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Chapter 38: Love And Trust
"Is there a place I can go?
Is there a light to get me there?
If I've forgotten what to say,
It's because all words are dust."
- Tiny Little Fractures by Snow Patrol
Connor walked to the car park, looking for his car so he could head home.
He had had to stay late again to make further progress on projects for Phillip.
He had been feeling guilty lately because this was an ongoing thing; and while his work for Phillip was very important to him, it was also what had led to the demise of his relationship with Abby. Since Abby had moved out of the flat and into Matt's flat four months ago, Jess had been on her own when he had to stay late.
Things were slowly starting to get back on track now that the dust had settled.
There was still some tension present between everyone in the core team, but they all spoke on friendly terms now and hung out like they used to.
However, there were some things that troubled Connor's mind.
With the past behind them, Connor had begun to notice the way Abby and Becker, sometimes even Matt looked at him. It was as if they knew something he didn't.
It bothered him.
At the risk of sounding conceited, he knew everything. There were few things he didn't know; and yet, he was being treated as if there was crucial information amongst the team that concerned him but no one offered to come forward and fill him in.
He had no idea why.
What could be so awful that they could toss such glances his way but not speak openly about it?
Connor tried to shake the thoughts from his head as he climbed into his car and began his drive home.
Another thing that had been on his mind was Jess.
Jess had been acting strangely since the Smilodon anomaly four months ago.
She was constantly rushing to the bathroom, feeling unusually nauseous. Sometimes, she would be incredibly happy and suddenly depressed, like switching a light switch on and off.
Connor had pinned the nausea on the strange cravings she been having. On one occasion, Connor had come home to find Jess eating anchovies with hot fudge. He had ignored it thinking maybe it was some sort of menstrual thing that girls did; but recalled that he had never once seen Jess eat both at the same time before recent events.
Another occasion found Jess eating double what she usually ate; but again, not wanting to offend her, Connor had kept quiet.
During the past few days, though, the nausea had practically stopped and Connor noticed Jess running to the bathroom less and less.
The mood swings, Connor had assumed was also because it was that time of month for Jess; but the mood swings were unpredictable and happened at such intervals that it could not be menstrual-related.
Other times, Connor would think he'd done something wrong when he would overhear Jess crying in the middle of the night. Despite Jess's assurance that it was nothing he had done, Connor couldn't help but feel something was bothering her.
While waiting for one of the machines to warm up earlier today, Connor had found a window of time to Google the worrying oddities that Jess had been displaying lately.
The good news was that she hadn't been infected with some sort of alien flu like he had originally thought. The surprising news, that Connor couldn't bring himself to quite believe, was that Jess was pregnant.
It was one of those things that Connor had rarely ever thought about, but never completely ruled out of a relationship.
Connor parked the car outside the flat he shared with Jess and made his way upstairs.
Jess stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror.
She was roughly four months along and the morning sickness had pretty much ceased, not happening as often as it had.
The cravings and mood swings, however, were another problem in and of themselves.
She had been craving and eating the oddest things of late. She had also had trouble keeping her moods consistent and would go from being incredibly happy to inconsolably sad within moments. Luckily, for her, Connor had only noticed a couple of times and assumed that she was on her period. Abby had also moved in with Matt some time ago, which gave Jess a chance to breathe and not have to worry about Abby badgering her about telling Connor, though she was still met with the questioning glances at the ARC.
She lifted her shirt up, revealing her stomach.
She slowly dragged a hand softly over the bump that was starting to make itself known. She still hadn't told Connor about the baby and she couldn't bring herself to.
She was terrified, despite what Abby had told her, of what Connor would say or think.
Jess was already concerned about having to start altering her wardrobe to conceal the bump as it would grow.
Even she knew, though, that Connor, and Lester, and Phillip would find out sooner or later.
"Jess?" Connor's voice called from downstairs.
Jess pulled her shirt down and lightly put a hand on her stomach before clearing her throat and heading downstairs.
"Jess." Connor whispered.
"Hm?" Jess mumbled back.
They had only just settled into bed. Connor couldn't sleep until his mind was put to rest.
He wrapped his arm around her waist, hugging her to him.
"I'm sorry for working so late recently." He apologized quietly.
Jess didn't say anything immediately; more worried that Connor would notice the bump if he moved his arm up a few more inches.
"It's just that Phillip's really keen for me to finish these projects and I don't want any of this to come between us because I'm going to be getting a bit of a break soon and we can spend some actual time outside of the ARC besides dinner and when we go to sleep." He continued hopefully.
There was a brief silence that covered them.
"You still awake?" He asked quietly.
"Sort of, why?" Jess asked, turning over to face him.
"Are you pregnant?" He asked with blatant curiosity without thinking anything through.
Jess froze, unsure of what to say.
"Why?" She asked choked before clearing her throat. "Why would you ask that?"
"I'm curious." He replied half-honestly.
"It seems like such an out-of-the-blue question though." Jess pointed out.
"It's just a simple 'yes' or 'no', Jess." Connor countered reasonably.
"Connor," Jess sighed.
"If you're not pregnant, then you have some sort of extraterrestrial flu." Connor stated.
Jess had to laugh. "Extraterrestrial flu?"
"I can honestly swear on every signed piece of Star Wars memorabilia that I own that I have never seen anyone eat anchovies and hot fudge at the same time before."
"It was just a craving." Jess defended. "I'm over it."
Truth was, she wasn't.
In fact, she was actually craving it more and more now that she was wide awake and deep in conversation.
"Jess, I promise, after everything we've been through, there's nothing you can tell me that will upset me." Connor assured her.
"We've only had sex twice, Connor. I'm not pregnant." Jess forced herself to say with a straight face.
"Not according to Google." Connor interjected via a mutter.
"What if I was?" Jess asked.
"Then, that—that would be—great, wouldn't it?" It came sounding more like a question.
"Not with the work we do." Jess spoke solemnly.
"I promised that I would never let anything happen to you, Jess. Do you remember?"
Jess nodded.
"Then, can I get a 'yeah' or a 'no'? Please?"
"I already told you, Connor. No." Jess replied before turning over and pretending to sleep.
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