The Aftermath

This chapter jumps between both Edward and Bella's POV

BPOV

I woke up from my orgasm induce slumber very aware of what I provoked last night.

I stayed in the bed longer with my eyes closed. I was not quite ready to move and face the reality of our actions being this close to Edward, without any barriers between us felt heavenly.

With a heavy heart I opened my eyes and slowly eased myself out the bed. As soon as I extracted myself out of bed, my Edward induce euphoric high slowly dimmed. I longed for nothing more than to get back into bed with him acting as this was a norm for us, with no worries besides our children.

I looked over to my nightstand picking up the picture frame that was facing face down; holding us close to my heart as I fought back my sob that was begging to break through.

I walked into the bathroom still holding the picture as I slide down my bathroom floor. They say 'a picture is worth a thousand words' and this picture speaks volumes. It was the picture that was taken of the four of us at the street carnival. Edward holding Ashley in his arms, as I held AJ; while the kids were looking at the camera lady; Edward and I were staring at each other so intently.

This was also the day we kissed by "accident."

What I wouldn't give for what this picture portrays to be true but time was not on our side; and it was my entire fault.

I stood up walking over to the sink and begun to splash water on my face. I walked into my bedroom and just stood in the doorway looking at Edward's nude sleeping form.

My heart couldn't handle this. I needed to get out of here. This thing between us that happen last night was nothing but a stolen moment. It was only for one night. That's what I have to keep telling myself so I could survive this. Edward didn't belong to me.

Oh God I caused him to be unfaithful to his fiancée. I definitely had to get out of here with that thought that just passed through my mind.

I didn't want to be here when he woke up; nor did I want to experience any awkward moments or see the regret in his eyes.

I rushed to my dresser grabbing the first clothing article I touched. Throwing it on not even caring.

I grabbed the picture frame again and looked back to Edward as the tears slide down silently. I clutch the frame to my chest as I turn around leaving my bedroom and heading downstairs out my front door. Still carrying the picture frame going to the one place I could attempt to find some solace. As I pulled out my driveway I thought back to the reasons that lead up to last night even happen

(FLASHBACK)

Days started blending together and I was truly at a lost. Everyday going into that hospital room seeing all those tubes hook up to my baby girl, was just so god damn heart breaking.

Especially after the three day of going through her Chemo treatments. The donors warned us that she would get sick but I never imagine she would be that sick.

My little girl was constantly throwing up and had extreme high fever, constant nose bleeds as well as coughing up blood; let's not the bruises that was forming on her tiny body.

My little girl once filled with so much joy and life; laid in that bed lifeless.

She looked so fragile that I was actual afraid to hold her because I thought I'll hurt her more.

Edward sat by Ashley's bedside everyday since her treatment began and just watching him interact with her consumed me with guilty.

Edward's only gotten to know Ashley for months and I've known her since the day she was born. I'm such a selfish bitch, I thought to myself dryly as

I got up leaving the room. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment between father and child.

Upon entering the hallway I had immediately bumped into someone "Sorry" I mumbled not even looking up

"Bella it's no problem" came a familiar voice

I looked up to him and smile "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me hesitantly "Well when you called and cancelled our date due to your daughters' illness, you sounded so lost and sad. I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries by coming here but I just had to make sure you're already. Plus I came baring treats" He said lifting a Starbucks cup and snack bag.

"That's very thoughtful of you but you truly didn't have to get me anything."

"Nonsense Bella, besides you look like you can use some coffee in your system. When's the last time you had a good nights rest?"

I turned my head looking into Ashley's room because in all honesty I truly didn't know when the last time I had a decent nights rest was.

Before reunion with The Cullen's; Possible. Edward suing for custody? Restlessness, Ashley being sick? God help me I pleaded mental

"I don't know" I said sadly

Jacob pulled me into a hug without saying anything. This was one of the things I needed right now; a comforting embrace from a friend.

I sighed after looking down at my watch "there going to start her treatment soon. Thanks for coming."

