Author's note: It's just Kendall and Logan in this chapter. Sorry. But there's some angst and fluff in here. Hopefully it's satisfying.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 37
A Light in The Darkness
"No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars, hear my whispers in the dark.
No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes you know I'm never far, hear my whispers in the dark." - 'Whispers In The Dark' - Skillet
"Logan!" Kendall called. "Where are you?"
Booming laughter sounded all around him. "What's the matter Kendall?" A voice asked tauntingly. "Lose something?" More laughter erupted.
"Shut up you crazy jerk!" Kendall yelled. "Where is he?" He demanded.
"If you want him,". The voice taunted. "You'll have to come and find him." The voice fell to laughter once again.
Kendall ran through the darkness, searching everywhere. All he saw was black.
Finally Kendall tired, and had to stop to catch his breath. He rested his hands on his knees, panting.
"Aaaaw, is little Kendall getting tired?" The voice taunted. "You better hurry, or I'll have to start having my fun."
"Don't you touch him!" Kendall screamed, and took off in a random direction.
"Getting warmer." The voice said as Kendall ran. "Come on Kendall. Come find us."
Again, Kendall ran out of breath, and slowed. "Where are you?" Kendall shouted breathlessly.
"Aaaaw, now that's no fun." The voice said. "You disappoint me Kendall. I thought you were better than that. But I guess not. Now, you've lost your chance."
"No!" Kendall shouted. "Logan! Where are you?"
The laughter sounded behind him. As Kendall turned, a spotlight appeared, revealing Mr. Mitchell leaing over a table, his back turned to Kendall.
"You!" Kendall yelled and started charging.
"Ah ah." Mr. Mitchell said, then turned around to face Kendall, allowing the view of the table.
Kendall stopped dead in his tracks. "Logan!"
Logan laid tied to the table, his mouth bound by a bandanna. He looked to Kendall with fearful eyes.
Kendall met Logan's eyes with his own frightened gaze, then turned to Mr. Mitchell. "Let him go!" He yelled.
Mr. Mitchell laughed. "You're hardly in any position to be yelling at me, boy." He said threateningly.
"Leave him alone." Kendall seethed.
"Or what?" Mr. Mitchell asked. "What will YOU do about it?"
Kendall's fists balled up in anger, and he took a step forward.
"Ah ah." Mr. Mitchell said, then picked up a knife. "I don't think you want to do that." He said, hovering the knife over Logan's bare arm. Logan whimpered as he shook in terror.
Kendall froze, fear creeping in his stomach as his eyes fixed on the knife.
"What are you gonna do Kendall?" Mr. Mitchell asked. "What CAN you do?" He chuckled. "You can't do anything. You never could. You can't save him!"
"No!" Kendall shouted. "You're wrong!"
"Am I?" Mr. Mitchell asked, then dragged the knife across Logan's arm; from his upper arm, all the way to his wrist.
Logan screamed, the sound muffled by the bandanna around his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and arched his back in pain, trying to pull his bound arm away from the knife.
"Stop!" Kendall yelled, his voice cracking.
Mr. Mitchell lifted the knife with a chuckle. "See? You can't do anything." He said. "I've had him all his life. He was always mine! You could never protect him! You could never save him! And you never will!"
"No!" Kendall yelled. "You sick freak! You're wrong! I WILL save him from you! I'll protect him from anything that dares try to hurt him again! I won't let you hurt him again!"
"Really?" Mr. Mitchell asked. "Well, let's test that shall we?" Then he rose the knife. Kendall's eyes widened.
"No! Stop!" Kendall screamed. He started running to them.
Mr. Mitchell laughed and thrusted the knife downward.
Logan watched the knife with teary eyes. He lost sight of it when it plunged down, and hot pain erupted in his chest.
"Logan!" Kendall screamed.
Mr. Mitchell laughed, releasing the knife, leaving it in Logan's chest. Then he straightened and backed away into the darkness.
Kendall reached the table and leaned over Logan, tears running down his face. "Logan." He breathed. "Stay with me buddy." He quickly removed the bandanna around Logan's mouth and started untying his wrists.
"Kendall." Logan whispered.
"Shhh." Kendall hushed in a shaky voice, freeing Logan's legs. "Don't talk. I'm gonna get you help okay? You're gonna be alright."
Logan weakly grabbed Kendall's wrist, and Kendall looked to him with teary eyes. "Kendall." Logan whispered.
A small sob escaped Kendall's lips. He took Logan's hand in both of his and held it tight. "I'm so sorry Logan." Kendall whispered.
"Kendall, it's okay." Logan whispered, tears falling down his face.
"I'm supposed to protect you." Kendall sobbed softly. "I'm supposed to stop the bad things from happening to you. I failed Logan. I'm so sorry. I let you down."
"Kendall,". Logan whispered weakly. "It's okay." His eyes became glassy, then started to droop.
"Logan!" Kendall sobbed. "Stay with me!" He squeezed Logan's hand tight. "Please don't leave me!"
"It's okay." Logan exhaled. His eyes closed, his head lolled, and his hand went limp in Kendall's grasp.
"Logan!" Kendall screamed, and Mr. Mitchell laughed.
"Kendall!"
Kendall shot up in his bed, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. He quickly caught sight of Logan sitting in from of him. The last remnants of his dream still clear in his mind, he quickly felt Logan's chest.
"Kendall?" Logan asked, concern etched on his face.
When Kendall felt no stab wound or blood, he breathed a sigh of relief and started to calm down. "Logan." He breathed, staring at his chest.
Logan's eyes softened. "I'm okay Kendall." He said softly. He slowly took the hand that Kendall had on his chest, and held it tightly. "I'm here."
