"Mind your step," she warned Derrick as she kicked aside her work sneakers from the doorway. Melody had gone off to Wakanda in a hurry after Sharon had called and as a result, had not been able to tidy up her apartment before leaving. So, as a result, the space was more untidy than normal. Her glass coffee table still was strewn with last month's medical journals and in the kitchen, Melody could just glimpse a few coffee mugs resting in the sink. "Sorry about the mess," she apologized.

"This is a mess?" Derrick asked, staring at the space.

Melody shrugged off her coat. "By my usual standards it is."

"You have low standards for messy," he shrugged off his coat as well and reached out with one hand to take hers. Melody handed it off without comment and he hung them up on the wall. "You want some coffee? I know it's a bit late, but..." Derrick grinned at her and Melody smiled back, even with how tired she was. Coffee sounded like a very good idea.

He took her smile as confirmation and began rummaging around in the kitchen while Melody sat down on the couch, her eyes wandering over the familiar space. Her degrees framed on the wall, the bookshelf underneath it containing thick, heavy medical books. The Hippocratic Oath, written in calligraphy, the frame barely visible in the hallway which led back to her bathroom at the master bed room. Nothing about the place had changed, but it didn't bring much comfort to Melody anymore. She wasn't sure if it was because she was so tired or because she was so emotionally worn out.

"Here," Derrick returned to her and handed her a chipped blue mug filled with steaming black liquid.

"Thanks," she took a sip, the liquid hot, but not scalding. Derrick always had, had a talent for getting the perfect temperature.

"Your welcome," he took a sip out of his own cup. For a few minutes they said nothing, the only sound was that of the city outside and Melody sipping coffee. When some of the weariness began to leave her body, she took a deep breath and broke the silence.

"We need to talk," she said, echoing the words she'd used outside.

"Are we going to talk about us, or what made you cry?"

Melody winced, recalling the sight of her red sclera-a dead giveaway to tears. "Both, I guess." She wasn't going to tell Derrick everything, but she could tell him part of the truth. He at least deserved to know that much.

"When I was away, I ran into Solider Boy."

"Your ex," Derrick replied, nodding. He apparently remembered the name from when they'd first begun dating and going through the typical exchange of previous relationships. "In Wakanda?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "It was a surprise, seeing him again because I hadn't expected to." That wasn't a complete lie, when she and James had said goodbye two years previously, Melody had not expected to see him again afterwards.

"Did he hurt you?"

"No!" Melody nearly shouted, watching as Derrick leaned away from her, shock written all over his face. She didn't blame him, to her memory, Derrick had never heard her shout. "No, no, he didn't hurt me. He'd never do that." Melody knew that the same way she knew how to do a baseball stich. James had never hurt her and he never would. The incident in the lab didn't count. He hadn't been himself. He'd been a machine others had programed to do evil. "No, it wasn't like that at all. It was different."

"Different how?"

Melody sighed, her chest constricting painfully. She ran her index finger over the rim of her cup, trying to find the words to explain this to Derrick. "He and I weren't together very long, but there was a lot of love there. I don't even know how it happened, I just spent so much time with him and one day I realized that I loved him. Lucky for me, he felt the same way."

"You never told me that," Derrick's voice was soft and Melody winced at it. First she'd hurt James and now Derrick. Fractures pieces of her heart clawed their way up her throat. Despite her high pain tolerance, she feared in that moment that she might cry out from the feeling.

"The wounds were still a bit raw then," she said which was true enough. James had only been gone three months when she'd first met Derrick.

"Breakups are tough," he agreed.

"It wasn't like that either."

"What?"

"He and I didn't break up because one of us stopped loving the other," Melody couldn't bring herself to say James's name out loud. She feared that would be too much, that it would break the fragile hold she had on herself. "We broke up because, in spite of what we felt, we existed in two different worlds. My life was here in New York, his was wherever Special Forces sent him." She figured Captain America counted as some sort of special forces, technically anyways. "We couldn't work out and we both knew it, so we said goodbye. Seeing him again, it just reminded me of that. That we'd loved each other and couldn't be together."

There was a hushing sound as Derrick moved closer. Melody felt his warm hand grabbed hers and tug it gently off the mug. "Hey," she looked up at him and sure enough, she saw that warm smile on his face. "It's okay to be sad about that. Trust me, there are few things in the world as painful as knowing you both love each other and knowing it's not enough to keep you together."

Melody smiled back at him, but there was no happiness in it. You would know, she thought, her mind flashing to Audrey. "I'd say that was a ten." Doctors always asked patients to rate their pains on scales from one to ten, one being least painful, ten being the most. James was her ten. "But what I'm trying to get at with all this...Well," she looked away from Derrick, a blush coming to her face. "I couldn't see a future with him, " no matter how much I wished I could, she added silently in her mind. Melody had wanted a future with James so badly it caused her psychosomatic symptoms, but just wanting that didn't change how it wasn't possible. "But I can see one with you and you...you add value to my life Derrick. And I know that's not the most romantic thing to say and I know it sounds stupid even, but you know me. I'm Doctor Freezer for fuck's sake, I don't really do feelings that well and-."

Derrick yanked her towards him, Melody lost her grip on her empty mug which shattered onto the floor. She could hear the crash, but it was something she was only dimly aware of. Derrick was kissing her. Not forcefully, but gently, the taste of coffee and creamer on his lips. He broke away from her before Melody could do more than shut her eyes and there was a deep sigh as he caught his breath.

"I know what you're trying to say Mel." He shifted again, drawing her into an embrace and Melody found herself resting her head on his chest, hearing the steady pulse of his heart underneath the blue sweater he was wearing. "That's the same thing I felt on our first date. Like maybe I could be happy again, even if Audrey was gone."

