+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)
The house medical expert was happy to spend even a small amount of time alone with the object of her affections. The pair had been discussing how Shinji's day had gone when he mentioned the small paper bag on the counter containing his newest prescription. "Melatonin?" Kodama looked at the bottle again, "Shinji, have you not been sleeping?"
"Not really," he admitted quietly, slowly coring the apples he was preparing for Nozomi's snack. "It's not been easy, I haven't been able to stop thinking. Everything just piles up during the day, and by the time that I have a moment to think it's the middle of the night. So, I just…think. I try to put everything in perspective, and before I know it my alarm's going off to go and it's time for practice with Suzuka-san, Suzuki-san, and Gen-san."
"…Is it us?" Kodama set the pills onto the countertop, "I know that we've been all over the place these last few days, b-"
Shinji set the knife down firmly, "No." Keeping his gaze locked resolutely on the cutting board, he flattened his hands out on either side of the wood to stop from clenching his fists, "Kodama, I swore to myself, to your father, to the Shirakami, and most importantly to all three of you, that I would do whatever I needed to for all of you." Pressing down on his palms, he shook his head sluggishly, "It's everything else. I can't do anything because every time I try, someone else needs me to do something. I try and talk to you and Hikari, an Angel attacks. I try again, Ritsuko-san goes insane. I try again, and…your father. We can't talk tonight, because Nozomi needs help with her school work to focus away from that nightmare, and Hikari promised her she'd work with her. I need to talk to Maya-san about Ritsuko-san, but she's finally getting some sleep after we had a successful training day! If I force someone, sure, I know they'll do what I want…but it's not like any of this is going anywhere." He sighed, standing back upright and facing the vivacious nurse, "Right now, I just want to do what I can to help you three. I want to focus on you, on what you need, and once things are…calmer, maybe I can have some time to tell you the rest of my story."
The eldest Horaki nodded, empathizing, "You're stressed."
He laughed mirthlessly, "Aren't we all?" Sweeping the apple slices onto a plate, he smiled wanly, "I'll take the pills, because I've been asked by Maya-san, and by you. I'll try and get some sleep, if it comes. For right now, I need to work on dinner or we'll be late in making sure that Nozomi-chan gets to bed."
"Well, that won't be a concern for the two of us." Kodama nabbed the plate, hurrying out to the dining room table and calling in advance of her arrival, "Ladies, I'm taking our man and going on a trip. He needs to relax, and I have nothing to do right now."
"Kodama!" Shinji stepped into the room, a pensive expression on his face, "I can't ask Hikari to cook and work with Nozomi-chan. I need to be here to reassure her that a monster won't eat me, someone needs to start dinner, and the laundry needs to be kept on top of, and-"
"And we managed just fine before we had anyone else," Hikari asserted herself calmly. Her tone was filled with the authority she wielded so easily, "You worked hard today, and if Ko-Ko thinks you need to relax, then you need to relax. Take him out," she looked to her sister, "have fun," she shifted her gaze to Shinji, "both of you."
"You heard the boss," Kodama pressed Shinji towards his bedroom. "Put on that charcoal pair of slacks and that sapphire dress shirt. I'll be down in a flash after I change."
The desire to struggle died as he heard Nozomi chirp happily, "I can help you make dinner tonight, nee-san! I can show you what nii-san taught me!"
"I look forward to it, Nozomi-chan," Hikari's calm reply was the last thing he heard as Kodama finished pushing him into his room, "but first you need to finish this exercise. Number seven is…." The door closing cut off the last of her sentence.
"Shinji," Kodama leaned against the door, eyeing him warily, "please?"
"P-please?" Blinking in confusion, he swallowed to try and stifle his stammer, "I don't follow."
"Please, take me out?" Standing free of the door, she walked over and ran her hands along his chest, "I want to formally introduce you to a few of my friends, they should be able to meet us for dinner. I want to forget about everything for just one evening, just let it all go."
"…Dinner," Shinji hedged, "with friends."
"Maybe dessert, too," her eyes danced as she felt him bite on her hook. "Let's not limit it without seeing how the evening goes."
Hikari's ok with me going on a 'date' with Kodama, Shinji subconsciously looked through the wall to where his girlfriend sat. She's encouraging me to see past what I think is normal. His eyes shifted back to the beautiful woman before him, And this would make all three of them happy. "Ok," he acquiesced with a small shrug, "we'll see how the evening goes. I don't have school tomorrow, and the business trip isn't until Sunday."
"You are the best!" Pouncing up, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders, and kissed him thoroughly, "Just you wait, I'm going to show you how to relax!" Dropping back down, she bounced giddily from the room, "Get changed, we're wasting time."
The door opened and closed before he could rally, it wasn't until the happy victory squeal that carried from the main house that he realized that he was still stuck in place. "I need to ask her, again." Shinji sighed as he turned to get changed, "I know she's always certain, but I can't do this without knowing that she's not going to…." Change her mind? Seek happiness with someone else? I won't do anything that would risk losing her. Ever.
Long months of experience in changing clothes rapidly meant that he was clean and ready well before Kodama. A last look in the mirror to check that everything was in place gave him a plan to pull Hikari aside without involving the youngest Horaki. She does not need to hear about this stuff yet. She's still way too young. Walking to the door, he slid it open and held up the hair tie that Hikari had personally selected during a shopping trip. It would act as a reminder to Kodama, and to him, where his heart resided first and foremost. "Hikari? Could I have a hand?"
"Hmm?" His girlfriend smiled affectionately as she turned to consider him, the ease with which she changed from working with Nozomi to gazing upon him as if he would never be a bother perfectly natural, the instinctive reaction warming him inside. "Oh, of course! Nozomi-chan, you try problem twelve on your own. I'll see how you did when I get back."
"Hai!" The little lady of the house bopped along to some unheard music, making precise marks on a piece of scratch paper as she puzzled through her homework.
Gliding over, her usual grace on display, Hikari ushered Shinji back into his room, closing the door and putting him in his desk chair, "Thank you, my love." Lifting the tie free from his grasp, she took his hair gently, "I know that this isn't how you envisioned life going, and I know that where you come from this would be beyond unthinkable, but the pure joy on Kodama's face as she raced upstairs makes me so unbelievably happy that you're in our life."
