Change in plans! I decided to go ahead and have four parts instead of three. That way you guys won't have to wait until I finish this chapter to read what's below!

This is getting hard to write because there are so many things I want to convey, but I hope that I'm doing okay. I was actually a little proud of this, so I hope you like it!

Chapter 35: Lovers at a Great Divide

Part 3:

The silence was overwhelming, tempting her with awkward conversation starters that would lead them nowhere pleasant. There were things running through her mind, substantial and important things, but things she couldn't tell him all the same. There was nothing that she could actually get herself to say.

She could only imagine the things running through his mind right now. He was focused on the road before them, his hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel. Sometimes he'd release the tension and his knuckles would regain their color, but the rest only lasted momentarily before he tensed again. She figured waves of hate and resentment were flowing through him, every single one directed at her.

Their hands had touched, so plainly and insignificantly, yet earth shattering in a way that almost made her pull back. Her fingertips, resting against her soft sweater, were tingling with desire to touch him again. She had longed to reach out to him for so long, her desire never understanding his absence. She'd been holding on to her loneliness without him that it had become a part of her. Being alone with him now, with so much possibility lingering in the air was intimidating and fearsome, yet magnificent.

Everything was contradicting in her mind, her thoughts and emotions refusing to cooperate and align. The man who had cared about her, possibly actually loved her more than any other soul was sitting next to her, tense with hate and anticipation. He was going to yell at her, scream, and say unforgivable things that she more than deserved. Knowing the reality that was coming almost made her plead for an extension of this suffocating limbo they were currently residing in.

Too soon to predict, his trailer came into view. The darkness made only the outline visible clearly, but her memories made it come to life in her mind. When his jeep finally came to a stop, reality hit her much sooner than she could have expected.

The silence was cold, saying more things than any word could convey. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, she knew she was meeting her worst nightmare. The nights spent wondering and dreaming of the day Derek would realize he was a father were numerous, long, and sleepless. Racing through her mind, the possibilities seemed endless. This had been what she hoped wouldn't happen. Something inside of her, something blindly optimistic, had prayed that the overwhelming feeling of parenthood would dull his anger. She had seen the dark part of Derek that could hold a grudge full of pointless rage and cold resentment, but it had never been directed at her before.

The silence was telling her something. It was telling her that she was going to meet a whole different side of Derek. She'd given him his biggest dream, hid it from him, and then dangled it in front of his face. That's the way he would see it. It was just the final straw that would break and destroy any semblance of love they had left.

The jeep shifted as his weight left and the car door shut behind him. She was hesitant to move, but soon followed, more out of instinct than desire. She watched him walk up the steps of the trailer and across the makeshift porch, never looking back at her. It looked as though he was by himself, not with the newfound mother of his child.

She waited momentarily by the car until he finally stopped at the trailer door. He didn't look back, but she knew he wanted her to follow him. She knew this had to be on his terms. She was the one at fault here, so she sighed quietly and followed his trail up the steps until she was a mere foot behind him.

His keys shook as his fist clenched. He was facing the door, his hands at his side, but he wasn't moving. His breath was thick, his chest rising and falling at unexpected rates. His eyes would focus ahead of him, his back would straighten, but then another wave would hit and he'd slump. He was attempting to make himself invincible, building himself up just to be broken down.

Seconds crawled past hours, stretching out this heartbreaking view of the demise of a man. The crack Meredith had created in the foundation of his life had finally grown to the point of crumbling it all down. He was trying to pretend it didn't matter. He wanted to brush it off and be okay. He wanted to be okay with being a father and not a lover.

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

He finally turned, his eyes pulling hers towards him. She didn't want to look at him; she didn't want to see what she'd done. Against her will, he held her gaze in silence until she felt everything he was feeling too.

So why am I ten feet under and upside down?

Tears were streaming down her face, her silent plea of forgiveness. When his eyes narrowed slowly, she knew something was coming. His mouth opened slightly. He paused before speaking, almost afraid of his own words. He knew she didn't want to hurt him, but he knew there was no way she couldn't.

"Did you know?" His words were vague and soft, but she understood. She knew the answer. Her eyes shut as memories ran through her mind, her head falling into her hands as her tears increased. He felt the need to comfort her, but no one was comforting him.

Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface