dauntless, you'll follow my orders and make sure I'm not disturbed," the leader said in a dangerous tone that could not be defied. He shut the door again without another word and when Eric turned around, Honey expected to see that hard, authoritarian expression on his face. Instead, he was looking at her as though she was something impossibly fragile that he needed to protect at all cost, which he was trying very hard to keep from devouring.
She immediately reached up and untied the knot that held her gown closed, while Eric's long legs made short work of the space between them and he sat back down on the bed. When she pulled the garment away, he stiffened, his face twisting into a shifting mask of rage and disgust and guilt and fear. Her belly was covered in a thick white bandage and they both knew why it was there, what had happened to her. Honey shifted onto her knees and reached for her lover. The determined crow wasn't going to let Ryland have any control over her; she wouldn't let him make her ashamed of her body.
Eric pulled her back into his lap without hesitation and his mouth took hers, demanding everything she could give, because she needed to let out everything. His body was hard and tense, the muscles corded along his arms flexing with heavy strain. Conversely, his embrace was so very careful, his touch impossibly light and gentle as he gathered her close and set himself the task of touching his fingertips to every last inch of her body. Honey pulled his shirt up and off, pressing herself to his chest with a grateful sigh. The soft curls were such a blissfully welcome warm tickle against her skin that she shivered. The girl brushed against her lover like a cat seeking to be stroked and he purred encouragingly into her mouth.
Eric's hands petted their way down her back to palm her ass, squeezing gently. The fingers of one hand dipped lower, sliding between the folds of her pussy to find her already slick and hot. He groaned, pushing the digits into her and making his lover respond in kind.
"I'm going to go so slow, Honey," he murmured against her lips. "Don't push. Stay with me."
She nodded, scraping her nails gently against his short, buzzed hair as his fingers sent little ripples of pleasure through her. He did go slow, taking his time to ensure she was as ready as possible. More than ready. Aching. Burning. Then he tipped her over the edge as gently as he could, kissing the groans as they fell from her lips when she spasmed around his fingers and shook against his chest.
Normally, her demanding, impatient lover would have pushed his cock inside her pussy while Honey was still twitching from climax, but Eric was nothing if not determined. He waited, holding and stroking her until the girl's breathing was even, before reaching between them to open his fly. Her heart leapt as his erection was freed, rising proud and hard just bare inches from where she needed it with every fiber of her being.
Honey curled her fingers around his shaft, measuring his length with a stroke of her palm and Eric didn't stop her. He cupped her backside with both hands, lifting her and pulling her hips toward his belly so she could guide him into her easily. They both moaned with relief when his dick slipped inside her channel, filling the girl in a gorgeously smooth motion that made her feel whole and new.
"Yours," she whispered. He nodded.
"Mine." That sentiment went both ways. Felt like coming home. Again, the man waited, just breathing, letting her feel him deep within her, only taking action when Honey made a quiet sound of want and started to squirm.
"Let me do the work," Eric ordered and pleaded at the same time. "Just relax and let me, Honey, please."
"Anything you want," she assured him, nodding several times. His shoulders relaxed at her promise, but only for a moment before his muscles bunched under the girl's fingers. He lifted her, letting his cock slip nearly all the way out before bringing her body back down onto him, pushing back inside her pussy with a rumbling growl of pleasure. Honey sighed against his jaw, remaining passive and accepting as Eric moved her, doing all the work, making her ride him at a beautifully torturous slow pace.
When her head fell back, he kissed and nuzzled her neck as though the bandage that covered the gulch Ryland's knife had sliced into her throat wasn't there, as though it didn't matter. It didn't. Nothing mattered but Honey and Eric and the love and pleasure that existed between them, that they gave each other freely, without reserve and demanded back again because they were owed no less.
She told him how much she loved him, how beautiful and wonderful he was, how good he was making her feel and how grateful she was that he was so very strong in so many ways and could give her what she needed. Eric shivered, his muscles rippling under Honey's words and the worshipful stroking of her hands. He didn't speak, she didn't think he could. Instead, he showed her without words; every slow rise and fall on his length, every brush of his lips and tongue, every hitched breath and groan, every rapid, pounding beat of his heart telling the girl she was loved and cherished and, more important to her, that he knew he was, as well.
When Honey's body finally reached the shining pinnacle of bliss that Eric spent an eternity building for them, she didn't shatter - she melted into molten light and he was right there with her, moaning her name like a prayer as they shook in each other's arms. The luscious, lustrous liquid heat slowly solidified into achingly sweet, perfect peace.
Eric and Honey lay in the hospital bed for hours more, at last finding the restful sleep that had been impossible during the night.
Phew. Had ya worried for a second, there; didn't I?
So many feels.