Chapter Thirty Six: Punishment-desu!
Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King, Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan, Rozen Maiden or any of the books I've mentioned here. Furthermore, I would like to give five seas credit for giving me the idea of adding Dokuro-chan to the story.
Ashil was gawking at Dokuro-chan, Machi was about to faint, Peyote's eyebrows were locked together pensively and Hao was still crappily drawn.
Dokuro-chan dismounted her horse and cocked her eyebrows in confusion.
- What the hell is wrong with you people? – Then she made a cute expression and chirped out: - Are you dazed by my charming looks?
Ashil shut his mouth, then opened it again and a second later he shut it again. Nothing came out. He gave up, as the situation was now far beyond just being ridiculous to comment it, put a hand in his pocket, pulled out a packet of pencils and started recolouring the petrified Hao Asakura.
- You certainly are inadequate today. – Dokuro-chan came to a conclusion. She turned around and called her companion: - Suiseiseki, come over here and introduce yourself!
The white horseman alighted her horse, strode towards the shamans and removed her helmet.
This time, Ashil turned into a crappily drawn black-and-white picture of bewildered muteness. He had recognized where the girl was from. Machi and Peyote's jaws were hanging again.
One green and one red eye were looking at their direction.
- Hi-desu! I am Suiseiseki-desu! It's nice to meet all of you-desu! – She said with a delighted smile on her face.
- Holy crap! – Machi squaked and clutched at her pigtails. – More people who are not from this anime!
Ashil could not freak out or say anything sarcastic, because he was completely owned.
- The fuckin author should have put this story in the Crossovers section. – Peyote murmured and picked the pencil from Ashil's petrified hand and started coloring him.
- What the hell is wrong with the mood in this place-desu? And by the smell of smoke and dead bodies everywhere it seems that there has been a war in here-desu!
- No kidding? – Machi murmured and rolled her eyes. – We nearly perished in the conflict.
- But that isn't important anymore! – Dokuro-chan chirped out like the airhead she actually was. – We are here to fix things up!!
Silence. Machi murmured something similar to 'Hurray for saving the planet.', but Suiseiseki didn't hear her.
- We were sent by TheArchon-sama with the divine mission to heal the land after your filthy race has ravaged everything in their greed for power and supremacy! – Dokuro-chan cheeped out with an overjoyed expression like a blond schoolgirl. She was jumping up and down on her spot in excitement.
Peyote finished coloring Ashil's right arm and exclaimed enthusiastically:
- Does that somehow involve cookies and pot?
- Actually, it does-desu! – Suiseiseki answered with a grin.
- SWEET! – Peyote cheered like an idiot.
Machi was the only one frowning here. Something was amiss in here… those girls were very strange… and when thinking that, Machi was not including their retarded behavior or their excessive cheerfulness. Something about those two… was so very wrong. Machi placed her hands on her hips and asked:
- What is your business here?
Desu… ugh, I mean Suiseiseki blinked with her two different-colored eyes.
- Didn't we just explain that-desu? – She said with a baffled look. – TheArchon-sama ordered us to come here and repair all of the things you stupid shamans broke-desu! – She seemed very irritated right now. – Do you know how many people died in this war you just had-desu!? Do you know how many souls have went to hell this day-desu!? Huh-desu!? Tell me, you stupid girl-desu! Do you realize what you have done in your greed-desu!?
Machi recoiled in fright of all the 'desu' she was forced to hear just now. She babbled out:
- Yes, I know that a lot of people died! Don't scold be about it, I'm not responsible for what has happened here!
She glanced at her master, who was still in a state of crappy animation. Ashil was now coming to his senses, with a fresh new color and nice anime outlines.
- The only thing I could not understand is why the hell TheArchon had to send you two down here, when he can just make everything all better by just typing stuff on his keyboard?
+-+-+-
TheArchon smirked smugly.
+-+-+-
Suiseiseki grinned again.
- Come now-desu! He has to fill up the storyline somehow, doesn't he-desu?
Machi's expression changed to mute amazement. Her eyebrow was twitching.
- Why the hell do you say 'desu' all the time? – She murmured carefully.
- Why do I say what all the time-desu? – Suiseiseki didn't understand.
- Why do you say keep saying 'desu'?
- Why do I keep saying 'desu'-desu?
- Yes! Why do you keep 'desu'!? You just said it again!
- So I just said 'Why do I keep saying "desu"desu'-desu? – She checked, completely confused.
- YES!!
- I don't know what you're talking about-desu. – Suiseiseki concluded dully.
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!! – Machi screamed furiously. She looked around for something and saw a book (which happened to be 'War and Peace' by Tolstoy), grabbed it and threw it at Suiseiseki, which hit her straight in the face, sending her to Dreamland and finally shutting her up.
Peyote finished coloring Hao, who blinked twice and collapsed with a peaceful look on his face.
- Hao-sama! – Peyote exclaimed and picked his master up. He seemed to be having a nice dream. There was a huge smile on his face and he was drooling.
- He fell asleep?! – Ashil exclaimed with wide eyes.
- None of us has slept in days. It's not unnatural to fall asleep like that. – Peyote explained wisely.
Ashil nodded pensively.
- Should we carry him to a more comfortable place? – The kid asked.
- We are standing in a ruined village! Where the hell are we going to find anything comfortable? – Peyote murmured.
- Perhaps if we ask Machi, he can sleep in his lap.
