Chapter 37

Naruto swore loudly and gratingly as he fell from the spike for just about the twentieth time in as many minutes. He clung to the spikes around him with chakra as he dejectedly walked down to grab another slab and hoist it up all the way to the top. Waiting for him there was the calm and tranquil expression of his wife from Sand, Temari.

She smirked at him without opening her eyes. "I don't see how you're going to do this. You have absolutely no patience."

Naruto was silent as he went through the painful process of putting the slab in the exact correct space and tentatively stepping on it, while it wobbled all the time, then sitting down on it and not falling to his hypothetical death.

He chuckled darkly. "I'm going to get it." He said through clenched teeth. "I might not be patient, but I'm more stubborn than anybody you know."

If Temari weren't sure if it would disrupt her balance, she would have shrugged. Since that wasn't true, she merely replied with "No statement more true has ever been spoken."

Naruto grunted, pushing his weight around the slab, trying to get it to the point where he reached equilibrium. "How- Nhng… how are you so good at this?" He asked.

"I meditate a lot." Temari said simplistically. "Is that really something you should be worrying about right now?"

Naruto grunted once more and swiveled his hips around to try and redistribute his weight across the slab. "If I'm going to get good, I'm need to run. I can't walk. I have to- Grrnt- do both to get better faster."

This perplexed Temari. "Why? You have time to learn the right and proper way. The tortoise wins the race after all."

"That's bullshit. The rabbit wins the race all the time. The one who is faster will win the race."

Temari sighed. "That's not the point of the story. If you burn yourself out by trying to do too many things, it'll take a lot longer in the long run to master it rather if you'd taken a more traditional route."

Naruto held his hands out to steady himself, then stayed stock still. He and his slab were trembling, but the large movements had stopped all together. He grinned. "You're talking to the man with five wives about traditional routes."

"You're sixteen. That's hardly manhood."

Naruto began controlling his breathing, moving a bit every now and then to make himself a bit more comfortable. "I don't mean to sound childish, but if I'm having sex with four women at the same time, I'm going to call myself a man."

"There's more to manhood than having sex. You make it sound like sex is the end-all be-all. It's just a thing that happens. How much of a man you are is not measured by how much sex you're having. That's just the delusions of some lonely teenager somewhere."

Naruto began to respond, but stopped himself before he could get a word out. His face went pensive, and he definitely looked like he was thinking about something. "Then how do you measure manhood? Here me out, okay?" Naruto said quickly. "The definition of the 'fittest' is how many offspring you are able to father, right?"

Temari nodded unsurely.

"Then the textbook definition of 'manhood', should be how many women you are having relations with."

Temari looked at him dubiously. "Then if you go out and rape and impregnate fifty women, does that make you more a man than someone who remained a virgin their whole life."

"A person that takes control of someone's actions by using their emotions should not be classified as human. A person that takes control of someone else's body without their consent should not be classified as human. And a person that takes control of someone else's feelings by insincere means should not be considered human." Naruto stated plainly.

"We're not talking about your definitions of moral ambiguity and how it relates to the human condition. We're talking about genetics, facts, and science. Scientifically, the man who rapes and impregnates fifty women is considered more of a man. But do you really want to be known as someone who is only scientifically a fit man?"

Naruto was about to answer, but he fell and almost died. It took until him getting back up on the spike with a new slab (because the old one broke) to resume the conversation, which took a rather long time. "Then what is the definition of being a man? I was really only playing the devil's advocate before."

"You're asking me for my definition. There are lots out there. But if were to answer, I'd say that manhood comes with experience. With years. With… knowing things that can't be taught."

"That's a really weird definition of manhood. Why can't you say something like, 'he's got to be strong, and he's got to be fast, and he's got to be fresh from the fight'?"

"That's the definition of a hero, not a man."

Naruto grunted without connotative tonal inflections.

"Anyway, why do you want to master this faster?" Temari asked.

Naruto grinned sheepishly and looked away. "Because… of reasons."

