Chapter 38: Infiltration

"You have come a long way since Mars, have you not?" - Liara T'Soni

Liara locates a backup disk for EDI, Shepard has a dirty mouth, Ryan finds something interesting and Kaidan is slowly losing his sanity (not really, but hey.)

A/N, TRIGGER WARNING: Again, more smut... it's very brief, though. Also, mentions of prostitution. PS: You might notice that I've gone from present-tense to past-tense. I felt like it flew better. I hope it doesn't seem confusing.

"He's infuriating!" Kaidan called, as Liara had stopped by to check up on him. "Hell, I don't know what to do here..."

"There is always a way." Her voice was firm as she sat. "Unfortunately, neither of us knew him 15 years ago, so we have to look to a different alternative. I think our best chance is to find someone from Shepard's past."

"I could get access to his files, but..."

She shook her head. "There is no need. I have already scoured them out, but there is barely anything about his past. After doing some digging, I found out that his files have been cleared," she said. For good reason. "Kaidan, if there is anything you know about this - about Shepard –- please let me know. It might as well be crucial."

"He ran with a crowd that later wanted him dead, so neither of them is going to be willing to help."

"Then we will force them to help."

"Christ, Liara..."

"Do you want him back or not?"

He already knew the answer to that question.

Kaidan took a moment. "All right," he muttered, and let out a sigh. "Shepard grew up an orphan on the streets with no one to care for him. Some of the eastside gangs took him in, fed and housed him until he turned 7, old enough to prove himself if he was 'worth' their resources. They sent him out to spy on other rival gangs and return intel on them. Up through the years, he drifted from gang to gang, until he eventually ended up in the Tenth Street Reds. When he came of the age of 10, he - the Reds - gave him different jobs involving far more illegal activities.

"Selling red sand, fraud, theft... murder. He remained in the Reds and got connections with a guy named Finch and another who went by the name of Curt Weisman. His boss - I think his name was Jericho - eventually sent him on his final mission only weeks before he joined the Alliance."

"I have three names to look into, then. Whether or not they survived the war, we can only hope. Is there anyone else?"

"None of them that are still around. You have Anderson, of course, but we both know that's no longer an option. There's still no word from him," he replied. "Shepard - he, ah... he had a boyfriend at 17. Ace. Ace Hunt. He was assigned to a squad where Shepard's target was located, ended up between them, so he had to... Shepard had to take him down."

"Goddess..."

"He wasn't alone, though. Finch and Curt were with him, so if he hesitated... god knows what they would've done to him," he said. "There's one more name. Aaron. He was around 7 years old at the time, so he's got to be... 22 today, if he's still around. Shepard had been sent to 'take care of' him, but when discovering his young age, he refused. Jericho eventually found out. That's why the Reds turned on him."

She smiled. "This will help a great deal," she said, but her smile faltered. "But how are you, Kaidan? Truly?"

"I'm managing." He stared out the window. "I've kept myself busy with jobs from the Council. Helps to get my mind off of things. You know how it is... I mean, you haven't really rested yourself."

She had been working on something.

"There is too much to be done. After returning from Earth, I despised the notion of simply doing nothing, so I have been using my resources to see if there is any way to bring reaper-affected artificial intelligence back," she said. "EDI, in particular."

Kaidan rubbed the tight muscle in his shoulder. "Is that even possible?"

"Yes, I am certain of it. EDI's consciousness is tied to her Blue Box. Installing her personality backup disks into a new one will change her, and she will no longer be EDI, but only the reaper tech in her was destroyed. Not the Blue Box itself. If we can find a new one - preferably something that Cerberus had stored away - we can use the components to fill in the blanks that were created once the reaper tech was gone. She was only partially created from Sovereign's remains, after all.

"That Blue Box is what I have been scouring my available resources for. Unfortunately, most of Cerberus' files are encrypted, so it will take some time to crack them."

She stood as her eyes lit up. "If we manage to retrieve EDI's data banks..." she said and began to pace. "EDI had recordings from the ship, which may be able to trigger Shepard's memories! Maybe I can use the device I created with Glyph and attach the recordings to it," she explained, putting a palm before the other. "In that way, the recordings could play, and sensors can catch up sounds to determine exactly where the sounds are coming from - create a holographic interface - and play them out.

"Like... like a vid!" She turned but barged into a halt when she saw the stunned expression before her. A faint blush filled her cheeks. "I am sorry... my scientific curiosity got ahold of me again."

Kaidan just smiled. "No worries, Liara. That... that's a good idea."

"I will not need much time to see this done, only a couple of days at most. I will work on it during downtime so no time is lost."

"If we can get both Shepard's memories and EDI back... things are looking up."

Liara returned his smile. "You have come a long way since Mars, have you not?" she asked coyly. "However, I'll need some of your Spectre expertise to get through checkpoints."

"Granted. I still have to take care of those outposts, so I can't join you, but I'll do whatever I can on the sidelines."

"Thank you. I will get started right away. Meanwhile, do take care of yourself."

"You too, Liara," he said, but as she was about to leave, he hesitated. "Uh... Liara. Wait a minute." She stopped with a curious expression. "Did, uh... did Miranda debrief you about Harbinger at all?"

"Yes, she did. It is curious. I do not understand it."

Kaidan shook his head. "After all the trouble that Shepard went through to bring down the reapers entirely, I don't understand why the damn thing would risk him getting to the beam in the first place."

She cocked a brow at him. "You believe it was intentional?"

"I do."

"How so?"

He felt winded. "I... I don't know, I just... I've seen the final run towards the beam before my eyes a million times by now, and I can't help but suspect that Harbinger didn't want to kill him. Just hurt him. Badly," he said and took note of the question coating her usually unlined features. "The beam was never closer to us than about ten feet, but immediately when Garrus and I got even remotely separated from Shepard, Harbinger targeted both of us with all its force. It sent us further and further away from Shepard.

"Thing is, when we managed to catch up to the commander and rendezvous with Normandy, it just... stopped firing."

"That is... very strange, indeed," she muttered. "Perhaps Harbinger was still trying to indoctrinate him? A man with Shepard's willpower could be a great asset, just as Saren was, as he has resisted their hold for so long."

Kaidan grimaced. "So it allowed him to get that close just to turn him around? Christ, the reapers are cockier than I thought."

"Well, they did call themselves the 'vanguards of our destruction,' did they not?" she asked, with a small quirk of her lips. The smile shortly dissolved back into the compassionate look before she took his hands in her own. "I am sorry, Kaidan. I wish there was anything I could say to ease your worries, but I promise you, we will get to the bottom of all this."

"Thanks. Look, I didn't mean to keep you, I just -"

"Kaidan, please, you are my friend." She put a heavier pressure on his hands with a beaming smile. "Whatever I can do to help, I will be more than glad to listen for as long as you wish. Do not hesitate to call upon me. Remember that you are not in this alone."

I know I'm not.

But hearing it helped.

Kaidan's talk with Liara had cooled him down, so he eventually took a deep breath, and began working his way to deck one.

His gaze trailed to the bed to see John laying back-down with his legs spread, a forearm draped over his eyes, half-asleep. Skidding over to the dark hoodie thrown over the neck of the office chair, pulling it up, he was only to let out a long sigh and leave it as it was. The N7-logo was lighting up like a beacon. They had just docked at the Citadel and John couldn't draw any attention to himself when they headed out.

"I'll be back in a bit," Kaidan murmured and disappeared into the elevator.

After he had given the command of the Normandy, he'd moved most of his stuff up and out of Starboard Observation. When he first went aboard the ship, after the Citadel coup, he didn't have much time to pack. John had allowed him to use his clothes, as their build was quite similar, so it wasn't really a problem. John had later admitted that he found Kaidan wearing his clothes... hot - something about "a flag on a conquered land" - so who was he to take that away from him?

He fumbled through the drawer until he found his only hoodie, coated in the color grey, stacked neatly near the bottom.

Kaidan wasn't really a big-time-consumer of hoodies as he favored his army fatigues. It seemed pointless for it to take up space, so he left it there. He had bought some clothes of his own after a time, and even if he missed smelling like John, it couldn't stay like that forever. Of course, his mom had gotten wind of it, making sure that he brought 'something warm.' That resulted in that very hoodie.

A fond smile surfaced his lips.

He hadn't been able to visit after the war, but he spoke to her regularly over the phone, each conversation ending with some variation of the phrase 'come visit soon, son. I miss you.' He planned to, but first, he needed to deal with this whole Cerberus ordeal. He'd told her about John's amnesia in one of their talks, but as he had never informed her about their relationship, she didn't understand how much energy it took out of him.

She had her own to grieve.

There hadn't been any word from his dad. Months had passed since after he was reported MIA, so Kaidan had come to terms with it, but John's amnesia was still fresh. He felt guilty not telling her about him, as John was his whole world, but there was never any time.

Now, he might never.

He flagged off the thought and returned to the cabin.

John was in the in the very same position as if he hadn't even acknowledged his absence. Nevertheless, he quickly shot up with a puzzled look when Kaidan launched the hoodie at him.

"Put it on. We're leaving."

If there was one thing that Shepard never imagined he'd do, it was to lose fifteen years of memories, only to find out that he was suddenly in cahoots with those very guys that had his ass locked up in the first place.

He'd gone from drug traffickers to jarheads. From street gangs to the Alliance. One big fucking irony. He'd spent more time that he could count behind bars and felt cold metal strapped around his wrists, his cheek pressed to the hood of a dozen cop cars, wanting to laugh at how the hell he managed to get out of their blacklist.

The head of office was an idiot.

Shepard had stuffed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans as he was closely trailing the Alliance major. Alenko. He looked like a guy that would rather be on the front page of 'Badass Weekly,' advertising underwear, than on the front lines in a galactic war. He was the typical rich-kid. Dressed nicely, hair always well-styled, perfect facial and body features. Typical 'by the book' and 'wouldn't do anything wrong.'

Certainly took him by surprise that he was willing to fuck a stranger. How good he was at it... that was even more surprising.

He quickly averted his eyes when he was given a look over one of Kaidan's broad shoulders. His eyes surveyed the prestigious local, taking in his surroundings, only to feel a twinge in his gut. Uncomfortable. Out of place. Lost. All those sensations hit him like the force of police brutality. The place was definitely expensive, a damn palace compared to the streets, and he knew.

He knew he didn't belong here.

His first thought was to bail when the jarheads turned their backs, but when they finally did... there wasn't much he could do about an endless black void as he stared out the window. Many would find it to be a dream come true to see space, a new frontier, but he wasn't one of them. He needed ground beneath his boots. Fucking gravity. Like hell if he was going to be stuck on a damn ship longer than necessary.

So he cooperated.

His shoulders had been slumped as they walked, his eyes dull, having lit another cigarette on the way over. Lightly chewing on the tip, he carefully maneuvered his mouth not to ruin it, hands balled into fists beneath the blue jeans fabric.

A frown breached his brow when he saw the clear-lensed device, a light blinking, placed quaintly near the top of the door.

"Great, 'cause a bunch of jarheads watching me take a piss is exactly what I need."

Kaidan pulled out his omni-tool. "It's just the outside that's under camera surveillance. No audio."

"So, what, fucking motion sensors?"

"That's... classified."

Shepard stumped his smoke on the closest wall, letting it drop. "'Course it is," he murmured, intentionally letting the breath of his light scoff traverse down Kaidan's neck. Muscles tensed at the gesture.

He figured he'd have some fun.

"So if I told you what I want to do to you right here in this hallway," he added "...it'd just be heard by the two of us, that it?"

He saw Kaidan's jaw clench. "That's the idea."

"Then what if I told you that I want to pin you to the wall and have my wicked way with you?" he purred, pressing up against his back. He could hear his heart starting to beat more rapidly. Close enough to feel the vague vibration. "That I want to rip your clothes off, garment by garment, and that I won't give a damn when the stitches are torn open - run my tongue against the length of your spine - until I slip a hand down the front of your pants, bend you over, making you moan at the top of your lungs as I fuck you sore like the good little soldier you are -"

"Access denied."

Shepard pursed his mouth. "I think you got the wrong code, major."

Blowing hard through his nose, Kaidan simply tried the access code again, Shepard's gaze falling to his white knuckles. A small smirk played on his lips, but he didn't keep it longer than about two seconds.

The door pushed open and Shepard didn't waste a moment to step inside.

He spun on his heel and made a quick examination of the compartment. The place was huge and open. You only had to look right to locate the kitchen. Tilting his head aside, his gaze drifted to a rather open space behind a middle wall, looking like a mural had recently been put down. He would've guessed it was a family portrait, but then he remembered who he was and that he had been told the place was his. The Reds was the only family he had ever known. That's of course until they found out about backing out from that job if they hadn't already.

"Where's the phone?" he asked.

"It's going to draw attention if people see this number being in use, Shepard. We can't take that chance."

"Do you have a phone, then?"

He saw Kaidan blink. "Yeah, sure," he said and reached for his back pocket. Veins of his muscular arm jutted when he fished up the device and handed it over. Shepard snatched it from his hands and furiously typed the number before bringing it to his ear.

One beep. Two beeps. Three beeps.

"This number is out of service."

Shepard went quiet then and began to pace, typing the same number again, only to get the same response. He frowned and halted, lowered the phone before meeting Kaidan's honey-brown eyes.

"Where's Ace?"

The answer didn't come immediately, but the look he was given told him more than he needed.

"He, ah... 15 years ago, an Alliance mission to take care of a splinter group belonging to a terrorist organization - Cerberus - went FUBAR. Lieutenant Ace Hunt was assigned to the squad to bring them down."

The warmth of his body abandoned him as quickly as the question was answered. He could feel his abdomen churn, the pain in his chest making it seem like he had taken a stab wound to an artery.

Ace was gone.

Shepard swallowed, before scoffing. "So, what..." he began, a feigned smile of disbelief on his lips although his shaky voice probably gave him away. He gave the phone back, trying to keep his hands steady. "These 'Cerberus' guys killed him?"

"Not exactly," he muttered.

"Then who?"

"John -"

"Who the fuck was it?" he repeated and felt the warm, salty substance that glistened his eyes. The rage burned inside him as his hand was balled into a fist. Then there was a sudden stab in his head.

Shepard let out a muffled, pained cry, deep from his throat as he took after the bridge of his nose.

#

/"Move the fuck out of the way, Ace. Now. This doesn't involve you."/

/"I'm afraid it does. I'm not moving, Shepard. You're going to have to shoot me."/

/"Dammit, Ace!"/

/"Pull the fucking trigger, Shep!"/

/"Finch, shut the fuck up!"/

/*Gunshot*/

#

"John?" came the same husky voice, the panic registered in his tone. Shepard flailed up his hand and took a step back. Kaidan stopped short, looking at him with wide eyes beaming with concern.

Shepard guided a palm across his face, stopping before his mouth, pupils unfocused as he stared at the floor before him.

His whole body was shaking slightly, his breathing more irregular. He tried to keep a deadpan look when he met his eye, but he knew that his own were wide and puffy, his mouth somewhat agape but hidden beneath his palm that he slowly let drop.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," he added.

