Chapter 36
By the time the weekend hits, Lia has had a total of four nightmares. She's afraid to even go to sleep anymore. She walks around dragging her feet and fatigue clear on her face. Quinn tries to get her to take a nap, but she refuses. The thought of closing her eyes is enough to have her sitting at the Lima Bean nursing coffee number three right now. She's staring into space when Rachel approaches her table.
"Hey." Rachel greets a bit shyly.
Lia snaps out of her trance and looks up at her best friend. She gestures for Rachel to sit then takes a sip of her coffee. They kind of stare at each other for a while until Rachel smiles sadly at her. Lia looks at her then tears start to fill her eyes. She tries to quickly wipe them away, but there are too many.
"Hey, why are you crying?" Rachel asks concernedly.
"I'm sorry, for everything. For completely disappearing and not calling, for pushing you away when you were just trying to help. And I'm just so tired. My emotions are all over the place right now."
"It's ok. I understand."
"But you shouldn't have to. I was being a selfish jerk and it wasn't fair to anyone, especially you. You're my best friend, Rachel, and I should let you be just that."
Lia then tells her about the nightmares and how they're all pretty much the same; her parents rising from their graves to chase after her and tell her how horrible she is. Rachel comforts her and tells her that maybe it's a sign for her to go visit them. Lia immediately brushes that thought away and Rachel takes the hint, changing the subject. She tells Lia that everyone in glee misses her and that they'd love if she came back. Also that regionals is in a few weeks and they could use their co-captain. Lia says that she doesn't know because she has a lot on her mind, and she's not sure she'll be much help.
They talk for a bit more until Rachel has to leave. When Rachel walks out of the Lima Bean she calls Quinn and asks if she can meet her at her house. She drives home and as she pulls in the driveway, Quinn also pulls up. They go in the house and sit in the living room.
"I wanted to talk about Lia." Rachel says.
"What about her?"
"I know she's having a hard time right now, but we have to help her, Quinn. We can't let her sink further into this…darkness."
"I've tried to help her, we all tried, Rachel. You know how she is, she's too proud to ask for help even if she really needs it. We can only be there for her and hope she'll come to us."
"Quinn that's not good enough and you know it. These nightmares she's having are getting to her. We need to get her to go visit her parents." Rachel insists adamantly.
Quinn sighs and runs a hand through her hair. She then nods and they come up with a plan to get Lia to Connecticut. Good thing winter vacation starts on Monday.
Lia has been staying at Quinn's house for the past few nights. She still has the nightmares whenever she can't help but fall asleep, but they're not as bad as if she were to sleep at home. She can't even call it home anymore; it's empty yet full of painful memories. She keeps thinking about Rachel and Quinn telling her that she should go see her parents, but it's not easy. She can't just show up after all this time, without having gone to the funeral. What if the nightmares are actually visions? What if she does go to see them and they rise from their graves? She doesn't really want to take that chance.
So to distract her a bit, Quinn and Rachel are taking her somewhere. She doesn't know where though, they said it was a surprise. She sits in the back with Quinn as she stares out the window watching the cars on the highway go by. Rachel drives and sings along to the radio as she always does, trying to get Lia to lighten up a little. Eventually they all start to sing and a huge smile appears on Rachel's and Quinn's faces because Lia is slowly coming back. Then Lia sees the Welcome to Pennsylvania sign.
"Uh guys, where exactly are we going?" Lia asks suspiciously.
"It's a surprise remember? I don't want to spoil it for you." Rachel answers nervously.
"Rach–"
"Hey, it's ok. Just sit back and relax." Quinn interrupts.
Lia goes to say something, but Quinn quickly kisses her and gives her a reassuring smile. A quirk of the eyebrow is what the blonde gets in return, and then a shrug as Lia goes back to staring out the window. Quinn breathes a breath of relief then meets Rachel's worried eyes in the rearview mirror.
Eventually Lia falls asleep and the girls can breathe easier. After a while, without waking Lia up, Quinn takes over the wheel as Rachel sits in the front. They discuss how they're going to get Lia to actually go to her parents' graves. Puck, Kurt, Brittany, and Santana are following behind them. The brunette is going to need all the support she can get. The others unfortunately couldn't come along, but they wished them the best of luck with their ridiculous yet necessary plan. They didn't want to have to lie/kidnap the girl, but she refused to even give the trip any thought. And now she's fast asleep in the backseat, practically clueless, as they drive through Pennsylvania.
