The Butterfly Effect

"My pack? You make it sound like I'm some kind of leader. I am not a leader. I merely know what I value in this world, and to keep it safe I will weather any hurricane, hunt you down, and kill you. Questions?" Continuation of 'Butterflies'. Character death, Anbu operations, gratuitous violence and some adult situations. May change to M rating.

Arc 2: Peace, writ in blood – Chapter 33 – Duality…

8-8

"It hurts, but it's okay… I'm used to it."

8-8

~Flashback~

"What is your name?" Inouchi asks. Even through the tears I stare, confused.

"A-aya?" I manage, unsure what the hell he's even getting at.

"That's right. Your name is Namiki Aya. Not 'Wolf'. Do you know who, and what, 'Wolf' is?" He asks. I shake my head no, wiping away my tears for the umpteenth time this session. "'Wolf' is the name you give all you hate about yourself, your life. 'Wolf' is the depression you allowed to fester and eat away at everything good about you. 'Wolf' is a very dangerous side effect of your mental conditioning as a shinobi."

"I… don't understand." I admit. He smiles sadly, his eyes holding no emotion whatsoever.

"Reality, as you perceive it, isn't what I perceive." Inoichi offers, using his 'lecture tone'. "The external stimuli we receive may be perfectly identical, but how we process that is unique. Like colours. You're a healthy young woman. By definition that means you have more colour photoreceptors in your eyes. So you 'see' colours completely different than I do. Even though we look at the same thing, a pen, a kunai, a scroll. Even though the exact same photons enter our eyes, we see two very different pictures."

I nod, to show I'm… mostly following him.

"Our personal, lived reality is like that. I, Yamanaka Inoichi, live my reality, perceive my reality, and only have to deal with my reality." He explains, with his hand on his chest. Then he motions with and open palm to me. "You, on the other hand, live a dual reality. One, Namiki Aya, a softie, a sweetheart, and everyone's little princess. The other, 'Wolf', militant, hard, unbending, and a cold-hearted bitch."

I blink, wondering about that.

"The more you, Aya, give 'Wolf' the reigns, the less willingly she will be to give them back." He explains seriously. "This isn't something unique to you, it happens to all shinobi to some extent. Which is why most jounin seem a little… quirky."

I blink again. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because sooner or later, 'Wolf' is going to want full control. 'Wolf' will become so powerful that she will try to break 'Aya', and if she cannot, she will simply lock 'Aya' away so deep in her subconscious that it basically boils down to the same thing." I really don't like where this is going. "You need to retire before this happens. And you'll know it's coming, because there'll be a… itch inside you. A craving for all the things you hate most. The killing that doesn't bother you? It'll excite you. The fighting you hate? You won't be able to breathe without it. The stronger the hatred, the more you'll need it. Do you understand?"

"…yes?"

"Aya, listen to me. The berserker mode of the Namiki? The Okami jutsu? It has nothing on this warped sense of reality. There is no meditation that can prepare you for it, there is no medication that can truly save you from it. And what's worse… only someone that means everything to you can ever truly reach you if you allow this to happen."

"That's… not a very good prognosis."

"No. It's not. But here's the problem. This person that can keep pulling you back? They are always the first person 'Wolf' would attack. Do you understand that?" My chest locks, making it almost impossible to breathe. "Yes. Chouji. He'll be all that keeps 'Wolf' from having full control twenty-four/seven. And 'Wolf' knows that."

I laugh. Good and hard. "That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard."

"Wolf?"

"Huh? Dude, that's my Anbu codename. I'm still Aya." I answer, completely honest. Sure, I'm not as much a pussy as my other 'me', but I'm no less 'Aya' than she is.

"I can understand you, but that is confusing for me." He explains. I shake my head, annoyed with him.

"He can understand that there are two sides to the coin, but can't see that they are one in the same. How sad." I drone.

"May I call you by another name?"

"Dude. No. I'm Aya. She's Aya. We're both Aya. Just 'cause you're too smallminded to wrap your little brain around that doesn't mean I need to start some shit so you can box either of us in." I tell him flatly. "And don't start talking shit to her about me trying to kill my mate. I might fuck him up for being a dick, which we both know he can be. But a Namiki kills for her mate."