And with that, Kaidan left.

Kaidan found himself at the Citadel, arms positioned at a banister, overlooking the Presidium Commons.

Leaving John in that state had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted to reach out and embrace him, hold him tight, give him a lover's comfort that he so desperately needed.

But he couldn't.

John's brittle tone had burrowed into his chest like a million thorn bushes. There was only one time in his whole life that he had seen him like that. Broken and shivering. After the fall of Thessia, John had told him that he was scared, and collapsed in his arms. He felt a physical pain when seeing the expression that had been completely tapped from all hope.

He should've been back in the traverse by now, but what just happened simply held him back, and he found his gaze fixed on Apollo's Café with those flashy ads having his six. Lost in memories. It was emptier than he remembered. Most people had retreated back to their homeworlds in search of their families, as more and more relays became available to them, and that left the Citadel mostly deserted.

"There's a face I didn't expect to see again so soon."

Pushing from the banister, Kaidan turned, eyes widening only to soften again as he saw whom it was walking towards him. Ryan. They would head out to clear the second outpost shortly.

Kaidan managed a smile. "That goes both ways, LT."

"I was just about to get a drink. Why don't you join me? I'm buying."

He wouldn't say 'no' to that.

There were only a few tables occupied at Apollo's, one of them with what appeared to be of a turian and quarian couple, having to hold back the small smile that was bound to break through. It reminded him of Garrus and Tali. The two had settled back on the Normandy and tried to get in contact with the rest of the crew, Kaidan having heard that Garrus got ahold of Vega, who had just recently been on Earth and located his uncle to catch up. He had joined the N7 program, and judging by his chipper tone when contacted, it was going well.

"So what brings you to the Citadel?" Kaidan asked, tore his eyes away from the couple and sat down.

"I've been attempting to get in contact with Barla Von to see if there was any Cerberus intel that he had stored away," he replied and slid into the chair opposites him. "After everything that's been happening lately, I've done some digging, found out he's an agent of the Shadow Broker - thought I'd try to get something out of him. That guy ain't cheap, and I'm not exactly swimming in paychecks."

"Tell me about it," he murmured, recalling back to 2183. "Found anything?"

Ryan leaned back. "I did, actually," he said, keeping his voice low. "Witnesses back on Earth reported that they could've sworn they saw Commander Shepard at some bar in London. Funny enough, they also mentioned you."

His heart had begun beating rapidly as he was fixated with an intense - but somehow also soft - gaze.

The panic that had built up in his chest couldn't have shown on his face, because Ryan's expression didn't change, as he looked content more than anything. There was something about him and how he approached this that he couldn't quite place.

Why would Liara tell him?

"Shepard's MIA. We all know that. There must've been a bug in the system."

"You're dedicated, I'll give you that. I'm impressed," he said and smiled - genuine and open. "You don't have to keep up the act, sir. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Admiral Hackett debriefed me after I confronted him about the information."

"What did he tell you?" he asked, careful with his words.

Ryan's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "Just about everything," he said. "His memory loss, his transfer to the Citadel... yeah." The small smile slowly dissolved. "The Alliance hasn't brought it up to the media yet, but while I was there... Hackett also mentioned that the evac squad found another body close to where Shepard was located. Gunshot to the gut, but no one knows who fired. They, uh... they quickly identified him."

Anderson.

"I, uh... I personally knew Davi -Anderson," Ryan added. Kaidan saw the fall in his expression, and Ryan seemed to notice, ducking his head with a half-hearted chuckle. "All the way up to be calling him 'David,' I guess," he continued, his voice raw with emotion. "Hell, I think he was a father-figure to many of us. He meant a great deal to a lot of people."

Kaidan could swear he had the taste of blood in his mouth.

He could only imagine how John would've reacted to the news. He had just recently re-learned about Ace, and now Anderson, too? Anderson was a father to John. He had been there when he needed him the most, gotten him out of the worst jams, saving him from a life of crime. Their closeness was enough to hit him where it hurt. John was Kaidan's family and so was Anderson because of it.

But Ryan didn't need to know that.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said instead.

Ryan shook his head. "I'm fine, but I appreciate the thought," he replied and snorted. "Still, Shepard's alive and that's... certainly good to hear. Really. He's done a lot, and we could all use some good news -"

"Hi, do you need a menu?" a feminine voice interrupted him. Kaidan looked up to see the same waitress he and John had during their sanity check, balancing five glasses on a platter, nearly dropping it. She stopped when she saw him, and in return, saved the glasses. The woman narrowed her eyes and gave him a thorough look-over. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks.

Her expression softened again. "Oh... I recognize you. You certainly get around, sir."

Kaidan blinked. "I... what?"

"We're not together, ma'am," Ryan broke in, with a kind smile on his lips. "Just colleagues having a chat. Nothing more."

"Ah, I see," she replied and returned the smile. "So, coffee?"

"Yeah, I'll take a cappuccino," he said and turned to Kaidan. "You?"

"Just coffee, thanks."

She nodded and pivoted on her heel.

"The hell was that?" Ryan asked, amused.