"Anytime Bella" He replied kissing me in the forehead

I stood in the doorway of Ashley's room as the doors began to start her next round of chemo.

Edward was near exhaustion and he barely could keep his eyes open. I looked down to the coffee in my hand walking towards him.

He was sitting in a chair with his back to me as I placed the hand with the coffee in it over his shoulder. "Here you look like you need this more than me"

Edward smiled up at me taking the coffee into his hand. I left my arm lingering on his shoulder for a bit: before giving it a squeeze and moving to the opposite side of Ashley's bed to sit at her bedside.

As I sat down I pick up one of the books from the bedside table and began reading to reading to Ashley Charlottes Web.

I don't know how long I was reading for but just I gotten to the parts were Charlotte was telling Wilbur she wasn't returning to the farm. Ashley's hospital room filled with an alarming noise.

I looked at Ashley and her body was shaking wildly. I moved my eyes to Edward and he was pale as a ghost looking at Ashley's heart monitor, as doctors and nurse came into the room ushering us out the way.

I started hyperventilated while mumbling "not my little girl, please"

I stood in the hallway in Edward's embrace. A nurse came running into the room with what looked to be a crash cart.

That was it my walls fell, the strong mask crumbled. Those carts never mean anything good I just dropped to the floor in a sob.

"Oh...God....Is....is...that....what...I....I...think....it....is?" I cried

I attempted to search Edward's eyes for answers but all I saw was his tears.

"I...I..." I got up off the floor shaking my head. I refuse to let my thoughts go that dark route Ashley is strong. She has to make it.

Dr Lavery came out the room with an indifferent mask in place.

"Ashley's condition has worsened and as you are aware she coded. As you know with chemo her immune system is partially nonexistent, her body is just working extra hard to fight of any infections. We'll be taking upstairs shortly for x-rays, CTscans and other test just to make sure we there is no unknown factor we should be aware of us.

I notice the doctors lips continued moving but be had me lost from when he said my angel coded.

(End of FLASHBACK)

EPOV

I woke up in an empty bed naked, sore and in a very unfamiliar bedroom. I thought back to last night with a sigh thinking 'at least she didn't throw me out when she woke up.' I took that as a good sign hoping for the best.

I saw a door open to the far right of the room and got up calling out Bella's name thinking she was in there. However the bathroom was completely empty.

I figures since she let me sleep she wouldn't mine if I took a quick shower. My entire body was aching from last night activities and I needed a shower badly to help loosen up my muscles.

After showering I wrapped a towel around my waist, remembering my clothes had gotten discarded downstairs.

As I made my way downstairs I continued to call out for Bella but had yet to receive a response. Upon entering the disaster zone known as Bella's kitchen; I walked carefully around to my discarded clothing next to the broken glass.

Once dress I looked around the house finding no Bella. Instead of kicking me out her left alone in her house. With a sigh I went back into the kitchen and began cleaning it, hoping she'll return by the time I finished cleaning so that we could talk about everything.

It took two hours to clean up the damage in the kitchen, living room and bedroom. I sat in the living room for at least an hour and Bella had yet to return.

With a sigh I got up and left her house heading towards the hospital to spend time with my little girl. I knew even if Bella was avoiding me she'll show up to the hospital eventually and we'll have a talk that's many years overdue.

Being in Ashley's room again reminded me of the reasons why last night happened. Ashley had fallen into a coma which in turn devastated Bella. When she rushed out the hospital this time I followed her knowing this would had driven her to something she'll regret.

I looked at our sleeping little girl hoping for a miracle. "I know our relationship was on the bit of the rocky side Ashley; but I need you. We need you Ashley especially your momma."

BPOV

I ended up pulling into Rosalie's driveway knowing she'll be up already, which I felt completely guilty about. Rose has been taking care of AJ for me these last few weeks since Ashley been in the hospital. I only saw my little guy at dinnertime and when I tucked him in a night.

I felt so bad not spending so much time with him as quickly as I got that thought I decided this weekend will be all about AJ; also next week I'll have to find some sort of balance when it comes to my children.

