Two days travelling and the entire group was on edge. By day Aeronwen was in a constant fury and only killing bandits and Darkspawn seemed to calm her. By night she would retreat to her tent and weep. She existed in a state of confusion and pain. Her grief was like an open wound. Her longing for a home she could never return to; her family, Gawain, her Kalsren and now Alistair was driving her to despair. She saw Alistair in the Fade but he ignored her and she would wake weeping and then spend the day killing to numb the pain. To add to all of that she was having confusing thoughts about Duncan. He was trying to help her deal with the taint, but she had found herself thinking of him in terms of an intimate nature and it simply added fire to her rage that she would take the kindness he offered and turn it into something else simply because she was lonely. So she took her anger out on him, arguing for the sake of it simply to deny what she was feeling and keep him at a distance. She felt out of control and was exhausted as nightmares continued to keep her from restful sleep.

Seeing Leliana daily made Aeronwen's anger intensify until it was almost choking her. Although the bard kept her distance Aeronwen was not blind to her smug looks. On the third morning before they broke camp she didn't bother with breakfast and instead took herself off to the stream, stripped off and slipped into the water. The stream was deep enough for Aeronwen to be able to swim beneath the surface. The soft ripple over her skin did nothing to sooth her; it simply reminded her of the void in her heart, of the bond that had been ripped from her. She burst to the surface gasping for breath. She longed for Nimue's council, to feel cleansed by the water but all she felt was the burn of pain that was tearing into her heart. She clutched her hands to her chest and wept. She could still feel the echo of her Kalsren and was thankful that at least her memories could not be taken from her. She cherished each one forcing herself to feel the pain so she could remember the joy. Her thoughts slipped to her father and brothers, longing for their guidance and love. Her memories of Gawain slowly began to sooth her; words spoken in another time and place reminding her that material objects, no matter how precious can be taken, the truth of the heart cannot. The book and flower would always be a part of her, in her thoughts she could hold them again if she chose to. Finally the pain eased a little so she could breathe normally and the tears dried.

Duncan could feel Aeronwen's pain despite her attempts to shield him from it. He worried for her; with Leliana travelling with them her rage resumed its rampage each morning. He sighed, why did it have to be the woman Alistair was with. Anyone else he would have sent from their group. He glanced up feeling Aeronwen return.

"I am going to scout ahead." She stated her voice laced with sorrow and exhaustion.

Morrigan watched her in continued disbelief. The potion should have meant she would find it difficult to leave Duncan's side; that she would have given him some loving contact at the very least. Yet day after day they argued and the distance between them seemed to grow. She wondered if they had been intimate after all; she had assumed as much when Duncan had left her tent, but they had not shared a tent from that point, nor had they touched and Morrigan realised that perhaps her delight had been premature. She was somewhat in awe of Aeronwen's resistance to the potion, despite her intense frustration.

xXx

Leliana had found herself on the sharp end of angry looks, but no-one had approached her. Alistair remained at her side though she knew that was through the potion. The others ensured Aeronwen was kept away from her; but she realised that was for Aeronwen's benefit, not her own. Even Morrigan kept her distance. The bard was sorely tempted to tell the others of the witch's part; but she held her tongue, as with all things there was a time. She took satisfaction in Morrigan's frustration that Aeronwen had not fallen into the arms of the Commander. In her favour however, Aeronwen's glance was never cast to Alistair and she took delight in that.

xXx

Alistair felt the potion begin to lose its grip on him. Each night as he lay next to Leliana, waiting for her to fall asleep his eyes would travel to her throat. Sometimes he would reach out, his fingertips pressing lightly to the skin. It would be so easy to crush her throat as she slept, but a darker vengeance was stirring. A way to be rid of her that would make her pay for all the misery she had brought them. He lowered his lips to her ear, his voice edged with hate. "I'm going to make you pay Leliana. There will come a time when you will wish you had never entered my life." Leliana stirred in her sleep and Alistair moved back, taking his fingers from her throat where they had unconsciously lingered. "Soon Leliana, soon you will understand the meaning of pain."

xXx

Sten watched Aeronwen with growing concern; he had never seen her like this. He remembered the child who had emerged from the tunnels in the arms of a Warden; eyes red with tears, terrified. He had feared her broken then, but she had used her fear to make her stronger. Now as she lived in a constant state of rage he feared more now than then that she was broken. He became her physical barrier to prevent her from killing the bard. He had no care for the woman himself; but he had no intention of Aeronwen losing her honour over a book, no matter how precious. He could feel the gulf widen between them and steeled his heart. He was Sten of the Beresaad; her Kalsren, and he would protect her even from herself.