"I…I need to ask," Shinji basked in the warmth he felt as his girlfriend caressed his hair into place. "If I make this a date-"
A slight tug on his hair interrupted him, "It is a date, Shinji." Hikari's tone remained pleased, "You are going on a date with my sister, and there is nothing on Earth that I could name that is wrong with that. I have an obligation here, one I know you would take just as seriously if you were asked by Nozomi, and that means that you have an evening free." Cinching the tie, she turned him so that he was facing her and placed her hands on his shoulders, "Go. Give her a chance to show you how she feels, and see if you feel the same." She raised a single eyebrow, her smile taking on a judicial cast, "You know, and I know, that this," she tapped over his heart, "beats for me."
He smiled shyly and looked down to his hands, rejoicing in hearing her stake her claim so clearly, "It does."
"But it has so much room, Shinji." Tickling his chin, she enticed him to look up at her again, "If it has enough room for Kodama, that doesn't mean that there's less room for me. It just means that whatever life you have will be that much more full of love." Leaning down, she kissed him tenderly. Taking her time to impress her point into his psyche, she stepped back and wiped her thumb over his lips, "Keep your mind open."
"For you," he reached up and took her wrist, "anything."
"Careful," a fey grin crossed her face, "or I might ask you to kiss me again."
"But I wouldn't mind that," Shinji baffled.
Stepping backwards towards the door, letting her hand linger in his, Hikari winked slyly, "I didn't say where I'd ask you to kiss me, my love." Sliding the door open before Shinji could respond, she changed her tone, "Enjoy your date, and don't worry about us. I'm going to spend time bonding with my baby sister." Turning around, she swished her hips as she walked, setting her skirt to dancing and reminding Shinji that she was still intensely interested in pushing his boundaries as he became comfortable doing so.
Nozomi unintentionally covered her sister's retreat, "I'm not a baby, I'm just smaller than you were!"
The mental image of the kinds of kiss she could be referring to set his cheeks aflame, I'm going to head outside. It's…cooler. Tugging on a collar that suddenly seemed far too tight, Shinji blushed his way out of the house, ducking his head in a farewell as he passed the table. Nozomi's cheerful wave and Hikari's warm smile following him on his way.
"Where are we off to?" The man that Shinji had come to know as Jake was quick to make an appearance, "Something we can help with?"
"N-no," Shinji shook his head, trying to reduce the obvious signs of his hormonally-infused psyche, "Kodama-san has asked that I take her out to dinner tonight. I…uhm, wanted to get a feel for the weather."
"Uh huh." Jake looked at Shinji with patent disbelief, "You know, it's honestly refreshing to work for someone that couldn't lie if they were handed a script and enough sodium thiopental to glaze the eyes of everyone in a five-mile radius." Clapping Shinji on the shoulder, he nodded towards the street, "I'll have a car brought around. You know where you're going?"
"No," his response to being caught in altering the truth to be more socially acceptable was to smile ruefully and shrug.
Jake nodded, anticipating his answer, "Once Miss Horaki decides, we'll get you there."
"Is it really necessary?" Shinji realized he hadn't asked how serious things had become, and took advantage of the fact that the man he was speaking to seemed amiable, "Driving us, I mean."
The man's face went flat, a sign clear even to Shinji that he was working through a mental rubric to determine how much to share, "One second." Tapping his throat mic, he shifted his eyes away to indicate he wasn't speaking to Shinji anymore, "Copper Actual this is Two-Two, Paladin is asking an honest question about our standing, requesting authority to give an honest answer, over." He nodded after a few beats, "Two-Two copies, out." Waving Shinji towards the street, he used a series of hand signals to an unseen party and then turned to face the man he was authorized to kill for, "Seventeen incursions in the past forty-eight hours, mostly feelers or other things we'd expect from any OGA types. Twice they had something we'd not expect here in Japan, and each time they were relieved of their property and given to Section Two to handle."
Shinji's response was strangled, "S-seventeen?!"
"Only two serious, and nothing we couldn't handle," Jake calmly replied. "Sir, to be frank the 'security through anonymity' that Section Two was engaged in was a horrible idea. We, however, are not in the habit of passive security. On this block alone we have more than enough Agents to repel any incursion short of a Platoon of Armor or a standard Infantry Company. Were it up to me, I'd put you somewhere that I could install Anti-Air and a few TOW emplacements. So long as you're the only answer to the Angels, in this fighting man's opinion there is no expense too great to guarantee your security."
An unmarked car pulled up, the tinted window rolling down to reveal Akane behind the wheel, "Hey kid, get in the car. I've got candy."
"Akane-san!" Shinji's smile grew quickly back, "What are you doing here?"
"Offering you candy to get in the car," she scoffed, "duh."
"We integrated several Section Two staff that we're familiar with," Jake continued. "Those we've worked with in the past."
"So," Akane's grin floated to the surface, "where are we going?"
"I don't know," Shinji turned to look at the house, then back at the Agent he was familiar with, "Kodama-san didn't tell me and I didn't ask."
"Kodama-chan?" Akane blinked, "Not Hikari-chan?"
"Agent," Jake interceded, "where he goes, and with whom, is only our concern if it changes our security situation. If you want to interrogate him, get authorization from Haraldson, otherwise his business is his own." Taking note of motion, he tapped Shinji to turn him towards the house, "Your date's here."
Kodama was half out of the house, giving a hug and kiss to Hikari as she exited. Shinji was dumbstruck as he took in the stylishly-dressed eldest Horaki Sister, who seemed to have managed to go from her typical powerfully attractive to 'turn heads and cause car accidents' attractive in the just-shy of fifteen minutes she was busy upstairs. In addition to the dolphin hairclip that he'd bought her, she wore a form-fitting red sleeve dress with matching heels that left enough to the imagination that he knew he'd be contemplating what he had and had not actually seen for weeks, carrying a small clutch that had enough room for her phone, her pay card, and little else.
"Sorry," she smiled apologetically as she sashayed easily towards Shinji, ignoring everyone else, "you'd think I'd have a better grasp on what was in my closet but…well, this was the best I could manage."
Shinji blinked, confused and astounded that she would go to all of this trouble just to go out to dinner with him and a few of her friends. Is this how she thinks I want to see her? Is she doing this because she wants to, or because she thinks I want her to….
"No worries, Miss Horaki," Jake covered smoothly for Shinji's missing tongue. "Mister Ikari was making certain that we were ready for you. He forgot to mention where you'd be going, though."
