Alice pulled up to the hospital whose lights were burning in the dark night, she stared at the building almost accusingly. It wasn't the buildings fault what happened to Danny, but he was in there and the doctors hadn't been able to wake him up…..and she needed him to wake up! She didn't want to have to go back to a time when she had to deal with everything by herself, ever since that first time he was there to help…..ironically in a hospital car park…..he had been on the sidelines or by her side when dealing with the hard side that came with being famous, even knowing her limit before she did, she couldn't go back to the time when she was stood alone…..and her girls, what of them? They needed their dad with them too! She closed her eyes, lowered her head resting it on the steering wheel, her hands gripping it tightly….her final thought at Leopards Den echoed through her mind
'If she lost Danny then she would NEVER step foot on this land again!'
A car pulled up in front of a dilapidated building, shingles and tiles had fell from the roof and lay broken on the dusty ground, on the veranda rodents scurried here and there looking for food. A number of windows were broken the glass scattered everywhere and the door hung from its hinges sadly. The sun shone happy and bright, almost a reminder of happier times, but the house, this was a complete contrast, it was almost like the sun couldn't break through the grey cloud which hung over it.
Two women climbed from the car, tall, slim wearing expensive looking sunglasses. Both wore white three quarters, the blond woman wore a pink t-shirt while dark haired wore lemon. They stood at the foot of the stairs looking up at the house.
"Wasn't like this before huh?" Lauren asked pushing up her shades so they rested on her tousled blond hair.
Lily didn't reply, just looked around at her former home wearily.
"I didn't expect it to be different." Lauren added softly. Knowing this would be hurting Lily far more than her, it had been her home longer.
"Mum said she was taking care of it." Lily spat venomously. "She promised us numerous times! I knew she wouldn't though!" Lily carried on, venting all the anger inside. "Dad left it to us in his will and she wanted nothing to do with it! She hates this place!"
"She doesn't hate it Lily, she loves it and dad and that is why she can't come back." Lauren told her calmly, the years since they left having mellowed her considerably, too bad the same couldn't be said for her twin. The anger which existed on the day their mother returned had only grew until that was the only emotion Lily showed, anger and bitterness. It was only Lauren who saw the softer more loving side of her sister and that was becoming less frequent now. Lauren was hoping coming here would give Lily a sense of closure, but if anything it was only making her worse.
Lily looked at Lauren full of scepticism, "What?" she snapped.
"Think about it Lils, she met dad here, fell in love with him, had us here but it was also the place where he was killed not only that but what happened to me too. Could you handle it with your husband and kid?"
"I don't know why you always stick up for her, you owe her nothing!" Lily hissed.
Lauren grabbed her arm. "She is our mother and whether you like it or not she gave us life and has always been there for us, I can't believe you're still angry after all these years!"
Both sister looked in each others eyes, this a frequent argument between the two of them. Lauren released her not saying a word, Lily looked at her unblinking.
"Shall we?" Lauren asked motioning towards the door.
It was now Lily showed trepidation, "Is the solicitors sure the squatters are long gone?"
Lauren laughed, "I'll protect you."
Lily shrugged, "Lead the way."
When they were teens this would had precipitated a play fight until one of them, generally Lauren pinned Lily proving that she would be doing the protecting, then as they hit about 16 they grew out of that but still argued laughing heartily. Now at 20 Lily didn't argue or laugh anymore. It had all went down hill when they turned 15, but nothing had really been the same since the day they found out their dad had died.
Lauren walked up the stairs slowly, when she pushed the front door it fell off the hinges landing with a thud. The dust which coated the floor flew up in a cloud and Lauren coughed wafting it away.
Lily shook her head angrily, "This is taking care of our house huh? She must really love the place!" Lily muttered.
Lauren ignored her entering the house, first and foremost she saw even more dust on the floors of the hallway, walls, everything really. Large footprints scattered around, as were little ones. Lauren felt a sense of melancholy, a family had lived here, like they had a long time ago. Had the family had fun here? They had raised little ones. And she and her sister who didn't even need the house had evicted them. Guilt filled her.