"I, uh... about half a year ago, I had dinner here with my -" he said, only to stop himself. "With my... ex, I guess." The realization hit him somewhat harder than he would've thought. "It's complicated."

He didn't say it was John. Hell, he didn't need the coddling. He didn't need the, 'I'm sorry for your loss' speech.

"Well, I ain't going to pry," he replied, put his arms on the table and leaned forward. There was a fall in his expression. "Hey, I know it's probably classified, but... how's Shepard doing?"

That was a sudden change of topic.

"He's managing, all things considered." Kaidan fell into another pause. "I, uh... I had him transferred about 30 mikes ago. He's... pretty confused. Back in the apartment, he, uh... he asked about someone who's been dead for 15 years."

Ryan's jaw clenched as he ducked his head. "How, uh... how'd he take it?"

"Bad."

Ryan nodded. "I imagine."

"He's... different, though," Kaidan added.

"Different how?"

"As in, 'I don't give a crap about anything,' different. He's acting like a jackass."

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's... yeah," he muttered, and seemed lost in thought. He eventually cleared his throat. "I'm sure he means well, though. Hiding behind a bad-boy persona? It's pretty usual. He's jumped back quite a few years, so that's expected, having... de-matured."

"I guess you could call it that."

"You two close?"

Was.

"Serving together for nearly two years has a way of bringing people together," he replied, not going into detail. "We experienced a lot together. I saw when he was first touched by the beacon and stayed with him as we headed for the Citadel transport beam." He cringed. "Mostly, anyhow. We, uh... we had a fall-out before he took the fight to the collectors."

Horizon.

"I heard about that. I don't blame you for walking away. Shepard can be... brash," he said, surprisingly observant. "Anyways, all that heavy stuff aside... I'm glad I ran into you. There's something I wanted your opinion on. It's about those Cerberus outposts."

Kaidan arched a brow. "Oh?"

They got their hands on their coffee, the waitress winking at them with an "enjoy the drinks," before leaving them to their conversation.

"Let me inform you why I hauled your ass over here in the first place." Ryan brought up the live map that they had transferred over to their omni-tools. "I promise, this'll be quick. I won't take much of your time."

Kaidan shook his head. "Really, it's no big deal. I'm in no hurry. You said it was about those outposts?"

"Yeah, I decided to look into it. I found something pretty interesting," he replied. "When we obtained that map on Sanctum, it transmitted this weird pulse - this signal. I could feel the atmosphere changing. It seemed... unusual."

"I haven't really thought much about it," he said, leaning in. "What did you find?"

He sighed. "Nothing solid - yet - but I managed to trace the signal. Almost found its sender. The signal went through Omega Nebula, the galactic core until finally ending up in Horsehead."

"Yeah?"

"Thing is, that's where it stops. I couldn't find a direct location. Something's causing interference."

He had to admit that he couldn't shake the feeling of it being more to all this. Cerberus was advanced, no doubt, Kai Leng being proof enough. The bastard had after all managed to move freely within the systems thanks to their technology. If it wasn't for that tracker that Miranda planted, it would've taken weeks just to find him, even within one specific star cluster.

The interference part still confused him, though, as they never found out how Kai Leng did it.

Those interferences could've been caused by several things. Metallic asteroids or iron, geomagnetic storms, et cetra. Still, he was positive that Cerberus couldn't control those things. They were advanced, yes, but not that advanced.

"If you don't stop frowning like that, it's certainly going to leave a permanent mark."

Kaidan snapped back at the sound of his modulated voice, didn't realize that he had completely trailed off, as he often did. He looked up to see the lieutenant with his arms crossed, propped to the table, a small smile on his lips.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I do that. It's a lot to ingest, you know?"

"You're lucky you're cute, major."

Kaidan chuckled and shook his head as he felt the blush creep up beneath his collar.

He felt comfortable in Ryan's presence, a needed support as the rest of his life was going to shit, and he reminded him of himself in several ways. Kaidan didn't mind his light flirting and teasing as it was obvious that he wasn't going anywhere with it. The two had developed a pretty close bond during everything that had been happening. Nothing romantic, of course, but he appreciated it either way.

Kaidan loved John - he always would - and he wasn't going to give up on him.

Not for anything.

"It's... definitely unusual, yeah." Kaidan clasped the cup between his palms. "It could be Cerberus tech. It's possible that they don't want us to find something. Maybe there's another Sanctuary. Or another outpost."

"They're pretty advanced, so I wouldn't be surprised. Trust me, I know," he replied. "I'm no scientist, but I suspect that those other outposts might have a similar device that can transmit the same signal. A transmitting beacon, kind of. If at least three of 'em have the same sender, we could use three-dimensional particle tracking and find out exactly where that signal comes from."

A slow smile spread on Kaidan's lips. "'I'm no scientist,' he says, and then he mentions three-dimensional particle tracking?"

Ryan grinned vaguely. "Hey, I'm educated. I know a little," he said, shrugging. In amusement, Kaidan shook his head. "Look, we've got a dozen outpost, here. We only need three coexisting signals to find a match."

"Seriously, Wright. This is captain-rank stuff. How the hell are you still a lieutenant?"