"The Blue Crane," Kodama stepped over next to Shinji. "I wanted to thank Xu-san for her efforts during the wake, and to see what Daddy used to eat."
"You're stunning," Shinji breathed.
"That's nice of you to say so," Kodama pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Let's get going, Chise-san and Fumiki-san should meet us there soon." Thrilling inwardly as Shinji couldn't seem to get himself to move from her embrace, she looked casually towards Jake, "Is it going to be a problem for your people if we're out late?"
"Not in the least, ma'am," Jake once again showed his maturity in not drawing attention to Shinji's inexperience. "Our team will coordinate a handoff with the Shirakami, since you'll be visiting one of their hubs. I'm certain you'll recognize their people, and if anything goes wrong I doubt Madam Xu would allow either of you to come to harm." Holding out his hand, he moved to the car, "My apologies for not allowing you to get the door for your date, Paladin, but it's a terrible habit for a principle-level asset to get into. When you arrive, please do let one of our Agents handle the doors. They'll want to make sure the area is clear before you leave the safety of the vehicle."
"O-of course," returning back to the conversation as he realized he was holding everyone up, Shinji moved to help Kodama settle into the seat. "Thank you for taking care of them, Jake-san. I'm glad that you understand." Standing clear of the door as it was calmly swung closed, he moved with the Agent to the other side of the car.
"All part of the service, Paladin," extending his hand in the Western style, Jake gave a professional grin.
Shinji accepted the handshake, frowning when he felt a sharp foil-wrapped object pressed into his hand.
"Not that I'm saying you'll need it," Jake cautioned quietly, without letting go of the grip. "Just better to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it." The final admonition given, he let the man he was sworn to protect free.
Shinji's blush once more showed up, and nodding tersely he quickly pocketed the package, "I…uhm…."
"No worries," Jake paused with his hand on the door. "None of us are judging you, believe me. If we were, you'd be passing with flying colors." Swinging the door open, he waited for Shinji to climb inside, then shut it firmly and patted the roof twice.
Cautiously buckling the lap belt, Shinji wondered what it was that Jake had meant by 'passing with flying colors'. Unfortunately for him, his thought process was derailed when Kodama slipped her hand under his and drew his gaze over to her once more, "A-are you sure I'm not underdressed?" He plucked at his shirt with his free hand, "A collarless dress shirt doesn't seem to match…well, you're…uhm…."
"Go on," Kodama's smile reminded him vaguely of Ritsuko for a moment, "what am I?"
"Beyond me," he admitted quietly. "I couldn't ever wear anything that would put me on a level with how you look, it's like…like you're a movie star, and I'm just some dork holding one of the lights."
"Shinji," Kodama leaned so that she was laying her head on his shoulder, both gaining physical contact and giving him a view she hoped he'd admire, "you are holding a Light, and my sister loves you for it. You aren't, however, a dork. At most you're a little timid. My sister adores you, sisters for that fact. Nozomi thinks the world of you, and the fact that she's not still a sobbing mess over Daddy is directly tied to how you've helped us calm everything down. Hikari…well, she's the luckiest girl in the world as far as I'm concerned."
"I'm…sorry," Shinji was determined to keep his eyes up on the curves in the road ahead, and not on the curves being shown to his side.
Making slow designs on the back of his hand with her the fingers of her free one, she frowned slightly, "What for?"
"That there isn't more I can do," he confessed. "I keep trying to come up with new ideas, something that I can put into place to help…or something I could have done to prevent all of this from happening." Lowering his guard slightly, he held his hand out so that she could see it, "Somehow prevent…this. It all started with me changing, Kodama. With stepping on that broken teacup."
She sighed, understanding of his nature but irritated that he felt he had to apologize for being the kind of man he was, "You wouldn't happen to still have the shards of that teacup?"
"No," he looked down and saw her smiling sadly up at him, "why?"
Her smile hardened, "I'd fashion a necklace out of the remains, somehow." Sitting up, she took his hand with her and pulled him so that she could claim his arm, "My father's death was not your fault, Shinji. He was not the cost of you living with us, of joining my family." Looking over surreptitiously, she pulled out her phone and expertly typed out a message with a single hand, then showed him: I would have seen it.
"You…." She's seen things. She knows what happened, and she's asked before if I believe in fate. "I…see."
Her tone softened, "So, let's relax. Tonight, we're going to enjoy some time away from everything, we're going to introduce you to my friends, and we're going to wear each other out so that you can get some actual sleep."
+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)
"Mister Ikari," one of the pair of in-house guards for the private rooms greeted Shinji at the main door to the restaurant, "Mistress Horaki, we are filled with joy that you would spend your evening with us. Your friends have already arrived, and are waiting with my counterpart. Please," he opened the door and bowed politely, "if you would."
"Thank you," Shinji bowed in respect for the man as he escorted Kodama into the restaurant. Reflexively watching the room as he felt everyone's eyes fall on them, he unknowingly radiated an aura of displeasure. The main thoroughfare was empty, their arrival anticipated, and the guard calmly walked them to the private room with the air of a man escorting legends.
Shinji's posture, his protectiveness, and his general bearing all melted Kodama inside. She knew to her bones that he wouldn't allow harm to come to her, and that while he would never view her as a possession, he would always see her as a treasure. She just had to convince him that he could treasure her in more than friendship. "I like the décor here," she spoke loud enough to be overheard, "I'm glad you recommended we come here tonight, dear."
"The kitchen produces some truly exceptional food," Shinji responded without changing his wary movements. After they moved through the main room, proceeding down the hall that would take them to the private area, he frowned, "I didn't recommend we come here, you did."
"Shinji," she chided, "sometimes a woman likes to show the world that she's with someone who will take care of her every whim." Tilting her head back towards the common rooms, she shrugged, an action that set his cheeks aflame with the amount of flesh displayed, "It's a status symbol, I just walked through there with the hottest man most of them will ever see. In their eyes, I'm not 'Kodama Horaki, Nurse', I'm a mystery woman with a powerful and even more mysterious man."
"If…it makes you happy," Shinji didn't pretend to understand the motivation. To him, he'd rather they believe he was nothing special. It reduced the number of questions, the odd looks. I guess this is how Rei feels all the time. I should probably have figured that out…back when I was staring at her. Man, I'm terrible.
