The ride home carried much of the fervor the main lobby had. Lori and Leni were bunched together in the second row of Vanzilla while the others surrounded them with a mixture of their own conversations and questions.
"Leni! Can you make me a dress this pretty?" Lola asked peering over the cushion. Her voice blasted into her ear, startling her. And yet, she kept smiling.
"Sure," Leni said eagerly, "What do you want?"
"I want it to be really big," her little sister said, extending her arms, "You know, one of those dresses that drags along the floor when you walk around. And I want it to be pink! Really, really pink! And soft!"
It was quite the load. Leni tried to determine how much material would be needed to make such an outfit. In a body as short as Lola's, the dragging part shouldn't be too bad. But it wasn't gonna be a walk in the part either. Still, Lola's enthusiasm sold her on that effort. Yes, Leni told herself, she was gonna make it work somehow.
"I think Lynn would like a dress too," she heard Lucy say. It was the same gravely voice as ever, but when she turned out, that wasn't the face Leni saw. Lucy wasn't one to smile much, however she carried a small (but noticeable) mischievous grin. Who ever thought that Lucy could have a sense of humor.
"Hey!" Lynn exclaimed, jerking her head towards her roommate. After casting her a pride-fueled glare, she looked at Leni, "Don't listen to her. She's trying to cause trouble."
"Okay," Leni said softly. Well, if Lynn didn't want one, then that's what it was gonna be. It was for the best anyway; Lynn was never a "sissy".
"What about my order?" Luan interjected. The poor girl was stuffed all the way in the back, forcing her to project, "you still haven't a-dress-ed mine!"
Leni became surrounded by groans. For some time now, this had become the new reaction for Luan's jokes. There were a few times where Leni had started laughing when hearing them, only to be embarrassed when no one else joined her. That became the new response and Leni had to accept it. Now wasn't any different, so Leni joined the others in the groaning.
Once it subsided, Luan (fortunately unscathed) leaned forward in her seat.
"I will be needed a dress for a gig I have next week," she said, "there's a new act I wanna try out and nothing in my wardrobe will make it work."
"Okay!" Leni chirped up. If it meant making her little sister happy, it was more than worth it.
"Hey Lori," Lola shouted, doing her best to transmit her voice over. With lungs like her's, though, that wasn't very hard, "when I get big enough, can I have that dress?"
Lori turned to Leni. The two of them understood the agreement they and the Club made. Lola did get greedy at times, but their eye contact was enough for them to recognize that such desires couldn't win. However, Lori was the one to break the contact and face Lola.
"No," Lori said frankly, "this dress and all the others are gonna be sold off. And the money we make from them is going right to Bartholomew's Helpers."
"What!" she exclaimed, the smile evaporating, "but it's so pretty! And that school has enough money! I want it!"
Leni felt uneasy watching her big sister take the brunt of the blow. Lola could be quite persistent at times, especially when she comes across something pretty. After a night of stage crossing and posing, this was the last thing Lori needed, not to mention all the unfinished business she probably needed attending to. Leni, though, had little on her own plate. What was wrong with taking a little responsibility.
"If you want, I can make you a dress that looks just like it," she jumped in, hoping it would be enough to appease her little sister.
"No! I want this one!" Lola protested, gripping the cushion even more. Leni recoiled, propping up her Ducky arms. It was exactly as she feared; Lola was mad at her. Why couldn't Lola be more reasonable? No, that was the wrong question to ask. The right one, Leni concluded, was how to make her happy again.
There was no way the dress could be given to her for free. Leni and the Club specifically established that all outfits from the Show were to be sold for monetary donations. It was a tough pickle (one that left a yucky taste in her mouth). But each second wasted was another moment of Lola in distress. That wicked face, threatening to strike at any moment made her tremble.
"Why don't I buy the dress?" Lori suggested. Suddenly, both of them turned to their oldest sister, whose face spoke of the tranquil authority they were used to, "As long as I pay for it, there's nothing stopping me from buying the dress."
"Really?" Lola said, her eyes widening.
"Sure," Lori replied, "but you're gonna have to do my laundry for the next week!"
By then, Lola's face had transformed to one of amazement. Those eyes of her (capable of virtually any expression or ends she wished to attain) sparkled like the brightest, twinkle-est stars in the night sky.
"If it means getting to wear that, then you got a deal," she said lightly.
And just like that, the hurricane had been averted. Lola giddily slid back to her seat while Leni watched in complacency. Lori, her big sister, had done it again. Though by judging the girl, one would not have known that. Lori's face had glazed over with boredom as she pulled out her phone. This was the temperament of a mover and shaker? She seemed so apathetic to the great deed she had done that it captured Leni's mind. Didn't her sister feel even a little pride from making Lola happy?