"I got relieved from duty after an injury," he replied. "Alliance bass wanted to promote me while I was absent, give me a paycheck, but I refused –- didn't find it fair. Still, I wasn't too keen on rising in rank. Dealing with all the political bullshit isn't my kinda thing."

"Either way... good catch. I'll make sure to inform the team to keep an eye out for another transmitting beacon."

Kaidan felt like he was going crazy.

Lightly chewing on the tip of a marker, he touched his temple as a small frown creased his brow, looking down at the numbers on the data pad as his feet were thrown upon the office table and crossed by the ankles.

The second outpost they had cleared out shared the same signal, but the third one didn't, so he started looking to other alternatives. They had nine more outposts to go, so he was mostly optimistic. Sanctum appeared to act as a command center at first glance, and the rest of the outposts needed a way to communicate through each other, but the scale was too small.

There had to be a bigger base of operations.

He had a lot of headaches lately thanks to stress but was blessed to only suffer one migraine in a whole month. Kaidan was still somewhat woozy as the painkillers he had earlier taken finally started kicking in, so when the pain died somewhat down, he immediately went to work.

Hearing the rustling of sand, he peeked up from below his lashes, marker still in mouth.

Sir Cuddlesworth Lightyear - quaintly named by John - was scurrying around in the glass container. Looking at the hamster now, the hurried pace, quick breaths, and short lifespan, he couldn't help but notice that yes, the hamster did remind him of the salarians. Lightyear also reminded him of John. Impulsive, quick, easily startled. Kaidan had nicknamed him 'Boo' because of it.

Straightening up in his chair, he threw the pad aside and reached over.

"So what do you think, huh?" he asked with a sigh, and lightly scratched its scruff. "I'm faced with three major problems right now. First, there's this Cerberus thing, Harbinger's intentions, and now John... hell, I can't get a break. What would you do if your boyfriend had amnesia?"

Lightyear made a squeaking sound.

I'm talking to a hamster, he thought and crinkled his nose. I'm definitely going crazy.

Three-dimensional particle tracking wasn't the only way to find an exact location. If they could locate and destroy the interference, the signals wouldn't be interrupted, and it would save them a lot of time. Nevertheless, the scanners hadn't picked up anything unusual in the Horsehead Nebula, so Cerberus must've jammed the area. Either that or they weren't looking in the right place.

Kaidan pulled up his omni-tool, lined it up and used the fish tank as a projector for the map.

Taking the marker out of his mouth, he approached the glass and separated the cap from the rest to free the ink. Both signals were headed towards the Horsehead Nebula, so yes, that was indeed the place.

"Joker."

The speakers chimed. "Yeah?"

"Can you do a scan on the coordinates I sent you?"

"Uh... why?"

"Just do it."

"All right, all right - don't get your panties in a twist, Captain Planet."Joker was slowly but surely coming back to them. "Okay, yeah, that's weird. Some kind of interference. Judging by its size, I think it's a solar flare."

Gotcha.

"Thanks."

"Uh... you're welcome?" he replied, and it went silent for a long moment. "I'm kinda expecting an explanation, here. Kaidan, hell, are you feeling okay? Because you've been in there for hours and I haven't seen you in, like, days. You've been under a lot of stress lately, and you sound just a teeny tiny bit grumpy as you approach this thing."

"I'm great, Joker - but thanks for asking. Send the location over and I'll update you later."

Joker sighed. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he said, and Kaidan could practically hear him shake his head. "As I said, you've been in there for hours. Lieutenant Wright is currently on his way to come check on you if you're still, you know, conscious and breathing or something."

"Good. He'll want to hear this."

The speakers went silent. Kaidan brought the marker to the tank and began to draw the solar flare in its spot as Joker had given him the exact location. His thumb accidentally brushed against one of the circles.

That's when he realized that it was a permanent marker.

Oh, for Christ's sake...

Somewhat frantically, he flailed over to the restroom where he turned on the sink. Coating a couple layers of paper, he wrapped them around each other before hurrying back. Bringing the dissolvable fabric to the glass, he began to curse internally, as the marker had dried. He rubbed harder to increase the pressure but to no avail. Sighing loudly, he let his hand drop and accepted his defeat.

He came eye-to-eye with a Thessian sunfish.

"Don't look at me like that. You could've warned me, you know? This isn't going away, so you better get used to it."

The fish simply looked at him. Unable to avoid the restless stare, Kaidan escalated his hand again and drew a sad smiley face on the other side of the glass. He grinned in accomplishment when the fish bailed.

Argument won.

"I would suggest isopropyl alcohol," came an amused voice, and his attention snapped to the doorway. "Bau ordered me to come get you, but... you seem, uh... occupied? I know it's not my place, but could you please elaborate me why the hell you're talking to a fish and drawing circles on the tank? I find myself intrigued, but... also kinda worried. You okay?"

"I, uh..." he said, and pointed to his 'artwork.' "This..."

"A map of the Milky Way." With a frown, Ryan stepped up to him with a curious gaze before his eyes rested at the projected map. "Wait, is that... the signals we picked up?" Kaidan nodded "...and what are these circles?"

Kaidan grabbed the data pad again.