"Enjoy your meal," the big man opened the door quietly. "If there is anything missing, please, do not be afraid to summon us."
"Kodama-san!" A woman that Shinji was slow to recognize stood from the table, "Oh, wow! You're right, he looks like he'd be in our classes. Maybe even teaching them."
"Chise-san, Fumiki-san," Kodama held her hands out as if she were presenting Shinji as a prize, "it is my distinct pleasure to introduce you to Shinji Ikari. Shinji, this is-"
"Ah!" Shinji's eyes went wide as he finally placed where he'd seen the two women before, "I'm so sorry!" He bowed low, "Please forgive me."
"Right," Kodama sighed. "You do know they volunteered happily to make that tape, don't you?"
"He is a proper gentleman, isn't he?" Fumiki stood and crossed to where Shinji stayed prostrated, "Please stand up, it's dreadfully embarrassing to have you apologizing for something I chose willingly to do."
His stammer forced its way out, "B-but, I-"
"No, no," pressing him upright, she smiled teasingly, "I simply can't allow you to apologize for enjoying the show."
"Fumiki," Chise growled, "you're being rude."
"He started it," Fumiki slipped her arm around Shinji's. "So," she guided him towards the table easily, "did it help?"
"I…uhm, i-it," he knew he was blushing to the roots of his hair.
"Fumiki Nakatome, you stop teasing Kodama-san's friend right this instant." Chise stomped her foot, "Or I won't help you study for a month."
"You see how it is, Shinji-kun," Fumiki sighed as she separated from Shinji. "They declare that they'll love you forever, that there's nobody else, and then once they have you in their grasp…this." Sticking her tongue out at her partner, she giggled.
"Ok, everyone settle down," Kodama took on a long-suffering air. "Shinji," drawing his attention back to her, she reassumed the aspect of her personality that had pulled him from his destined life in Misato's apartment, "I asked them for help because they've done similar to help pay for their tuition. They're actresses, of a sort."
"When we heard that you and Hikari-chan were having a hard time overcoming that first hurdle," Chise urged him to sit, "we offered to make a private video just for the two of you. Watching something like that together can break the stasis that overwhelms people, and we knew we could make it 'real' for once. Usually we have to sell a fantasy, do things that people expect from a lesbian couple, it's all very unrealistic."
"But for you," Fumiki's voice changed to a more friendly tone, "we could actually be ourselves. To help you be who you are." She grinned at Kodama, "To be honest, I didn't believe Kodama-san when she said that you were how you are. But it seems I owe her a serious apology. Such innocence in someone your age…I guess I just didn't think it was possible."
"So," Chise began to pour tea, "did it help?" The open look of curiosity prevented the question from appearing sinister.
"I…uhm," he fiddled with his hands.
"Third base," Kodama filled in the void. "Which, to be fair, is well beyond what even I expected to have them reach."
"Yay!" Fumiki cheered as Chise handed cups across the table, celebrating that their efforts had borne fruit. "Kodama-san, you promised to explain more once you got here. Not that I'm upset mind, I quite like having dinner with attractive people, but I thought we were going to have this date with his girlfriend here too."
"Well…you might be." Kodama reached under the table, taking Shinji's hand, "Hikari-chan has let me know that she's open to sharing Shinji. But, it's up to him." Squeezing lightly, she smiled hopefully at the man she favored, "He's promised that he'll think about it."
"Wow…." Chise sat down, stunned. "You mean to say that you've offered, your sister's totally fine with it, and he is the one that's holding up the relationship?"
"You must really care for Hikari-chan," Fumiki picked up her tea, sitting back and reconsidering Shinji's entire demeanor. "Kodama-san was widely considered to be not only the best nurse in our class, but second only to maybe Shizuka Marikawa as far as the 'hottie index' is concerned."
"It isn't that," Shinji struggled between setting the record straight, and keeping his failings out of the limelight. "It's because it would be unfair to them. I'm not willing to sit back and let her date another man, so why should I ask her to let me date someone else?"
"But you'd let her date a woman?" Chise picked up on the phrasing, "So it's not that you're against an open relationship, just that you don't feel it'd be appropriate for you to taste the wildflowers while she wasn't able to?"
"I've tried to set it up so that a woman they're both interested in would join the relationship," Kodama sighed, taking her hand back. "But, my sister has decided to leave it all to Shinji. Shinji, on the other hand, doesn't think it's his decision to make."
"It sounds like he's a good man struggling with the realities of modern dating," Fumiki posited. "He doesn't want to tie Hikari down, he wants to let her fly free to discover who she wants to be. That's a man that any woman who swings that way would love."
"I'd try to set him up with one of my sisters, that's for certain," Chise agreed easily.
"Except they'd cheat on him, and I'd snap and lose my mind on them," Fumiki countered. "So what's your plan, Kodama-san? You don't take things sitting down, and you clearly asked for us to be here for a reason."
"Simple," Kodama shrugged, "I wanted to have him hear exactly what you just said, or more precisely, didn't say."
Chise considered the statement, "You wanted to have him see what a pair of lesbians thought of him dating a pair of sisters."
"Breaking taboos by exposing him to people who broke taboos," Fumiki nodded. "Cunning. And, a bit of a cunty move."
"I told him, expressly, that I would do whatever I could to get him to consider me," Kodama stated proudly. "You two are fun, intelligent, and most importantly kind people. He is an excellent judge of character, despite how forgiving he is of people who fall short of his own, and I'm positive that right now if I asked him what he thought of you his response would reaffirm my own."
Chise looked to Shinji, "Oh? Do you have a good person radar hidden in that fantastic hair you have?"
"I…I don't judge people like that," Shinji demurred. "Everyone should be given the chance to do better. If not…then why should I try to do better myself?"
"It's not judgmental, Shinji-kun," Fumiki challenged him. "We go through life meeting hundreds, thousands, of people. In order to operate at all, we need to be able to categorize them. It can be as simple as preferring people with long fingers as opposed to smaller hands. Or liking people who dye their hair, as opposed to people who squeak when they talk. But beneath all of those preferences, there lies a truth to be found. Is the person you're speaking with the kind of person you'd willingly be stuck on a deserted island with? Would they help bring you back to health when you were sick, or would they let you die and take all of the resources for themselves?"
"A good person can also be an ass," Chise agreed. "My brother, probably the poster child for arrogant prick, is at this moment spending his Friday evening volunteering at a local animal shelter. He's a good kid, he's just also a complete jerk."