The rest of the drive was without note. Without anything else to do, Leni gazed out the window. Franklin Avenue was so peaceful at night that few people were seen wandering the sidewalk. Occasionally, another car strolled by, but her eyes were mainly drawn to the house and street lights that illuminated the neighborhood. Leni wondered what it would be like to take a walk outside during this time. In many ways, it'd be like lying in bed. She cherished that isolation, that space to process all the wild thoughts that whizzed by, whether they were rehashes of her Princess Pony headcanon or new ideas for outfit designs. All that time without others intruding would be bliss.
The first few minutes after arriving home were also a blur. Get undressed, wait for the bathroom, brush teeth, and lie down. Even with the elaborate dress she was wearing, Leni easily slipped it off and placed it with the laundry.
Reuniting with her bed was even easier. Her back eased itself as it sunk into the cushy mattress. The wave of relief was euphoric. The sight of the ceiling, however simple it was, was more than satisfying enough. It felt like a great end to a productive day. And now was her chance to decompress, to remind herself of it all. That was always what she liked to do to embrace the rewards of her hard work.
The applause sounded nice, especially with her mind's amplification system. It was a soft, yet poignant roar, much like the wind on a breezy night. Everyone smiled, which must have meant they were happy. Even Lori appeared glad to have soaked in some sunlight.
How could she have pulled this all off? Lori was the answer, of course. As comforting as it is to relish in her own successes, Leni found a comparable sensation from giving credit to others (and who else to give it to). Sure, Leni had to clean her side of the closet, but Lori was willing to pull through. All for her.
Leni shifted herself towards the window to get a glimpse of Lori's bed. Sure enough, her big sister sat on her bed typing away on her phone. Perhaps that was her form of celebration, by confiding in Bobby. It wasn't a bad one by any means, even if some of the reflection made it silly. The Lori of ten years ago would have gagged to see this. Leni still remembered how her big sister was disgusted when that girl on a show she liked (the names have slipped from her memory) started dating. But now, lo and behold!
But in any case, Leni loved her sister. And Bobby was very nice too, so that was a double bonus in her eyes. So if Lori was happy, that was good. She deserved to be happy, just as she too deserved to rest after a long day.
Leni closed her eyes, hoping those were the only thoughts guiding her to sleep.
The bell couldn't have rung sooner. History class was confusing. The teacher spoke too quickly and touched on too many points for Leni to grasp. The only accomplishment she could cite was that she appeared normal; she didn't freak out nor did she spend too long looking out the window (a terrible habit that couldn't stay inside Vanzilla). On the other hand, that would have meant more time reading the textbook to catch up (or asking Lisa for help).
Everyone put their things away and collected themselves (which often meant conversations left and right). Leni wasn't much for talking, especially with this crowd. A lot of the times, they discussed other stuff. She heard quite a bit of chatter about the latest movies she didn't go to, hit shows she could care less about, current events that flew over her head, and other things she had little interest in. There were few classmates that watched Princess Pony or any of the other cartoons she saw. Even the one live-action show she liked (Dream Boat) wasn't discussed very much outside her family. It was like she was on an island.
"What are you doing after school today?"
"I'm literally goin' to the Mall. I saw these fab shoes on sale."
"No way!"
"Oh my God! Literally get them!"
Leni's ears perked up. That was, of course, the one exception to the rule. The girls at school were as enthused by the Mall as she was, not to mention all the clothes and shoes it constantly had on sale.
"Really?" Leni said, quickly turning to the girls speaking.
"Uh, yeah," one of them said, the passion in her voice gone.
"Okay!"
And that was all she needed. Leni swooped up her bag and paced out the door. Now she had something to think about: all those shoes, lying in wait for her to pick up. There were so many possibilities of style, brand, color, fabric, and everything in between. It always helped to have another pair of shoes ready, just in case she was ever caught wearing a certain colored dress or shirt. The only thing she needed to worry about now was how to get there.
Luckily, she knew just what to do in this situation. And doubly, she had a chance to take care of it right then. Peering up the hall, she saw Lori approached from the other direction. Perfect. Her big sister wouldn't mind a little mid-day family reunion. Leni smiled as she got closer and closer to her.
"Hi Lori!" she said, waving.
The older Loud slowed down with a dubious expression. Perhaps she shouldn't have been so overt in her introduction.
"Hey. What's up?" Lori asked casually.
"Can you, like, take me to the Mall?"
She had a feeling what the answer was gonna be, however she still couldn't help but smile. After all, that was a perfect indicator of how excited she was. She was willing to take virtually anything in order to get those shoes. Go-go boots, here she'd come.
"Okay," Lori said slowly, bringing her hand up to her chin. Leni stood patently, watching her sister contemplate, running her fingers up and down her jawline, "In exchange for transportation, you can...make my bed."
"Sure!" Leni shot back.
"Good," she said as she took a step forward, "I'll see you later."