"… I don't understand."

"The solution to the Okami jutsu." I explain. "The way to make sure you're in full control while in a berserker mode. The answer is 'acceptance'."

"Aya, you're making no sense."

"I'm making perfect sense, you just ain't getting it." I bite out. "Look, I'll go nice and slow. Try to keep up, okay, pumpkin? It's like this. Berserker modes are primal instincts. Nothing more, nothing less. If your primal instincts are to kill, you'll kill. If your primal instincts are to protect, you'll protect. You still with me?"

He nods slowly, a look in his eyes showing he doesn't like this side of me too much. Tough shit, snooty.

"Good. Now, the Namiki solution has always been to mimic wolven instincts. Meaning pack above all else. Kill any that threaten the pack. Oh, and eating our prey. You don't even want to know why Namiki's aren't against blood and gore, trust me." I smirk when he looks a little green around the gills. Who cares if I'm stretching the truth? Messing with people is too much fun to give a flying fuck.

"And your solution?" He asks, wondering if he really wants to know.

"Pull a Haruno." He blinks. "Think about it. Haruno Sakura is a bonafide nutjob, but she can function just fine. Why? Because she struck a truce with her alter ego. So we struck a truce."

He looks confused. "Dude, truce. Agreement. An understanding among ladies. You do understand what the fuck I'm sayin', don' chu?"

"I know what a truce is." He sounds annoyed.

"Well excu~uuuuuse me. You looked like you were having a mind fart, so I tried to help you. Dick." I grind out, unimpressed with his intellectual dumb-shittery.

"I liked 'dude' better." He tries.

"I liked your silence better. Guess we both goin' without, huh." He blinks a few times. Obviously I broke him. I shake my head, letting the pampered princess take it from here. I have no patience for people. And dumb-shits even less. "I really am sorry about her. She gets… crabby if I don't let her out much."

"I… see." He manages, but obviously he's still reeling.

"Um, where was I. Ah, yes. We struck a truce. She gets to pick something she enjoys, and I let her have that. I get to pick something I enjoy, and she lets me have that. And we pick something we both enjoy, and share. See, a truce." I explain as best I can.

"I… understand what you're saying. But… the concept is throwing me off. You're turning hundreds of years of psychology and psycho-analytics on its head."

"Aww, poor widdle baby needs a tissue?" He blinks again. "Sorry, forgot you're just a clueless dick."

"That's… a little unnerving." He admits. "So, when then do you come back from missions a complete emotional wreck?"

"I hate the fighting." I admit. "I fucking hate the noise. You ever hear someone die quietly? They always gotta bitch and moan and monologue, like their version of reality is the shit and we're missing out. Fucking dickfaced piss stains."

"So neither of you likes missions?" He asks.

"No." Ooh, that was interesting. Do that again! You're a real princess, you know that? You know you love me. Like a toothache.

"So what's going on in there when you have to take a mission you don't like?" He asks.

"Well…" I think about that. "She bitches and moans and whines and complains. And I try to shut her the fuck up… It's a work in progress."

"So, you two fight with each other."

"She fights. I'm too annoyed to fight her." I point out. "Bullshit! You fight dirty and threaten to not take snuggle time with my mate." I counter. Jeez. Arguing out loud with myself makes me seem a little unbalanced. "If you're upset with Chou, you do the same thing. Why shouldn't I do that when I'm upset with you?"

"So… let me get this straight. You both hate missions. And you take it out on each other?"

"More or less. Cute, princess. That's exactly what happens. Now quit wasting the man's time, our hour's up and he's got better things to do that to listen to you be too fucking polite to say what's on your mind. Shit. Do I gotta do everything around here? Later, dick."

~End Flashback~

8-8

"Imouto-chan. Think about this, please." Fox is such a clueless dick.

"Fox, stand down. We have a briefing. After that we need to leave immediately. As Commander said, we don't have time for this." I intone, annoyed that the princess is still throwing a tissy fit. Kodachi, against his throat. Oh. Sorry, forgot about you not realising time is limited. "Chou, think you can not be a little bitch for five minutes so I can hear what Command has to say? I really ain't in the mood for more bullshit today."