"I…know some people like that," Shinji nodded.
"See?" Fumiki smiled, "You do judge people, but it's not bad judging. It's just categorizing."
"He's far more patient than I am," Kodama smirked. "Not that it's terribly hard to manage that feat."
"So," Chise leaned in, "you love Hikari-chan, right?"
"I…I do," Shinji nodded. "I'm not sure that I know entirely what that means, yet, but what I feel matches what she describes."
"Warm flutters, a desire to be near her, the need for her opinion of you to be positive, a want to do things that make her happy?" Fumiki smiled as Shinji nodded slowly, "Yeah, that's love. But," she held up her finger, "that could also just be the love a person has for someone they enjoy being around."
"You think she's attractive?" Chise waited for Shinji to nod, "And you want her to kiss you, and touch you?" Another nod, "Then you know what love is, Shinji. I think the problem might be that you don't feel like you deserve it."
"No need to bring me into this," Fumiki drawled.
"Except you're a perfect example," Chise countered quickly. "It took you years to accept that what we had was bi-directional. That you deserved to be given that love, no matter what your parents thought."
Shinji blinked, an avenue of thought appearing before him that he hadn't previously anticipated.
Fumiki rolled her eyes, "Yes, but that was me, Chise-chan. Not Shinji-kun. Someone super successful like him doesn't appear out of nowhere."
"But he did," Kodama asserted quietly. "His father sent him away to live with a stranger after his mother died," she reached over and gripped Shinji's shoulder, "he was three years old." Looking to the man she wanted to draw towards her, she let her empathy shine through, "He spent well over a decade not knowing why he had been sent away like so much trash. The man taking care of him treating him no better than a slave."
Shinji looked down to his hands, ignoring the flood of memories, "I'm only successful because of the people around me now, Fumiki-san. I only know what it's like to be loved…because I was taken in by Toshiro-san." Reaching up to grip Kodama's hand tightly, he shook his head, "It's possible that Chise-san is right. I know I don't deserve the love I've been given-"
"And you'll do anything to be worthy of it," Chise interrupted quickly. "Oh, you poor, sweet, man." Her smile was heartfelt as Shinji looked up at her, "It took me forever to get her to admit it, so at least you're that much closer to the reality sinking in."
"I wish I could help," Fumiki set her teacup down. "But honestly? It was all Chise-chan. She wore me down, she tore down the walls I'd erected around my mind. The best advice I can give you, Shinji-kun, is listen to Hikari-chan, and Kodama-san. They're good people, and good people are worth listening to."
"And if you want to date Kodama, and everyone's willing? To hell with what society thinks, Shinji-kun." Chise reached over and hugged Fumiki, "Fu-chan's the best thing that ever happened to me. If I listened to society, I'd still be alone and miserable. Instead? I'm miserable, but living with someone who makes the misery much less painful."
"You're a cunt," Fumiki laughed, returning the embrace. "But you're my cunt."
+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)
Dinner lasted another hour, the conversation shifting to Shinji and Kodama listening to Chise and Fumiki describing what they'd been dealing with in school now that Kodama had 'graduated'. After seeing them off, Shinji and Kodama waited for the matriarch of the restaurant to make an appearance.
"So," Kodama asked with a cautious smile, "what do you think of my friends?"
"They're nice," Shinji answered quickly, not wanting to seem critical.
"Are you sure we're talking about the same people?" Kodama's smile shifted to an understanding grin, "Because I'm almost positive that Fumiki-san would be the first person to admit that she's exactly what she was talking about. She's very critical of herself, and everyone else. However," she leaned towards him, offering a view down her blouse as she lowered her voice, "I also think that she's going to pounce on Chise-san tonight talking about how you enjoyed their video."
"Pounce…oh," Shinji quickly drew the connection Kodama intended.
"They've even asked," she pulled out her phone, showing a text conversation to Shinji, "if you wanted another 'show'."
Shinji blushed, remembering how intense the first one was, "Th-that, uhm…."
"We could maybe watch it together," Kodama offered smoothly. "That way you have a special memory just for us."
"What I would not give at times for a co-owner of this accursed building," the Xu Matriarch blew into the room, trailing Jiaxin and interrupting Kodama's enticement of Shinji. "I am so sorry that I couldn't meet your friends, dear child," dropping into one of the vacated seats, she gave an apologetic smile to Kodama. "I had to handle a business meeting that had been going on since eight this morning, and nothing I could say would convince them to hurry things along."
"It's no worry, ma'am," Kodama sat slowly upright. "I'm sure I'll be able to convince them to come back, after a meal like that."
Shinji inclined his head to the young woman serving tea, "How are you doing, Jiaxin-san?"
Pausing in her motions, the waitress seemed surprised that Shinji remembered her name, "Fine, thank you for asking." Her eyes twitched to Kodama, then back, "Did your girlfriend already go home?"
"Hikari-san is home with our sister tonight," Kodama interjected smoothly. "Nozomi-chan asked for her help specifically, and I wanted to get Shinji out of the house to try and unwind."
"A good idea," the elder Xu declared. "You, my child, have all of the markings of a man who winds himself up far too easily."
"I…can't deny that," Shinji looked down to his hands. "There's so much that needs doing, ma'am, and if I didn't have to be involved myself I'd ask for help, but…well, here we are."
"With your permission, Nana, I'd like to serve him some of my own tea." The slender waitress had a curious expression on her face, "It helps me, maybe it will help him."
"Shinji," his attention was called back to his host, "would you be all right trying something different? It's not often that Jiaxin chooses to take an interest in someone."
"He seems to have more honor than most of his ilk," Jiaxin declared testily. "That he agreed to accompany his girlfriend's family without hanging all over her like a dog in heat is proof enough of that."
"I'm always willing to try, ma'am," Shinji once more wondered what had happened between Yang and Jiaxin to set them at each other. "I've come to realize recently that far too much of my life has been spent hiding from offers of help, instead of accepting them as kind people trying to make my life less miserable."
"It will be a few minutes." Pouring him some plain water, she set the cup down before him, "It doesn't have anything that will help keep you up, so it's best if you don't mix it with other teas that will."
"I understand," Shinji offered her the smile he'd been practicing, "thank you again."
A small frown creased Jiaxin's features before she turned and left as quickly as she'd arrived.