Melody sighed. "Exactly." She was glad Derrick was smart enough to unravel her words and pull meaning from them. Expressing feelings had never been a strength of hers, not by a long shot.

"It's okay if you still love him," Derrick continued, his breath tickling her hair. "Solider Boy changed you-not everyone you meet in your life will do that. He's always going to be part of you and that's okay. I'm okay with that."

"You are?" She wasn't able to keep the surprise out of her voice and she heard Derrick laugh.

"Of course, I never met the guy, but he must have been an extraordinary person-you loved him after all." He is extraordinary, Melody thought. His strength and compassion where unrivaled in Melody's book and always would be. Even Derrick, kind as he was, could not compete with James in that field. James had lived through indescribable things-and was still going. He wasn't beat down by them, he was holding strong, still moving and working towards something better. Melody didn't know anyone that strong-including herself. She doubted she could've lived through what he had and still have the strength to get out of bed in the morning.

Derrick began to stroke her hair and continued. "It's okay if some part of you always loves him-I'd be worried if it wasn't like that. People rarely come into your life that change like Solider Boy did to you, just being able to let that go isn't...normal. I know Doctor Prescott will tell you otherwise," he laughed softly, no doubt thinking of their infamous Chief of Surgery. "But it's okay to be human."

Melody felt a tear slide down her face. How she had any left she didn't know but this single tear burned just as badly the previous ones she'd cried on the plane. "Why does it have to hurt so much?" She asked softly, fingers clawing into his sweater as she fought back the grief that was sweeping over her again.

"Only God knows the answer," Derrick replied softly, still stroking her hair. "If you need to cry right now it's okay. I'll hold you all night if you want me to. And when you're ready to smile again, I'll be there too."

Melody laughed in spite of herself. Derrick wouldn't hold her all night. He was too restless a sleeper for that. James on the other hand-No! Melody grabbed hold of the memory that was forcing it's way out and locked it down. If she thought about their nights together in that house, how it felt she'd start sobbing and never regain control. She focused on her breathing, focused on the feeling of Derrick's warm hands running across her hair.

"I don't know how long that'll be," she said into his chest. Melody would never be able to tell Derrick everything about James, she couldn't. It would put him at risk and she would never do that. But she was going to be as honest with her fellow doctor as she could. She didn't know when the agony would stop, when she could start thinking about James without having her heart ripped out and he deserved to know that. Derrick deserved to know, for the most part what he was coming back to if he decided he wanted that. "I didn't expect to feel all this again," a lie, but a necessary one.

"It's okay," Derrick said soothingly. "We can take things slowly and see what happens. There's no rush right now Mel. We don't have to get back together right now, we can test the waters, move comfortably and just see where time takes us. I'm willing to do that if it's what you want."

"Why are you so good to me?"

"Like I told you," Derrick said and she felt the soft brush of his lips on the top of her head. "I love you-and I think we could be very happy together. I don't want to ruin that by demanding more of you than you're ready to give. That's what I did last time and I'm sorry."

Melody sniffled a little. She knew what "last time meant". "It wasn't your fault, not entirely anyways." Derrick wasn't without blame for what happened last Valentine's Day, but he wasn't entirely at fault either. "I'm not very good at this, I'm not good at showing people I care."

"But you do," he said softly. "I know you do. You wouldn't have tried to stop me from leaving if you hadn't cared. And if I'd been smarter I would've realized that. I've seen you in surgery Mel, when there's nothing to be done to make the situation better, when you've done all you can do, you don't keep going. You step back because you know it's over. But that night, you didn't do that. You tried to fight for me even though I was dead set on going."

Melody sat upright, sniffling a little and wiping her eyes. "I never thought of it like that. I just didn't want you to go, I wanted you to know that I was trying to be...better for you."

Derrick brushed some hair away that had stuck to her damp face. "I can see that now, it took me a while, but I got there in the end." His warm had curled around her face. "I need to go, I have to work in the morning-but is it too much to think I might be able to come back here tomorrow and make you dinner?"

Melody smiled and placed her hand over his. "I'd like that."

"Great," Derrick beamed. "How does Italian sound?"

"Excellent," Melody said, noting he'd listed her favorite food. Derrick stood up and Melody followed suit, walking him to the door. As he pulled on his coat, he leaned in and brushed a soft kiss across her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered in her ear. "Sleep tight."

"Goodnight," she whispered back as he left. When the door clicked shut behind him, Melody reached forward and locked the door. I can do this, she thought as she walked back towards her room, tears welling in her eyes again. I can take things slow, see what happens with Derrick. She hadn't been lying to him when she told him that she could see a future with him. Melody could see herself loving Derrick one day, not the way she'd loved James, that was impossible, but still, love nonetheless, real love and maybe, in time, that would be enough. Maybe she'd reach the point Derrick had, a place where she could still love James, but it wouldn't hurt. A place where she could move on with someone else.

Melody wasn't sure where that future was, but as she crawled into bed, clutching the star necklace James had somehow sent to her for her thirty-first birthday she figured the time was a ways away yet. Tears poured down her face as she laid on the bed. The mattress was too big without James next to her, her waist was missing the pressure of his arm and without it she struggled, despite her tired state to get comfortable and at some point, the tiredness won as she cried herself to sleep, the points of the star digging into her palm.

New chapter! Yes, I'm aware there was a bit of a wait between chapters recently. I had a family emergency recently and was not able to write. As always, please do review if you can. And I want to mention that the last chapter broke a personal best for me-I got three reviews for that chapter! Thanks for that and as usual, thanks for reading! :)