Temari stared at him for a few seconds before realization dawned on her. "You've been gone away for two days. Two." She said unbelievingly. "Are you really that horny that you're willing to throw away your safety?"

"Hey." Naruto said sternly. "Yes, sex feels good. People wouldn't do it if it didn't. But I just want to get back to see Fu and Kurotsuchi. The pregnancy is really starting to set in 'n' all. I just want to… be there for them?"

"You are there for them. Have you forgotten the clones you left behind?'

"They only last four days at the most, and that's only if they don't use any chakra at all. I want to get this over with. I've got a right to be worried." He said vindictively. "Plus, they're mostly for Mei now." He tacked on.

"I guess so, but do you really want to be there for them now? They're getting morning sickness all over the place and are really bloated. All the unpleasant stuff about being pregnant."

"I'm the dad. I have to be there when the kids start acting up." He said with a light grin on his face.

"…You are really getting into this idea of fatherhood, aren't you?"

"Can't help it. When I was a kid, I was alone. No parents, no siblings, nobody except for myself and the Third. Then he died. Then you five came along and I thought the world decided that my happiness shouldn't exist anymore. It was like the hand of the machine dropped out of the sky and said 'Hey, look, these five women are going to be your family, but they're going to hate you for the rest of your life'. So… I guess you could say that I'm really grateful. That I want to work my hardest so I can go home and comfort my wives because I love them."

00000000

Elsewhere…

Yugito looked with black-bagged eyes at the sight before her. She was currently sitting on a stool and hunched over a bowl of half-eaten, overly soggy cereal and really wishing that there was a certain blond haired teenager for her company instead of the two she was tasked with looking after.

Kurotsuchi was hurling in the trash can whilst holding onto her slightly distended abdomen area and cursing the very idea of sperm. Fu was buzzing around the room with her wings out, creating such an annoying buzz that the cat woman was honestly considering shoving rusty knitting needles in her ears to drown out the sound.

Her eyes slowly drooped further and further down her glazed eyes until they met and she was in the land of dreamland.

Then Kurotsuchi finished barfing in the trash can, tried to get up on her own by grabbing the counter for support, and slipped and fell. Silverware and other such cooking utensils fell from the counter and clattered on the floor, taking her back from the land of dreams and into the land of hell.

Yugito shuddered and vacated the stool she was sitting on in favor of her bedroom. The door clicked shut and she landed on the bed with a soft 'oomph'. Screw whatever promise she made Naruto. Taking care of two pregnant nontraditionally slightly masculine ninja teenagers was not something she could do alone.

Until she was asleep for real this time, she cursed Mei and her responsibilities to being a kage as well as her plan to educate the Naruto clones in being a high ranking dictator.

00000000

Back to where we were before…

Temari decided to let the topic of conversation drop in favor of peaceful reflection of the past few days.

At the end of it all, she decided that since she didn't have any friends back at Sand, and that the only people she really liked and really liked her apart from her family were the five she had been living with for the last few years, that she wasn't going to get a divorce. After that, she told Naruto about the Senjutsu thing in Mount Where Frog People Are.

Considering the fact that Kurotsuchi's and Fu's pregnancies were getting into the unpleasant stages and that she didn't really want anything to do with that, she asked to tag along with Naruto. Although he was surprised by such a proposition, he smiled and nodded, then went off to the elder frog person to beg to let her come with him.

There was a strict rule against humans without the contract coming by and learning their techniques, but the elder was far too old to put up with Naruto's shit and allowed her to come on the technicality that she was related to him through marriage.

Though she was not going to be taught any of the actual specifics of Toad Senjutsu, the elders were more than happy to allow her to participate in the practices that helped with learning it, which led to her situation of getting the balancing meditation thing almost instantly and watching Naruto fail miserably every time he tried within two minutes. To her, it was immensely amusing. To him, it was not as amusing.

