Hi, guys. I know it's been 1,000 years. But finally, an update.

37. Gangsta Boy

We don't go out after all. We just sit on the cheap velvet couch and watch Dazed and Confused. Edward can quote almost every line.

"You've seen this movie too many times," I decide.

"You can't watch Dazed and Confused too many times." He scoffs like it's obvious. "Have you even seen this before?"

"No."

"Have you ever watched movies… like, ever?"

"Not really."

"I feel sorry for you. I really do."

I pinch the arm he thinks he's got casually thrown around me, draped over the back of the couch. It starts a pinch war, and it's the most we've ever touched. I laugh a little because he keeps pinching my sides where I'm ticklish, and I reach out blindly, pinching wherever I can.

"Ow!" He laughs, rubbing at his chest. "You pinched my nipple."

I blush and push him away. "I'm trying to watch the movie, Edward."

We lapse back into silence. I think he's watching the movie, but I'm not. My mind takes a spin back in time, to earlier today, to Marcus and his ice-clear eyes, to his pleasant threats and subtle smiles.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

There's a beat of quiet where only the echo of my words remain, hanging surprisingly in the air.

Edward glances over at me. "What?"

I should take it back. I don't want to know. I know I don't want to know. This is how I stay safe—not knowing, living in my own little made-up world of thoughts and dreams.

Yet I repeat the question. "What are you doing tomorrow? For Marcus?"

Edward gets quiet. He looks back at the TV, and his fingers wind and pull at his hair idly.

"Something bad," I say, even though it doesn't need to be clarified.

He looks pained. "Bella—"

"I just want to know."

"Why?"

It's a good question. But I don't have an answer so I just shrug and try to pin him with my eyes. He finally gives in and looks over, sighing when he gets caught in my gaze.

"We pick things up for Marcus. That's all."

"You steal things."

He gives me a look.

"Why?" I ask him.

"It's money."

"You already work a job."

"I don't have a fucking high school diploma, Bella. I don't even have a GED. What kind of job do you think I could get without those? If I didn't do side work, I'd have nothing."

I go quiet.

Edward sighs, pulling his arm away from me. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He rubs at his face. "You already knew. Don't act like you didn't. I don't even know why you're getting mad."

"You think I'm mad?"

"You are, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not mad."

"Then what are you?"

"I don't know," I say, because I don't.

Edward rolls his shoulders and head, trying to work out the tension. "Look, Bella. It's best you just stay out of it, all right? I don't even want you to know this kind of shit."

"Why not?"

"Because it's fucking dangerous to get involved."

"You should take your own advice."

Edward huffs and falls back against the couch. He's slouching, so for once, I'm higher than him, sitting ramrod straight, my knees tucked beneath me.

"I know it's dangerous for me, too," he says.

"You just don't care."

He shrugs.

"You're stupid," I say.

He's shocked. Maybe I am, too. He looks over at me, but I am mad now, so I won't look back at him. I just stare at my hands, watching as they pick at the hem of my T-shirt.

"Then why the fuck are you hanging out with me?" he asks, irritated.

"Good question." I stand up and start for the door.

"You are mad!" he accuses, his voice stupidly superior.

My only response is to slam the door.

"So what's up with you and Edward?" Rose asks me the next day while we're cleaning.

"Nothing," I say, spraying tile cleaner on the bathroom floor.

"Bullshit. I saw you storming out of his room last night."

I blow some curls out of my face, scrubbing hard at the floor. Hairspray is the devil. It never comes up, and the people who stay in this motel must use a whole can a day.

"What happened, anyway? Did you two break up?"

I make a small sound, getting irritated all over again. "We aren't together to even break up."

"You know what I mean." Rose's voice sounds closer because she's taken a break to come lean on the bathroom doorframe. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"He tried something, didn't he?"

"No," I sigh.

"Then what?"

"Nothing!"

"Jesus. Fine. I think someone's a little bipolar," Rose notes, her voice growing faint again as she drifts into the other room. "Or maybe just psychotic. No one can stay as quiet as you, Bella, that's for damn sure. I think you've got a little crazy in you."

"Everyone has a little crazy in them," I reply.

"You know what they're doing," I say.

Rose and are leaning against the side of the motel, watching as the sky turns the color of an explosion. The sun is setting, a big hot orange disk dipping low on the wavering horizon.

"What?" she asks, lighting her cigarette.

Mine is already lit and between my lips, the smoke trailing up into my vision. "What the boys are doing."

"Yeah." Rose scoffs, flicking ash. "It's not a big secret, Bella. Even the cops know it—they just can't prove anything."

"You said that time… you said something bad was going to happen," I murmur, frowning, watching the sun make its sluggish way downward.

"Well. It always does, right? Working with guys like Marcus, stealing shit—that never ends well. Don't you watch movies?"

I sigh, suddenly tired. My head falls back against the scratchy, stucco-painted wall, and I close my eyes. Heat bakes my face. "Do you worry about Em?"

Rose is quiet for a second. "Yeah, of course," she murmurs, her voice a little muted, uncomfortable with such sweet truth.

"Then why do you let him do it?"

"He's a big boy, Bella. I may seem like a hard ass, but he can still make his own decisions. He thinks doing this shit is the only way to provide for us. It makes him feel like he's doing something." She sighs. "No one ever accused Emmett of being a genius."

I take another drag from my cigarette, letting the smoke whisper past my lips.

"You're worried about Edward."

"I just think he's stupid," I say.

"He is."

I smile just a little.

"But he can take care of himself, Bella," Rose adds, a bit more seriously.

I open my eyes again, and the sun has fallen beneath the horizon. The sky has cooled, turning to cool blue and violet. I see the beginning of stars.

"I hope so," I say.

HI! So, the other night I updated Vices for the first time in a year. And people mentioned Dark Paradise. My standard answer was that I had kind of lost my love for the story and was really struggling with it. Everyone was just so supportive and sweet, though, that I decided to revisit the story, reread it, and try to fall for it again. This chapter I just posted was written a while back. But I've written four more chapters after this one just in the last few nights. I'm not going to promise regular updates just because I don't want to disappoint everyone. But I'm posting this chapter mainly to say hey, I haven't forgotten about this story. Also, it's kind of a peace offering because I know I really suck.

I hope everyone is still here. For those of you who stuck it out and somehow deal with my ridiculously flaky update schedule, y'all rock and I really love you guys.

Hope you liked the chapter. I really hope you like the chapters to come. A few upcoming chapters are borderline fluff, which will probably thrill some of you and disturb others (it disturbed me writing it, too, believe me). But bad times are coming and they'll be here soon. We're about to reach a turning point, so enjoy the good while it lasts.

oxoxoxox