Lia wakes up alone in the car, the nightmare lingering behind her eyelids. She rubs her eyes and peeks out the window; they've stopped at a gas station. She looks around a bit confused then checks the time; it's three in the morning. Rubbing her face again, she climbs out of the car and heads inside. She grabs some chips and something to drink then goes to pay for it. The clerk looks bored out of his mind, but smiles a little when he sees her approach the counter.
"Is that all?" he asks.
"Yea that's it. Um hey, can you tell me where I am? I fell asleep on the drive." She chuckles a little awkwardly.
"It's cool, you're in New York on Interstate 84 E." He smiles at her again and hands over her bag.
She thanks him and heads back outside. She's beyond furious right now and more than a little hurt. Why would they do this to her? She told them that she wasn't ready, that she couldn't face them yet. But of course they don't listen and always think they know what's best for her.
As she walks to the car, she sees Rachel come out of the bathroom and Quinn coming from another car that looks suspiciously like Kurt's. They both freeze when they see her and she clenches her jaw at the caught look on their faces. Rachel takes a step toward her, but she shakes her head and starts walking in the opposite direction. Quinn calls after her, but she ignores her and keeps going. She's so mad that she doesn't hear the fast approaching footsteps, but then she feels strong arms wrap around her and lift her up. She thrashes about and kicks her legs as hard as she could, but there's no use; Puck carries her all the way back to the car.
He sets her on the ground, but doesn't let her go. Rachel and Quinn look at her guiltily as she stares at them with the utmost hatred.
"Lia, baby, I'm so sorry we didn't tell you, but you wouldn't have come if we did–" Quinn starts.
"You're damn right I wouldn't have! What part of I wasn't ready did you not understand? I trusted you, you said that you would leave it alone!"
"It's not her fault. I talked her into it and recruited the others." Rachel confesses.
"Others…of course. How could you do this to me? Just answer that."
"We love you and we want to help you. The only way–" Rachel begins.
"I DIDN'T WANT YOUR HELP!" Puck tightens his hold as Lia gets a bit rowdy. "Let go of me Puck or I swear you'll regret it." He looks a little scared, but keeps his hold until Quinn nods for him to let her go.
"I'll never forgive you for this." Lia looks at them one more time before turning to walk away again.
Brittany then comes out of Kurt's truck and goes after Lia. Santana tries to stop her, but Brittany ignores her.
"Quinn if she hurts Britt, I swear I'll kill her." Santana huffs.
"She won't…I hope."
About ten minutes later both girls come walking back to the cars, tears staining their cheeks. Santana rushes to Brittany to check if she's hurt, but the blonde just brushes her off. Lia ignores everyone as she gets in the backseat and crosses her arms. They all turn surprised eyes to Brittany who shrugs. She tells them to leave her alone for a while and just drive the rest of the way. Rachel and Quinn nod gratefully then get in the car.
It's silent in the car as they drive. No one has said a word just like Brittany said. The radio plays lightly as Lia stares out the window and the girls in the front steal glances at her through the mirror. Meanwhile in the other car, Kurt asks Brittany how she managed to get Lia to come back. She tells them that she just explained to her that sooner or later she's going to have to face the music and since they're more than half way there already she might as well do it sooner. Also that she can see her brother Julian who she misses like crazy, and that it's ok to be scared because she has the people who love her the most there with her. They nod and continue to follow Quinn.
Lia's aunt, Jeanette, is waiting for them when they arrive at her house around five in the morning. Kurt, Rachel, and Quinn say hello to the woman they previously met in New York and introduce her to Puck, Santana, and Brittany. They're all ushered to the living room where there are spare pillows and blankets; she's sure they're all exhausted. While they all settle down, Jeanette takes Lia into the kitchen.
"How have you been?" she asks carefully.
"Just peachy. Did you know they were bringing me here?"
"They called me, yes. They love you and are worried about you. They're just doing what they think is best for you."
"Yea well I didn't ask them to. In fact I told them to do the exact opposite." Lia clenches her fists on the table.
Her aunt looks her over and takes in the haggard look on her face. She touches her hand and tells her to just let it out. Lia just shakes her head and wills the tears away. Her aunt takes the hint and nods. She kisses her head then goes upstairs as Lia stays in the kitchen. She sits at the table twiddling her fingers and allowing the tears to fall. She feels like that's all she's been doing lately, crying. When will it stop hurting? She just wants it to go away and be like it was before. But things will never be the same no matter how much she wishes they could be.