Lori then walked off, leaving Leni to go in the other direction. That was one step down. Before her was the real challenge, the one where she got her hands dirty. It was a high price her big sister had set, but she was determined. She was gonna get those shoes.
But first, she needed to finish her classes.
The terms of the deal were always clear cut. Lori didn't give out any rides until the price had been paid first. It was daunting. There was a good chance the trio of the Mall would be pushed off until tomorrow (or later), but Leni knew what she had to do. She was gonna Lori a bed so perfect, she'll never be tossing and turning again. Lori deserved it. Lori was perfect.
First, she needed to drop by the garage. Luckily, Luna was still in the House doing her homework, giving her plenty of time to grab what she needed. The garage provided ample supplies of ply wood. More than enough, Leni concluded.
She grabbed five long pieces and plopped them in her arms. The sheer bulk of them made it hard to keep her balance, but a tighter grip guaranteed that they were secure.
Waddling her way across the space, she spotted a hammer and some nails resting on a small table. Leni immediately knew that was gonna be useful. Using what little leverage her hand exerted, she gripped it. And to add to it, she knelt forward, inching her lips towards the dusty surface. Luckily, two nails were propped side by side, facilitating the task. With a confident bite, she grasped both the nails in her mouth. That was enough for a first trip. She could come back for more later.
With all her supplies in hand, Leni made her way out the garage. As she moved, some of the ply wood slipped from its resting place. It took an earnest jerk and realignment to keep it from falling. She had to make it without dropping anything. This was her self-imposed challenge.
It got a little tough when she got to the front door. Something that was usually so trivial suddenly became a massive obstacle. But Leni wasn't gonna give up. She pressed her right side against the door. Then, carefully leaning forward, her frozen hand came in contact with the knob. Finally, a slow, cautious turn was needed. Remarkably, despite the motion, nothing fell. There was quite the relief when she felt the door slide open. But now wasn't the time to think about herself. This was about Lori.
Upstairs seemed like a nice place to work. Maybe she could have set aside the materials on her own bed while she did some basic measurements. Her bed was big enough to support all that, she figured. That was the plan. For Lori's bed.
Trapped in her own thought, she didn't recognize her surroundings. She crashed, tumbling backwards as all the plywood and nails hit the ground. Luckily, the hammer didn't fall on her (but it wasn't in her hand either). As she reoriented herself, she noticed Linky standing before her with wrinkly clothes strewn around him. But what really encapsulated all were her sunglasses, which propelled themselves onto his face. He looked pretty funny with those things on.
"Sorry Leni," he said. Just then, the hammer found its way onto his foot. The poor boy recoiled in pain as he was stuck with those blinding shades on. If anything, she felt, she was the one that should be apologizing. But before she could speak, Lincoln beat her to it, "What are you doing with all this stuff?"
"I need a ride to the Mall," Leni replied as she picked up some of the plywood, "so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."
There was little use in lying. Even with that mid-sentence revelation, Leni still understood she needed to do this. If Lori wanted two beds, she was gonna get them. There had to be a good reason behind one. Unfortunately, Lincoln didn't appear to understand. His face took on a peculiar look (particularly on the eye brows). In any case, she was ready to come up with another explanation.
"Wait," he said, "why are you doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the Mall?"
Well, it wasn't about the bed. Still, it opened up an unnecessary closet, one she preferred to not think about. Why couldn't Linky just accept that Lori was as perfect as him? But she couldn't get mad at him, tell him to leave her alone. He needed the truth.
"Yeah. I tried learning, but..." she said, pondering how to put it, "it's not easy. Driving is so hard that I..." pause. This was important; the last thing she wanted to be was an attention sucky thingy, "haven't done it lately."
Leni intensely stared at her brother, trying to find even the smallest change in his face. He didn't need to hear that. He didn't need to have his day ruined by that admission. And yet, he didn't look sad. He didn't cry or frown or look like he was hiding something. But how could she know?
"Oh," he answered slowly. His voice sounded a little sad, but perhaps that was just Leni's imagination. And then, his face brightened up, "what if I teach you to drive?"
It was like her brother carried some sunshine on him. She felt hope, the kind that invigorated her with energy.
"Wow!" she exclaimed, "You have your license?"
She was curious to know. After all, she had never heard of an eleven year old being able to drive. But if anyone were the get their license that young, it had to be Linky. In her eyes, he was so wonderful, smart, fast, and cool that he could do just about anything. He was so great, in fact, that it suddenly became possible for him to teach someone like her.
"Well no, but I do have a crazy high score on," he said. Lincoln paused (presumably for dramatic effect). Suddenly, he lunged out forward and crafted his hands in the shape of a Spinny Thingy, "Total Turbo XXII, the world's awesomest racing video game!"