Sitting in Rosalie's driveway my mind kept flashing back to the naked man still laying in my bed. Edward's body had scratches, bite marks, and whatnot all over his body too. I shook my head attempting to keep my thoughts from straying back to the man still sleeping in my bed. I grabbed the picture frame putting in my purse getting out my car and letting myself into Rose's place.

Rosalie" I called out as soon as I let myself in.

"In here Bella and keep your voice down Emmett is still asleep."

I went to join her in the kitchen. Her back was facing me as I entered "How you holding up today?" she asked without turning around

I just stayed silence. That was a load fucking question.

When I didn't answer her Rose turned around and her eyes widen as she took in my appearance.

I knew she was taking in my swollen lips, the love bites on my neck and the emotions behind my eyes. "Um looks like you had a rough night" She said breaking the silence in the room

"You should see the other person." I responded half jokingly and seriously

"Please tell me you didn't just give up 5 1/2 years of celibacy to that Jacob character?" She asked pleadingly

I shook my head no and relief wash over her "You need to be nicer about Jacob. He's been nothing but sweet and compassionate to me besides he's done nothing wrong to you."

"Bella he's using you're vulnerability and I don't trust him. But back to much more important matters" She said motioning to my appearance

"Edward" I whispered, looking down to the floor as my lips began to tremble and tears began to flow.

"So what exactly is the problem then Belly? Isn't this what you wanted? Well not the sleeping together that would have come eventually but this is your chance to be with Edward now?"

"This" I said handing her the picture.

She looked at the picture and began to mumble "wow this is an amazing portrait and you two look..."

"So much in love" I finished

"Pictures don't lie Bella. Just follow your heart Belly" She stated simply

"Why so I can just get hurt repeatedly? And why follow my heart to somewhere unattainable? I'm done with Edward Cullen. To me he's nothing but a sperm donor." I shouted defiantly as both my heart and mind protested the words leaving my mouth. Lies all lies I thought to myself nothing but blasphemy my heart thud with a dull pain.

Rose just sighs effectively becoming speechless and giving me a look telling me she didn't even believe my last statement.

"Yes it hurts to say those things Rosalie, but it's time to let old wounds heal and move on. You never forget your first love but plenty has moved on from their first love. So why couldn't I? Hell even Edward manage to do that. Besides Rose he's with Tanya and if it wasn't for me practically throwing myself at him last night he would have never been unfaithful to her."

Rose opened her mouth to say something but then close it. She opened her mouth again and then said "You need to talk to Edward?"

I shook my head getting louder as I began to shout "I cannot speak to him about this nor can I even look at him after what happen last night. It was wrong on so many levels and it was practically rape……on my part at least" I whispered the last part as I realized how loud I had gotten.

Rose came over to me and wrapped her arms around me letting the tears flow freely. Through my tears I attempted to make light of the situation "you know I've been out of the sexual loop so long that I did things ass backwards. Who does the walk of shame from their own house? Can you believe I left him sleeping in my fucking bed?"

Rose's laughter was uncontrollable "oh my good Bella that's so damn priceless. Have I taught you nothing? If anyone was to do the walk of shame this morning it should have been Edward." She said. We both stopped laughing as we heard the floor board creek.

Emmett came into the kitchen and saw Rose embracing me "Oh…um…hey Bella"

I wiped my tears and whispered "Hello"

"Rosie I'm going to head out besides it looks like Bella needs you right about now."

Rose unwrap her arms from around me and walked over to him kissing him goodbye. As he left I shared a look with Rosalie "You don't think he overheard us do you?"

EPOV

I left Ashley's room heading to the vending machine to get something to drink. As I was bending down to get my soda someone pulled me by the arm turning me around and before I even had a chance to even register who it was, I was met with someone's fist.

As I fell I looked up to see a very anger Emmett "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" I shouted rubbing the spot were he had just hit me.

Emmett pulled me up off the floor only to continue to slam me into the vending machine as he looked onto me with disgust "You fucking bastard. Attempting to take away her children wasn't good enough for you huh? That you had to fucking rape her?"