"Don't feel bad Lauren, this wasn't their home, they shouldn't have been here." Lily said at her sisters unspoken thought.
Lauren, used to their connection after they had honed it for almost ten years shrugged, "Its not ours either really, this is mums."
They were about half way down the hallway when without warning Lily felt a chill emanating from her sister fill her and they halted in the hallway at the same time. "I don't know if I want to go any further." Lauren whispered.
Lily looked at her, this was always Laurens problem, pretending that everything was great until the very last second when she admitted that sometimes she couldn't handle things. This was just her way and being her twin she was used to it, but it drove others up the wall. Lauren wasn't as tough as she pretended to be, she needed someone to be there for her pretty much all the time. Lily patted her back, "We've talked about this Lauren, I mean you defied mum to do this." Lily didn't care whether Alice wanted her here or not but Lauren she cared Lily knew she did.
"If she ever finds out…." Lauren trailed off shaking her head.
She'll what exactly?" Lily spat. "Threaten me with boarding school again? Threaten to sell this place again? I'm not a kid anymore, she doesn't tell me what to do and I'm not scared of her either!" walked to a light switch and flicked it on and off a few times, deflated when it didn't work. "Don't know why but I expected it to be still working." she clenched her jaw harder turning her sadness into rage. "How could she lets dads house get like this? Anger simmering in her voice.
"She lo….."
"WE LOVED HIM TOO!" Lily shouted pressing her fists into her eyes to stop the tears. "I don't care whether she loved him or not, WE are his blood, he's our dad and she just forgot that! And it wasn't fair that we lost both of them!" swallowed the emption. Lauren blinked and the indifferent Lily was back. "Then she and I started butting heads." Lily's voice icy cold "So excuse me if…."
"Lily…." Lauren interrupted before Lily went on a tangent, Lauren had heard it all before.
"Lauren don't bother defending her!" Lily snapped. "My therapist has said it all! The therapist SHE made me see, I'm sure she told the stupid idiot what to say too, it was all your mum loves you, you need to let go of the rage! Yeah well I'd rather break her face ok so shut up!" Lily was breathing heavily. Ignoring her sister she began to head for her old room and passed a mirror which was cracked and broken. Lily stopped and stared at her reflection. She had a faint memory of looking in the mirror before school fluffing her hair and making sure her teeth were clean. It wasn't a happy memory, or even a sad one, just a normal child hood memory….after moving from here their childhood had been anything but normal. Their mother moved them to London and everything had went crazy, they had went from living in seclusion to having people following them daily. Their dad would never have let that happen…..her dad….she could feel him here, could hear him calling her name getting her up for school. Playing a racing game in the living room, she closed her eyes keeping hold of all the pain inside, when she opened them she saw her mother looking back at her. "I wish I looked like him." Lily told Lauren. "You do why can't I?"
"It was that reason why I was taken remember Lil's?" Lauren shouted from a room she'd entered.
Lily ignored her searching her face for any trace of her dad but didn't see a thing.
"I didn't have enough time with him Lil's." Lauren said carrying out a crumpled up picture of him from a box in her mums bedroom.
Lily took it and studied it, he looked young on it, happy and carefree, smiling into the camera. "Where was this?"
"There's a little box full of them in the wardrobe in mums room. What do you know, polite squatters, they kept the pictures safe for us. It's not like we had anything from his, three months Lil's" Lauren whispered. "And I only called him dad about half of that time."Lily said nothing more knowing that words wouldn't help with the way Lauren felt.
They started walking again and walked in the junction between the kitchen and the living room. When they saw their old living room Lily wanted to hit something. The room which had once been pristine and white was filthy. The sofa full of tears with the stuffing spilling out. The TV had been ripped from the wall and the study wasn't a study anymore, there was nothing left, no shelves, no desk or computer, it was just bare. The carpet was full of stains, brown yellow, every colour stain imaginable. The kitchen wasn't much better, spoiled food covered the counter tops and the place smelled of putrid rotten food.
