Chapter 38: Return To Me

Fergus, Mary, and the boys remained in Corona another day before returning home to the Verde Isle, which was a mere half day's sail from the capital city. Elsa enjoyed truly getting to know James' brother and found another friend in Mary. Though their boys were certainly a rambunctious trio, she found them delightful and adored them, imagining James like them as a child. She and Harris, the eldest, especially seemed to bond over their mutual appreciation of James. Though he was the heir to the duchy, Harris' dream was to be in the navy like his uncle had been. She was genuinely sad to see them leave and made a mental note to invite them to visit Arendelle as soon as it was possible. "Perhaps", she thought to herself, "they would have reason to visit Arendelle soon?"

It was then time for the happy family party who had gathered together first for Anna's wedding to break apart. Elsa, James, and Granny returned to Arendelle, while Anna and Kristoff were set to return in two weeks' time. The trip back to Arendelle was a rather dismal journey. An incessant rain kept them below decks and prolonged their journey by two days. Elsa, already somewhat depressed from taking her leave of her family, grew restless and weary. Something… something in the air seemed off, and she wanted nothing more than to get off that ship, especially because of the rain.

Though she missed her family dearly, the peaks of Arendelle were a most welcome sight to her, as were the sounds of Rane and Bryn's barking when they caught sight of her at the castle gates. She longed to collapse on her bed, but had promised Kristoff that she would visit with Sven immediately and give him extra carrots. Then, of course, she needed to see what was waiting for her in her study. James, ever dutiful, went straight to his office to check his correspondence, while Granny was more than ready to retire to the suite of rooms Elsa had given her.

Sven seemed genuinely happy to see her, and she had to admit that she was happy to see his sweet face again, even if she had to acclimate to his odor once more. It was terribly good to be home once again, though the castle seemed rather large and empty without so many family members traipsing about it. Of course being home meant returning to her duties and her hectic schedule. She did promise James that they would spend the first day she could be free together and, as he put it, "very much alone."

Her thoughts dwelled on that day together as she walked the halls of the castle, hoping to find James alone for just a moment. Found him, she did, though he was not alone. He was racing about the halls, shouting orders to footmen. When she caught sight of him, he looked like a mad man. His face was pale as snow, his eyes brimming with both sorrow and rage, and his ears so purple that they were almost black.

"Good heavens, James, what is it?" she cried out.

He turned sharply to face her. Only seeing her face calmed him somewhat. "I was checking my correspondence and found a letter, sent express from Fergus probably within the hour they returned home and ahead of the storm that delayed us. It stated that my ignorant, stupid, child sister, Elinor, has left all of her friends and family and has eloped! She has run away from home with… with… with that blackguard. If I find him, I will run him through before he can blink! He has hurt too many people I love!"

"What blackguard? Whom are you so willing to kill on sight?" Elsa asked, trying to make sense of the incredible shift in events

James handed her the letter from Fergus. Quickly she scanned over the frantic handwriting, in which Fergus had copied the entirety of the letter Elinor left for him. She read a specific passage from Elinor's letter outloud. "When next you see me, you shall call me Princess Elinor Westergaard?" She read further then looked at James in astonishment. "Hans? She has eloped with Hans? Does she not know that he is no longer a prince?"

James paced back and forth, unsure what to do with his hands. "I have no doubt he has told her all sorts of lies. Stupid, stupid girl! She is ruined forever! Thank goodness I have no more sisters, and Fergus has only sons. The entire Westbrooke family must share in her disgrace!"

"This makes little sense. Does he not know that she is not without friends?" Elsa attempted to reason.

"Oh Elsa, it may be her very connections which have attracted him to her. It certainly isn't money or a title. Quite honestly she has neither. Her dowry is provisional. If either Fergus or I object to her marriage, she gets nothing!" He turned to a footman. "No, no, man! Unpack nothing! I must away as soon as possible. Time is of the essence!"

"You are leaving?" Elsa asked, feeling as if she had taken a blow to the gut.

"I must, Elsa. I have to find them, find her, and if I don't kill him, force him to marry her somehow."

"You don't think they're married?" Hans was all too eager to marry her younger sister, but the circumstances had been completely different.

"No. As I stated before, he gets nothing from marrying her except a very young, incredibly immature wife. She has far less to attract him into marriage than Anna did. He is most likely using her for her allowance and…" he had to swallow the bile rising in his throat, "… to warm his bed. I will hunt them down to the ends of the earth, if I have to and attempt to make this right!"