I looked at him like he was fucking crazy rape? "Look I don't know where you're getting your information from but I raped no one besides what happen between Bella and I was consensual; and quite frankly none of your fucking business."

"It's my fucking business when she's over at Rose's place at the crack of dawn crying on her kitchen floor. I will not let you continue to hurt this girl Edward; I swear on my life I wouldn't let you hurt her anymore. For fucksakes you're engage to be married."

"Tanya and I are just fine so mind you goddamn business…."

"Yeah I can see just how FINE you two are when you take advantage of Bella in her state of vulnerability……"

"ENOUGH" Someone shouted from behind us

I looked up in time to see Bella's figure leaving and a very upset Rosalie looking between Emmett and me. I wanted to run after Bella but everything that just happen had me running the other way outside the hospital and towards the bar down the street. I don't know how long I sat there before Ii saw her enter the bar.

"Did you come to beat me up and cuss me out too? I had enough from of that from Emmett."

Rosalie just looked at me bemused and pulled out the stool sitting next to me motioning for the bartender

"What can I get ya?" The Bartender asked

"Let me get a dry Martini and two shots of Jack." She paused looking over at me and shouted to the bartender "better yet make those shots double."

Rosalie folded her hands in front of her still not talking to me, as the bartender sat the drinks in front of her. She pushed one of the shots in front of me while raising her shot glass. "Come on Edward drink up you had a rough day"

"Rosalie" I began but cut myself off as she shot me a dirty look

I picked up me glass raising it towards her before throwing it back.

"It's Rose" She respond after taking a sip of her Martini

"Excuse me?" I ask a bit confused

"I only let people I have an aversion to call me Rosalie. I think of you as a friend Edward and I my friends call me Rose." She replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I looked at her perplex especially after everything that just occurred and blurted out the first thing that came into my mind

"How come you're not mad or disgusted with me?"

She looked up at me amused and with a knowing smile "I knew it was going to happen eventually. You two have undeniable chemistry that even a blind man would see it; besides Emmett should learn a thing or two about eavesdropping on privacy conversations. He took my comment wrong and ran with it. Bella told me how things went down. She's not mad with you per se but then again she doesn't know you and Tanya called off the engagement. Not to mention she did over her your comment about you and Tanya taking it the wrong way…" Rosalie said trailing off

"What do I do Rose?" I asked sadly as I motion to the bartender for another drink

"You sit down and you tell Bella everything. You know she's still under the impression you're filing for custody of the kids. She thinks you're being nice to her only because Ashley is sick. She's torturing herself right now with all these bottled up emotions Edward. I do not want to lose her but she's slowly pushing everyone away."

"Well everyone but that Jacob character" I mumbled

"What was that?"

"He comes to the hospital everyday while Ashley's getting treatment and comforts Bella while she cries in his arms. Something about him is eerily familiar though but I cannot place it. I truly don't trust him but what can I do if he is who makes Bella happy? I'll tell her about dropping the custody hearing but maybe I should just keep up the charade that Tanya and I are getting married."

I felt a sharp sting against my face and turned to Rose with a look that said 'what the fuck was that for'

"You will NOT give up on Bella." She sneered

"I cannot give up on something I've never truly had" I replied lamely

Rose just looked at me shaking her head.

"You've had Bella ever since you guys first met and I know she's hurt you repeatedly in the past but you cannot fault her either. Back then Bella wasn't ready for that kind of emotionally commitment to someone because besides you, people showed her that the people you love leaves you, hurt you and so forth. So Bella being Bella did the one thing she does best she hid her emotions so well that she even hid them from herself. Did you even ever listen to the song Bella told you she heard that night that caused her to run to you?"

I shook my head no

"Well you should listen to it. That song sums up everything about Bella and her feelings for you perfectly. I know it may seem like it's too late for you guys but if it's meant to be it's never too late. I know it's meant to be because if it wasn't you and I wouldn't be sitting here having a few drinks with each other, you and Bella would have never bumped back into each other a few months ago. Granted you guys may have a few bumps in the road bumps in the road but it's both of your actions during these bumps that are going to define how things turn out. You have a choice now you can either take the easy way out or you can fight tooth and nail for what appears to be a losing battle."