"How could she?" Lily raged stomping back down the hallway. She halted as their bedroom door was open. Toys littered the floor and a blanket was on the bed, there were pictures drew with crayons on the wall too. One of the pictures was of a tall dad and a small mum holding the hands of a small child. The grief Lily never let herself felt rose and she swallowed hard trying to force it back down, when it refused to leave she almost ran from the room slamming the door as she did, when out of the house she stopped on the veranda, rested her head on the railing which wobbled unsteadily incidentally made her feel worse. Lauren followed moments later holding two pink bears.
"At least these are still here." she murmured holding one close.
"You get your guitar?" Lily asked taking her bear from Lauren.
Lauren glanced at her darkly, the Lauren of the past in her eyes, the old anger she thought she dealt with simmering quietly within her.
"Oh Lauren." Lily whispered.
"I should have came back for it." Lauren said coldly. "It's alright for you two, you had your memories of him, what did I have? All I wanted was the guitar he bought me." and she lashed out hitting the veranda support pole. She turned her back closed her eyes and began to slowly count backwards from 100, erasing the image of her guitar all splintered wood and snapped strings. By the time she hit 86 she was calm again.
"At least now you are blaming the right person now Lauren, it was Alice who wouldn't let you come back here." Lily told her as Lauren turned.
"It wasn't mums…."
"Oh shit man Lauren, do you have to do that?" when she saw how calm and controlled Lauren was.
"What?"
"You were so much better when you were angry and riling mum up, now you love her! When she doesn't deserve it! Just look at the house! SHE did that!"
"Lily you need…."
Lily heard the change in her voice and cut her off. "Do you freaking dare start using your degree on me or I swear to God I'll have you!" Lily promised. "I mean its bad enough that you're in my head knowing what I'm thinking and worse than that know what I'm gonna do without you trying to do your shrink crap on my head too! Why couldn't you have been a rock star like you had planned? What happened to your bright pink hair and I don't give a damn attitude? Why did you have to calm down? You kicked ass, I wanted to be you back then! Now you're all tranquil." she snorted saying the last statement like an insult.
"I grew up Lily, you should try it. You can't stay angry forever and you can't blame mum forever either, sooner or later you have to take responsibility for the choices you have made!"
"And what about her taking responsibility for the lies they told me my whole life?"
"Christ Lily are we back to that?" Lauren shouted losing her temper. "That was ten years ago, let it go! Oh and as for knowing what you are going to do it's a bloody good thing I do! Do you realise what would have happened to you if the person you hired managed to successfully get into prison and kill Emma? You have been sent down as an accessory!"
"I did that for you!" She hissed. "oh wait you didn't want me to, she's your mummy isn't she?"
Lauren moved lightning quick and had her pinned her against the wall arms pressed against her throat, Lily finally seeing the old Lauren in her face.
"Don't speak to me like that again ok? I'm warning you!" the accent she had almost completely dropped clear in her voice.
"You're not as passed it as you like to pretend you are, deep down you feel the same way as me, you just hide it better, don't lie I can read it all over your face. You hate mum as much as me!"
"Lily…." Lauren warned.
"Go on!" Lily goaded, "I dare you to hit me! See how mum reacts to you kicking the crap out of your twin!"
Lauren narrowed her eyes and for a moment she considered it, at the last second though she released her twin and once again turned her back. Began to count down from 100, this time it took reaching 72 before she trusted herself not to grab Lily. "For your information I don't hate mum, I know what that feels like and how I feel for her is nothing like that! And two I stopped you because mum doesn't need to lose you too!" Lauren acting like her outburst hadn't happened.
"You should have hit me." Lily told her. "Proven you are still the strong twin."
"Quoting Emma are we? Trying to get to me react that way? Grow up Lily before you lose me and mum!"
"Me lose mum? Not likely! Quite the opposite, she lost me at age fifteen when she sent me to boarding school for those three months." Lily laughed. "Didn't work though, I kept on running away and they expelled me, remember the scandal, Alice Collins rebel daughter! You should have done it too! Twice the fun!"
"You and mum are too alike, you look alike and have the same temper so you were always butting heads and arguing. The trouble making isn't the real me, you were right, as soon as I was settled in a new home, new school, met some friends and caught up in school I was just like I was as a kid, quiet, that is who I am, I didn't need the front anymore!"
