(Ayla's POV)

It was nice to be able to sit and recharge in my cabin for a little while. I love being around Talc and all of the others, at least now I did since Talc and I were getting back on good terms. Today, however, all I needed was a moment to process everything that had happened.

After the much needed discussion with Brooklyn, my mind was running a million miles an hour. It felt like we were one step closer to understanding each other. Then she drops a bombshell like that strange map magic? And those pictures?! I wish she hadn't just run off at such moment because I needed to know what those meant. She just dashed off like a mad woman! I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped my lips. Evil she was.

My light-hearted mood sobered a bit. I took out the picture that Brooklyn had given to me and stared at it for a moment. Remnants of the world that I had left behind. One, at this point, I didn't want to return to. I wanted to live in the here and the now.

Everything I loved about this picture was already here with me. I laughed again as I remembered that day. Brooklyn was the one who had made that cake. She wasn't much of a cook so it hadn't been the tastiest cake ever.

After we'd smashed it into each other's faces, neither of us could stop laughing. She had to walk around the rest of that day with chunks of icing in her hair. But I think she was more embarrassed by the fact that I still ATE the cake. The memories were what was important. The rest of the photo didn't really matter. There was nothing else I really missed. Somehow looking at this photo made me feel a bit guilty that I didn't feel especially homesick.

It's not wrong to like a place where you fit in more. I thought as I fiddled with the edge of the picture

I'm just enjoying the moment, that's all. It doesn't mean I don't want to go back. I do. Don't I? I nodded, but didn't feel convinced.

I dropped the photo on the table not wanting to indulge those feelings any longer. It was all just so confusing. The moment that I began to feel like I could truly become the Herald: This influential leader that could literally change an entire continent, bring peace to nations, hope to the down trodden, and give long-faded memories a voice to the future, I get smacked with the reality that it wasn't who I really was. Not in reality.

This picture was the proof of what I was, a human. A mouse spinning in a pointless wheel going no where. Insignificant.

All of this was an accident. I bit my lip resentfully

Accidents change people. Accidents change destiny. My mind whispered back.

I chuckled at myself. Right, Self. Just look at all our superheroes. Something significant happens to them and they get fast tracked on the road of destiny. I know those are all fiction and made up constructs of human desire and imagination, but it mirrors so perfectly whats happened to me.

An accident happened. I was forced into this situation and I can either run from it or embrace it. I decided not to leave.

This mark on my hand. I raised my hand to my face so I could closely examine each detail. This was my call to heroism. My radioactive spider bite. My gamma radiation explosion. My genetic mutation. My chance to do more. Maybe I'm not so insignificant. This is my new reality.

But I knew so little and yet so much about this glowing green thing. It's one thing to play a game, to imagine one's self in it. It's another when it becomes your reality. Book knowledge verses personal experience. I have the book knowledge on this mark. I know what its capable of. But I don't KNOW it. I know ABOUT it.

I took my markless hand and began prodding the folds of flesh around the green light. It flashed and writhed as if agitated at being disturbed. I tried bringing my fingers closer and it sparked and struck in retaliation. I snapped my hand back at the sting and put my finger in my mouth. It did help dull the pain a bit.

How could a spasming green light be this temperamental? Its just content to sit on my hand, but if I dare address it it snaps at me. Figures. I glared at it for a moment. Spider-man never had to deal with much backlash from his powers. The Hulk... yeah... he definitely did. And many of the mutants did as well... But all of them took time to understand and learn what their powers could provide.

I wonder.

I brought my finger to touch the light again and I was once again zapped. The mark isn't a physical mark. Its a magical one. It obviously disapproved of physical stimuli, I wonder what it would do with a magical one.

I sat down on my bed cross legged. I would need to be relaxed during this testing. I rested my arm on my leg and focused on the pulsating entity. My eyes narrowed in concentration and I felt the world disappear. It was now just myself and the mark.