"Aya. What part of what I said don't you understand?" Chou stands tall, even on his knees. "This needs to stop. You're falling apart. So if you won't stop it, then I will."

"What needs to stop?" I ask, gazing down at him. Seeing the side of his face as I stand above him – for a change.

"Your shutting yourself off, maybe. Or just the missions that are driving you up a wall. Maybe both."

I smile. "That's why I love you so bad, Chou." I tell him. "But this shit ain't gonna go away just 'cause you don't like the princess and me fighting like cats and dogs."

"Aya. This needs to stop. Damn the war. I want my wife back." He says, unbending. Okay, you see that, princess. He's every bit the man I'll ever need. And he's also right. This war is killing me. I know, but do you have a better plan? Yes. Take him back to our tent and let him ride me till the sun comes up. It's noon. Exactly. Not a bad plan. Now how about one that doesn't cost our allies' lives. Not you, too! Damn it, princess! You might not agree with Commander and me, but the facts don't change 'cause you don't fucking like 'em. Suck it up. And if you can't take the fucking heat, let me handle the kami-damned fighting! Shit. I hate how fuckin' indecisive you are! Loud! Shut it! DAMN IT! Now I've gone and given myself a headache. Thanks, princess. For fuck-all. Shit!

Chou sighs. "You're still fighting with yourself over that, aren't you." He doesn't ask.

"Don't you start. I done gone gave myself a fucking migraine from dealing with this. Don't make me start some shit with you too, mister." I tell him plainly. I ignore the stupid questioning, bullshitting looks trying to understand what that even means. "Look. Simple calculation. I go home, Team Rabbit and Team Wolf come with me. Can the war effort afford to lose these two teams?"

Commander looks relieved at least. See, princess, you done gone fucked with him for months for nothing. Not 'nothing'. I'm still plenty upset with him for forcing me into this. I wanted babies, I got a war instead. Such petulance. Ooh, a big word. Stealing from my vocabulary, are we. Fuck off, snooty.

"Then you make a deal with me here and now. Either you work with me, or I pull 'husbandly rights' and ship your ass back to Konoha. Kicking and screaming if I have to." He threatens.

Shit, Chou's got balls. I should know, I love playing with them. You're such a horny toad. You're such a prude. Shut it and focus. Can I agree to his terms and lay off the fighting for a bit? Well, fighting with myself? I'll handle the fighting, we cuddle, and you get to make Commander's life hell. Deal? I want more chocolate. Scrooge. Says you! I didn't hear you complain when Chou fed me in Spring. True. "She wants more chocolate. We want more cuddle time. And I want nothing but assassination missions. All this open warfare is complete noisy bullshit."

"So that's why you didn't fight about those two." Chou finally gets it. Took his ass long enough. Honestly, I don't really get why we didn't fight about it either. Maybe it was seeing her suffering through bad sex? A lazy lay is the snake's asshole. Thank Kami-sama Chou takes care of me. Oh, yes, he does. Then why did you turn him away for six months? Because I wouldn't want to get into the habit of using protection of any kind, and I couldn't risk pregnancy, unless I already was. I hate it when you make sense. Love you, too!

"Do we have a deal or not, Chou. 'Cause we both know my patience is limited before I need to crack skulls."

"Heh. I dunno what happened to you, Imouto-chan. But I approve." Zabuza-nii would approve. He's as bloodthirsty as you are. Your point? That I avoided missions with him because of you? Well, tough. He's here. And he's a damn good assassin. We're going fuckwad hunting. Now stop being a little pussy and get off my back!

"Only assassination missions?" He asks. "No open warfare at all?"

"Too much fucking noise. Do you know loud that fucking Pyroclastic Flow is? I thought I was gonna lose my shit through my ears."

"Uh huh." See, Hoshie gets! She's also the one you want to give my Wolf mask to. You got a better idea? She's badass times ten. Shit, she'll make us look small-time by the time she's seventeen. True. Thank you. Well, I did train her. Yeah, I trained her good. Your grammar is appalling. Your snootiness is too, don't hear me bitching about that, do you? You just did. Fuck off, I'm busy here.

