THIRTY-EIGHT
Broken Hills
September 24th
16:12
Lara had always rolled her eyes at people who referred to a hopeless search as looking for a needle in a haystack, usually sighing and moaning when they did it. Every search, she thought, could be completed if you only searched diligently enough. The number of places you could search was always finite, right? But this, she thought to herself, was simply hopeless. The town had enough houses to keep her busy for a week to search all of them, and then she didn't even count the cabins, shacks and other places where people or bodies could be stashed. And Lysanna wasn't much help either. Sure, she talked again, but since their short talk, all that she'd given were one-word answers. Apart from that, she was still pretty much useless. Probably too busy getting her thoughts back in order.
She sat down on the edge of the well and took out a cigarette. Not many left. She'd have to get a hold of some somewhere, and she'd be damned if she spent another nickel at that rude old bat's shop. Lysanna sat down next to her, briefly looking at Lara lighting her cigarette, and then looking down at the ground again.
Lara inhaled and slowly blew out smoke, hoping the others had had more luck, when suddenly Lysanna said, "Hm."
"What?"
Lysanna was pointing at the ground. "Look."
There was an iron ring in the ground, with a rope tied to it. The rope went up over the edge of the well, and down into it.
"What about it? It's just a bucket rope."
Lysanna shook her head. Lara peered closely at the rope, and then she saw it too. There was a crab still attached to the rope, shiny and with no trace of rust.
"Someone's been going down into this well." Then she looked back at Lysanna. "What are the odds, huh?" referring to the incredible luck they'd had to sit down at the well and spot the small thing.
"I can do it without a harness," Lara said confidently, shrugging off her leather jacket and flexing her shoulders. "You stay up here, if I'm not back in half an hour, get to the nearest guard post, okay?"
Lysanna nodded.
"Right, here goes," Lara breathed, swinging one leg over the edge of the well and twisting the rope around her wrist. "See you in a sec!" and then her body disappeared in short hops.
She'd forgotten to bring a flashlight, she realized as she got down. Fucking stupid, but too late for that now. Her hands were raw and the muscles in her arms were cramped from the descent. Damn thing was deep. She looked up and saw a small disc of light above her. Good thing there wasn't any water in the well anymore. Her footing was unstable, as if the ground was covered with small objects.
After a few flicks, her zippo lighter flared up, and she could see at least a little. The objects on the ground were apparently thousands of old rusted bottle caps that had spilled from a torn leather bag. Why would anyone gather that many stupid bottle caps? She shrugged inwardly and decided she didn't care. After a quick look she noticed something strange about the seams of the stonework. Most of the seams were old and crumbled, but in one place, they'd been scraped out from between the stones, the stones simply resting on top of each other. A push against the stones confirmed her assumption: someone had removed the stones and then put them back in place.
Her knife made a good lever as she tugged the first stone out. Once that was gone, the rest came easily. The passageway before her was dark, but the air wasn't stale as she'd expected. Either it was connected to the surface somewhere else, or the stones had only been replaced recently. In the faint light coming from the well above, she saw a light shape somewhere in the black. She instinctively stooped and picked it up. It seemed to be a paper of some sort, but it was far too dark to read anything. In the distance, she heard the reverberating echoes of a crash, which sounded like it must have been loud where it originated, followed by what seemed to be confused yelling. It was too far away, and the sounds had bounced off too many walls for her to figure out what was going on, but it sounded like a panic. She thought of going down deeper in the tunnel, but then she realized it was no use, with the darkness, and probably pretty dangerous too.
The trek back upward was even more taxing, Lysanna pulling as hard as she could, but not really being much use, and when Lara finally threw herself over the edge of the well, landing hands-first onto the cracked asphalt, she had to lie down for several minutes, looking at the sky and giving her screaming muscles some rest. Lysanna looked down at her, worried.
"I'm okay," she said hoarsely. "Just gotta lie down for a sec."
"Okay," Lysanna said flatly, sitting back down on the edge of the well, massaging her own shoulders. Lara closed her eyes and let the cool evening air wash over her.
"So what'd you find?" Lysanna finally asked, snapping Lara out of her drowsiness.
Lara swallowed a cutting comment about Lysanna finally getting interested when the work was done, and said, "Something down there all right, but I'm not all that keen on going deeper without a flashlight."
"Least that's something, right?"
"M-hm. When the rest get back, we can at least organize ourselves and take a decent look." Lara got up, despite her body's protest, and threw her leather jacket back on. "Let's go back to the car and wait for the rest."
Lysanna nodded briefly, "Okay."
Lysanna had thrown herself down on the back seat of the car, her boots sticking out of the open door, and apparently she'd fallen asleep right away. Lara sat on the trunk and lit her last cigarette. She'd have to con Cassidy out of some more, but that wouldn't be a problem. During the time they'd known each other, she'd found more than a few ways to leech smokes off the old geezer. A few coughs came from the car's back seat. Lysanna had started coughing as they walked back to the car, but it seemed like a case of harmless strep throat. Looks like she was paying the price for traipsing around in the middle of the night with only a T-shirt on. Phyllis would probably be able to recommend some stupid home remedies, she thought to herself, and she immediately felt guilty for the mean thought.
