19
Scotch Thoughts
You Only Die Twice
Heading straight for the kitchen, Lee placed his one grocery bag on the counter and reached inside. He gave the box of "Oaties" a suspicious look as he pulled them from the bag. He had bought them on a whim when he had been out filling Amanda's shopping list. He wasn't a breakfast person, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to have a box of cereal in the apartment just in case. He had also bought some milk to go with the cereal foregoing his usual half and half. Amanda had mentioned a while ago that milk was much better for you any way. Groceries! He couldn't ever remember buying anything as conventional as cereal and milk. Placing the quart of milk in the rather empty refrigerator, he moved into the living room to pour himself a relaxing glass of scotch.
Seating himself down onto the couch, he pulled the envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket. Normally he hated paperwork, but this paperwork would bring Amanda back into the land of the living, and so he spread the papers out on his coffee table and began to fill them out. He told himself that it was important so that she could do things like buy her own groceries again, but really he was just so glad that she was alive and well. What had he told Francine - that he had "almost dropped his teeth" when he had first seen the police report? Well, it had actually been a stronger reaction than that. Reading a report that Amanda King had committed suicide had almost sent him careening into a moment of complete chaos. He had just been helping Amanda carry all of those boxes to her car hours earlier; she had seemed happy and so full of life. What had saved his sanity in that first moment were those highly trained instincts of his; he just knew there was no way that Amanda would have killed herself. But that hadn't assuaged his deep seated fears that she was actually lying in the morgue. Only seeing her body would convince him that she was actually gone. He just wouldn't believe it.
He had felt terrible for Billy because it had been his colleague who had died, but the relief that he had felt was so great that a wave of it poured over him again as he thought of that moment. For that entire day he had taken so much pleasure in Amanda's simple presence. Her worries about money for groceries, her consternation over the flowers and phone calls, even her snappy response to Francine had been things to savor. He hadn't even minded taking her to the grocery store, and he was glad to take a moment and discuss the case while they snacked on popcorn. Simple pleasures, things that he had taken for granted and had been glad that he didn't have to miss. Pausing to take a sip, he marveled at how important a part of his life Amanda had become. It still took him by surprise that he could have a friend like her. But here he was carrying boxes and grocery bags and trying to get 'just the right' cereal for Jamie and Philip King.
As much as he was beginning to enjoy having a friend like Amanda, he was not enjoying the roller coaster ride of all these near misses. He had always determined to keep her safe; she was only supposed to be civilian auxiliary. She was not supposed to be duplicated in order for someone to get revenge on him or ingest permanently mind altering drugs intended for him. And she shouldn't have to endure repeated kidnappings or the complete closure of her daily life because her identity was accidentally used for someone else's cover who then ended up getting killed. None of this would have happened to Amanda had that silly young temporary secretary not dropped those disks and then mixed them up. He was mad now, and he quickly finished the drink and the paper work.
Leaning back into the cushions of the couch, he let his thoughts wander over the last year and a half or more as he willed his anger and frustration to simmer down. He had been so sure that he never wanted to work with another partner again. Learning to rely on another person and to share ideas and strategies, to watch each other's backs in difficult situations had too high a toll when things didn't go well. Nobody knew that better than Lee Stetson. But he couldn't help thinking about how much he had changed. That first case Amanda had saved his life, and she had "flown" that helicopter to get them away from Mrs. Welch's house. Today he had gotten to her just in the nick of time, and he had flown the helicopter that had taken them to safety. What a different ride, and it wasn't just that he had been flying the bird. They had grown in trust and the ability to rely on one another. And the toll had grown potentially great again….
What he would really like to do was to sink his teeth in a good solo case. One that Amanda wouldn't be a part of. It would give her a break from all the recent danger she had been subjected to. It would give his emotions a rest too. Caring about Amanda as she kept getting unwittingly involved in cases that almost brought about her death or destruction was becoming a bit too much for him to handle. He was still new to this working with a "suburban, mother, civilian partner" thing.