- Hao-sama hasn't washed his hair in quite a while, so I doubt that she will agree to have his filthy flea-infested head in her lap. – Peyote hinted Ashil. The boy took a closer look in his master's hair and recoiled in disgust. The hair did the same. After that he suggested:
- Well, maybe we can get those two airheads over there to build him a shed or make a hammock or something. They did say they were here to help.
- Perhaps, but I don't trust those girls at all. They seem far too… - The Mexican muttered while rubbing his chin. He glanced at Dokuro-chan, who was trying to resuscitate Suiseiseki, but to no avail. In the meantime, Machi was looking for other heavy objects, which could be used to knock Suiseiseki out again.
- …unreliable. – Peyote finished and cocked his left eyebrow.
Ashil sulked. He sighed and said in defeat:
- Then what the hell are we supposed to do with Hao-sama? We can't just leave him lying here!
Unfortunately, Dokuro-chan heard their conversation and popped up behind their back with a huge grin on her face and screamed out cheerfully:
- HIIIIIIIIIII!!
Ashil and Peyote nearly died and Hao lost his sleep. He stirred and murmured:
- Kanna's…. sooooo biiiiig… oooh gooooood Lord… melons…
His eyelids slightly opened, letting some sunlight slip inside. He yawned, rubbed his eyes and sat. He closed his eyes again, frowned, very displeased for losing his nice dream of Kanna's bosom, and opened his eyes again. To his shock, Dokuro-chan's face was half inch away from his. He yelped and collapsed.
- You are Hao Asakura, right? – She drawled with a finger on her chin in a cute pose. – TheArchon told me about you. He said that you've been a veeeeeeeeeeeery naughty boy.
Blood flushed from Ashil and Peyote's noses. Hao realized that something noteworthy was going to happed.
- Dokuro-chan knows how to reward cute naughty boys like you! – The girl chirped out happily. She leaned forward, letting Hao gape at her low neck, something indecent and perverted which many people simply refer to as Fan Service, with his mouth wide open, and finished with a sweet smile: - Close your eyes and I'll give you a big surprise!
Hao did what he was told. Ashil and Peyote were still gaping at the angel. Machi saw what was going on and her senses quickly told her what was about to happen. She screamed:
- Hao-sama!! LOOK OUT!
Hao turned around, just when Dokuro-chan screamed 'KYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!!' and swung her giant club at Hao's head.
SPLAT!!
+-+- Due to extreme gore and bloodshed, I will skip this part. Poor Hao. -+-+
A minute later, Hao was sitting on his ass and rubbing his head. It hurt like hell.
- Sooooorryyyyy! – Dokuro-chan apologized with a cute face. Hao was still frowning.
- Just don't do it again, okay?
Suiseiseki woke up. She stood up and rubbed her head.
- Ow-desu! – She yelped in pain. Machi bristled up. – My head-desu! Why the hell did you hit my head like that-desu!? What have I ever done to deserve such- AAAGH!!
Machi had hit Suiseiseki in the face with 'Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows' (by J. Rowling). Suiseiseki had returned to Dreamland, where she was having a tea party with all her friends and saying 'desu' as many times as she wished, without getting hit by anything in the head by redheads with a bat temper.
- Quit pissing me off, you bitch! – Machi roared out. She turned around and was walking away when Suiseiseki mumbled in her sleep:
- Desu.
Machi turned around with bloodshot eyes. She was looking for something heavy when Ashil came close to her and said:
- Hao-sama requires your presence.
- Why are you being so formal all of a sudden?
- I have no idea. – Ashil said with a blank face.
Hao was waving his hands and yelling:
- Alright, you guys, come here and listen! I need everyone's attention on this one!
The three shamans nodded and listened. Hao smiled in content and continued:
- From everything that has happened to us up till now, I have come to the conclusion that Yoh is impossible to track down or defeat. I assume that it is because he was originally the protagonist of the anime. I am going to postpone my revenge and get on with far more important things; the things that will be of great interest to you and me; the things that were the reason for you to follow me to the ends of the world and endure endless pain because of them. Our main goal: WORLD DOMINATION!
It was about time he said that. Everyone cheered for him. Hao continued, his grin widening:
- Yes! We will no longer be distracted from our ultimate goal! In three days time, I will become the king of the world!
The cheers suddenly stopped. For two minutes, there were only crickets chirring. Ashil dared brake the silence:
- Ugh… exactly how are we going to accomplish such an objective in such a short time, Hao-sama?
More silence.
- Well… ehh… we go to the Holy Ground of Stars and… get the Great Spirits? – Hao murmured and scratched his head.
More silence with cricket chirring. Suddenly, Dokuro-chan appeared and scared Hao shitless, yet again.
- I can help you!! – She exclaimed cheerfully. Hao was still panting. – With my help, you'll be able to become the king in less than a day!
Hao doubted that Dokuro-chan could even help him find the nearest working diner in the vicinity, but he was already so desperate that he would even accept help from a blind Eskimo or a pink poodle. He nodded in approval. The angel screamed in joy and skipped ahead of them, while humming a happy song.
Everyone followed her quickly. Suiseiseki finally woke up and yelled:
- Hey-desu! Wait for me-desu!
'Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' and 'Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' (both by J.R.R.Tolkien) smashed straight in Suiseiseki's face, knocking her out immediately. Machi was snickering evilly.
From the Author: End of chapter! This is the before last chapter of the story, the next one will put the end to 'The Legend Lives Once Again'. Review after you finish reading this chapter, please.