She sighed and wondered when it had started to go wrong. Well, on this trip, at least. Because if you took her whole life into consideration, it had all started to go down the shitter when she'd laughed at her little brother for trying to be a gang member, thinking he'd probably just make a fool out of himself and come back home. How could she have been so dumb, thinking it was all so harmless? Joey had paid the price, and so had she. Because even though this whole thing was probably adventurous, she felt as if she had at one time held all the trump cards, and she'd still blown the game. She remembered her father saying how he had a feeling she was meant for something great. And here she was, tagging along on some tribal chick's ludicrous quest. She looked at the boots sticking out of the car door and mentally apologized to Lysanna for the thought. Still, as well-meaning as Lysanna and the others were, what they were doing wasn't exactly saving the world. She dragged from her cigarette and felt totally alone.
Pinpointing the moment her life had gotten fucked up the ass was easy, but during this trip, there had been a turning point as well. A second ass rape if you will. Was it when Chris had chosen Lysanna instead of her? Maybe. But she thought to herself that maybe she should admit to herself that she simply wasn't all she'd wanted to be. She'd always imagined herself to be first, and so far, second was the best thing she'd managed. She'd given Lysanna the advice not to listen to stories and all that, but why didn't she follow her own advice? Because she still saw her own life as a story, with her playing the leading role, as she supposed everyone imagined his or her own life, and wasn't the main character supposed to be the most important? So far, her story had a main character that only succeeded in stumbling at the last hurdle. And she supposed she knew why she sometimes felt so hostile toward Phyllis. She didn't want to accept it, but part of her knew it was because she'd considered Phyllis to be inferior to her when they met, and now she was the person everyone confided in and depended on, and her acceptance in the group had risen as a result. While Lara's own had done nothing but slowly diminish.
She sighed and flicked the butt of her cigarette away. Apparently people were right when they said the hardest thing to accept is who you are. The question asked itself if she wasn't perhaps trying to be someone she wasn't, but on the other hand, she'd always been told that she could be anyone she wanted to be, if she only tried hard enough. But it seemed that what she'd been told wasn't all that reliable anymore. And she knew that if she talked to anyone about how she felt, they wouldn't understand. Lysanna would say she was imagining it and that everyone liked her a lot, Cassidy would probably make some childish joke, Chris would simply scratch his head and say he wasn't the best person to ask advice to, and Phyllis, well, she'd never talk about it to her, but if she did, Phyllis would most likely act all understanding and start some psychological explanation, and Lara felt angry at herself for not being able to just appreciate Phyllis instead of always suspecting her of trying to suck up for her own advantage.
No, nobody would understand. She envied them, being able to function in a group without ever having to worry or having to ask themselves if the others really meant it when they said they liked them. Why wasn't it that easy for her? Why couldn't she just know how people felt toward her? And why did it always feel like a lie when people said they appreciated her?
Her thoughts were interrupted by Chris' voice yelling her name. She pushed herself off the trunk and turned her head. It looked like things had gone badly wrong in the mine. Chris was carrying Phyllis in his arms, and Cassidy was struggling a few meters behind, holding his bleeding shoulder. Phyllis lay totally limp in his arms, most likely unconscious.
Lysanna worked herself out of the car and gasped, "Oh my God!"
"What happened?" Lara asked as Chris lay Phyllis down on the sand as gently as he could. Phyllis' eyes were only half-open and only their whites could be seen. Her mouth moved feebly, and dried blood had run down her chin and out of her nostrils. There was even a dried trickle that had run from her ear.
"I think she caught a bad dose of rads," Chris gasped.
"Oh shit," Lysanna whined, remembering what Lara and Cassidy had told her about radiation and the way people died from it.
"What about you, Cassidy?" Lara asked, trying to keep her cool.
"Nuthin' bad, can wait," Cassidy said between clenched teeth.
"So uh, what do we do," Chris asked doubtfully.
Lysanna paced up and down nervously, her face close to panic. Lara looked away from her and said, "Look in the trunk, get Phyllis' medical stuff."
Chris nodded and got up, looking inside the trunk.
"Lysanna!" Lara snapped. "This is no time to panic, c'mere!"
Lysanna looked at her doubtfully for a moment and then sat down on her knees next to her. Chris tossed Phyllis' bag down next to Lysanna.
"Look inside Phyllis' stuff, see if you can find some anti-radiation medicine," Lara ordered.
Phyllis mouthed something and Lara brought her ear close to her bloody lips. "Blue bag," she told Lysanna. "Blue bag with a needle and yellow liquid."
Lysanna frantically searched and after a short moment, she exclaimed, "Ah! Got it!" holding up a blue bag and tossing it at Lara.
Lara gently pushed the needle in Phyllis' arm and slowly squeezed the bag. The yellow gel-like liquid slowly traveled down the tube and through the needle.
"No way that's enough," Cassidy grated. "She took a lotof rads, an' I really mean a lot!"
"Oh God," Lysanna breathed shakily, "she's not gonna die, is she?"