The two elder frogs were actually really nice people, she soon found out. She wasn't exactly squeamish when it came to eating foods; so long as it was good and nutritious, she really didn't care in the slightest what it was comprised of, something the elder toads really liked about her, especially since Naruto didn't seem to enjoy the palate that graced her tongue.

From what Naruto told Temari, one of his clones popped by accident and was revealed that Mei had taken the lion's share of clones back to Mist to teach him the ins and outs of being a kage. The last clones in the house were taken care of by hormonally enraged pregnant women.

The dispelling wasn't pleasant.

So that's was what happened to her. The day before had been taken up becoming acquainted with the strange geography, customs, and people that lived there, while the current day had been purely taken up with practicing the balancing exercise.

Temari laughed lightly at Naruto, who had fallen off the spire in a funny and strange way. There was no person quite like the person she often shared a bed with. To her, he was just so… predictably unpredictable. Naruto defied all logic on a regular basis in a way that she could never hope to not crack a smile at.

Honestly, she was surprised the Akatsuki were still around. She wouldn't put it past him to have had rousing and inspiring talks with all the individuals there and shown them the light of the good guys.

Naruto looked up from his position of desperately trying to balance on the spire, then quirked an eyebrow at her direction. "What?" He asked.

It was then that Temari realized that she was smiling, deciding to get the blonde uncomfortable, that smile quickly turned into a smirk. "Hey Naruto, I've got a question."

He nearly groaned at that sentence. "Why is that every time you ask me a question, it's either to ask about my sex life, or really deep shit about ethics and love?"

"I'm a curious person who has to know something."

Naruto lowered his head and sighed a deep sigh. "Okay, what is it?"

"Have you ever used shadow clones before?"

Naruto looked confused. "What? Of course I have."

"No no no. What I mean is, have you ever used shadow clones?"

Naruto did not look amused. "It's one of those questions then?"

Temari smiled and nodded her head.

"I've never gotten a clone to jerk me off." Naruto said slowly and resolutely.

"That's… good to know. But I wasn't asking that. I was asking whether or not you used them with the other four."

The blond lost concentration and fell down, much to Temari's amusement and his chagrin. He climbed back up and began trying to meditate once more, then answered her question. "Fu wanted to do it once. Didn't turn out well."

"Don't like sharing?"

"I'm fine with sharing so long as it's me I'm sharing with. No… the problem was what happened after the clones."

Temari struck a thinking pose, somehow still managing to maintain her concentration and balance while doing so. "What happened after…" She said in thought. "I can't think of what might be the problem."

Naruto made a sad little sigh. The sigh of someone about to tell an embarrassing secret to someone without any idea why they were compelled to do so. "Clones turn into smoke after they dispel. Everything they make dispels too."

Temari's eyes widened, a big grin threatened to spit her face. "You mean… when they all dispelled…"

Naruto nodded. "She was coughing smoke up for a few days."

"And what about the… undercarriage?"

This time it was Naruto's turn to smile a little bit. "Let's just say that it's really funny to see the woman you love fart smoke out her asshole."

At this, Temari laughed well and heartedly while Naruto did snort and try to hold in his laughter a little bit. Temari managed to retain her balance, though it got a little sketchy for a second there. Naruto, however, did fall again.

When he got back up, she had another question waiting for him. "Okay, so what about them and you? Why haven't they decided to share you at the same time?"

"Oh they have." Naruto said, nodding a little bit. "But they don't really interact with each other when they do. And they also have a tendency to get a little… competitive with each other."

"Okay, that's Kurotsuchi and Fu. What about Yugito or Mei? Do they like swapping teams?"

Naruto shrugged. "Never asked. They don't bring it up either… well…" Naruto had a conflicted look on his face. "I guess there was that one time…"

This piqued Temari's interest. "What? What happened? You have to tell me now." She asked excitedly.

"Matatabi, Chomei, and Kurama don't have any reservations about that sort of stuff. So at one point, they took control of Yugito's, Fu's, and one of my sexy clone's bodies to… engage with me."