Realizing whatever they both looked forward to was now on hold indefinitely, but also that the tide was now in, and he wouldn't be able to sail until the morning, she attempted to calm him. "James, please. Let us go to the sitting room or anywhere other than the halls. You can't leave until at least the morning anyway!"

Seeing the concern in her eyes, he softened and allowed her to lead him not to the sitting room, but the library. She sat him down on a sofa and poured him a glass of wine. He gladly took it and gestured for her to sit next to him. "I apologize for my behavior and for yelling at your footmen. I just…"

Elsa placed a hand on him. "You are a rightfully concerned older brother who is worried to death for his baby sister. I understand the griefs younger siblings can cause, especially when Hans Westergaard is involved." She sighed. "I should have had him executed when I had the chance."

Though the thought of Hans Westergaard's head on pike appealed to him, James shook his head. "No, Elsa. You did right by him, allowing his brothers to punish him. No, It is I and Fergus who have obviously failed Elinor. It seems as if she learned nothing growing up, other than to think of herself. Fergus tried to warn me that she was up to something, but I disregarded it with her age. I refused to consider that she would actually put herself in such a dreadful situation."

Elsa leaned her head on his shoulder. "Perhaps… Perhaps the only person to blame is Elinor?"

He looked at her incredulously, but she continued. "She is old enough to know right from wrong. She is old enough to know that once a woman's virtue is compromised she can never get it back. I'm sure that somewhere along the way she was taught these things. I've heard they are basically battered into girls' heads at seminaries like the one she attended. Elinor is the one who has chosen to disregard them, to disregard you and propriety. You may be her guardians, but in the end she is responsible for her own actions. We all are. Come Judgement Day we can only answer for ourselves."

James lovingly ran his hand along her jawline. "Oh Elsa, you are my voice of reason. I fear what I may do without your calming influence to guide me."

She reached for his chest, beyond his cravat and waistcoat, slipping her hand between the buttons of his shirt, placing her palm directly on his chest. "I am always with you, here." Her breathing suddenly grew shallow as she felt his heart beating wildly with her hand on his bare chest.

He looked down at her own impropriety and smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. Oh how he loved her and wanted her! This… this was not the time, and they both knew it. Elsa pulled herself away and offered him all the help that she could. "I must order a ship to prepare for your journey!"

James stopped her. "No, please don't bother."

She cocked her head, not understanding. Seeing her confusion, he explained, "I must secure a berth on a private ship and blend in with everyone else. If Hans sees an Arendellian Naval ship, he likely to flee with her, and I'll have to start all over again with fewer leads."

"Do you even know where to start looking?" Elsa asked.

James took Fergus' letter into his hands. "Fergus writes that they were last seen boarding a ship headed for Glowerhaven. That is where I plan to begin my search. Unless she dyes her hair, Elinor's red curls will make her easy to inquire about."

Elsa gasped, "James, Glowerhaven's waters are rife with pirates!"

James looked at her sadly, "I know. Hans is possibly a pirate now himself, for all we know. It matters not, I will find Elinor and bring her home, though I don't think she can ever go back home to the Verde Ilse. Fergus and Mary have rightfully washed their hands of her. She has brought too much dissension into their home."

Elsa took his hand. "You will bring her here. She will have a home in Arendelle, near her brother, who loves her dearly."

James embraced her, "Elsa, how I love you!"

She looked up at him, and with a saucy grin told him, "I know." Then she added. "You love me so much that you will inform Granny that you must leave. You know she relocated here, because you are here. Anna and I are only icing on the cake to her."

"Is this my punishment for leaving you?" he asked.

Elsa regarded him with a sly eye. "Possibly. Perhaps I can think of something better though."

"Well," James sighed. "There are several things I must attend to beyond informing The Queen's Grandmother that I must leave, including penning my letter of resignation."

"What?" Elsa asked. "No!"

"I'm afraid I must, Elsa. I have no idea how long it will take me to track them down. I don't know when I will be able to return to Arendelle again, much less travel from kingdom to kingdom on your behalf. I cannot do my duty to you while tracking my errant sister!"

"I will only accept a temporary leave of absence, James," Elsa was determined. "You will return to me. I refuse to even consider that this is… the end." She had to keep telling herself that, because a knot in her stomach kept growing, making her feel as if it wasn't true.

Dinner that evening was a sombre affair. Granny didn't take the news that James was to leave for an unspecified but likely extended amount of time well at all and voiced her opinion during each course.