"The last outpost didn't share the same signal, so I've tried to locate the disturbance itself," he replied and handed the pad over. "So far, we've only got two signals that stop in the Horsehead Nebula. I had the Normandy do a scan. Think of it as a signal tracker. It beeps faster and faster the closer it gets, and at each beep, it marks a spot. Nevertheless, the interface is disturbed, so there are several spots marked. However, some of the locations have been marked several times. 46 beeps mark a completely proportional circle in under 5 mikes."

Ryan blinked. "Okay, you lost me."

"How I did it isn't really important, but thanks to the scan, I've found out where the disturbance is. It's a solar flare."

"Well, shit... that complicates things," he replied, his voice nearly a murmur. "If it was an asteroid, we could've blown it up and cleared the signal. Can't do much about a solar flare, though."

Kaidan sighed. "So we're back on square one. I guess three-dimensional particle tracking is our only option now."

Shepard tossed the empty wrapper of an energy-bar into a small waste receptacle beside the kitchen counter.

He had never been particularity good when it came to cooking, his last remembered attempt ending in calling the fire department, so he figured it'd be best not to burn the damn place down. Cooking was rocket-science in his eyes. Sure, he could make the easiest dishes, but days consisting of that and Chinese tended to wear out over time.

Ace was a better cook, but then again, his only flaw appeared to be trusting too easily, always giving people a second chance no matter how fucked up they were. Shepard remember that he found him naïve, but he was also more than capable of defending himself, far too mature for his own age. His father had a thing for Krav Maga, and with that in mind, he taught his son.

Everyone loved him, his sister practically worshipped him, and he was always on good terms with the higher-ups.

He was a 'by the book' kind of guy and always followed orders with no questions asked. Hooking up with a gang member certainly wasn't part of his plan, and hell, Shepard knew he hated himself for it.

Romeo and Juliet in a nutshell only that both happened to be guys.

#

/"Can't we just order pizza?"

Ace laughed. "For Thanksgiving?" he asked, and briefly looked up from the datapad. "My mother would throw a fit."

"Well, she ain't here."

"Say she finds out... You would want me to lie to her?" Shepard just shrugged as an answer. He didn't get the chance to reply before Ace took the cigarette out of his mouth. "Shep, I told you." He stumped it in the tray. "No smoking inside."

Shepard grinned. "Bossy."

"I've got to keep you leashed."

"I bet you do. Shit, I knew you were into BDSM," Shepard murmured and circled around him. Ace made a displeased sound in the middle of his unimpressed scoff when Shepard bit into his neck from behind. He felt his muscles tense under his hold when he wrapped arms around his waist. Working his mouth down his neck, he pressed up against him, making him aware of his growing erection.

Ace cleared his throat. "Shep," he warned, but his breath hitched when his hand moved lower. "John!"

The pad fell to the floor when Shepard slipped a hand down his pants and took him in hand, chuckled softly when Ace grabbed his wrist and quickly moved it away. The way Ace's face flushed made him grin even bigger.

"If you keep this up, neither of us are going to eat," he added, and motioned to the sizzling frying pan.

"Pull down your pants and I'll prove you otherwise..."

He coughed out a laugh when Ace nudged an elbow into his abdomen. Shepard was still behind him, so he couldn't see his face, but he knew he was trying to hold back a smile.

"You're horrible." Ace shot him a look over his shoulder, a mischievous spark in his green eyes.

"Well, you know me."

"Tell you what." Ace turned in his hold and pushed him aside. He bent down and picked up the datapad, giving a wondrous display of his ass. "Let me finish up here," he said, waving the report. "10 minutes, tops... then come find me."

Shepard smirked. "Yes, sir."

Ace rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless.

It didn't take long before he had Ace's back pressed to the bedroom wall and his tongue down his throat. His hands were at his grey granddad shirt, the cloth separated from his jeans, pulled up to reveal a fragment of the firm muscle that was his abdomen. A moan slipped through Ace's soft lips. Sucking in a sharp breath through his nose, he pressed up harder, fighting the urge to take him right there as the bulge by his thigh grew bigger. Shepard fumbled with his hands to pull the shirt off over his head, proving difficult as he tried to keep the contact between them.

The calloused hand in his hair retracted when the shirt was halfway up his chest, and when he yanked the cloth off, arms enveloped his neck. Shepard caught another guttural moan that had his head to cartwheels, his cock semi-hard as he rubbed up against him. He twined his index fingers through his belt loops, Ace's hips arched up against him as he pulled, feeling his full length as he dominated his mouth. His heart was beating, hard and erratic, silently begging him to rip those clothes off and throw him into the bed.

Ace was, and had always been, the submissive type.

Their 'thing' had started off as a quick guilt-fuck, which went against Ace's every view, but he had currently been recovering from a failed relationship - and a friend had been pushy into getting him laid - while he was drunk off his ass.

To Shepard, he was just another client and a fucking hot one at that.

He didn't expect to fall in love./

#

Shepard's eyes slammed shut as he felt his eyes watering again.

If it wasn't for him, Ace would still be alive, and the truth never got any easier to fathom. He didn't deserve to be pulled into all that shit that he put him through, but as egoistic as Shepard was at the time, he didn't even consider the repercussions of their relationship. It had only been a matter of time before the Reds found out about him and ordered a hit.