Temari whistled. "Foursome with legendary beings of wonder… you're one lucky guy."

"No, you don't understand." Naruto said quickly and gravely. "When they took control, they took control. Like, they were fully transformed. Well, they were human sized, but Chomei was still a giant beetle, Kurama was a giant fox, and Matatabi was a giant fire cat."

Temari took a while to answer. "Was it bad?"

Naruto looked to the side, a little ashamed by his answer. "Not entirely…"

Temari huffed in amusement. "So you're into bestiality now, are you? Is there anything you aren't?"

He looked at her indignantly. "I've got a line to be crossed. No dudes and nothing that isn't sentient."

"But anything else… that's all up for grabs?"

"Well…" Naruto fumbled with his words. "I'm okay with trying anything. And it's not like they ever do anything I'm morally opposed to."

"Like when Fu went all masochistic? Or when Kurotsuchi had that master fantasy?"

"So long as they like it!" Naruto said quite loudly, trying to get his point across. "It's not like I'm going to say no to what they want to! They're the loves of my life!"

Temari conceded to his point. "Okay, so you don't do that stuff because you want to, but because they want to. So what do you want to do to them? You have to have something. Some weird kink that they are or aren't privy to."

Naruto blushed a little bit. "I'm kind of into… biting."

Her eyebrows rose a little. "Biting? Like… flesh tearing biting?"

He shrugged. "Yugito did it once and I kinda liked it. I haven't really told them yet though."

"Why not?"

"Because… it has to be on the spur of the moment. I don't think I'd like it if Fu or Mei just started gnawing on my legs all of the sudden."

"Wouldn't surprise me with everything else you do."

Naruto leveled a playfully stern stare at her. "Why are you so interested in this anyway? Aren't you still a virgin?"

"I'm interested because I haven't had sex yet." Temari said. "I just… find it… interesting? How people decide to show their love, or get off with each other. It's weird and not concrete and… interesting."

Naruto wanted to speak up, but was cut off when Fukasaku the elderly toad sage landed on Naruto's slab to steady it with a grave countenance. "Temari." He said. "We can't let you stay here anymore. You're being teleported back."

His wife Shima landed on a spire next to Temari's and poofed her away before she could raise an objection.

"Toad Gramps?" Naruto asked, completely concerned and surprised by this turn of events. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"It could be nothing; or it could be something. Just in case, we had to send her away." He said, distracted from the conversation.

"What about me?"

"Hmm?" Fukasaku articulated. "Oh, uhh… you'll stay here and complete your exercises. For now, we need to go and held Jiraya-boy." He said, mostly to himself.

At this point, Naruto was getting worried to the point where he might have tried something severe to garner more attention and gravity from Fukasaku or his wife, but they vanished before he was able to.

So he was left alone to complete the spire meditation by himself.

With nothing to think about.

And everything to worry about.

00000000

Kirigakure, same time

Naruto might have had a sour look on his face were it not for the very attractive woman currently holding onto his arm. It wasn't the sort of arm hold that denoted she was following his every footstep and needed guidance lest she hit something in her distraction, more like she was holding onto him to make sure no other female would wonder about their relationship and to make sure he wouldn't get distracted and wander off. Whatever the case was, Naruto's arm was encased in boobage and he couldn't be bothered to care.

Mei was walking slowly, affording Naruto a good view of the everyday lives and surroundings of the village he now called one fifth his home. Kirigakure really was like no other village in the countries. Housing the shinobi and citizens were large condos and apartment buildings that stretched for tens of stories up into the air, completely unlike the urban sprawl that Konoha was made up of. The reason for the great verticality of the village stemmed from the fact that they had very little island to expand into should they want to, which called for the need to expand upwards instead of across. Whatever the case was, it made the village feel like unorganized organization. In between the neatly made and squared apartment buildings were ramshackle housing and businesses. Peddlers lined the streets, citizens walked with joy on their faces, and Mei and Naruto enjoyed every second of it.