"Yeah well I disagree I'm nothing like mum!" Lily snapped and was about to leave Lauren and head for the surgery when a car was making a slow trek towards the house.
"Two guesses who this is." Lauren murmured. Both of their anger towards the other forgotten in a second the person in the car was gonna kick off.
"Auntie Mand." they drawled in unison.
"Mum would have phoned her…." Lauren started.
"And she would have totally freaking out saying we shouldn't be here."
But they were both surprised when it wasn't their aunt in the car but their mum….and she looked irate. She leaned out of the window of her car which was open. "Get in the car, both of you!" she warned.
Lauren looked torn, Lily looked belligerent.
"We are getting out of here and going home."
"Look around Alice." Lily said gesturing around. "We ARE home."
Alice stiffened at Lily using her given name. "Home to London." Alice felt her temper fraying. "Look I'm not arguing about this with you again and especially not here!"
"Well go then!" Lily told her, anger bubbling pointing to the exit of the land. "You're not welcome here!"
"C'mon Lils calm down, we'll go to Auntie Mand's and talk about this…." Lauren told her softly.
Lily ignored Lauren and continued to shout at their mum. "Squatters have been living here! You should see the state of this place! They even smashed Laurens guitar." shaking with the force of her anger.
Alice closed her eyes a second, when she opened them she looked to Lauren. "I'm sorry Lauren."
Before Lauren could assure her mum that it was fine Lily cut her off.
"Why didn't you let us come home?" Lily asked full of emotion. "Why let dads house end up like this?"
"I love your dad Lily…."
"WE DO TOO!" Lily yelled. "But we're here, it isn't hard!"
"C'mon Lily mum…." Lauren started. "We shouldn't be talking like this here." Lauren ever the peace maker who had been in the middle of their arguments for far too long trying to calm it down. Thing was Lily had never been the same since Emma had told her about their mums life before and Lily have never forgave her.
"No Lauren, this isn't fair." Lily told her calmly and walked down the stairs.
Alice thought she was coming in the car but horror filled her when she walked right passed it and headed for the surgery with long determined strides. Panic filled Alice, irrational and pure. "Stop moving Lily NOW!"
Lily turned back and Alice almost threw up, for the first time ever she saw her father in her face. It was the Danny from the past who hated her mere presence when she first came to stay here so long ago. Never before had Lily resembled her dad and pain filled her chest in the place her heart used to be.
"How are you going to stop me?" her eyes flaring with a challenge. "C'mon then mummy." smirked darkly which made her look like Danny even more, so much so Alice had to look away.
"Yeah I thought so." Lily replied. "I didn't do as I was told as a child, how much chance do you think you have of me doing it now?"
Alice got out of the car. "I mean it Lily!"
Lily laughed, "C'mon then!" and she turned. "Come and stop me!"
"Lily please don't do this!" Lauren begged.
"You always take her side!" Lily snarled shaking. "But she needs to see this!" she strode towards her mum, grabbed her arm and began to pull her towards the surgery
"Lily what are you doing?" Lauren gasped.
"Making our mother grow the hell up!"
"Lily stop it!" and Lauren ran towards them and grabbed her sisters arm, Lily wouldn't be deterred.
Alice who had been momentarily shocked realised what Lily intended and began to yank and pull to free herself, she couldn't go in the surgery! It was the place Danny was hurt, it was the place Lauren was almost killed!
Even with both Lauren and Alice trying to stop Lily they reached the surgery, Lauren was unable to go there due to the bad memories and backed off. Lily however had no such problem, her face contorted as she put all her force into and threw Alice inside so hard Alice skidded across the floor and came to a stop in the middle of the room.
"Look!" Lily demanded. Walked inside grabbed her mother by the collar and yanked her mother to her feet, "I said LOOK!"
Alice didn't want to but she found her eyes scanning the area, instinctively searching for Danny. Despair filled her when she saw pure destruction. Everything that had been made of glass lay broken, shards of glass littering the floor. The contents of the cupboards long gone, empty boxes everywhere. The operating table lay on its side, the machinery around it also gone, most likely sold. The pens had been torn down, cages open flies buzzing around. Alice bowed her head and closed her eyes unable to see it anymore.