It's around twelve o'clock when everyone wakes up. They all freshen up and indulge in some of the bagels and donuts that Jeanette was so kind to get them. When they finish, they thank Jeanette and find Lia sitting on the porch. She hasn't slept at all and it's apparent. They all pile in their cars and head over to the cemetery.
Lia looks out the window at all the headstones as they drive to the correct area. When they park, she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. Both Quinn and Rachel are afraid to say anything, but are saved when Brittany knocks on Lia's window. She then opens the door and squats down to talk to the brunette.
"Hey, you ready?"
"Not really. Can we do this some other time?" Lia says shakily.
"Come on, we're here already." She sticks out her hand and Lia takes it. "Remember, we're all here for you."
The blonde wraps her arm around the shorter girl and leads the way as everyone else follows. They stop in front of two headstones side by side that read:
Michelle Frances James
Beloved mother and wife
Brilliant and extraordinary
Justin Michael James
Beloved father and husband
Genuine and remarkable
The others stay a couple feet behind Lia and Brittany even though Quinn and Rachel are itching to be by the broken girl's side, but they know that's not a good idea right now. Brittany rubs Lia's back as she starts to cry. Just seeing their names is enough to rip her heart out. She's a bit surprised that they haven't started chasing her yet. Her throat is closed up from her tears, so she can't really say anything, not like she knows what to say anyway. She turns and tells them that this was a mistake as she tries to leave. Brittany grabs her and holds her close as she tells her that it's ok. Lia nods and tries to stay put, to do what she knows she should've done a long time ago.
"I don't even know what to say!" she whines bitterly through her tears.
"You could always sing. Everyone knows that's what I do when I can't find the words for a certain situation." Rachel suggests.
Lia then gets an idea and tries to pull herself together enough to sound coherent. She starts off with a hum until the others catch on and back her up.
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh
Tears start to flow down everyone else's cheeks as Lia continues this heartbreaking song.
Na na, na na na, na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
Oh
I hope you can hear me 'cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Lia collapses to her knees by the sheer emotion that overwhelms her, and Quinn has to bite back a sob as her girlfriend grips the grass in anguish.
Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same no..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you
Everyone is hardcore crying by the time Lia finishes the song. Brittany tries to help her up, but she shakes her head and pleads for them to leave her alone and just go. She stays in the dirt crying as they all go back to their cars. It hurts so much that she can't even feel it. Staring at their headstones isn't making it much easier either, so she looks up to the sky, letting her tears run down the side of her face and neck. She swallows thickly before attempting to speak.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I know how disappointed you must be, but I just couldn't. I couldn't face the reality that you're not here anymore." She whispers brokenly. "I still can't face it. I know I'm an adult now, but a child will always need their parents no matter how old."
More tears make their way out of her eyes as she tries to continue speaking around the lump in her throat.
"Please, please, please forgive me. I don't think I could handle it if you don't. I-I-I can't do this without you. I n-need you here. P-p-please come back." Hard sobs make their way out of her throat and she collapses forward.
Familiar strong arms pull her into a hug and she cries even harder. Julian holds her tight and tells her that it's ok and that their parents wouldn't be upset with her, that they would completely understand. She's missed her little brother so much and having him here with her right now takes a bit of the pain away. But the constant overwhelming emotion exhausts her body to the point of unconsciousness. Passed out in Julian's arms, he carries her to the others and lays her down in the back seat.
"What happened?" Quinn asks a bit panicked.
"She passed out."
"She hasn't been sleeping much, and with the high strung emotions, it was only a matter of time." Rachel concludes.
They all pile back in the cars and head back to Jeanette's house where they lay Lia down in a bed. Quinn refuses to leave her side as the rest help Jeanette set up for dinner. Silent tears escape hazel eyes as they watch over a slumbering brunette. Eventually the crying catches up with her and she falls asleep curled up to her love.
A while later Lia wakes up to light snoring. She looks to her right and a mess of blonde hair is splayed across her shoulder. Not wanting to wake her, she stays put and processes the earlier day's events. She does have to admit that she feels somewhat better. After that huge emotional release and a surprisingly good nap, she feels…her eyebrows furrow as she realizes something.
"What is it?" Quinn startles the brunette a bit as she didn't notice that she was awake.
"There wasn't…I…I didn't have a nightmare."
A/N: I hope you guys liked it!
Song in this chapter:
Avril Lavigne - Slipped Away