"I don't see why Fergus can't go after her. She was his ward, after all! You have a job to do here in Arendelle," Granny argued, looking pointedly at a very quiet Elsa during her last sentence.

James sighed, "Fergus is a duke. He is married and has three children. I am not so highly titled, and I'm not married. I am not as tied down as Fergus."

"You're not married yet," Granny argued, her words cutting Elsa to the core, but she spoke up in James' defense.

"Granny, Elinor is James' responsibility as well. They are both her guardians. Also, James has countless contacts and a knowledge of geography and people from his time in the navy that Fergus doesn't possess. It is the most practical course of action."

James took a long drink of wine then added, " Elsa has graciously granted me a leave of absence from my duties as Foreign Minister. I do plan to return, Your Majesty, and fulfill all of my duties and plans."

Granny only shook her head and finished her meal. Elsa's long face was almost too much to bear. "I hope you won't mind if I retire early. I'm not in the mood for any type of entertainment tonight."

Elsa glanced up, pasting on a painful smile, "Of course not, Granny. Actually I plan to call it a night soon myself. I want to be at the dock when James… when he leaves tomorrow."

Granny looked to James, who nodded. "I definitely plan to turn in soon. It may be the last decent night's sleep I get for some time."

Granny blotted her mouth with her napkin before placing it on the table. "Well, in that case, I suppose I won't be needed as a chaperone."

James stood for Granny and smiled at Elsa as he told Granny, "Your Majesty, you haven't anything to worry about. Elsa is just like you."

Granny eyed Elsa as she left the table, "Yes, I know. That's just what worries me. We are very much alike."

Elsa stood, and with a commanding voice said, "Goodnight, Granny. I'm right behind you." She turned to James, "I will see in the morning. I love you," then gave him a chaste, sad kiss before leaving the small dining room.

James bowed, "Goodnight. I love you both."

A spring storm brewed over Arendelle that night, and Elsa couldn't sleep. She never could sleep through storms. They made her think of the hurricane that took her parents. She and Anna had made it a habit to spend stormy nights together, but those days were now over. Every bolt of lightning, every crash of thunder caused her to jump and cringe under the covers until she had had enough. She crawled out of bed, pulled on her robe and slippers, then quietly exited her chambers.

She considered going to the library to find a new book to read, hopefully taking her mind off of the storm and James' leaving in the morning. Instead she found herself standing outside the door to his suite. She looked about the halls to make sure there was no one to see her, then she quietly turned the latch and slipped inside the darkened room.

Flashes of lighting illuminated the room, where she found James sleeping a restless sleep in his bed. His state of undress caught her attention as his covers were everywhere but covering him. He wore only a pair of loose cotton trousers. She watched his bare chest rise and fall, remembering the feel of when she had placed her hand there earlier. Instinctively, she did it again, relishing in the feel of his chest hairs between her fingers. Suddenly a hand grabbed at her wrist.

"Elsa!" he exclaimed in shock, sitting up and attempting to cover himself with his sheets. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

She sat down on his bed, and as she explained her presence, he noticed that she was wearing her nightgown and robe. "The storm. I-I can't sleep during a storm, so I…" A loud crash of thunder and lightning rocked the castle, causing Elsa to jump into his arms.

She trembled in his arms like a frightened kitten. It was a side to Elsa he had never before seen. "I've never known you to be afraid of anything other than yourself?"

"Storms have frightened me since my parents…" Another loud crash sounded as a nearby tree was struck by lightning. "It's unreasonable, I know. They were at sea, and I am safe on land, but it makes me think of what they went through. Also, you are leaving me tomorrow. It's all just too much for me tonight." He held her tightly, attempting to calm her, and it was working. "May I stay with you tonight?"

He pulled away from her somewhat. "Elsa, you are doing your best to take away my status as a gentleman. I only have so much willpower. I am but a man."

"James, I am not trying to seduce you tonight, honestly. With everything going on with your sister, and everything I that I preached to Anna up until her wedding day, it would be highly hypocritical of the both of us. I just want to be near you tonight; to have you close to me as long as possible before you're gone. No one will know I was here. There's a secret passageway behind that suit of armor next to the fireplace. I will be back in my room before the servants come to wake you to catch your ship. I just want to spend the night, sleeping in your arms. That is all right now. There will be plenty time for everything else when you come home to me." Lighting struck nearby again, and she buried her head in his chest. He loudly exhaled. She was frightened and sad. The fact that a snowstorm hadn't appeared in the room with them amazed him and spoke volumes of the depth of her love for him. He was lost to her, and could deny her nothing, even if it took every ounce of self-control within him not to take her then and there, leaving her with the memory of just how much he loved her.