Her eyes widened. As it turned out, all those lessons from that driving school and her Dad weren't needed to become a great driver. Her little brother proclaimed that a simple video game was enough. Who knew it could be so easy? Linky, of course.
After a long day, Lincoln deserved an award. Even with her high expectations, Leni was still astonished that her little brother had done the impossible task of teaching her something as complicated as driving. There was a little trial and error (as it turned out, video games were not good teachers), but Leni soon discovered that the task was actually very easy.
All she had to do was press the Go-Go Boot to go down the road. When she got to a red light, she always slammed on the White Shoe. And when she wanted to go right or left, she'd switch on the Blinkey Blink before turning the Spinny Thingy. It was as easy as sewing a basic T-Shirt.
Following practice, Leni retreated to her room smiling. Now that she got in some driving, she hoped to relax by working at her machine. There it was, in front of her, for her seemingly unlimited pleasure.
"You still haven't made my bed," she heard Lori say. As she turned over, she witnessed her big sister lounging on her bed. The blanket and sheets were deliberately thrown astray, as if she had made the mess herself, "I thought you wanted to go to the Mall."
Ever since Lincoln implemented his plan, Leni had completely forgotten about her promise. The wood, hammer, and nails were propped up against the corridor's walls. They sat there alone, waiting for someone to reclaim them. But that wasn't important now.
"Well, like, Linky is showing me how to drive so that I can get my license," Leni explained, "and then I can drive myself to the Mall."
Lori chuckled. By now, Leni had picked up that certain forms of laughter don't mean something's funny. Based on the shows she has seen, people sometimes laugh for other reasons, like when they hear something dumb (which may or may not be funny).
"You think it's that simple?" Lori said incredulously. Leni, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow while her big sister lifted her finger towards the ceiling, "If you get your license, you won't get to spend all your time at the Mall."
A pause. All Leni could wonder was why her sister was acting like this. What was so horrible with offering even a little encouragement? This was something Leni finally became confident about; she was gonna get her license.
"You're gonna have to take up other people's rides," Lori continued, her tone fluctuating in pitch (disorienting Leni), "If Lincoln wants to go to the comic book store, you have to drop whatever you're doing to take him," she then sat up and lowered her stretched arm (and finger), "even if you're making your favorite dress in the world."
Leni was taken aback. She hadn't stopped to consider that before. All these years of sewing had led her to think it was second nature, like breathing. No matter what happened in life, there was always gonna be at least a little time to sew or read a magazine or watch an episode of Princess Pony. Somehow, she could make it work.
"That's okay," she said weakly, "I would like to, like, take Linky to the store."
"Ah!" Lori exclaimed. That abrasive shriek stunned Leni, gluing her feet to the carpet, "but it won't just be Lincoln. Lynn has to go to soccer practice, Lola has pageant rehearsals, Lisa needs to go to the school to do her science stuff! And that's not including the play dates, errands, and date nights! And none of it is fun or rewarding! You would spend so much time behind the wheel that you wouldn't have any time left to yourself, plus no one would thank you and they would stomp all over you."
At last there was a pause. Lori's mouth closed, leaving behind that convicted face. Her forehead was all scrunched up, leaving several hard lines upon it. Leni, meanwhile, was left to defend herself. Lori didn't seem right. This wasn't the big sister she was used to, even though she was talking about responsibility. What was it that was so off-putting? Perhaps the conversation might reveal some stuff.
"We could, like, share it," Leni said, holding out her hands, "some days you can drive and others day, I can. That way, you can have more time to yourself."
But Lori wasn't amused. In fact, her eye brows furrowed, accentuating those bold lines on her forehead.
"No," she declared, "It's a hard, thankless job. I decided to make a sacrifice so that I can help all of you. You have no idea how lost and chaotic all of you would be if you didn't have me to watch over you, give you advice, take you to the Mall, or all that other stuff. I am the only person that can do all that and I'm perfectly happy to do it, even if it means I don't get as much free time as you."
Leni was taken aback. She knew that Lori bent over backwards to help everyone else out and it wasn't like she was ungrateful when she did jump in. Lori has done quite a bit for her over the years. But this was unexpected. Lori not only did not receive help, but she refused it when it was offered up front. That wasn't right. Her wonderful big sister was confused and Leni found herself in a position to persuade. Now was her moment to jump in.
"I never get to help others," Leni said assertively, "when Mom and Dad aren't around, it's always you doing all the hard work. And you get mad and tired and stuff. I love you, Lori, all of us! We hate seeing you when you get twisted up and pushed down. And it's time that I started giving back," she then placed her hand on her chest and approached Lori, "I'm gonna get my license because I love you. And then we can work together, and then you won't be alone," she then paused and leaned in, "and then you'll be happy."