"I don't know, Lysanna," Lara snapped harshly. "I don't know shit about radiation!"
"But – "
"God dammit! I said I didn't know! Until I get all this stuff injected, there's no use whining!"
Lysanna's eyes became watery, but she stopped talking.
Chris squeezed Lysanna's shoulder and gently said, "Take a look at Cassidy's shoulder, he needs some fixin' up. Lara's right, until this stuff can do its work we don't know what'll happen, so it's no use being nervous."
Lysanna looked completely lost, so Chris gently kissed her on the mouth. "Try to stay calm, sweetie. Go take a look at Cassidy, it's not lethal, but he needs some stitches."
Lysanna nodded and trudged toward Cassidy.
"Y'alright, kiddo?" Cassidy asked as Lysanna threaded a needle.
"Not really," she said back.
"Tell me sumthin'," he asked in a casual voice. "How are you helpin' Phyllis like this?"
"Like what?"
"Gettin' all nervous an' panicky."
Lysanna sighed. "Think I wouldn't stay calm if I could? I can't help it."
Cassidy winced as Lysanna pushed the needle into his shoulder. "Seems to me you're wastin' a lotta energy bein' so panicky."
Lysanna only looked up from her stitching and scowled.
"Hey, kiddo, I ain't tryin' to lecture you, but comin' unglued doesn't help no one, right?"
"No, Cassidy, it doesn't," Lysanna muttered in annoyance.
"So stop then."
Lysanna sighed again and said, "You're right. I know it doesn't do any good, but… I don't know, I don't want anyone to die. I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt."
Cassidy laughed, "Now innit a bit selfish of you to think that way?"
"You know what I mean. You guys all helped me out and I'd hate myself if anyone died. I mean," she paused. "I don't know, I just love you guys too much."
"Hell, if that ain't nice to hear!" Cassidy said cheerfully. "Don' worry, hun, no one's gonna hate you if things go wrong. I seen a lotta people die in my time, and weren't never anyone else's fault than the ones who killed 'em."
"Yeah, I guess. Just doesn't feel that way to me."
"Tell you what," Cassidy said, inspecting Lysanna's stitching, "why don't we do what we can to help Phyllis out, 'stead of worryin' 'bout what happens if she buys the farm, how's that?"
Lysanna nodded. "Sounds right to me." She finished up the stitches and took a last look to make sure everything was well stitched up.
"Stick close to me, kiddo," Cassidy said conspiratorially. "I can teach you a whole lot more 'n these young'uns."
She smiled back. "Thanks Cassidy."
Lara came to stand next to them. "Guys, I think Cassidy's right, we need to get her to a doctor."
Lysanna repeated Cassidy's words in her mind, and the threatening panic diminished slightly. "Okay, what's our best bet?"
"Heard there's a doctor livin' just outside of the city. Maybe an hour's drive."
"Alright, go get him then."
"I can't drive like this," Cassidy said quietly.
"I'll drive," Lara responded.
"You sure?"
Lara nodded. "I've seen you do it enough times. You can sit next to me and teach me how."
"Awright, let's head out."
"Uh huh. We'll be back as quickly as possible."
Lara turned toward the car, but Lysanna grabbed her shoulder.
"Is she… is she in pain?" she asked carefully.
Lara shook her head, but it wasn't a negative answer to her question. It was telling her not to ask.
"I'm… bleeding out… of my ass," Phyllis croaked with a feeble attempt at a smile. "Shit… never thought… I'd ever bleed… out of my ass."
Lysanna held her hand, not knowing if she was delirious with the pain or if she was truly astonished about the places she was bleeding from. Phyllis' eyes looking directly up at hers from beneath her drooping eyelids made her more inclined to think she was fully conscious. She squeezed Phyllis' hand and said, "You're going to be alright, okay?"
The words felt fake. And looking at Phyllis, she realized why. They'd wiped away most of the blood, but there was still a red mist spraying from her mouth whenever she spoke or coughed. It looked like the bleeding was inside her mouth though, so at least she wouldn't choke on it. The skin on her face was raw, and in several places, she actually had red burns. Her right eye socket was the worst, an ugly red burn making a jagged half-circle from her eyebrow to her cheek.
Phyllis gave another feeble laugh. "You trying… to convince me… or yourself?"
"… Both."
Phyllis' head slowly rocked from side to side in Lysanna's lap. "Pretty… sure it's… the end for… me, doll."
"Don't say that, Phyllis. You're still alive, right?"
Phyllis apparently decided to ignore what Lysanna had said. "Least I… didn't die… alone somewhere. Guess that's… something."
"You're not going to die," Chris' confident voice suddenly came from beside Lysanna. He knelt next to Phyllis and said, "Cassidy and Lara are coming with a doctor, and he'll fix you right up."
Lysanna looked at her Pip-boy nervously. Time seemed to pass so slowly it crawled. Only a half hour had passed since the car had rocketed away, but it felt like half a day. She wanted to cry, but fought back the tears.
"Don't… be sad," Phyllis croaked. "Least I… got to be part… part of something." She smiled weakly and closed her eyes.