"What did I do to deserve having you in my corner?" I said it more to myself but I knew she heard

"Loving Bella and those beautiful children you guys created together. Look Bella is dropping off AJ at my house around 3pm tomorrow in order to avoid seeing you so that you can pick him up at 5, so I'll be seeing you at 2:30." It wasn't even a question but a demand

I knew I wanted a chance to clear the air with Bella because she deserves that and a clear conscious. Most importantly if she gave me any sign that she has a smidge of feelings for me, I'll fight for her and our family with everything I have.

As soon as I got into my car I saw the package from Bella I was going through before I got the call about Ashley being in the hospital. I was putting everything back into its place when what appeared to be a blank CD fell out.

Curious of what was on the CD I immediately put it in my CD, as soon as I hit play I heard strumming of a guitar followed by a soothing female voice. I didn't know what I was listening to but as the chorus came on I gripped the steering wheel. 'No this could mean what I think it does' I thought to myself as the heard the person sing the second verse to the chorus.

It took something, it took falling,
It took distance, it took time,
It took a lot of getting lost to realize
I was already home, right where I was supposed to be

You were right in front of me
I was not alone
I was already home, sometimes you're too close to see
The one thing that you really need has been there all along
It took leaving you to know, I was already home.

As the song played out I thought back to the conversation Bella and I had regarding this song.

Flashback

"I'm not that strong when it comes to you especially when I know I've hurt you so much in the past and still am. You're definitely the last person on this earth I ever want to hurt you have to believe me when I say this. That night when I came to you in the pouring rain I never actually told you what happen but the meaningless part of that night was James cheated on me with the next door neighbor. Back then I thought that was why I was hurting so much but it took me going to a bar and hearing a song come on that caused me to run to you home in the down pour not caring about anything."

"Bella I…." She shook her head at me "No Edward Please let me finish I've kept this in for so many years so now that the truth is out I want this out in the open as well."

I just nodded my head for her to proceed because I truly did not want to know what brought on those actions that night nor did I know she thought of killing herself in my bathroom.

"I had the razor in my hand toying with the idea about ending my life because I felt empty, incompletely, unwanted, broken and unloved but the words of that song kept playing though my mind and I also realized I could do that to you. You deserved more to come and find me dead in your bathroom which made me feel ever worst that I ever considered doing something like that to you because I remember your words from when I nearly did take me life. You told 'Bella I cannot live in a world without please get help, please, I cannot lose you in my life- I want you to feel whole again please Bella get help.' And Edward that brought on a whole new round of tears and when you were comforting me in bed I felt everything I was looking and just wanted to feel loved and complete which were the things you made me feel.

When you told you'll be there for me no matter what I just looked into your eyes and finally saw all the love and compassion you had for me so that's why I began kissing you. It was never my intention at first to have sex with you that night but those words to that song kept ringing through my mind and everything at that moment in my life felt so right so I just went with it. When you started to reject me I felt so hurt but I still so the love you had for me in your eyes and I pleaded with you on how much I truly did want and need you in every way possible.I meant what I said that night that I was sick of denying what felt right in my life.

"What was the name of the song?"

She had a wide smile that came across my face as she was answering my question

"It's called I Was Already Home"

End of Flashback

The words to the song had my mind reeling that I put the song on repeat. 'Could it really be possible that Bella was in love with me back then?'

I wanted to say it was impossible put I recalled something Rosalie said that stop me short

Author's note

Next Chapter Preview

Jacob beginning kissing me and I was utterly shock, as he tried to deepen it I snapped out my state of shock and instantly had to pull away.

"Ahem" Someone said clearing there throat

I turned around to see a defeated looking Edward.

That kiss may not be what it appears to be

Bella and Edward have a talk and a move into a new direction

Something happens to a character