xXx

As night fell once more Duncan retreated to his tent exhausted. Arguing with Aeronwen left him in despair and it was all she seemed to want to do these days. No matter how he approached her; the most trivial of conversations seemed to infuriate her. She flinched from his touch and they had not worked as Griffon and rider since Leliana's cruel behaviour. Duncan understood the significance of the book all too well, had shared her memories and in his waking moments could feel her anger and confusion. He knew she was trying to hide her emotions from him and he had no idea how to help her. He lay back on the bedroll and clutched his chest feeling a spike in her pain, feeling the swell of tears that were not his own. Duncan closed his eyes and began the process of deep breathing, of trying to calm her through his own actions. Sometimes it seemed to work; tonight thankfully he felt her anger ebb followed by the stillness as she sank into sleep. Duncan slipped into a dream filled sleep shortly after, the Archdemon mocking him until dawn.

xXx

Aeronwen slowly sat up, her head feeling light and fuzzy. She had begged Jowan for a sleeping potion, which he had been happy to make for her knowing how exhausted she was. She remembered drinking the vial of green liquid and realised it must have worked instantly. She was certainly feeling more rested than she had been. She yawned and stretched, suddenly realising the camp was unnaturally quiet. She heard the faint clash of steel and stilled, her eyes moving to liquid black as her mind sought out Duncan. She gasped as an ogre loomed over her; pulling back from Duncan's eyes she gave a snarl of frustration. She threw aside the blanket and moved out of the tent. Taking her Griffon form she took to the air, spying them in seconds. Giving a shrieking cry she closed the distance between them and sank her claws into the ogre about to hit Duncan sweeping upwards and dropping it on a group of Genlock bursting out of the trees, before sweeping back and ripping through the Hurlocks heading towards Alistair and Aedan. The remaining Darkspawn were quickly dealt with allowing Aeronwen to transform heading towards Duncan furious.

He stared in awe as the enraged Guardian moved towards him; her transformation incomplete, her wings still intact.

"Next time you decide to fight Darkspawn." She snarled at him. "Wake me up."

Duncan swallowed; stunned by how beautiful she looked despite the rage on her face, the sunlight seeming to gleam off her wings, her hair spilling over her shoulders and only wearing a long tunic. "Um … Aeronwen ... you have wings."

She glared at him. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"No, I mean you have wings right now."

Aeronwen glanced at herself startled. She seemed to snap back her shoulders; the wings shimmered before they were gone. She glared at him again before storming away from them in the opposite direction to their camp.

"Where are you going?" Duncan yelled in alarm.

"To find something else to kill." She snarled.

"For Makers sake at least get your armour and weapons!" He roared.

"I do not need them!" She roared back.

"I tried to wake you!" He shouted desperately.

Aeronwen turned around her eyes still black. "Next time try harder!"

Duncan felt his anger flare inflamed by her own. "It's not my fault you took a bloody sleeping potion last night!"

Aeronwen hesitated clenching her fists as guilt coiled in her stomach before transforming and taking to the air.

Duncan drove his sword into the earth glaring after her. He turned sharply as Morrigan moved to his side, her eyes lingering on Aeronwen until she was out of sight.

"She is in pain and she needs you." Morrigan stated softly.

Duncan glanced at her startled. "Morrigan in case you have failed to notice I only seem to make her angry. The woman hates me."

Morrigan smirked making Duncan's anger flare. "Do you know so little of women Commander?"

"What are you talking about?"

"A woman does not get so angry at a man unless passion is driving her. Instead of focusing on the fact she is angry perhaps look at why she is angry." She rolled her eyes as Duncan stared at her bewildered. "She was worried for your safety. She would not be worried if she hated you."

Duncan felt his heart thud as he retrieved his sword, Morrigan moving back to camp a smile on her face. He glanced in the direction Aeronwen had flown and took a deep breath; promising himself he would not rise to her anger again, today at least.

xXx

Zevran leaned against a tree, Alistair sitting on the large roots. "Well my friend it is testament to her love for you."

"What is?"

"That she argues with Duncan so. She is obviously fighting the effects of the potion."

"Zev we need to tell her, before … before they are intimate with each other! At some point the potion will take hold, she can't fight it forever. Maker she doesn't even know she's fighting something. She just looks in such pain and confusion all of the time!" Alistair swallowed hard, a shudder running through his body. "Zev we have to help her, please!"

"Do you still see her in the Fade?"

Alistair lowered his head. "Not since she was given that potion."

"Telling her directly will be dangerous, but I will do what I can."