She remained frozen there. Deep down, she meant every word. The questions of why Lori was in this state were perplexing. But this was gonna be the first thing Leni did, she told herself. The first part of her new mission was to convince her big sister to accept the help, that she didn't need to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders (that would have been really heavy). Any moment now, Lori was gonna smile, jump up, and give her the biggest hug ever.
Any moment now. Perhaps a moment was longer than five seconds. Or ten. And maybe, instead of smiling, there was snickering. That didn't seem like the components of a joyous epiphany. Maybe it was just an illusion, Leni thought. So why was she getting nervous? The snickering was supposed to be a good thing, right?
"You don't get it," Lori said softly, her voice simmering with bitterness. Leni bit her lip, hoping to get a word in. What was her sister talking about? But it was Lori that got the next word, "do yourself a favor and forget about getting your license."
She then lowered her head.
"You would save me," Lori said, "and everyone around you a lot of hurt feelings."
Leni wasn't sure whether to get mad, look confused, or probe for more. In any case, she felt the need to get something out there. After all, why would her big sister say something like that without demanding a response in return. But once again, it was Lori who jumped in.
"Now go downstairs and tell Lincoln the deal's off."
Her face was as solemn as her voice. She wished her sister wasn't like this, that she could relax for once. Leni wished that her big sister would just pull out her phone and start texting Bobby, anything to get her mind off this. Making Lori more upset would have accomplished nothing.
She walked out silently. Leni thought some more about her sister, how granting her wish would make her happy.
"I told you it was a stupid thought. You?! Driving?!"
For everyone else, Leni assumed hope to be a right, a moral blanket protecting the great work they were already doing. Lori or Linky didn't need hope, but it just made their successes that much better. But for her, it was no more than a privilege, a treat she was only allowed to indulge in limited quantities. The afternoon was plenty for her, ranging from everyone cheering for her to the thought of her actually getting that piece of plastic for her purse. Now that she had her share, it was time for things to go back to normal. To take any more hope or think her daydream could become a reality was greedy. She wasn't built for a driver's license.
"No one wants this."
As she moved down the hall, she noticed her brother emerging from his room. It was like Lori set this whole thing up just to get the whole thing done. She really was brilliant. And perhaps Linky was in on it too. There was no way he actually expected to get anything out of this. So what was the hesitance?
"Hi Linky!" she said, trying to be jovial.
"Hey Leni," he replied. As he smiled, his chipped beaver teeth stuck out. Leni always found that cute about him, even after they were chipped, "what's up?"
He looked so calm, hardly the mark of someone observing a failure. Maybe this was the true test after all, to see if she could give into the temptation of excessive hope. For a while, it seemed like it was gonna fail, but now she had seen the light. And now, Linky was gonna reward her for getting smarter (or something).
"So, like, I'm not gonna get my license. I'm not gonna try anymore," Leni said. It was a little clunky, but it got to the message. So she got points for substance.
"What?" Lincoln said, his mouth dropping open, "but you've come so far! Why would you give up when you're so close?"
That was an odd question on the test. At first, Leni assumed it was just a trick. In the past, others (usually Luan) have tried to do it and it worked; she just didn't see it coming. But not this time! Now she was seeing what they were seeing.
"Isn't that, like, what you wanted?" Leni asked.
"No. Why would I spend all this time helping you if I didn't want you to succeed?" Lincoln said.
And now she was stuck. That was a legitimate point. After all, someone like her precious Linky didn't have enough time to spend pulling elaborate pranks, even if they were only to spite her. Linky knew that it was more effective to ignore something he detested than to drain himself in destroying it. And Linky knew best, even if she didn't always appreciate that. Once again, she was the fool.
"I...uh...don't know," was all Leni could put together.
"Is Lori messing with you?"
Leni stretched her lips inward, terrified to let anything slip. The last thing she wanted was for her amazing big sister to be thrown yet another problem. But Linky, smart as he was, read her mind. How did he do that?
"Don't listen to her, Leni," Lincoln said, his eyes locking on her's, "we're all counting on you. I believe in you, Mom and Dad believe in you, the rest of us," he then paused, "and deep down, under all those insults and bossiness, Lori does too. If she can't find it in her to show you that, then that's on her."
Lincoln then extended his hand and shook it. She took the hint and accepted it, allowing her palm to meet his.
"If you go out there and do what you did today, you'll have your license in no time," he said, smiling. And now the real message was clear, "now promise me. You will take that test tomorrow and you will give it everything you've got."
But even with that smile, something still didn't feel right. Her tummy had a current going through it, foreboding her confidence.
"What about Lori?" she asked softly.
"Don't worry about that. I'll deal with her," he proclaimed, pumping out his chest like a bulky knight, "All you have to do is relax and remember what I taught you," he then shook his wrist again, "Deal?"