"Look. Deal or no deal?" I demand.

"You'll let me handle the open warfare?" He asks.

"Fuck nah! You fight, I fight. You know the rules." I remind him. I'd have to agree. I don't want him out there if I'm not watching his back.

"Temporary new deal. I don't want you in open warfare. At all."

"Then you ain't going out there. Look, I'll have a fucking fit and the princess will be bitching and moaning until I drag your raggedy ass back. You fight, I fight. Case closed." I put my foot down.

"Daddy, does she really argue with herself." Ino-nee, you're such a blonde. Yeah, yeah. She's got the intellectual quality of a wet cunt. Stop blaming her hair colour for her dumb-assery. Blonde does not equal dumb. Dipshit.

"You know I can't talk about patients." Inoichi is a professional through and through.

"Chou. Focus. This is actually something I can agree on. Are you in, or are we going to continue disagreeing to agree?" I try to get him to focus. Kami-sama knows he can be so scatter brained sometimes. Uh huh… he's the one with more air than brain? How do you describe yourself then, princess? Bookish. Nerd. That too.

"Fine. But then no more 'no touchy touchy'. I miss cuddling with you."

"Aww, you say the sweetest things." I coo, grinning like mad. Yeah, yeah. Act like it wasn't you making my mate suffer in the first fucking place. Kami, you're im-fucking-possible, you know that? I try. Well stop. Someday. How 'bout now. Today's a good day. For cuddling and chocolate? My, you took the words right out of my mouth. "Deal. And hold me to it. I'm impossible. Kami, what the fuck do you see in me?"

"You keep me on my toes." He says, smirking. I roll my eyes. I smirk. I carefully remove the kodachi from his neck and sheathe it. I help Chou to stand, enjoying the simple things – like how he immediately takes me into his arms and refuses to let me go. Suck it up, princess. We've got shit to do today. Yes, yes. Good, good. Enjoying the moment. And so are you.

8-8

"Oi, dick. Really, this ain't needed. We're just having a long ass fight." I tell Inoichi plainly.

"You're also far more openly coming apart."

"I know what the fuck is going on in my head. That's why I need only assassinations. It's loud enough with the princess bitching and moan all the damn time." I take offence to that. I don't. "Look. The problem is simple. Chou's the only one that can solve our arguments. And she was on a six month long bitch-fest. Argument's more or less settled. So we can focus on getting this shit handled. Case closed. Good talk. See ya."

"Aya." I groan. I'm mostly amused. "I can still declare you unfit for duty. Cooperate." Heh, ballsy much?

"Fine, fine. But just remember that I was a fucking nutjob three years ago, and simply learned to hide it better."

"Can I talk to her? She's so much more polite."

"And evasive." I counter. "Uncle Inoichi, what's wrong?" I ask.

"Why are you coming apart at the seams?" He demands.

"She won't admit it, but she hates the fighting, too. She blames the noise, but there's no thrill in it for her anymore. So I've been having to take over a lot of the fighting. And I hate that. But she argues that I'm the one keeping Chou away, so it's only fair." Ooh, someone's being up front. I like this side of you. Shut it, you. It's because I've been doing most of the fighting that I'm so upset with daddy and Chou. Chou's not at fault. Stop blaming him for your stupid ass mistakes. You agreed. You agreed, and gave me hell for it! Details. It's still not Chou's fault. And we both know I ache for some good loving. And I'm the horny one? One body, one mind, baby. You were right, I'm impossible.

"So, to be sure I understand." Here it comes. "The crass one is upset because you're not being challenged. And you're not agreeing to any fights that might challenge you. Am I right?"

"Fucking A." I drone. "Twinkle toes is so fucking pussified. Scared of a little challenge, just 'cause they don't 'deserve to die'. Fuck 'em, I say. If they're dumb enough to get in the way, they can explain that shit to Kami-sama."

"So long as they die quietly?"

"Damn straight. Who the fuck monologues after getting stabbed? Like monologuing will get my fucking kodachi out their stomach, or some shit. Seriously, arrogant little shits."