Lily screamed at her. "Look at what you did to dads dream! How can you claim to love him and let this happen! He'd HATE you for doing this and I do too. He'd never forgive you for doing this…NEVER..."
Alice jerked back to wakefulness, she looked around realising she had been asleep, the moon still shone high and bright so she mustn't have been asleep long.
"Oh God." she groaned. Her voice gravely. Not only had the vividness of the dream unsettled her but how intense and real it felt had too. She was literally sweating and her heart was racing. She had just been sat in her car trying to get her bearings before going to see Danny and she fell asleep. That wasn't only stupid but dangerous, had she learned nothing from Emma and Colin? Thoughts of those two sobered her and she was wide awake in an instant. She rested her head against the back set of the car.
"What do I do?" she whispered into the darkness.
A forgotten memory surfaced a smile bloomed across her face as she remembered…..
Alice and Danny lay face down on their bed sleep deprived as the girls were teething, it seemed one stopped crying ad the other on cue started. Both girls, for the moment, were being blessedly quiet and their parents were trying to catch up on some much needed sleep.
"Why don't they tell you in the babies books that twins conspire against you?" Alice murmured. "I mean are they telepathic, they can't even talk yet but they know!"
Danny chuckled weary. "You know that they say about twins sweetheart."
She raised her head and looked at him eyes bleary. "Can I kill Mandy?"
"I'll help." he promised. "Just as soon as I'm not tired."
Alice rested her head back on the blanket, feet dangling off the end of their bed. "Wanna place a bet on who'll cry next?" Alice asked. "Loser gets up."
"My moneys on Lily." Danny told her. "Kids got 'tude."
"Tude?" Alice asked.
"Attitude." he supplied.
"Why not just say that?"
"Too tired." he yawned.
She smiled, "So you think Lily?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
"Well I think it'll be like Lauren, she likes you to think its over and BAM!" she said wearily.
"Loser gets up." he repeated and they quieted.
Seconds ticked into minutes and they were beginning to drift off into a content sleep when a wailing filled the air. It wasn't only Lily or Lauren but both of them crying!
"It's like they knew." Danny said yawning.
"Why can't babies be born with teeth?" Alice moaned getting up.
Danny in his sleep deprived state was soon giggling manically. "Might have been painful for you!"
Alice smiled and he put his arm around her shoulders as they entered their daughters' pink bedroom. Both were lay in their cribs red faced and screaming.
"Never resembled their mother more." Danny told Alice before he picked up Lauren. "There there baby girl, daddy's here." and kissed her forehead gently. Put his hand to her cheek and found it hot. "Tooth ache is horrible huh?" he crooned rocking her gently from side to side. "But guess what?" his voice now low and full of wonder. "When you get your big tootie pegs, like daddy's." he opened his mouth twice and bit down to show her. "You'll get to eat loads of lovely things like pizza and chocolate and crisps."
Lauren was quiet looking up at her father.
"And if you stop crying daddy will buy you all the nice food you want."
He looked at his baby and found not only Lauren but Lily staring at him. He took Lily, now having a girl in each arm and then asked Alice, "Go grab the bonjela and the teething rings and I'll meet up in our room say, two minutes time?" he asked smiling.
She walked off remembering the ease in which he had clamed their girls feeling so inadequate. Give her a script full of lines to recite, no bother, calm her own crying child and that was beyond her. After washing her hands she grabbed the teething rings from the fridge and the bonjela. Returned to their room and saw Danny telling their baby an exciting story about a giraffe named Wilf. She sat opposite him and rubbed the bonjela on their gums and handed each one a teething ring, picked up Lauren and lay her beside her, Lily beside Danny so the girls were in the middle of the bed. All was quiet as the girls gummed their teething rings.
"What's on your mind sweetheart?" Danny asked softly, he knew her well enough to know when something was wrong, for being a world famous actress he could read her like a book!
"You're a natural." she told him running her finger down Lily's cheek.