"You may stay," he told her as she pulled off her robe and slippers. He lifted the sheet to allow her underneath with him. She snuggled up to him on her side, placing her head on his chest, and he tentatively wrapped his arm around her, resting his hand on her abdomen. Her hair brushed against his face, and with every breath he inhaled as the scent reminiscent of clean fragrance of newly fallen snow and, interestingly, a hint of peppermint that he quickly learned was just Elsa enveloped him. He could get very used to such an arrangement, though he would gladly have done away with the gown between him and her soft, wonderful skin.

Another crash of lightning shook them, and she tensed against him. He wished to ease her fears. "Do you know, I have a rather irrational fear of my own?" he asked.

"You do?" Elsa murmured. "What could you possibly be afraid of? Haven't you faced hordes of pirates and my grandmother?"

He ran his hand through her hair and along her back as he spoke. "I am afraid of childbirth."

Elsa lifted her head to see his face in the lightning. "Childbirth? It's a blessing you'll never have to experience such a terror," she laughed. It was good that she was laughing.

He grew still. "I jest not, Elsa. Childbirth terrifies me. I fear losing the women I love to it. Aunt Lillian almost died having Rapunzel. My mother did die having Elinor. I know that women survive it every day, but I'm also aware that just as many don't. I was thankful duty called me away each time Mary's time came, and it almost drove me mad that I was in the castle when Rapunzel had Elsa, because they're too dear to me."

"James," Elsa asked in all seriousness, "whatever shall you do when our time comes? We both want children. It is my duty to have them. It is the natural result of the normal things that occur where we are now. How will you survive?"

He chuckled under his breath, shaking her a bit. "I will grit my teeth, and I will pray. I will pray as I never prayed before, because of all the women in my life, you are the dearest. I cannot do without you."

'Nor I you," Elsa admitted, that knot in her stomach tightening. She positioned herself to where her head was next to his as they stared into each other's soul. "You will return to me?"

He ran his fingers through her hair once more. "Elsa, I will always return to you." He couldn't resist any longer and leaned over to kiss her, temptation and hypocrisy be damned.

The dawning sun sprayed pink and purple rays from behind them as they said their goodbyes as the dock. Around them, the sounds of the village waking for the day began. The day was fresh and anew, and James was leaving Arendelle for an undetermined amount of time. She tried to keep a brave face, but it faltered. Despite everything, the knot in her stomach persisted in remaining with her. Just then she hated Elinor Westbrooke and hated Hans Westergaard and even slightly hated Fergus and Mary for not keeping tighter control over Elinor. Mostly she hated the situation.

James was wearing an ordinary suit; no uniform, no sash noting rank and nobility over his waistcoat. He traveled entirely as a civilian. There was nothing differentiating him from any random merchant on business. He had no wish for his movements to be made public. Elsa watched him as he secured his berth and loaded his luggage.

Though the clothes on his back were ordinary, there was nothing ordinary about James Westbrooke. The very way he carried himself and held his head marked his noble birth, heritage, raising, and general nature. It was one of the countless things that she admired about him. That, and his inability despite all of that to keep his collars and cravats straight. Of course, if he could do the latter, then she would never have the opportunity to correct them. That would have been a pity.

He took her hand, "They're boarding now. It is time for us to say our goodbyes."

Elsa straightened his cravat, unable to say the words. Tears burned her eyes. "Return to me, James Westbrooke. The Queen commands it," she ordered with an imperious air before she deflated, her head falling on his chest. She whispered, "I love you so."

He lifted her chin, looking into her eyes. "Whenever your heart aches and you care to find me, walk to the causeway, and look to the western sky. There, you'll find me, and soon enough you will see me walking toward you, ready to take you into my arms and never let you go again. Elsa, you own my soul and hold my heart in your hands. To say that I love you seems so small a thing. What I feel for you cannot be contained in mere words. I shall return to you, my dearest Elsa." He then kissed her so passionately, and she him in return in front of every person awake in Arendelle that there was no longer any doubt that the queen had fallen in love. Then he walked the gangplank, taking her heart with him.

"Return to me, James," she whispered into the morning breeze.

She stood there alone, watching as the ship carrying him sailed out of the fjord until her legs felt as if they would no longer sustain her. It was then that she felt an arm around her. She turned around to find her grandmother, arms open, tears, silently falling down her face, waiting to escort her back to the castle.

And this folks, is where I leave you tonight.