The more I focused on the mark, the more clear the threads became. What once was just a bright thread turned into beautifully ornate tendrils braided and twisted together. Lurking behind the vibrant rope were those familiar blue sparks. Flitting and dancing about as if reacting to the marks movements. Its shadow.

I felt like I've always been able to see these manifestations of magic. Now that I've focused on them, I can see it bright as day. I just have never really taken the time to look at it closely. But what has been seen cannot be unseen.

Once again I used my unmarked hand to test the marks reaction. I could see the tendrils buckle and bristle at the intrusion. The blue flecks swirled and dashed to escape. Confirmed, physical stimuli is not the path to take. That just leave magic.

Resting my right hand on my lap, I focused own magic into my hand. It circled and danced around my fingers. I laughed as my magic swirled up and down my arm in playful bounds. Pale golden yellow light swirled around my hair causing it to blow like the wind took a hold of it.

The intricate web floated around my right hand and danced in dazzling patterns. I watch as the mark crackled and snapped a bit as if it is unsure what to make of these new colors that came into the air. It's curious that the green and blue magic seem to coexist together with neither reacting adversely. I wonder if mine could as well?

My eyes flickered between my open palms. It was dangerous to mix magic. Fortitude taught me that much. If I wasn't careful, my experiment would blowup in my face. But on the chance that everything works, I'll be one step closer to better understanding. I felt like I had the book knowledge right before me and all I had to do was open the first page.

I had to know.

If I use only a bit of magic then it shouldn't blow up in my face. I let my magic pool in my right hand. With a calm mind, I willed my magic forward. I wasn't very close to the mark when it snapped and flared. Needles stabbed into my brain and I immediately retracted. The feeling didn't ease though, if anything the stabbing pain grew stronger and wider till my whole head was engulfed in pain. I winched and gritted my teeth in pain. But it died just as quickly as it began.

I took a few deep staggering breaths but I knew it was to early to give up. More cautiously, I attempted to reestablish a connection. This time, however, I approached the fickle mark slowly, taking time to weave and twist in the air.

This time the green magic didn't immediately flare but rather simmered as if it was biding its time. Coiling as if ready to react in any way needed. Going in bluntly would ruin any progress, so I decided to approach as if it was a wild animal. If it didn't see me as a threat it wouldn't react.

It was a part of me and as such I need to make it a part of me. Not just something that was alien trapped in body. My magic creep closer and closer and closer. When the mark didn't react, I allowed my magic to touch it.

My body snapped straight! My mouth dropped open in shock. Eyes wide with panic as the green energy surged through me. My breath came in ragged breaths. My lungs burned for lack of oxygen. Heat rose from the tips of my toes through the top of my head.

Green tendrils swirled around my whole body. Angry. Disjointed. Jagged. Sharp pain erupted when it touched me. Without thinking I summoned more magic and it burst into the air. The golden weaves immediately wrapped and corded themselves with the green ones.

I am not its enemy. We must work together! Work with me! My mouth gasped open in a soundless scream. My back arched and I threw my head back!

Something snapped! The pain disappeared. The hum of energy ceased its violent assult. My limbs shook mercilessly. My back immediately sagged and I could bring my head back to see what I could.

And the sight astonished me. No longer was the green magic twisting and contorting in violent mannerisms. Instead the green and gold magic intertwined and coiled seamlessly around me. Light waves and bubbling dancing. Calm. Serene. Whole. Powerful.

This magic and mine. It almost became indistinguishable where mine started and the marks ended. I lifted my hand and the magic rushed over to sit in my palm. The warmth and wild nature of these two magics. No real words could describe what I was feeling. But the feeling was one I wanted to experience as much as I could.

I sat there for a few minutes basking in the glow of emotions when I felt my energy waning. I would not be able to maintain the magic much longer. The gold pulled slowly back and the green must have understood as well because it to began to return to its container. Slowly the coils undid themselves. The more it detached the more the euphoric feeling left.

When the last connection snapped, everything drained. I no longer felt whole. I felt like there was a piece of me missing. My heavy breathing mocked my empty mind. What... what was that. What just happened to me? I stared down at the mark who seemed to be content and stable for the moment.