"A natural what?" he enquired. "And remember little ears." smiled at her.
Alice felt her heart stutter at the sight of his smile.
"C'mon sweetheart talk to me, you can tell me anything." ran a hand down her cheek.
"You're a natural father." she told him. "And the girls adore you, they haven't really taken to me as much."
"What you think you're not a natural mother?" he asked his head popping up in the darkness.
She shrugged. "I feel clueless about ninety percent of the time."
"That's about ten percent less than me." he laughed. "It'll all be ok. Teething only lasts a few weeks, we'll look back on this and laugh."
"You might, I'll kill you for persuading me to get pregnant!"
He laughed a little harder. "Need I remind you what you said about eighteen months ago. You told me that on our six month anniversary you planned to be six months pregnant!"
She snorted. "You didn't have to deliver on that you know! Trust you the one time you listen to me…."
"And yeah, the girls love me now. Just wait until the are teenagers, they're gonna hate me!" he told her.
"Our girls could never hate you." her tone one of total seriousness.
"And how do you know that?"
"Because they are part of me and no part of me will ever hate you." she told him meaning every word.
He smiled at her brilliantly. He had to admit sometimes he did wonder whether this was real, whether she had fell for him, they had married and her two gorgeous kids were actually his too, it felt like a dream. But right here in the dark hearing here talk so low and honest he just knew it was true, love so intense filled him. He cleared his throat to clear the emotion that lodged their suddenly.
"Sometimes I just feel like I don't know anything," she admitted unaware of how her words mnoved him. "What do I do?" she whispered into the darkness.
Danny sat up and took both of her hands in his. "Be there." he told her eyes shining. "One day, actually not one but so many days there are going to be times when they need you, not me but you to pick them up, dry their tears and tell them that somehow everything is going to be alright." he cupped her cheek his eyes intent on hers. "You're a fantastic mum Alice and there isn't anyone else I could imagine as a mother to my kids, there's no one else I would want to. You're the only one I trust enough and you know that." he told her seriously. "So don't worry." his voice low and full of meaning. "Because I'm not. No matter what happens you'll sail through." he assured. "Probably threatening to kill me at least once along the way."
Alice smiled at him in the darkness, a few stray tears she tried to hold back beginning to fall, this was why she loved him, he was flawed and chaotic but she had never met a man who when he spoke from his heart spoke with such conviction and belief.
"Please tell me those are happy tears!" he asked wiping them away with his thumb.
"They are." she croaked. "But I should kill you for making me cry!"
"Blah bah, its nothing I haven't heard before." and he leaned in slowly. She met him half way and they shared a soft tender kiss above their childrn.. When they broke apart they looked at their girls and found them sleeping soundly She glanced at Danny who when he looked at their children always held this look of awe and wonder and found him smiling.
He moved the blanket gently making sure they were covered and lay down beside them, just drinking in their little faces.
Alice lay down too, "You think we should…." she looked at him and found his face relaxed, he too asleep. And like he had watched their daughters she watched him, "I love you Daniel Trevanion." she whispered just as sleep claimed her.
Alice opened her eyes as the memory ended. "Don't worry I'm not." echoed through her memory. "They'll need their mother to tell them everything will be ok." she rubbed her eyes as she climbed out of the car. 'Don't worry I'm not.' she heard in her head once again.
Alice just looked to the sky, "Help me to sail through." she whispered walking into the hospital.
A/N This chappie is a mix of past and a possible future, the good from Alice life and the very worst if Alice lets it go that far, lets say a warning for her. I also love the normalness of the second part, like she is a superstar yet there they are two parents struggling to get their babies to sleep
Its also a way of showing that lily and Lauren are 2 parts of the same whole, they are both capable of the same anger, rage and defiance difference is Lily never had a reason before now to start acting out. The lily part with alice in the surgery where she has hit her limit, you can almost feel her anger by that point, or i could anyway
I am quite proud of this chapter, I don't often feel compeltely happy with what a write and put up but every so often i write a little gem and i think this is one, i just love it :)
Thanks for reading more on danny next chapter x
(PS) fluff is for chloe, remeber out fluff deal...lol x