Kendall finally looked Logan in the eyes, then dropped his gaze shamefully.
"Kendall,". Logan urged softly. "It's okay now. And has been for a while. Why are you still having nightmares?" He asked softly.
Kendall shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep." He fumbled evasively.
"Kendall." Logan said sternly.
Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry."
Logan sat beside him and slung an arm around his shoulders. "What's the matter?" He asked softly.
Kendall sighed, dropping his gaze to his hands. "I just. . .I'm suppose to protect you guys; to keep you all safe and happy. But. . .All along. . ." He trailed off.
"Kendall,". Logan said gently. "You have. You've always been able to keep us safe and happy."
Kendall shook his head. "No, I haven't." He said softly.
Logan frowned a little bit in confusion, then his eyes lit up in realization. He shifted his position so he fully faced Kendall, and took his shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact. "Kendall, listen to me. It's time to heed your own words." He said sternly. "Stop listening to him." Logan said softly.
Kendall was momentarily stunned by having his own words thrown back at him. Then he sobered and dropped his gaze. "Logan, I-"
Logan shook his head. "He was wrong Kendall. He was wrong about you."
"No, he wasn't!" Kendall said frustratedly. "He was right about everything! I was never really able to protect you Logan. You were still being hurt, right under my nose! I've never been able to help you! He's always been there, hurting you! I should've known. I should've tried harder to find out. I could've saved you back then! And none of this would've happened! This nightmare that we've all been living in since he got out of jail would've never happened in the first place if I wasn't so stupid!" He gripped his hair angrily.
"Kendall, stop." Logan said firmly. "You're wrong. You did help me. More than you realize. You saved my life! All of you; the day I met you."
Kendall looked up at him. "Logan, I'm suppose to keep you safe." He said softly. "I promised you that very day! And yet, you were never truly safe at all. In your whole life! I've never been able to protect you!" He dropped his head in his hands.
"That's not true." Logan shook his head. "I was safe, when I was with you guys."
Kendall raised his head to look at him with glimmering, and almost hopeful eyes.
"Kendall,". Logan began softly. "I was never in danger when I was with you; because you did keep me safe. And more than that; you kept me happy."
"But-" Kendall tried.
"I was always happy when I was with you guys." Logan said softly. "You all helped me forget all the bad stuff, if only for a little while. If it wasn't for you guys and your families reminding me that there is good in the world. . ." He trailed off, dropping his gaze shamefully. "I would have given up." He whispered.
Kendall was shocked at Logan's confession. "Logan." He said softly.
Logan dropped his hands into his lap, keeping his gaze on his hands. "Right before I met you guys,". He began softly. "I. . .I was ready to give up." He closed his eyes, trying to keep his composure. "I couldn't take it anymore; the beatings, the insults. . .The life. . .I was just, so tired of it. I didn't want to live like that anymore, but there was nothing I could do about it. If I tried to run, he'd come after me, make sure I didn't tell anyone. If I hid, he'd find me. He always did. I realized the only other escape, would be. . ." He trailed off with a shrug.
Kendall's eyes widened. "Oh no. You mean. . .Logan, you didn't really want to. . ." He fumbled.
"I was smart." Logan went on. "I knew the best ways to get it done painlessly. They were numerous. I could go to the nearest store and steal a bottle of pills, then just down the whole thing right there. I could jump in the lake, take a deep breath underneath, and just, not come back up. I could even steal his gun. There's less time to feel pain if you die instantly; just one shot in the head."
"Logan." Kendall croaked, tears running down his face.
Logan looked up at him. "I wanted to kill myself, Kendall." He finally said it. "I wanted nothing more, than to die. Life was just too painful, and not worth living. Every time he. . .'Worked', I really did hope that he would go too far that time. That he would slip up and cut just a little too deep, or tazor the wrong spot, or hold me under the water for just a little too long. I wished that he killed me, every time."
A sob escaped Kendall's lips as he listened to Logan.
"But Kendall,". Logan continued, and Kendall looked back up at him. "That all changed, the moment I met you, and James, and Carlos. You guys showed me that the world could be good, and nice, and fun. You showed me that there was reason to live. And you all were mine. You guys cared about me, and I cared about you, so I didn't want to give up on you. I didn't want to leave you and let you down. You were my reason to not give up." He placed a hand on Kendall's hand in his lap. "You guys saved my life." He said. "Without you, I would be dead."
Another sob escaped Kendall, and Logan wrapped his arms around him.
"I love you big brother." Logan said softly.
Kendall squeezed him tight. "I love you too, little brother." He whispered.
They stayed like that for a while, until finally Kendall calmed down, and they pulled away.
"You good?" Logan asked.
Kendall sniffled, then nodded. "Yeah. Thanks Logie."
Logan shrugged. "Meh, it's the least I could do after everything you've done for me." He smiled.
Kendall smiled back. "We should get some sleep." He suggested.
"Yeah." Logan agreed. "I'm glad we're all in our own beds tonight. I doubt James and Carlos would've slept through that."
"Plus,". Kendall added as he settled back into his bed. "The floor in the living room is really uncomfortable."
Logan chuckled as he went back to his own bed and settled in. "Hey, after about three days, the couch isn't so great either. Especially with squirmy Carlos sleeping beside you."
Kendall chuckled. "I bet." They both laid down with a sigh and stared at the ceiling. "I can't wait for tomorrow." Kendall said softly.
"Yeah." Logan agreed softly. "It feels like forever since we all got to dance."
Kendall looked over at Logan. "I'm just glad you're finally okay enough." He said softly with a smile.
Logan looked to him and smiled back. "Yeah, me too."
"Good night Logie." Kendall said softly before closing his eyes.
"Night Kenny." Logan said softly, then they both fell fast asleep.