I have to tell someone. Right now. I dont understand what the heck just happened. I had never felt like that ever before. Ever! And it was... It was beyond words. I have to tell Talc. I leapt off the bed and felt a bit staggered. All my energy drained from the experience. I splashed some water on my face trying to clear away the cloudy thoughts.

I need to talk to Solas about this.

Now that thought cleared my mind instantly. Talk to Solas? That's a stupid, stupid idea. I can't believe that thought just entered my mind.

What good would that do? I can figure this out on my own.I nodded to myself, but no sooner had I thought it all my determination left me.

Who am I kidding? I don't know the first thing about this mark. Thats been the whole point of this experiment! And look! Something really weird happened! What was I expecting? Right... I wasn't expecting anything to happen at all! But it did. And now I'm left with way more questions than when I started!

Brooklyn wouldn't know about the mark. If Theresa ever played the game, she wouldn't know either. That just leaves... NO! What about the spirits? They were around for a long time right? Surely they'd know.

Brooklyn's words came back to me. I hadn't been acting like I should towards Solas. He loved answering questions and solving this... is a pretty major question. Of all people, he would know the most about the mark. I didn't really have a choice.

Brooklyn was right, though...I couldn't keep putting walls between everyone. I wanted things to change. I wanted to be more here. In this reality... with everyone.

Right! I need to go talk with Solas! I stamped my foot on the ground. I could do this!

I stood up and marched to the door. Right when I grabbed the handle, I yanked back.

No this is stupid! This is going to lead to no end of problems. Think this through. Don't jump to conclusions!

I buried my face in my hands and groaned. I hugged my arms to my sides. I took a deep breath and paced back and forth in front of the door.

I don't have to find out. This was all just some elaborate illusion. See... it never happened, I just pinched a nerve or something. It was nothing magical or mark-related at all.. so I don't have to pursue it any further.

Except I know down in my heart that it really did happen. There was no way an illusion could make all of that up. A pinched nerve? Who was I kidding? There's only one way for this to be cleared up.

I stared at the door with a mix of longing and dread.

If I don't ask, then I will never know. Knowledge is power here and I can't just pretend this didn't happen.

I gave a frustrated groan, I can't believe I have to do this.

This time, I stood up and approached the door. Feeling resigned, I grasped the cold metal handle, took a deep breath, and walked through the door. The door slammed shut behind me as though it, too, had grown tired of my exhausting emotions.

Every single step I took just reminded me more and more of how much I didn't want to be doing this. The firm snow crunched and seem to mock my apprehension. I turned toward the stairs that led up to Solas's cabin.

I heard a familiar voice drifting through the air.

I spun around. Talc!

Talc was walking away from the main square. Her back was turned to me and she was walking fast but she was pointing at something.

I took a step away from the stairs that led to Solas's cabin.

I can just catch up with her and explain what happened. Then we can just figure this out together!

Just as my feet took another step in her direction. Theresa came running up to Talc. Talc had been motioning to her.

My steps faltered. As much as I wanted Talc to know, I didn't want Theresa to know. I swallowed any hope of salvation as Talc vanished into the distance with Theresa bounding up and down beside her like a puppy.

I took the time to send Talc's retreating back one more pleading look before turning back to Solas' cabin.

Right before the entrance to the cul-de-sac, my courage left me.

What if he sees me?! I'm not ready for this!

I jumped behind one of the cabins and hid. I had to pump up my courage again.

This is crazy! Relax. Inhale.

This is perfectly sane. Hold for 10 seconds.

I can do this. Exhale. Maybe he's not even here and I'm freaking out for nothing.

I realized I had pinned myself flat against the wall of a cabin.

Brooklyn was right. Anyone watching would think I was super shady...and possibly a little insane...

I peered around the building, no sign of Solas. I let loose a shuddering breath.

My nerves were going to give out before I reached his door. How could 10 feet feel like the longest distance of my life?

What was I even thinking? I was here to see him. Specifically Him! I didn't need to be this up tight... boy, habits die hard.

