Chapter 35: Reminders
The white is traded out for black, clarity is switched with chaos. Distantly, my now-addled mind knows that my form was disassembled, but it's a thought that's too heavy to bear with my full and conscious mind. I am drowning in thoughts and memories, no longer able to sift through it with any control at all. It's everything I've ever known, all at once, like every word in a dictionary being read at the same time, ad nauseum.
It goes on like this for what seems like forever. Until at last it's over.
I reform, and it feels like standing in the tree with Phantom as the wind blew through my hair and around us and the sun set before us. That memory is hazy, now, but the feeling sticks with me as I drop to my feet, back once more.
Before I'm completely back, I feel something get pressed into my hand, and my whole form feels a bit.. fuzzy. But I'm stable, and when I open my eyes, the fuzziness and the dizziness fades away to a background noise that I'm sure I'll soon forget.
"At last!" A husky, breathy voice squeals with delight. Looking down, I see the source is a Vanadanite, hands pressed joyfully together. She sports the biggest grin I think I've ever seen on a Vanadanite- the throwaway workforce of our kind. A pale blue-purple hand comes to rest on her shoulder- a Bismuth who shakes her head with a small, more restrained smile of her own.
"Uh.. hello." I say. The Vanadanite squeals again, and I can't help but chuckle.
"2OS, I'm so happy to see you! You probably don't know who I am, but I was one of yours a long long time ago and you saved me and you're my hero for it!"
"Take a breath, will you, Ellie?" The Bismuth sighs. The Vanadanite, Ellie, looks up at her with uncontained glee.
"I can't, Bizzy, I'm just so happy!"
"Uh.. Ellie, Bizzy, I'm- I'm just called Sardonyx, but uh.. where.. where am I? And who are you?" My head is still a bit buzzy, and I feel like there's more I should be asking, the half-formed idea of it sitting somewhere in the middle of my head, not quite in focus enough.
"We're still on Exus 20-97, we're just below the surface four or five miles down. To hide our energy signatures from the Mindseer and the Grand Controller. And we," Ellie waves between her and Bizzy, who strikes a proud pose, ", we are the Resistance! Or, ah, the leaders of a local group of rebels. We send materials and gems to Earth and other outposts, though! And when we heard that the Tourmalines captured a rebel Sardonyx, well, we had to help."
"Yeah, but we couldn't've guessed that it'd be Ellie's Sardonyx. She's been goin' on and on about you for probably four decades now." Bizzy sighs, and shakes her head again, her short, thick strands of pale, desaturated rainbow hair bobbing slightly. I'm impressed by Ellie's lifespan more than the fact that she knows me, for a moment. Vanadanites don't tend to live longer than a couple years at most- they're so fragile and they do such difficult, dangerous work.. But the fact that she's been around to remember me for forty years is dwarfed in a moment by the fact that she knows me at all.
"E-Ellie's Sardonyx?" I ask.
"I was caught experimenting with some electronics and tinkering with them, but you- you saved me. You and 4OS, you were assigned to find the- the nearest court that would schedule a decommissioning, but instead you gave me a new identification code and sent me away. I- I still don't know how you did that without getting caught or even getting in trouble.." She smiles, eyes wide and earnest and happy. She expects me to say something like 'Oh, no trouble, Ellie!' and smile like I remember. I should remember.. but I don't.
"I, ah.. Shoot, I hate to disappoint you, Ellie, but I- I have a defect. My memory is.. buggy. I don't remember you.." I feel myself shrinking, afraid of her disappointment.
"Well, that's- that's not so great, but hey, you still did what you did and you're here. And- and-!" Ellie brightens again, gesturing to the room of carved out rock we're in, "- this was all inspired by it!"
"This.. room?" I ask, and Bizzy bursts out laughing.
"Not just this room, dear, our whole organization! Ellie was so damn inspired by what you did for her that when she got integrated into her new squad, she got to designing a system that would allow for her to help other Vanadanites survive the merciless views of Homeworld, and it's been working pretty well so far. In part thanks to yours truly. I build the stuff she designs, and as a Bismuth I have some weight I can throw around to 'assign' gems to do things where they 'whoopsie'! Have an 'accident' and get taken out of the system." She smirks.
"Ingenious! And they haven't caught on?"
"Nope! And, if we're really worried they'll be suspicious, Ellie will stand in for the gem we're trying to get out, and fake their death herself. It's a pretty reliable system." She nudges Ellie with a wink, and Ellie blushes lightly.
"That's pretty amazing! A-and you say I- I inspired all this?"
"You did! You want to see? There's so much here..!" Ellie gestures to the entry, which is less a door and more of an opening. I can hear other gems somewhere beyond it, in a distant hum of activity, a mystery for the moment.
"Yes, yes please!" I say as Ellie cheers. That idea pulses in my head as if to say, 'what about me?', but I can't seem to bring it far enough forward to entirely remember it. I don't know how to on command either, so I quiet it, and let Ellie lead me away, Bizzy not far behind.
They show me so much. There are caverns and tunnels and gems, so many gems, a flurry of activity everywhere. I don't understand half of what they're doing, but Ellie is so proud that I'm sure it's all absolutely vital. And, more than that, everyone I see seems so happy. There is art and music and laughter here, work and progress and mirth, and my cheeks ache by the time their tour is over, I've smiled so much.
Ellie tells me the story of how we met, a tale that includes both my sister and I. It's so weird to hear about things I've done but can't remember- I feel like I'm hearing a story about someone entirely separate from me, but everything she's describing sounds like what I'd do. While her words stir feelings of familiarity, I don't remember any of it happening. No new memories of a distant time resurface, and there is no 'aha!' moment.