At the bottom of her consciousness, an echo rang out, telling her something was wrong (and it didn't have to do with just Lori). But now wasn't the time to raise a fuss, nor was it something she wanted. She was convinced Linky was right, proving once again that he's great at speaking. And he was smiling, also a plus. Now, she couldn't help but mirror that face in her own effort to capture its beauty. Linky was perfect.
"Deal!"
This wasn't the end of her lot, Leni told herself. Her family was on her side, urging her that she wasn't going too far in wanting her license. And after thirteen tries, she was finally gonna get it. Everything was alive, much like when she was sewing. In fact, right then it was better than sewing. She was taking it upon herself to pry open the door for new opportunities: to go to the Mall, to buy supplies, to see Helen, and so much more. All this because she was good enough to succeed. She told herself she was gonna do it.
It was the moment of truth. The Spinny Thingy was planted right in front of her. To her right was an aging, yet portly woman sifting through some dense papers. Her vision was clear (as was the Mirror) and the traffic wasn't too congested. The odds were favorable.
"Alright Leni, when you're ready, we can get started," the woman said.
"Okay!" Leni exclaimed. She briefly recoiled, embarrassed by how loud she shouted. She jerked her head to the proctor, who was unfazed, "Sorry! I'm just excited!"
"That's alright. Just focus on pulling out of the driveway."
The mission was set and the wording was clear. Now it was time to put all that excitement and knowledge to action.
She pressed on the Go-Go Boot and the car rolled down the narrow paved driveway. Now that that step was done, she proceeded to the next part of her checklist, which came conveniently quick.
"By the way, you're really fat," Leni said, her eyes glued to oncoming turn, "like, really fat. You should cut back on the chocolate and, like, have some smoothies. My favorite is strawberry banana. It's totes tasty!"
She didn't hear anything. Perhaps she was too focused watching the road to say anything. It was as if the proctor was super focused all the time when it came to driving. Maybe after the test she'll thank her for the great advice. So with that, Leni checked it off.
Now was where things really picked up. The true challenge was starting, but luckily Leni followed Linky's advice. She got a full night of sleep, had a delicious breakfast, and remembered everything she had learned about driving. And the steps that came next were the ones most ingrained in her mind. With a calm pair of hands and a focus greater than the woman beside her, she floored the Go-Go Boot out of the intersection.
"Check your mirrors," she heard the proctor say, but she was already in the game. The whole time, her eyes were glued to the sidewalk on the opposite end of the road. Right turns were tricky, given how you had to cross that pesky double yellow line to get on the path. She once recalled Luna talking about England and how they always drive on the left side of the road. Well she wasn't sure what the big deal was, since it also happened in America.
"Wrong side!" she heard again. Leni understood that she wasn't all the way across. Maybe she spent too much time on the other side, so she had to speed up. And so the Go-Go Boot went.
Now she was out on the open road. And since there were no signs stopping her, she might as well speed up. Go-Go Boot down.
Granted, the woman beside her was spouting off wrong information. Unlike other times, this was an interesting feature of the test. This was the first time where she was forced to refute false information. But it only made her feel better that she knew the truth.
This time, though, they were really pulling out all the stops. They even threw in a car hurtling towards her. Silly car. He wasn't supposed to be there. She felt so proud that she knew enough to not have to follow anyone else's lead. For once, Leni had the answers.
"Look out!" the woman exclaimed. Her voice was panicked, terrified. Before she could fully process everything, the car came to a hurtling halt. It was strange, given that she hadn't pressed the White Shoe. And yet, the car was frozen in the middle of the road. Meanwhile, she heard a blaring horn as the other car eased its way around them.
"What's wrong?" Leni asked, turning to the frazzled proctor. The poor woman took several seconds to catch her breath and collect her composure. They were long, tense seconds, leaving Leni utterly confused. This was the earliest she had to stop during a test. Did that mean she passed?
"It's not safe for you to continue the test," she said, controlled, "you did not pass."
Leni was baffled. She questioned whether she heard that right. After all, she had followed everything she had learned over the past few days. Leni felt she had been doing so well. No. She knew she had been doing well, given how smoothly she drove the lawn mower and how everyone was cheering for her.
"Was it because I like strawberry banana?" Leni asked nervously, "Do you not like that flavor?"
Yeah. That had to be the explanation, something she could cling onto. After all the joy she's been through and confidence she enjoyed, there was no way she could have been mistaken.
"No," the woman replied, matter-of-fact. She then peered down at her papers and read from them, "you failed to use your turn signal, did not check any of your mirrors, drove on the wrong side of the road, went about twenty miles over the speed limit, and displayed reckless conduct."
But wasn't those the things she were taught? Lincoln wouldn't lie to her like that.
And then the fear struck her over her head. She should have known that her brother (and her sisters) were just messing with her all along.