He's probably in his cabin.

Alright Melina, you can do this. I took a deep breath and instantly felt queasy.

I really can't do this. But I have to do this! I just can't believe I'm doing this. I'm panicking. Calm down. Look as if your calm, cool, and collected and no one will be the wiser.

I took one strong step forward completely in command of my emotions. Ready to take on the world! Every step closer, my confidence waned. By the time I stood in front of the door, my legs felt like jelly.

Too late now. I stared at my hands, willing them to knock on the door by themselves. Hoping some unknown force would force me to do it. With a desperate prayer, I lifted my hand up and gave a small, brief rack on the door.

Nope nobody home! I swiftly turned around to run straight out of there.

"Give me a moment, I'll be right there." A soft voice came from inside the cabin.

I flinched and scrunched up. Apparently, Solas is home.

I collected myself and turned around. Right I can do this.

The door swung upon. "Can I help yo- Oh, Herald...What are you doing here?"

Right, I knew it. This was a terrible idea. Of course he doesn't want me around here. Dumb, dumb mistake.

"You are absolutely right. I'm so sorry for interrupting you and all of your studies! I'll just leave you be. Goodbye!" I twirled around and started down the steps.

I didn't clear the landing before Solas stopped me, "Do not misunderstand me Herald, that is not what I meant. I just was surprised that you came here at all. Please forgive my rudeness, would you like to come inside?" How quickly he turned that around. Smooth talker.

I internally shrieked with terror, I was going into the room by myself with Solas and nobody else.

Remember why you are here. You are here to get answers.

I took a deep breath. "Thank you Solas. I appreciate it." I had to will my voice not to stutter

I entered into his cabin and was immediately met with a giant table full of books, plants, and metals of some kind. He looked like he was researching something intensely.

"What are you researching?" I asked.

"I was researching how the Veil is affected by these different materials. I have not made the progress I was hoping for." He sighed in frustration. Then realizing I was still there, he quickly followed up, "Please allow me to grab you a chair."

He brought out a chair that had a small cushion. I don't know why but it amused me that he needed a cushion to sit on this stool. I had the exact same one and it was rather comfortable for me without the need for the extra fluff.

As I sat I took a moment to rebuild my self confidence. He sat opposite of me and rested his hands on his knees.

"I came here to ask you something about the mark."

He barely managed to hide his surprise. He quickly recovered his usually stoic mask.

"I see." was his bland reply.

I immediately jumped up and began to pace around the floor. I manage to look everywhere but him. "I was relaxing in my cabin earlier when I thought about the mark. What it is, how it came to be, and all that fun stuff and well..."I trailed off a bit really unsure how to proceed.

"What exactly are your questions, Herald?" He calmly inquired.

"I decided to do a little experiment. To see how the mark would react to different stimuli."

Solas's eyes immediately raised in concern. "That mark is very powerful. You risk much by tampering with it without my supervision."

My eyes snapped to him. "I know, I know. It was stupid, but I did take some precautions. I started out small. I poked and prodded it like I watched you do before. It didn't like that very much and struck out at me. But then I decided to take it a step further and well... you should see it for yourself."

He leaned forward, his analytical mind at perfect attention.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. I hope I dont regret showing him this. I summoned my own magic in my right hand. I felt the magic from the mark react a bit as well. I drew upon the marks magic. Both tendrils pooled and coiled in my hands. I watched Solas carefully.

With only a little guidance, I urged both magics slowly forward. The moment they touched, I felt the deep connection again. I arched my back and took a deep breath. Wholeness. Completeness. I could feel so much more again.

"Impossible" I heard him whisper.

He beckoned to see my hands and I allowed him to. He instantly began poking and prodding. I watched as his own pale green magic joining in the mixture. The mark's magic happily accepted his.

His magic approached me cautiously. I was apprehensive and my magic reacted similarly. Once the connection established itself, I felt the exact same connection as earlier. But it was so much more! I felt Solas. His emotions. His shock and awe. His confusion. His own disbelief. I felt my own fear and apprehension being drawn to him as though he were taking them where I could never feel them again.