Her aunt, however, smiled secretively until the door closed behind her niece, "You are a rare individual, Shinji Ikari."
"I've been telling him that for a month now," Kodama sighed. "Maybe he'll listen to you."
"And you," the elder Xu looked to Kodama with a stern glance, "are causing something of a 乱哄哄 with the Shirakami."
"She is?" Shinji asked at the same time Kodama asked, "I am?" The two looked to each other, then back to their host, worry clear on their faces.
"Hikari has the unanimous blessing of the Lady's Council," she replied evenly. "You, on the other hand, do not."
"Blessing?" Shinji puzzled, "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"She means that Hikari and you could ask to get married right now, and the Shirakami would allow it," Kodama glowered.
"We would encourage it," the restauranteur corrected. "None who have met you, Shinji, would doubt that you love that darling child with all of your heart. That you continue to struggle against the inevitable is only seen as a sign of your worthiness, not as a measure of some form of dithering or desire to 'play around'. Hikari's own feelings are patently obvious, and a marriage between you would serve to not only encourage her to focus on her studies, but would give us all some peace knowing that Toshiro's family was secure."
Kodama crossed her arms, inadvertently hefting her assets, "So I'm just in the way?"
Their host tented her fingers, "Are you?"
"You know about our curse, Xu-san," Kodama snapped, "everyone in the Shirakami knows about what mother left us."
"I do," she tilted her head, "though there is no record of two of your line falling for the same man happening before."
The eldest Horaki sat forward and pointed angrily across the table, "Well, there's also no reason to believe it hasn't and wasn't discussed!"
"E-excuse me," Shinji interrupted before the discussion could devolve into shouting, "why would the Shirakami care what we did?"
"Because they love meddling," Kodama replied, her voice heavy with irritation.
"Because, child," their host retained her calm, "clear bloodlines are important to maintain traditions and history." She sighed, turning to face Shinji, "You, of course, wouldn't understand. You are an outsider, even within your own family. To you, the heart decides what the heart wants, and if it is what is best for both parties so much the better." Jiaxin returned to the room, carrying a different kettle. "As an example, for the purposes of illustration alone," she stressed, "what would you say if I told you that Jiaxin loved you?"
"I…I'd ask why?" Shinji's brow drew down in confusion, "I haven't spent enough time around her to get to know her properly, to see if she felt that way because she was misinformed about who and what I am."
"Jiaxin," she looked to the young waitress who was currently scowling back at her, "what would you do if I told you to marry Shinji?"
"I'd ask whether you'd discussed this with Suzuka, Nanako, and the others, because you've clearly lost your mind." Pouring a new cup for Shinji, far more gently than she had in the past, she placed it close to him, "Drink…Shinji." The conscious choice to use his name seemed important, "It's best warm."
Carefully lifting the fragile-looking cup, Shinji drank deeply of the brew. The flavor was odd, nearly unidentifiable. He recognized hints of things, but nothing that he would honestly declare to be the main ingredient. Once half the cup was gone, after only two swallows, he nodded, "This is interesting. I can't place…maybe…it tastes very sharp."
"Drink the rest," Jiaxin ordered quietly. "I admit, I'm impressed. The last person to try this acted like I was poisoning them."
Swallowing the last of his drink, he set the cup down and nodded in gratitude, "Thank you for sharing this, Jiaxin-san. I'm not quite sure how it is supposed to help, but I appreciate you thinking of my well-being."
She poured more into his cup, then additional into a separate cup she placed by a chair she sat upon. "It's a relaxant," her voice retained the soft-spoken manner she'd suddenly adopted with him. "Give it half an hour, you'll feel less anxious." Picking up her own drink, she looked to her aunt, "He won't understand, Nana. Our duty is clear to us, because we have been raised by that duty."
"He will understand," the elder Xu smiled, "because he understands the nature of responsibility. What I'm explaining to him requires him to understand that the Shirakami are beholden to each other. Now, you know quite well what your answer should be. If I told you to marry him?"
She sighed, rolling her eyes, "I'd ask Nanako and Suzuka, and if they agreed that was what was decided I'd get ready to be married." Looking over to Shinji, she shrugged, "I probably wouldn't hate it after a few days. He actually seems like someone I could respect."
"But why would you do that to your niece?" Shinji frowned, "She shouldn't be forced into being with someone like…like that. She should be allowed to choose who, or even if, she wants to."
"She wouldn't," Jiaxin stated plainly. "She can, but she wouldn't."
"It was something that Daddy refused to engage in," Kodama added firmly. "He married mom because he was ordered to, and yes, it worked out. But, he told us that he would never, ever, direct our lives like that."
"No one is directing your life, child." The elder Xu grimaced, "We're simply asking you to understand our concerns regarding Shinji's public image."
Shinji paused in the act of taking another drink, "My…what?"
"Should you choose to join the family," Jiaxin cut through her Aunt's tendency towards drama, "you'd be expected to live a life that reflected well on the rest of the family. Having a mistress," she emphasized how Kodama would be perceived, "is not exactly considered appropriate. Any children you'd have would be considered suspect, no matter how obviously pregnant your girlfriend, eventually wife, was."
"That's nonsense," Kodama scoffed.
"It is what has maintained our standing, child," the elder Xu pronounced resolutely. "We are widely respected, asked after to mediate disputes, known to be incorruptible. The appearance of impropriety would do immeasurable damage to that reputation."
"Then if Kodama and Hikari convince me," Shinji mused, "I can't be involved with the Shirakami."
"Hikari is trying to convince you?" Jiaxin looked surprised, "To include her own sister?"
"Not like that," Kodama snorted disgustedly. "My sister understands what it feels like to watch as the man you are meant to love walks away from you. She's willing to share him with me, she offered before I said word one."
"She offered after you began a subtle campaign to entice Shinji," their host declared. "Do not think we haven't spoken with her, child. Or that we are ignorant of this plan of yours to add others. At least this Captain Ibuki seems to understand honor and graciously declined once Shinji himself made it clear how he views the world."
"Honor?" Kodama stood, her chair tipping over to the floor as her temper consumed her, "Honor killed my father. Honor has nearly killed the man I love three times. If honor is so damned important then honor can jump in front of the next moving vehicle instead!" Grabbing her clutch from the table, she looked to Shinji, "Let's go. It was a mistake to come here, apparently." Storming out of the room without waiting for him to reply, she made clear her expectations.