"I must be crazy. Allowing you, Zabuza and Anko on a single team for assassinations."

"Nuh uh! Where I go, Chou goes!" I demand. "And Team Wolf. And Team Rabbit. A bit crowded, don'cha think." I add.

"Would you stop doing that? It's unnerving."

"Sorry for fucking with your peace of mind. Dick." I love messing with people. Yeah, I do.

He shakes his head, annoyed. He also sighs, worn out. "Just be sure to tell Chouji if it becomes too much for you. And for the love of Kami-sama, don't ever teach Anko how to do what you've done. One of you is bad enough."

"Hnn? Teaching auntie? What a lovely idea. Thank you, uncle Inoichi." I sing, sweet as honey. He groans, seeing himself out before I mess with him even more. And I'm the evil side? Tch, I could learn a thing or two from you. Why, thank you. That wasn't a compliment. It really was.

8-8

"Commander. Focus. Assholes that need to be bisected in their sleep. Where, who, when?" I remind him.

"When are you going to be back to normal?" Command asks, obviously still not focusing on important shit.

"Who the fuck knows. We're agreeing on shit again, maybe a few days. Maybe months. Now who's the next asshat I need to turn inside out?"

"Why don't you know?"

"Because we didn't start coming apart until the war started. Now focus, damn it!" I remind him again. Really, this is becoming a trend! That's it, no more openly arguing with myself! You think? Shut it! You just argued with yourself. In the open. I'm going to start walking around with a mirror to glare at you. I'm so scared.

"So which one of you has been ignoring me?" He presses. Asshole targets. Remember them?

"Me. She's more… direct." I admit.

"I was afraid of that." You should be.

"Can you please just tell me who the fuck I'm hunting? This is getting tedious." Ooh, another big word. That's two in one day. 'Snooty'? Insults don't count. You just couple a bunch of smaller words and create larger ones.

"Well, actually, you're not hunting anyone just yet. I want you to take a few days to recover. After that, we'll see." Daddy, you hypocrite! Fucking A! This is bullshit! Well, not really. I mean, Team Rabbit can still go with them. They won't, you know that. They might. They won't. Arguing. Cuddling? Fine. I can agree to that.

"Fine. But then why am I here?" I demand.

"Because you'll be my assistant." Fuck. Agreed.

"Hypocrite."

"Inoichi never told me how precarious your situation was. I'd never have asked if I'd known." He argues.

"Then try trusting me when I say no, that I don't want something." I needle him.

"You're first response to almost anything is 'no'."

"I'm disinclined to agree." I try.

"Same thing." He argues. "Now, look. Nikawa is defenceless, more or less. So I'm sending Unit Blue and Teams Rho, Hawk and Fox to negotiate their surrender. It shouldn't take more than a few hours, really. If it doesn't Zabuza's allowed to let loose, so long as he warns them about that in advance. Now, after that…"

He pauses, thinking. I sigh. "After that you'll want to use the data gathered, but really all you know is that they'll fight no matter the approach. So the best bet is to cleave through the majority of them in their sleep. Either that, or have Naruto go clone crazy and place suppression seals on everyone." I point out. "With that kind of tactic, you'd be able to take out the most cities with little to no resistance. Add Sasa-nee to the fold, and you've got a pretty good forward suppression team."

"Hnn? Why only Asami? Team Fox would be the ideal team, wouldn't they?"

"Uh uh. Karin's too much like me. She hates fighting. And Mashai and Shinichi haven't gotten the extensive stealth training they'd need to go undetected. So really, Naru-nii and Sasa-nee are the better bets. Maybe Sasa-nee can show the other Uchiha's a few seals and how to apply them, that might expand your pool. But, honestly with Naru-nii's shadow clones, it's pretty much overkill." I explain simply.

"I see." He drawls, going over that while staring at the map. "We can try something like that for the next city. For now. Teams, you know what to do. Chouji, Miwako, you're keeping an eye on our princess."