Zevran made his way across the camp to Aeronwen who was angrily sharpening her blade. "Aeronwen you have not been yourself for several days now, can I help in any way?"

Aeronwen sighed, before motioning for Zevran to sit desperately needing to speak to someone, running her fingers through her hair loose from its usual braids. "I am taking my anger regarding Leliana out on Duncan. All I want to do is slit her throat and he won't let me because she is with Alistair. How ironic is this!"

Zevran gave a deep sigh. "It seems to me that you have not been yourself since that potion to help you calm."

"I have not been myself since Leliana destroyed my last link to home!" She snapped.

Zevran flinched. "Forgive me I do not wish to upset you."

"Zev I am sorry. Please I … Morrigan was only trying to help; I doubt any potion could calm me."

"I am here if you wish to speak of your anger, or anything else you may wish."

Aeronwen rubbed her forehead. "Zev I …" Aeronwen was in chaos, thoughts of Duncan seemed to crowd her mind and she had no idea where they were coming from. She flushed and lowered her eyes.

"You can speak to me my dear Guardian."

Aeronwen glanced at him and gave a weak smile. "It is nothing."

"Aeronwen?"

"I think … I think I have lost Alistair."

Zevran looked at her in surprise, given Jowan's speculation as to the strength of the potion that she even remembered she loved Alistair was astonishing in itself. "Tell me why you think this."

"After the Gauntlet we met in the Fade each night." Angrily she wiped tears from her eyes choking back the sob. "Now when I go to him he just ignores me, it is as though I am not there. I speak to him and it is as though he does not hear me, when I attempt to touch him it is as though there is a barrier between us. I … I think he is angry with me because of how I reacted about the book. I know Alistair can be jealous, but I thought he understood."

Zevran watched her tying herself into knots and wanting nothing more than to ease her pain.

"I will always love Gawain; but that does not stop me loving Alistair, and the book was more than Gawain, it was my last link to my home, part of who I am, but I … we have no contact in our waking hours or in the Fade. I am so tired and alone Zevran and the bonding with Duncan is confusing me, it is so intense."

Zevran gently hushed her and had her lie down with her head on his knees. He instructed her to take three deep breaths and then his fingers gently began to massage her temples, moving in slow, firm movements across her forehead beginning to release the tension. He smiled at her soft sigh and continued, gently massaging her ears. "Alistair loves you Aeronwen, never doubt that. But for now simply relax, this anger only serves to make you tense and that will not help you have a restful night."

Aeronwen let a low sigh leave her lips as his expert fingers moved across her scalp, working out the tension of her neck and shoulders. She could feel herself drifting and as she closed her eyes she was no longer aware of Zevran's hands on her, she was floating in darkness.

Aeronwen blinked as pale moonlight washed over her and a woman approached her. Aeronwen's eyes widened and she sank to one knee bowing her head. She felt a hand rest on the top of her head before a soft voice was asking her to rise. No more words were said she was simply bathed in moonlight, but she was startled by the concerned look on Eluren's face. Eyes filled with sadness Eluren finally retreated and Aeronwen was returned to floating in darkness.

Aeronwen awoke with a gasp finding herself in her tent. She felt wrong, as though everything she was feeling was a lie. Pulling her legs to her chest she rested her cheek on her knees, the pounding of her head intolerable. She didn't want to feel angry anymore, she was exhausted with the grief and pain of her heart. In desperation Aeronwen kicked off her blanket and went to Morrigan's smaller camp.

Morrigan glanced up at Aeronwen's approach, swallowing and eyeing her uneasily. There were few things that made Morrigan afraid, but the enraged Guardian was one of them. "Aeronwen."

"I do not care what you think of me; you can despise me and think me weak, but please help me. Help me to stop feeling Morrigan. I will pay whatever price you ask."

Morrigan stared at her, startled at the desperation in her eyes. "Not even I can take away your ability to feel."

"But you can do something; I see it in your eyes."

Morrigan moved around her small campsite dropping ingredients into a small pot at the fire whispering incantations. Finally she poured an amber liquid into a cup and handed it to Aeronwen.

"What will it do?"

"Help you sleep and perhaps ease the pain."

"And the price?"

Morrigan lowered her eyes. "You saved my life. Consider my debt to you repaid."

Aeronwen nodded and closing her eyes she drank the liquid.

Morrigan took the cup and led her back to her own tent where the Guardian collapsed into slumber. Tomorrow they would reach Soldiers Peak and Morrigan hoped that the addition of the lotus root she had put into the sleeping draught would give her previous potion another boost.