Shinji stood, with more grace and control than his date had shown, "I apologize, Xu-san," he bowed politely, "this is all my fault. I appreciate the opportunity to eat here again. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."
"It isn't your fault, Shinji," the elder Xu sighed. "You haven't done anything more than simply exist. Go, she'll expect you to follow quickly after."
"He should stay, Nana," Jiaxin cautioned coldly. "His heart belongs to Hikari, and his humoring of Kodama is only drawing out her pain."
"I'm…." Taking a deep breath, he stood straight, "I'm just trying to make everyone happy. They've had far too much sadness lately, and it all started with me showing up in Tokyo-3." Bowing to the young waitress, he bid them farewell, "Thank you for the tea, Jiaxin-san. I hope that you can find common ground with Yang-san, despite whatever happened in the past." Turning, he left to catch up to Kodama, hoping that she understood his need to be polite.
The door closed behind him, and Jiaxin looked to her aunt, "I hope you know what you're doing, Nana."
"You don't build a bonfire without fanning the flames, child," the elder Xu stood up and sighed. "If he doesn't begin to burn soon, I may just have to order Yang to marry him."
"She wouldn't deserve him either, Nana." Finishing her tea, she set the cup down and stood to bus the table, "Yang would only take from him, she'd never feed his spirit in return."
The matriarch raised her eyebrow, "Who else would there be? You?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Jiaxin sniffed. "I said I wouldn't hate it, not that I'd enjoy it. He's a good man, with a good heart. If the family is going to recruit him, we'd have to find another Hikari Horaki. Someone that would put him first and foremost, so that when he returned the favor he wasn't just dumping his water into a bottomless well."
She smiled, pleased with her niece's sentiment, "It's good to see you recognize your failings child, it gives me confidence in leaving the Blue Crane to you one day, but you have yet to look past the present enough to see where the future may lead."
+++++ 5th Angel + 7 : Friday (36)
"Kodama," Shinji caught up to her at the foyer, "Kodama, wait."
Spinning to face him, she jabbed him in the chest with her small purse, "It's nonsense, Shinji! Don't tell me you're listening to them?!"
"I'm not listening to anyone," Shinji held his hands up defensively. "Right now, I'm just trying to make sure you don't storm out of here and get hurt."
"We can wait outside," Kodama clasped his arm, pulling him to the door, "I don't want to be in this wretched place any longer than we have to."
Carefully balancing his weight so that he allowed her to take the lead without tangling himself with her or toppling her over, Shinji pulled his phone out and dialed the number he had been given to call once the dinner was finished. Subtly guiding Kodama through his own movements towards the street where the car would meet them, he tried to find words that would soothe the enraged lioness with him, "I don't think she was attacking you personally, Kodama. I think she'd feel the same about any woman Hikari asked."
"Like that matters at all, Shinji," Kodama stomped to a halt. "Daddy hasn't been dead a week and they're already trying to step in and run our lives!"
Making a soothing motion with his hands, he tried to encourage her to speak with less volume, "I don't know that-"
"No, you don't know!" Kodama stepped free, pointing back towards the restaurant, "You don't know what it's like to watch your father slowly kill himself because he's trying to live up to an impossible standard. You don't know what it's like to watch your younger sisters be 'encouraged'," she made quotation marks sarcastically with her fingers, "to seek out 'suitable' husbands. The constant unending pressure to excel at whatever we do so that we wouldn't 'hurt' Daddy's image."
Her comments wounded Shinji in different ways simultaneously. He knew quite well the pain of trying to live up to an impossible standard, it was one of the burdens that came with knowing that failure meant the death of everything on Earth. However, he also knew that he wasn't unique, and that others like Kodama could be hampered with unbearable expectations that, while not omnicidal, were still too much to tolerate stoically.
"And what do they want us to do?" Kodama threw her hands out to the side, "Feed you into the same shredder! Daddy died, so we'll just take the next Horaki man and shove him into the same spot! Worked great the first time, why not see if we can give him stress-induced kidney failure and a pancreatic degenerative disease just like the last one while we're at it!"
"Kod-"
"No, Shinji. I'm not going to calm down," gripping his shirt, she pulled him down so that she was eye-level with him. "They. Want. To kill. You. They want to use you like they used him, and in the process, ruin any happiness we might find in each other."
"K-"
She let him go, pushing him back slightly, "And you want to consider joining them? Do you just enjoy being miserable, Shinji?"
He held his hands out before him to sue for peace, "Kodama!"
"What?!"
Taking a quick breath, hoping that he could hold onto his remaining confidence, he gestured to where Akane stood outside of the driver's side eyeing the eldest Horaki warily, "The car's here."
Clenching her jaw, she spun on her toes and marched over to the car, flinging the door open before Akane could grab it and dropping into her seat. The slam of the heavy door caused Shinji to flinch, and Akane to gesture for him to hurry over.
Moving around to his side of the vehicle, he waited for Akane to open the door as he had been asked, "I'm sorry." His low whisper directed to the Section Two agent brought a pained frown to her face, followed by a quick squeeze of his arm as he moved to seat himself. Kodama's body language was completely closed off, leaving no doubt as to her desire for a quiet ride home. Pulling his seatbelt on, he judiciously avoided any motions that would seem other than contrite. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I can do. Swallowing the urge to sigh, he closed his eyes, This was a mistake.
No words were exchanged on the ride home. To the driver, she may as well have been transporting a pair of corpses for all the sound that was produced by her passengers. Pulling up to the Horaki residence, she barely had the car stopped before Kodama threw her door open and stormed into the house, slamming the door behind her.
Shinji sat still, waiting patiently for whoever was supposed to open his door. I shouldn't be here. Not if it's just going to bring pain. The door opened, a gentle clicking sound as the latch disengaged, and Shinji looked up to see Idunn smiling down at him with a look that spoke volumes.
The tall redhead offered him a hand in climbing out of the low-slung vehicle, "How're you doing?"
The answer was pure Shinji Ikari, "I'm fine."
"Yeah," he heard her message of disbelief loud and clear, "I guess you are."
"I apologize, Idunn-san. Kodama isn't used to restrictions being placed on her, I'll try and ask that she lets someone open her doors in the future," bowing mechanically, he stood and turned to go into the house. "I…might need to leave again. Depending."