The worst part was knowing who took the shot.

Only fragments of his memories had come back, and he couldn't make sense out of most of them, so he had never before felt more lost. He didn't know what was the reality, what was dreams, and what was memories. Headaches became far more common, and again, he found himself holding that little pill that would relieve some of the pain that bore through his skull.

Kaidan had learned never to underestimate Liara T'Soni.

Then again, he had never really doubted her abilities.

"Crew, meet me by the war table," Kaidan ordered over the comm-link, mindful of the wide and easy grin from the cockpit in his peripheral vision. "We've received a new mission."

It hadn't been long since their previous talk and Liara had already managed to locate a backup for EDI.

She had located it in an orbital facility called Minuteman Station, and for some reason, Kaidan felt like he should know the name. It appeared to be largely active, and Cerberus employee-heavy, according to their scans.

There was only one surreptitious way to get this done properly.

"Infiltration," Jondum said.

Kaidan palmed his hands to the war table. "Minuteman Station is of a far greater scale with a higher employee base than those outposts we've been investigating. We were nearly outnumbered on Sanctum, so there's no way in hell we can simply rush in and hope for the best. We need to send someone in to get a layout mapped down so we can figure out where the backup is located."

"I already know the place," Ryan said. "Let me do it.

He found himself frowning.

Somewhat carefully, he said, "This is a pretty delicate operation, LT. There's no guarantee we'll succeed. You sure?" Ryan gave him a confident nod, so he went quiet to consider his suggestion. Eventually, he gave in. "All right." Kaidan pushed away from the table. "Either way, the Normandy can't be seen in orbital distance."

Jondum nodded. "Indeed. I would suggest giving two of your shuttles a paint job in Cerberus colors to avoid suspicion."

"Good idea," he replied. "Bau has already come up with a plan to get one of us in there, so I'll get you debriefed in the shuttle when everything's in order." He straightened his back and turned. "Wright, we need to talk. The rest of you, dismissed."

The crew dissolved, and as he stood alone with the vanguard, he folded his arms across his chest.

Ryan sighed. "You probably have a lot of questions, huh?"

"Let's take it in the comm-room. I'll have Joker disable the surveillance."

He didn't object and followed him without question.

"Remember when I said I retrieved that Cerberus intel?" Ryan asked in no need of a reply when the door shut behind them. He inhaled a deep breath before it was blown out. "Well... that's because I'm one of them."

Kaidan's eyes went wide. "Wait, you're Cerberus?"

"It's a long story."

"We've got time, LT. I need to know who the hell I have under my command, 'cause I don't work with terrorists."

Ryan took a moment before he spoke. "In 2172, I was captured by Cerberus forces. I was already a lieutenant in the Alliance, but I guess they 'saw something' in me," he said, with air quotes. "That's where it gets complicated. I wasn't too keen on working with their organization. Nevertheless, I managed to get in contact with Alliance brass. I spoke with Anderson first, as I trusted his judgment more than anyone's, but he directed me to Admiral Hackett. I was then ordered to 'play along' and work undercover for the Alliance."

In disbelief, Kaidan asked, "You're telling me that Cerberus simply 'let you in'?"

"It's way more complicated than that, but it's not important," he replied. "It's just... personal. Too damn personal. I can't say the whole truth without throwing someone under the bus with me, and I refuse to do that."

"I respect that, but there's a lot of plot holes here. You can't honestly be asking me to simply trust you on this?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, sir. I'm not asking for your trust. You're welcome to ask Hackett. I'm still undercover for Cerberus, so all I'm asking is to let me do this so we don't suffer any unnecessary casualties."

"How exactly do you know of Minuteman Station?"

"I worked there as a security guard and briefly coordinated with Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor, as well as several other Cerberus employees, including a woman named Rasa," he said and pressed his hip to the console. "You already know her by the name of Maya Brooks."

Kaidan froze.

"No one really knows her true name," Ryan added with a shrug. "She's used several aliases including Hope Lilium and Captain Channing, but Rasa is the earliest recorded, dating back to 2161. Cerberus is known for their aliases. Hell, even I have one. Minuteman Station is one of the two Cerberus facilities that held Shepard's body and clone. Lazarus Station is the second, which I assume originally held the Blue Box, only to be transferred to Minuteman Station. It's the place where the SR-2 was docked when first under Shepard's command.

"As you can tell, Rasa stole the clone from there. I was on Earth to check up on my sister when the incident occurred, and the Illusive Man doesn't like his business disrupted, so he only informed me of the crucial details to convince me that he had it under control."

"They allowed you to see your family?"

"Cerberus want to make sure their employees remain loyal and don't disband the group," he replied. "Our father had recently passed away, so my mother was devastated, go figure. Eveline - my sister - needed an adult male figure in her life again. She was just 4 at the time. I asked the Illusive Man if I could go see to them, and he accepted. You earlier asked me how I obtained Cerberus intel? Well... there you have it."

Things were finally starting to come together.

Still, Kaidan knew there was something he wasn't telling him.