With the fear and doubt slowly ebbing away. I was left with calm, serenity, and joy. I felt almost like I was floating.

I felt something on the edge of my mind. As though something was pressing against a locked door trying to get in.

Let it in. I thought.

I imagined myself reaching toward that door in my mind.

Don't! He can't know! Another voice cried out in my mind

My hand faltered as it reached for the door handle.

Guard the door! Nail it shut! Let no one in! No matter what! It cried out again.

As my mind became clearer, I realized why the warning came. The familiar magic that was pressed strongly against my mental barrier. Solas' very being was on the other side of that door trying to find a way in. He was so close!

Just a small turn of the knob and he would know me. The euphoric feeling began to dissipate. A black cloud of fear and panic surged up inside me! He would see everything, Everything! He would know the truth! I came to my senses with a jolt.

I immediately yanked my hand away from his. I didn't bother to hide my fear.

He stared opened mouthed in shock, "I'm sorry, Herald. I didn't know that would happen. I'm... I'm sorry."

I didn't allow him to continue. I bolted out of that cabin as quickly as I could. I knew it was a mistake to come here! A strong hand gripped my wrist before I hit the stairs.

I whirled around to meet Solas's eyes. The stoic mask he wore had slipped and I saw the deep concern he had for me etched on his face.

"Wait! Please!" He begged, "That was my fault, Hera-" He stopped himself with a despondent sigh. I tensed to pull away again but he held me firmly.

"Ayla. Ayla." He breathed as if I might break. "It caught me off guard, please believe me. I didn't think it could... The mark has accepted you in a way I have seen in only the oldest dreams. Powerful magic like this cannot be left untamed. Let me show you how to control it. You need not fear it or me any longer. I can help you."

I looked away from him. My eyes felt hot and watery. I couldn't bear the sight of him. I couldn't look into his pleading eyes and feel like I had the right to throw him away. I couldn't look him in the face and not feel like I was wrong. He let go of my wrist.

"Please. Ayla." He held out his hand to me to lead me back inside. Back to where I would feel safe. Back to where I would reveal everything and be free of these burdens.

I felt my hand drifting toward his of its own volition.

No! The voice screamed from somewhere inside my head.

I spun on my heels and rushed down the stairs driven entirely by impulse. I needed to get far far away from here. If Solas's yelled anything after me, I didn't hear it.

I didn't understand what had happened. I couldn't describe what I had just felt and I couldn't even tell whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. I just want to forget about any of this happening. That connection couldn't have been real. What would have happened if I opened the door to him?

Would we have become like the cords of green and gold, bound so tightly together nothing could separate us? I felt a pain in my chest as if the breaking of those cords had snapped something inside me as well. The sudden pang in my heart made me realize why I was truly afraid of Solas in the beginning.

I was afraid of that connection. I was afraid to let anyone behind the walls I spent years building up. Solas however, could possibly be the one to tear them down. He had done so once before. The first time I had ever played Inquisition, I had chosen to romance him. How I could have grown so attached to a video game character was beyond me. But it happened, and it felt so real. I had never be drawn into a romance like I was drawn to his.

I had just begun my recovery when fate reared its ugly head and brought me to this world.

When I first saw Solas in the flesh, I knew I would have to be on guard. Not only to protect my secrets, but to protect myself from emotions that could never be acknowledged. Did I even stand a chance in avoiding the inevitable? I just couldn't go through that same heartbreak.

I wanted to pretend nothing happened. I wanted to pretend I'd felt nothing when those magical cords wound themselves together. But deep down I knew the truth. And it scared me...

(A/N, So i really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It defiantly was difficult for me to write and I hope i was able to show genuine emotions from Ayla. Do any of you know people who run away from their own emotions? How do you encourage them to acknowledge and accept them? That'll be the challenge for our poor Ayla. Hopefully an interfering Qunari will liven things up. Hehe, time to bring on the fun.)