How do you tell your son that warred against his planet? That you killed his people?
As Loki watched Peter at the controls of the ship, pulling into dock, he kept wondering how to tell him. And he kept hearing a little voice in the back of his head asking, did he need to?
Once, he'd had his reasons, his motivations for what he'd done, but now he wasn't sure anymore. After all, Peter could have been on that planet. He could have been in that city as the Chitauri poured in. He could have been one of the casualties and when looked at in that light, suddenly the greater good didn't seem so good after all.
The ship docked, the group headed out.
It was the biggest, nearest bar Rocket could find. It took up an entire space station. Literally. It was loud, it was nosy, and if you went down the wrong parts you'd end up in some really bad neighborhoods where a hangover was the least of your worries. But it was also the perfect place to be left alone if you knew where to go.
Everyone needed a drink. Or several.
Drinks were ordered and several tables in a corner staked out. Yondu and Kraglin at one with Drax and Mantis. Things got raucous over there quickly, and loud bursts of laughter kept emanating from it. Every time Loki glanced over at them, at least one person was always bent double in guffaws.
Gamora took a seat by Nebula. Neither of them said a single word. There was a long silence between them, but it was not a hostile one, which was perhaps a victory in its own right.
At a third table, Loki sat with Peter, Rocket, Groot. Peter hadn't said a word to Loki since they'd landed but he at least he hadn't kicked him from the table. So he and Loki sat in silence, watching with a certain amount of interest as Groot and Rocket had a heated discussion as to why Groot couldn't have a pint, which devolved into an argument about Groot's language.
But it'd been a long day. Eventually Groot started yawning, belligerently told Rocket he wasn't sleepy (if Rocket was to be believed of course) and then toppled over and began to snore.
Rocket sighed. "I better take him back to the ship. No one steal my drink!" He picked up the little fellow, almost tenderly Loki noticed, and started weaving his way through the tables and back towards where their ship was parked.
"What exactly is the plant?" asked Loki, watching him go. "Obviously it's sentient but I've never seen anything like it."
Peter shrugged. "He is Groot."
"Yes, I did pick up on that after, oh the one hundredth time he said it. Does he never say anything else?"
"He once said 'we are Groot' but it was a bit of an unusual situation." Peter took a long slug from his drink.
There was a beat.
Loki glanced at him. "So Rocket tells me you're something called a Guardian of the Galaxy? You saved a planet?"
Peter shrugged.
"It must be some story," Loki prompted after a long pause.
Peter shrugged again. "I couldn't exactly turn my back on an entire planet and let everyone die, could I?"
Loki shifted in his seat. How could he explain about Midgard? About Thanos? About the choices he made? "Pet-"
"All that stuff you said," broke in Peter abruptly. "About mom, about me, did you really mean all that?"
"Of course."
"Oh."
Loki hesitated. "You said that Meredith kept loving me?"
Peter scratched the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable. "Yeah."
"So…there was never anyone else?"
"No. Eventually she was just too sick but even before that…she was never interested anyone else. I remember her and grandma getting into a fight about it. She was trying to convince mom to start dating again, said it would be good for her and good for me if she found someone new. I never saw mom angry before. But she was furious that day. She used to tell me about you. She called you a being of pure light." Loki started. Peter must have misinterpreted the gesture because he looked a little sheepish. "Yeah, that was near the end. One of the last things she said to me." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't like to talk about that. But before, she'd tell me about my dad, said he went on space adventures and fought in wars, and brokered peace and helped people. She said…" Peter took a swig of his drink and then rushed onward as if determined to finish, "she said I should be proud to be your son."
Loki closed his eyes for a moment. "No."
Peter played with his drink for a moment. "Look,…something Gamora said keeps rattling around in my head. You know I've had my own ship for a while now. There's not actually anything keeping me from going back and…she's right. I was scared. I said I just couldn't go back because I lost my mom there but…yeah. She's right. It was real and I didn't want to face it. Don't ever tell her she's right though. It'll go to her head." He took a swig of his drink.
Loki studied him. "You care about Gamora a lot don't you?"
Peter grinned. "Except when she's right. I hate it when she's right." The smile fell away. "And she's right. I have family back on Earth. I have blood there. I mean the Guardians, they're my family. And…well it looks like I have a father. But I think I've got to go back. Not to stay or anything just to…you know face it. Make peace, yadda yadda, all the touchy feely stuff I wouldn't say if I wasn't quite so drunk."
"You want to visit Earth?"
"Want to? No. Should do? Probably." Peter took another swig of his drink. "So, what do you say?"
"About…..?"
"Coming to Earth with me. I just…you're here. And I'm going. Maybe, maybe you should come too and we can figure this out."
Loki froze. He couldn't tell him. Not now. Not yet. Peter would find out. Peter would never forgive him. Peter shouldn't forgive him. A memory flashed through his mind's eye of a building shattering to the ground. How many people had been in there?
He looked at Peter. Peter was offering him a chance, a hope, a way for them to find a path to a relationship together. He was offering him an invitation to something deeply personal for Peter, and also something deeply painful. Loki could be there to build something new and also to help support. How could he say no?
"Of course," said Loki, because what else could he say?