"I'll take over and drive us back to the Registrar," the woman said. She then clicked a button on her side of the car, beside her own Spinny Thingy. And like magic, the car started. Leni's foot wasn't anywhere near the Go-Go Boot and her hands had relinquished their grip from her Spinny Thingy. She allowed the proctor to use her controls to drive the car.
During the short trip, Leni couldn't help but look out the window. She couldn't believe that her Linky had dragged her through all that. He got her hopes up, thinking there was a chance that maybe, despite all the barriers, she could somehow learn to drive. Leni had gone to bed thinking she had finally grasped the concept, which seemed simple enough. And just like that, she was swiftly proven wrong. Again.
She wanted to lash out at something, someone. It wasn't often she was pent up with anger. In a lot of ways, it was like excitement. Every part of her body wanted to move: her arms, her legs, her mouth, her head. And yet despite the burst of energy, her body felt heavier too, as if each motion drained more of her than usual. But that didn't matter right now.
As they pulled up to the DMV, Leni spotted another vehicle in the parking lot. It was the same bulky rectangular shape and same shade of light blue as Vanzilla. And through the windshield, she noticed Lori and Lincoln in the front seats. There he was.
She launched herself from the car, not even bothering to acknowledge the proctor. Leni walked and carried herself with a sense of purpose; her legs carried strong strides and her back was like a ruler, wooden and straight. Leni wanted to give Lincoln the chewing out of his life. Did he have no idea what it was like to be her? What she had to go through every day, the thoughts and actions that shaped her? How mean and "insensitive"! He clearly didn't know Leni at all if he thought she was just gonna forget this. No. It was the top of her mind.
Leni slid into the middle seat of the second row, allowing both her siblings to get a good look at her. There he was (and Lori too).
"Well," Leni said, her voice low and restrained, "that makes fourteen. Guess I'll have to drive a lawnmower forever."
So this is how it came out? During the whole of her walk, Leni herself thought it was gonna be a giant explosion, the type with shouting and fire and sweat and faces turning red. But at the last moment, she felt constricted. Leni wasn't a yeller. Outside of direct fear, she couldn't bring herself to raise her voice out of some external force. She may not have been great at identifying that force, but it was always present, one way or another.
"Look Leni, it's not your fault," Lincoln said softly. It was that type of mediating voice, the one that parents use as a pep talk. Her brother has clearly learned a lot about conflict resolution.
Her contempt at him had melted away. Leni realized she couldn't stay mad at her Linky. After all, he was perfect. And even though he claimed otherwise, he had every reason to carry all the assumptions he did. Leni was at fault in every way and any lashing out would have done no good. Besides, he was so happy during the whole process of teaching her that it plastered an even shinier veil over Linky. She would have been the bad girl for messing with that.
"Yes, it was," she said, her throat tightening, "you worked so hard to help me pass. You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me."
It truly was a wonder that confounded, but that was beside the point. That reminder made her realize her mistake even more. Linky could never be at fault. He had bent over backwards for her, just as many others have. Like Mom and Dad have, how Maddy has, how Mrs. Boxer has, how Mrs. Lane has, and Mrs. Barnes. And yet even with his patience and careful instruction, she still couldn't do it. Leni sighed.
"I blew it, "she continued sadly, "I was just thinking about all the fun places I would drive us to. The Mall, the comic book store, the Mall...I'm sorry I let you down."
Leni lowered her head. She really messed up now. Most of the anger had transformed to sadness, a much more familiar emotion. She couldn't bear to see the disappoint on Linky's face, knowing that he only saw failure before him.
"I can't take it anymore!"
Leni perked her head up. It was none other than Lori raising her voice. Until now, she had forgotten her big sister was even in Vanzilla.
"It was my fault," she said, her voice ridden with guilt, "I sabotaged your test!"
Sabotage? Leni realized that any such act was well-deserved towards her, but the topic of driving didn't come up at all after their little talk yesterday. It confused her, how her sister acted invisibly.
"How?" Leni asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
The only thing she could see were her eyes. They looked like a demon was ready to jump out at any moment. Lori closed them, to come to terms with whatever was on her mind. Leni grew anxious alongside her.
"I made a tape giving you bad driving instructions," she said slowly, each word as thick as her emotion, "and I had you listen to it while you slept."
And then it hit her. Linky never would have said to drive on the left side of the road, or made her call the proctor fat, or speed down the road.
What could be made of all this? Was she angry again? Was she ashamed that she disrespected Lori's undying authority? Was it really her fault still? Well, the last question quickly got silenced. And then the second. This was supposed to be Leni's day, the one where she finally made everyone proud. Leni was within arm's reach of having her license, the chance to do something meaningful for her family. To count, to matter. To make this silly voice go away.
"Leni," Lori said tentatively. She even turned in her chair, to allow her to truly face Leni. Now she was asking for it, "are you okay?"
Okay. That was the dream, the intention.