"See, I told you they love you more than me." I intone, unimpressed. Chou loves all of me. I'm good. "Pups, you're with me. The dick wants to explain something to you so you'll understand what's going on if you ever walk a mile in my shoes." Inoichi groans, annoyed with me. Tough shit, dick. Tough shit.

8-8

Out in the 'courtyard', Teams Wolf and Rabbit surround Inoichi as he starts explaining things that makes me want to cringe. Both sides of me. He holds up a simple length of rope. Nothing special about it, just rope. He starts explaining about how the rope represents all of me. And then he takes the rope by the two ends and folds it in half, then he starts to twist the rope. "This twisting is like training in the shonobi arts. It slowly changes you, no matter what people think."

All hail Inoichi, king of stating the obvious! I try not to laugh, uncle is trying to seriously explain something after all.

"Now, this is where Anbu comes in." He explains once the rope is completely twisted. "Sakiko, grab this end." He instructs, and she grabs an end of the now twisted rope. I hate the symbolism he's using. "Katsuo, you grab that end." He does as asked.

"Now, Sakiko, you represent her desire to fight. Katsuo, you represent her desire to heal and defend. I want both of you to start pulling the rope in opposite directions." They do, and Inoichi lets them. When about half of the rope is forcefully untwisted, and the other half is so twisted it's ready to snap, he tells them to stop. "Good. This is where Aya is now. One half of her is pulling her in one direction. The other half in another. And there's still one part that both loose strand of rope share. You see?"

"Oh, so those two halves are both Aya-nee, just aspects of her." Hoshie muses.

"Exactly." Inoichi agrees. I roll my eyes. I groan. "Here's the problem now. If they continue to be pulled in different directions, the section of rope they share will snap under the pressure. And the two become separate identities entirely. This is called dissociative personality disorder, even if it's a form unique to high ranking shinobi."

"So you're trying to warn us that this could happen to us." Sakiko guesses.

"Yes." Inoichi agrees.

"Well, that was fun." I drone. "And a complete waste of rope."

"How do we fix her?" I'm not broken. Jinx! Shut it.

"One of two ways. Either we help her to no longer be pulled in two opposite directions." He explains, taking out a kunai from his pouch. "Or…" He cuts the section of rope Sakiko's pulling.

"Like hell you will." I grind out. "You see the rope, it's no longer whole." I point out. "That means you'd essentially be killing half of me."

"Better lose half, than lose all."

"How about you fucking assmonkeys stop pushing me in different directions then? I was happy before this bullshit started!" I bark out, hating this bullshit more and more. "And really, it's not as if everyone didn't warn you guys."

"Aya, I'm trying to protect you." He claims.

"You're trying to kill a part of me." I counter. "And frankly, I'm not standing for it. Just because you turn me into something you don't like to see, doesn't mean you have the right to make decisions on what to do about it. Chou is fully aware of who and what I am. Our pups are fully aware of who and what I am. Leave the Namiki to figure out the next step, thank you. Dick."

"I agree. This is no different from the meditation for the Okami jutsu." Hoshie points out. I nod, agreeing with her. The core of the meditation is seeing all of yourself, just as you are. And pulling in things like honour, loyalty and a sense of 'pack' into the core of your being. That means seeing all sides of yourself. Greed. Gluttony. Pride. Sloth. Lust. Wrath. Envy. Chastity. Temperance. Generosity. Diligence. Patience. Kindness. Humility. All of it, every part of yourself. The total sum of who you are and all the parts that are within the whole.

Part of me happens to disagree with another part of me. Nothing wrong with that.

"Uncle Inoichi, thank you for your explanation, but I can take it from here." I tell him simply.

"I'm on your side, Aya-chan." He assures me. I nod, knowing that he is. I disagree with his offered solution, nothing more. He steps back, letting me have my say.

"Pups, there's a reason I let him explain that." I say, motioning for them to come closer to me. "This is a very real risk you three face. If you allow yourselves to be manipulated for the sake of Konoha."

"But-"

"Ah, ah." I cut Hoshie and Sakiko off. "Being loyal to our village and being a blind sheep are not the same thing. I know what I do, what I agree to, what I risk. I was aware of this before I agreed to join the war effort. I hate the risk for myself. But I hate the risks for others even more, do you understand?"