But it's nice to hear about my sister. I feel close to her again, despite my memories of her being so.. faded. This story, this deed of ours, it brings her back just a bit, and I'm incredibly grateful for it.
"Say, Ellie, how long was I out?" I ask when the conversation lulls.
"A, uh, couple weeks. I didn't know Sardonyxes had such a long reformation time." She laughs sheepishly. "Sorry for poofing you, we, uh, didn't know how else to extract you safely."
"That's fine, Ellie- but are you sure? A couple weeks?" My stomach drops as she nods. "Oh no, Phantom will be so- Phantom!" My eyes widen. Memories hit me like a sheet of cold water.
"Phantom?" Bizzy and Ellie ask in unison.
"My partner! My- My friend! I- Oh stars, how could I forget?! Stupid!" I smack my cheek, warm with shame. "Where is Phantom? Have you seen them?"
"N-no, you were the only one we rescued..". Ellie shakes her head.
"That means they have Phantom! I have to go, I have to get them, I've got to-"
"Sardonyx, hold up! Who even is this 'Phantom'?" Ellie asks, Bizzy nodding behind her.
"My friend, I came here with them- I- I need them. They're.." I wrack my head for an image of them, their face so recent in my mind that surely I can recall it. Surely… "They're tall, and purple.. or are they green..? No, both! A-and I think their gem is one of their eyes..?"
"Oh." Ellie says, and looks up at Bizzy, who has a grimace. "I didn't know they were- I didn't think- no one reported them-"
"So, yeah, the Tourmalines have them." Bizzy confirms.
"Then I have to save them." I have to. I turn and walk towards what I think is the exit, a long tunnel that curves upward through the rock crust of this planet. However, Ellie skirts in front of me, arms out and hands wide.
"Wait a moment, Sardonyx, we don't know where they even are- and you're going to go in without anything?" She cautions me.
"That's not true, Ellie; we know exactly where they are." Bizzy looks down at Ellie with a look of.. judgement? Questioning? I'm not sure. "They're in the containment center, where they'd take anyone." Bizzy says. She sounds irritated, and Ellie flinches. "You were gonna lie to her, just to keep her here?"
"What?" I squeak, and Ellie looks back and forth between Bizzy and I, choosing to focus on her companion.
"W- n-no! I mean, yes, but it's dangerous! What she's thinking is going to get her shattered!" She reasons. "Sardonyx, you have to believe me- it's too dangerous!"
"That's not for you to decide, Ellie! That's her friend!" Bizzy points up, toward what I can only assume is the city and Phantom.
"And they're as good as gone! The Tourmalines have them! What hope do any of us have of facing them and winning o-or even surviving?"
"I don't care if I don't survive!" I say before Bizzy can. "Phantom is my friend, and I promised I'd never let Homeworld hurt them ever again. I promised."
"I'm sure they wouldn't want you to risk yourself like this, though. If they're your friend, they would understand that it's too much. It's overwhelmingly dangerous, Sardonyx. You're just one gem against all of them! They've got guards, Quartzes, and our strongest Lapis is guarding them too, and she'd have to fight you, and she'd win. You- you'd be doomed! A-and there's an Agate on the way to collect them, Sardonyx, and she'll have more guards with her, and you'll be trapped, with them. Here, here you'll be safe and hidden and we can-"
"Don't you see that she doesn't want to stay, Ellie?" Bizzy interrupts her. "You saved her once, you paid her back for saving you, now it's time to let her go and do what she's got to do!"
"She's going to get herself shattered- I didn't save my hero just for her to die immediately afterward!" Ellie responds with rage.
"She's not yours to make that decision for!"
"I refuse to not even try, Ellie." I shake my head, and her expression grows darker, more desperate.
"You'll be safe if you stay-"
"I don't care! My safety is nothing compared to theirs! They've suffered for too long, and- and I miss them! I can't- I won't live without them, especially if it means that I have to abandon them!" I feel like I'm screaming and not being heard, Ellie looking at me firmly, resolute. "Ellie, I wouldn't be the gem you were so enamored with if I just stayed and did nothing. I.. I have to save them. I- I belong with them, and if that means I die trying to free them, then so be it. I can't not be myself, and that means I need to try."
Her expression is one of heartbreak and an inner war, but one that is clearly lost. She slowly deflates and sighs.
"Very well. I- I'll show you the way. We've got to hurry. That Agate is only a few hours away."
"You're doing the right thing, Ellie." Bizzy says, putting a hand on her shoulder, but Ellie looks defeated, deflated, only shrugging.
"Doesn't feel like it."
"It's still the right thing." I say. "I'm- I want to say I'm so grateful for what you've done- rescuing me, giving me this chance to save my friend, and- and doing all this," I gesture to the caverns, to the gems, to the lights and the laughter and the freedom, ", and saying it's because of me. I think you're amazing, and I wish I could stay, I do. I want to see the rest of this world you've built.. but mine would be incomplete without Phantom.
I'm being selfish, I know. You've done so much, and I'm just leaving.."
"I never wanted anything from you, Sardonyx. I just- I dreamed of making you proud." That catches me by surprise. How can I be so important to someone I don't even remember? It isn't fair, not to either of us.
"I am." It's true- this is an accomplishment, this hub of hope and happiness. That it was done in my name pleases me to no end, but it can't make me happy. Not without Phantom.
"Then come with me." Ellie says, and offers a hand. I give her mine, and she leads me up. Bizzy comes with, walking beside Ellie.
"I'm proud, El. You're doing a real good thing." She says, but I take it that was meant to be just between them. Still, Ellie doesn't hide her smile, a little strained yet, but honest. She picks up the pace after that, and we three head up, hopefully to Phantom's rescue.
"Ellie?" I ask, not stopping. Ellie doesn't stop either, just looks over her shoulder, shy. "Thank you."