"Why couldn't you just be happy for me?" Leni said. Her voice sounded weird, even to her own ears, but that wasn't important. Her eyes emboldened as she continued, "You couldn't stand to have ditzy Leni do something smart, like you can! I'm not supposed to win! I have to just sit back and take everything like I don't have things to say. But if I try to do anything for myself, I get pushed down!"
Leni leaned back in her seat. She had never yelled like that before, especially not around Linky (his ears didn't need that). Any hindsight or reason was hidden in an obscure corner. The raw feeling coursing through her veins was invigorating. She couldn't stop it, but she tried to stop. Leni wasn't supposed to talk. And so, she tried focusing on breathing. Her lips were sealed, leaving the air to come out in aggressive puffs through her nose.
"I know and I'm sorry," Lori said, her face softer than usual, "I feel terrible for this and I wanna make it up to you. How about I can help you prepare for your next test?" she then turned to her brother, "Lincoln's been telling me you've gotten very good at driving and learning the basics. With a little more practice, you can do it!"
Leni's fiery eyes glared at her big sister. She wanted to stop this, to just hug and forgive like she usually did. Gentler memories eased their way back. She remembered that great favor Lori had done at the Fashion Show, how happy she was in going out on stage to promote Leni's cause. Leni didn't like being mad and wished this fever would just vanish like that.
But that wasn't how anger worked. That lingering question of "why" seared in her brain and her blood was still boiling. All she could do was huff and shift in her seat.
"Sure," she said sourly, "Whatever you say."
Lori stared at her longingly before slowly turning back to the Spinny Thingy. Vanzilla roared its rusty engine and rolled off. No one spoke a word the entire way home.
Lori finished brushing her teeth and gazed into the mirror. She held her lips open in an practical manner, allowing her to insure that each tooth was thoroughly brushed and accounted for. Ever since she got her braces removed, she's been liking how they looked (so orderly and and white).
Since that came to mind, Lori thought about Luan and how she complained when she first got her braces last year. Luan made multiple self-deprecating jokes about how her retainer amplified her lisp and how she had become "metal girl". Even though she had since accepted the accommodations, Lori thought about her own time being the metal girl. Someday, when those wires would be finally removed, Luan will love her smile (and so will everyone else).
It was an odd tangent for her mind to go through. Lori had gone through the same routine, and yet her younger sister came to mind, leaving her in the bathroom even after she had finished. She knew it was just a distraction, an excuse to keep herself out of her room.
But other people needed to get to the bathroom some time tonight, as the door banging made resoundingly clear. Lori reluctantly broke away from her reflection and exited the room. She passed by the twins, who tackled each other for who would go in first. She wasn't in the mood to address the quarrel (they were probably gonna resolve it themselves anyway).
Entering her room, she noticed Leni already lying on her bed. Her back was pressed against the mattress and her eyes were staring at the ceiling. Leni's irises carried so much weight, she feared they would collapse, caving into helplessness. That horrible anger she never thought would befall her younger sister was long gone by this point.
Lori's vision then caught the other side of the room. Her bed looked brand new. All the sheets were neatly and tightly tucked, the pillows were cozy and fluffed, and the entire display just appeared cleaner than when she left it. The blue really popped to the eye. Apparently, she spent long enough staring at that display to catch her sister's attention.
"Linky told me how to make a bed," Leni said, her voice empty and lifeless, "the way you wanted it to be."
"Thank you," Lori answered gently.
Unsure of what else to say, Lori approached the bed and tucked herself in. In addition to being more attractive, the bed was also softer, more comfortable. And yet, Lori didn't feel relaxed. She felt like she was staying home from school, stricken with the flu.
"I'm sorry I got mad at you," she heard Leni say. Each word had a creak in it, as if it were exposing a new layer to her inner disposition. Now, Lori wished she had the flu; it would have been less painful than this.
"It's okay, Leni," she said, hoping to get through to her, "it happens to the best of us," she then briefly gazed at the carpet below, "and besides, I needed it. I was wrong."
Glancing up at the other side, Leni didn't move. She just continued staring at the ceiling above. Her face was beyond blank. Her lips had a natural downward bent, her eyes were wider than a "Spinny Thingy", her hair had white strands breaking away from the normally smooth curve.
Unfortunately, this wasn't Lori's first time seeing her room mate like this. Leni has been sad before over other things and there were features of her behavior that raised some eyebrows. But this was one of those rare occasions outside April 23 where Leni was so forthright with her feelings. Lori wasn't always the best at reading her emotions, but they were right there. There was no second guessing what her little sister was going through.
And her own problems caused this extraordinary harm. That was the sourest part, the sting that spread the potent poison across her entire body. Lori didn't just feel sick. She was in every way something she knew she was at risk of becoming. Lori had to live with that.
Her eyes grew heavy and darkness enveloped her. She didn't remember any dreams from that nauseous evening.