The three of them shake their heads minutely, no.

"If I'd stayed in Konoha, where there is no risk to me. How many others would die on missions I could survive?" I explain simply. Their eyes get cloudy, not liking the answer they come up with. "I understand the risks to myself. I accept those risks. But I do not blindly do as Konoha asks or orders. I want you three to truly understand the difference. Because being a Namiki means being loyal, not being an idiot. Wolves do not bow to a cruel master, we eat them."

"So… if we do not agree to something, we shouldn't do it?" Katsuo asks.

"Exactly. No matter who asks. Even me. No one should force you to be at war with yourself." I explain seriously. The three of them nod.

"Then why… are you so… all over the place lately?" Katsuo asks.

"You mean the blank stares? Emotionally shutting down?" He nods. I sigh. "Otouto-kun, I don't have the best coping strategies, but… I don't want to lie to you either. I was pissed. At the world, at daddy… mostly with myself though. I thought I could finally walk away, but… I have a duty to uphold. Until the three of you are strong enough to take over for me, I will continue to uphold that duty."

They nod, understanding; even if they don't like it. "I don't want you to feel like you need to be more than you are." I press. "I'm not trying to tell you that you need to be the next sannin for me to be at ease. I'm saying that I see your potential and I will do all I can to help you realise that potential for yourselves and use that for the sake of our clan, for the sake of Konoha. Do you understand?"

They smirk, liking how I worded that. They nod; three pairs of eyes looking up at me –up to me– a little shinier.

"MAN DOWN! I'VE GOT A MAN DOWN!" I hear, instantly turning to the panicked voice of one of our own. Two of our shinobi are brought in on stretchers. Katsuo, Chou, Keito, Tsu and I are already rushing to them. Mama makes sure to get the whole story from those that brought them in, but I'm too busy dealing with this.

Multiple lacerations. Electrical burns. I sniff, ruling out poison. They're a mess. "Togo, you deal with that arm. Chou, the legs. I'll keep his heart and lungs working. Focus on blood loss factors first. Nerve damage after. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

8-8

"What are we looking at?" Commander asks.

"Border skirmish. A team from Grass tried sneaking in, but got spotted." Rabbit explains. "Dragon's already been updated, and two teams have been dispatched to hunt them down. We got lucky. None of ours died."

"Good. Good." Commander murmurs, somewhat mollified. "Can they be transported safely?"

"Not yet." I answer. "They're still in critical condition. They need a few days before they can be safely moved."

"Understood. When they are ready, Teams Wolf and Rabbit will escort them back to Konoha."

"That makes no sense." I admit.

"It does. Your teams saved their lives, and you are damn good combatants. I want people to know that we will spare no effort to tend to our own. You will escort them back. And when you return, I'll have your next mission waiting for you."

"Works for me. So other than tending to our patient, we're on standby?" I try, almost begging.

"Of course not. I want to pick your brain to see what other strategies we can come up with, based on what you know about the members of Units Blue and Red." Of course.

8-8

End Chapter 33

8-8

A/N: This is (probably) going to be the only chapter set up like this. Not because this wasn't fun to write -it's was a blast to write- but because the purpose of this chapter is to properly show the depths of Aya's inner conflict. If you read back on all of Aya's interactions with people, I promise you'll find nothing but these two 'arch personas' vying for power. It's why Aya can switch from cute and cuddly to the baddest bitch with the drop of a hat. The stress of both the war and the forcing herself into something she hates merely draws this inner conflict to the surface. And yes, even though Aya doesn't want to admit it to herself, if anyone pushed the wrong buttons, she might well have slit Chouji's throat by accident.

CursedOne, this is what I meant by you're missing so much of what's going on. I'm subtle in my writing, but I know where it's going and what to hint at. This inner conflict started back in Chapter 4 of Butterflies, or the first obvious signs of it started back then (the first subtle signs started in the intro of Butterflies). And if you take Aya's personality in Butterflies: Orange and Pink into account, then you'll really see just how deep the conflict goes.

Well, that's all for now. Ciao *blows kiss*