Why am I always the 'wife'? – JW

There are many reasons for that, John. - SH

Well, would you mind kindly informing me of some of them? – JW

Firstly, there's our work situation. – SH

What do you mean? – JW

On the outside, it seems as though I do all the work. – SH

I'm the 'breadwinner', you might say. – SH

Therefore, naturally, in the still rather sexist minds of all onlookers, I must wear the trousers in our supposedly romantic relationship. – SH

But I had a job too! – JW

You might as well have been a nurse, dear John. – SH

Okay, well, there must be some more reasons. – JW

Why are you so curious? – SH

If I know why it happens, I can stop it. – JW

You may try, John, but you shall fail. – SH

We'll see about that. – JW

Well, I suppose another reason is due to your domestic flair. – SH

Meaning? – JW

Your ability in the kitchen. It's no secret that you do the majority of the housework. – SH

And why would that make me the wife? Plenty of men do housework. – JW

As I mentioned earlier, there is still an underlying element of sexism in our community. – SH

Many still expect the woman to be the one who does the domestic chores and you, my dear Watson, do them both well and willingly. – SH

But that's habit more than anything! – JW

They don't know that. – SH

Fine. Anything else? - JW

You do have this gentle, almost womanly quality about you. – SH

But I was a soldier for god's sake! – JW

And it left you mentally and physically wounded. Seriously, haven't you looked at any of those art blogs? – SH

What about them? – JW

They see your past as being 'sad', it makes them feel sorry for you, rather than enhancing your 'manliness'. – SH

But I chose to be a soldier! – JW

They think you're cute. – SH

I'm a 40 year old man; I can't be cute! – JW

Apparently you can. – SH

And, I take it, you lack this womanly quality? – JW

Indeed. It seems my intellectual prowess and commanding demeanour make me the man in this twisted relationship. – SH

Despite the fact that I have absolutely no practical sexual experience whatsoever. – SH

Interesting. – JW

Really? – SH

No. – JW

Let's end this conversation now before it gets awkward. – JW

It's a bit too late for that now, John. – SH

Shh. – JW