"We've got places for you, Shinji-san," Akane responded reassuringly. "You don't need to stay here, if you don't want to."
Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, Shinji walked away from the pair of agents over to the door, pausing with his hand on the handle. Inside, there were so many things that needed fixing. So much that needed to be handled. I caused this.
As he pushed the door open enough to hear, knowing he couldn't delay finding out whether the cat inside the box was alive or dead, he winced as he heard Kodama's shout, "…and of course he just sits there letting them fill his mind with what Daddy supposedly would want him to do! I'm not good enough, nobody but you is good enough, and he's supposed to just go from fighting giant aliens to ruining his health to keep the old ways alive for another fucking generation!"
"Ko-Ko," Hikari's volume was nowhere near her sister's, "you know that Shinji doesn't see it that way."
"Right, that's why the entire evening he didn't touch me once," Kodama threw her clutch on the table. "I am dressed provocatively enough that I should get an erection from a cadaver, Hikari. You tell me why he wouldn't even look at me! He agrees with them, he doesn't want the hassle that comes with more than one partner no matter how willing you might be."
"What do you want me to say, Ko-Ko?" Hikari kept her hands folded, her tone diplomatic, "I don't think he's come to any decisions, not after one night. I doubt that he's going to pursue a life with the Shirakami, especially not if it means abandoning one of us. What is it that you are so afraid of? All of this anger isn't just because of Daddy's company. Something set this off."
Kodama's rage boiled over, "He doesn't love me, Hikari! I will spend years, decades, working my way into his heart and he'll never look at me the way he looks at you." The sound of something being thrown at a wall prompted Shinji to finally step into the house, afraid that a fight might be breaking out. "I am going to spend over fifty years comforting the man I love as he mourns my dead sister, forever doomed to come in second place to a corpse."
Shinji's world slowed down as he flowed towards the confrontation, the door being closed firmly behind him, the scene before him being analyzed piece by piece. Kodama knows the future, at times. She confuses this world with the one I come from. She could be seeing Hikari dying in the world where I'm from. He watched Hikari's face become the mask of iron she displayed when angered, the unemotional shell protecting the world around her from the wrath within. Only, Hikari was mentioning before the wake that in the world I'm from she and I might have been married eventually. She was remembering fondly our meeting again after she started college. Her father's death bringing memories to the fore. So she was alive.
He was halfway towards the sisters when it struck him that the reason they might both be feeling whatever it was this curse they claimed gave them, was that Hikari died. Two women loving him, only one surviving, and this curse of theirs was preparing a replacement. He had his phone out, his thumb dialing Maya's number without looking at the device. His eyes were set, he was going to stop this insanity before it got out of hand. Sliding bodily between the two, perpendicular to both, he slipped his free hand onto Hikari's shoulder and placed the phone to the ear that faced Kodama. Without looking at either, he spoke one word, "Stop." His tone, never before used that either woman could remember, brooked no dissent.
Hikari was stunned, "Shinji?" She saw there before her a glimpse of the man that she wondered about. Calm, in control, a directed juggernaut that nothing could hope to cause to move even a hair from its path. She was witnessing Shinji Ikari as she knew he would one day be, and it awed her and frustrated her in equal measure.
"Mmm," a tired Maya Ibuki answered the phone on her end, "Shinji? Is everything ok?"
"Maya, I need you to get to NERV." What could be wrong? Shinji thought rapidly through all of the minor aches and pains his girlfriend had ever complained of. From the negligible irritation of a chipped nail to the time she'd been struck in the back of her head by a stray volleyball, causing a minor….
Rei's bedside, the night before Jet Alone, floated through his mind. "Oh, it's just a headache, Rei-san," Hikari patted her arm. "A lot of stress, and not a lot of good sleep lately." Suddenly, a series of images of her rubbing her temple began to come to mind.
"Shinji?" Maya sounded far more awake now, "Shinji, what's wrong?"
What did her mother die from? "I can't tell you over the phone. I'm bringing Hikari, I need you to help me, Maya." Looking directly into Hikari's eyes, he frowned, "Please, you can't get there fast enough."
"Sure, sure," the sounds from the phone indicated someone climbing out of bed. "I'll meet you…uh, in my lab?"
"We'll be waiting." Hanging up the phone, he slid it into his pocket, "Get your shoes on, we're going." A small part of him realized he hadn't taken his own shoes off in his haste to intervene, which was smothered ruthlessly with the overarching fear of losing Hikari. Shifting his attention to Kodama, he held her gaze with a look that would have done his father proud, "You are staying here. We will speak when she and I return."
Kodama half reached for him, "Shinji, I-"
His transformation into a simulacrum of his father continued, "Will have an explanation as to why you foresaw her death and said nothing." His eyes flicked back to Hikari, "Why are your shoes not on?" Turning towards the door, he moved with a purpose, "If you have no undetected illnesses, then we'll set up a regular check-up. But one second wasted is one second too much."
"Shinji," Hikari followed along, her voice held low to avoid disrupting Nozomi any more than she might have already been, "not everything-"
He was having none of it, "What did your mother die of?"
Her answer was simple, "Cancer." She looked back towards Kodama, "Daddy never told us of what."
"According to our class notes in biology, ten, maybe more, percent of cancers are hereditary." Offering her a shoe, he kept the pressure on, "Out of a little more than one and a half billion men, I'm the only male to be able to successfully pilot an Evangelion. Out of trillions of copies of me, I was the one chosen to come back in time." His tone froze the room, "My entire life has been about ignoring the odds, I will not sit idly by when there is an ice cube's chance in Mount Asama that you will be taken from me. We are going to NERV, she," he gestured with the hand not holding the shoe towards his former date, "is staying here." Once more offering her the slip-on, his tone softened almost imperceptibly, "Your shoe."
"If it will make you feel better," Hikari sighed. "I really think I would have noticed if something was wrong, though."
As her sister put on her shoes, Kodama slumped down into a chair at the dining room table. Her anger, as always, had moved out ahead of her. "Please call…when you get there." The litany of regrets began its doleful march through her mind, the very facet of her personality that allowed her to bring him salvation from Misato's destructive grasp was now driving him away, all because she couldn't focus enough to know what was fear and what was fact.
Shinji opened the door, ushering Hikari out without turning around, "You'll be notified."
The closing of the door was gentle, and yet to Kodama it sounded like the clang of a jail cell.