"It feels like there's a festival going on." Naruto said, eyeing around the crowd and purveyors of goods. "Like, all the time."

Mei hummed an approval, which he felt through his arm pressed to tightly to her chest. "Especially after the long and terrible reign of Yagura, people are learning how to have fun again. Learning how to trust their common man again. Learning how to have kids again." Mei's eyes were more attracted to the small children in the arms of the mothers and fathers. The scene of a kid whining and complaining for some sweet food or another didn't diminish it in the slightest. In fact, her smile heightened from seeing it. "Kirigakure is probably going to have to expand again." She mumbled, a little bit distracted by all the adorable babies that somehow were always in view.

"I'll say." Naruto said. He spotted a particular vendor which caught his fancy and dragged Mei over with him to check it out. On display was rotisserie chicken and beef being shaved off their staves and placed on kebabs with grilled vegetables. "Come on. You have to try these. Kebabs are great."

"Greater than ramen?" She asked playfully.

Naruto's eyes darkened. "Don't even joke about that." He warned.

She laughed into her hand as Naruto bought two kebabs for the both of them. The vendor happily gave it to them with a "Here you go. Oh, and don't you think you're a bit too old to be holding onto your son like that Ma'am?" He didn't say it rudely, more like he was extending a friendly jab only enhanced by the smile on his face and the laugh of which bumbled out of his mouth after it.

Mei didn't find the joke very funny.

Naruto quickly defused the bomb about to explode by interrupting her before she could do something she might've regretted and placing a hand behind his head to laugh a little. "Do I really look that young?" he asked with a laugh. "We're married." He said with a shining smile on his face. He then turned and planted a slightly longer than average lasting kiss on Mei's lips.

The vendor shocked and began mumbling apologies before he was melted by Mei, while Naruto dragged her off with the two kebabs. They were wearing different looking clothes from usual and Mei didn't have her hair up in her normal topknot, so people didn't recognize them from any other off-duty shinobi or citizen.

When they were away from the vendor and Mei didn't have an outlet for anger, it quickly turned to a submissive sadness. She took her kebab silently and ate it slowly, only nibbling it every now and then.

Naruto sighed. Although he couldn't really fault the vendor, he had also said just about the worst thing he could have said in that situation. Getting a good idea to cheer her up, he led her out of the bustling streets and onto more private, smaller roads. There, he surprised her by picking her up bridal style and hopping up on a rooftop to jump roof to roof until he was on the wall of one of the condo complexes. Deciding to limit his pace, Naruto slowed and walked sedately upwards. Since he was at an angle to the ground, Mei readjusted herself on his body to where she was holding onto him as if his torso were a plank of wood that she was resting her center of gravity on.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly in his ear.

"Kiri is a pretty place. I want a better view." Naruto said simply.

"I'm a ninja too, you know. I can walk up walls."

"Well, yeah. But I feel the need to demonstrate my masculinity." Naruto said with a laugh.

Mei sighed a little bit in his ear. "If you're worried about me, then don't. I'm fine."

"No you aren't. You're sad because that kebab guy brought up the fact that you're twice my age."

Mei growled a little bit in his ear.

"Oh don't be like that." Naruto said in an uncharacteristically chiding tone of voice. "You can't turn back time. You're thirty and I'm sixteen. That's fact."

Mei grumbled in his ear. "You can't say that. You don't know what it's like to be compared to your lover as if he were your son."

"No, I don't. But I do know what It's like to be compared to my lover as if she were my mom. It's weird. It's really weird."

"You're not making me feel any better." She said softly in his ear.

"I… don't have the ability to make you feel better. Only you can do that. Only you can accept who and what you are."

"I'm the person who can melt you if you don't stop speaking so vaguely." She said, pouting in his ear.

