Summary: Ashura couldn't share the dreams. He didn't want to worry Indra any more than he already has and it's not just that, though. He was ashamed of them.
Another night without sleep. Another filled with those horrible nightmares. Ashura no longer wants to sleep, knowing if he does he'll see the nightmare-Indra. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want that Indra to...to...
He tries to tell himself that the real Indra would never do that to him. That his older brother would rather die than do that. His brother, he knew, would never rape someone.
But sometimes it was difficult to believe that. Because sometimes, when they used to be intimate, Indra left bruises so everyone would see who he "belonged" to and made sure he was barely able to walk the day after. Because his brother was selfish. Because his brother's eyes darkened with lust whenever they set sight on him.
It terrified him. Ashura used to love it, but after those dreams he no longer did. He couldn't. And they couldn't be intimate anymore either-he was growing afraid of the idea, of Indra. He flinched now whenever his brother tried to touch him. It hurt Indra, he knew, no matter how well the other man hid it. And no matter how many times he told himself that the dreams would never be real, that Indra would never really do that, Ashura could never convince himself completely.
And then Indra confronted him about his change in behavior. He was worried. Ashura never wanted that and so he tries, he tries and fails, to reassure his brother that everything is fine, but Indra does not believe him.
"You are not sleeping and you are not eating," Indra stated. "Something is wrong. Will you not tell me what troubles you?"
"It's nothing. Everything is fine," Ashura assures him, but the lie is hollow on his ears and Indra sees it as it is. A lie. A lie meant to assuage him, but it does not work.
"Don't lie to me...please," Indra whispered. "I don't want you to ever lie to me."
Ashura does not mean to lie, has never meant to lie, doesn't want to lie, but he doesn't want to worry his brother either. Even though his elder brother is worried enough already, Indra'll worry even more if he tells him. That...that can't be allowed. He wants to avoid that.
But there's more to it than just him not wanting to worry his brother. Ashura can't share the dreams. He was too ashamed of them and while they may not be real and they may not ever come true, Ashura was scared of them all the same. So he keeps them to himself and tries to swallow the lump growing in his throat, tries to swallow the urge to break down and cry and tell Indra about the truth. But he can't. The shame and fear was too great...and he didn't want to cause his brother any more worry. He looks at Indra, tears threatening to fall, as he utters the words that pain him.
"I don't want to lie to you either," Ashura whispered, a tear running down his cheek, "so please don't ask me again."
A/N: Ashura, once again, keeps the dreams to himself. This time I expanded just a bit on the reasons why so that it's not solely "he doesn't want to worry his brother". I like the "He looks at Indra, tears threatening to fall, as he utters the words that pain him." I think I'll use it again in another fic with Indra and Ashura. So how are you guys feeling about me drawing this "dream" thing out?
Please review!