It was only in that moment that Naruto realized how high condos were and how far up the walk was. He laughed nervously a little bit. "W-What I mean is, either you can escape from reality and pretend like we're a normal couple that gets into normal arguments that will lead a normal life and a normal marriage and maybe have normal kids and live in a normal house, or you can accept that I am married to four other women, you are twice my age, you are the leader of an entire population of people, and that there will be bodyguards following your every move and perving on our 'alone time'. We're not normal Mei. But I don't care what's normal or not anymore. I only care that I love you."

Mei's despondent face lightened up a little. She took a large bit out of her kebab and enjoyed the rest of the walk up the condo in silence. Once they were up together, she allowed Naruto to continue holding onto her as they sat down at the ledge of the building and let their legs dangle below. Mei was sat on his lap and was leaned back until her lips were practically touching his jaw. The sun wasn't setting, but it was evening, so the sky was painted with oranges and yellows.

"There's something really nostalgic about setting suns." Naruto said. "Well, maybe not nostalgic, but… they bring up memories."

"What kind of memories?" Mei whispered.

Naruto clammed up. "Uhm… memories that you probably wouldn't find nice."

"It's like you said. We're not normal. You're with four other woman and love them all like you love me. I'm okay with that. So just… tell me. If I get mad, you are just a clone. Melting you wouldn't cause any pain."

"Melting me would absolutely cause pain." Naruto said seriously. "But… okay. So, I remember taking Fu to the hokage monument the first time she visited Konoha. It was before I found out we were getting married, but from just us talking during that afternoon and evening, I felt like we could get along and be good friends. The sunset was really nice up there. It made the trees look so beautiful. There was also the time that I was in Iwa with Kurotsuchi. She took me up to a spot on a mountain to see the setting sun. It was there that she also confessed to me."

"Pretty ironic starting something at that time, since setting suns symbolize the ends of things."

"Ends aren't bad. Even I know that and I'm not that smart. If I always hated Kurotsuchi to no end, she wouldn't be pregnant and I might not be in line to be a father."

Mei smiled and kissed his jaw. "You're right. Ends aren't the end. They're just new beginnings." She kissed upwards and lingered on his cheeks a while before moving to his lips and completely sucking face with him. "Mhmmm- Naruto- mmph- I need- to tell- you- something." She said in between gasps of breath.

Naruto grunted an affirmation.

Mei pulled back and placed her hands on his cheeks. "I want to be a mother."

00000000

In the Land of Rain.

Jiraya was breathing heavily. He spat blood out onto the ground. The red liquid pouring from his various wounds were being quickly washed away by the rain falling from the sky. Everywhere around him were the pipes and gray concrete that so encapsulated what made the Land of Rain so well known to the world.

"Why?" He questioned. Two toads sat on his shoulders and his more amphibian features quivered in anger. "Why would you do this?! Why would you go so far?! Why would you- Why would you…" Jiraya paused. His anger and confusion and fear becoming so muddled and mixed that he was having trouble articulating what he was talking about.

The single opponent stared down at him from an above vantage point. "Because we want to change the world. Because this world is rotten and we will be the ones to expunge that filth and create a world where everyone can be happy. Where everyone can love each other."

"Do you even know what you're saying?! This isn't what my teachings were about! Did you take nothing about what I said to heart? Did you throw that all away?!"

"What you say is idealistic quibblings that you never once tried to enforce with your own ability."

"If you try to kill the kage at the summit, the entire world will be plunged in chaos. That won't be peace. The riots will kill more than you can imagine."

"We will be there to lead everyone. To a better future. A better dawn."

Jiraya took in great heaps of breath. "At least- at least leave them out of it. At least leave the four treaty members out of it. They have done nothing wrong."

"They stand in the way of the beginning of the new world, and the end of the old one. They must go."

"NO! Please! You can't do this! KONAN!"

AN/ How's it going? Sorry for the long wait. I was distracted by videogames.

So what's going to happen? Mei decided to not go to the summit, but who went in her place? Will Naruto agree to father Mei's child? What will happen to Jiraya? What will happen to the four at the mansion? And will I obtain the surface pro 3?

Spoiler alert! The answer to the last one is Yes.

Have a gentlemanly day.