Disclaimer: I don't own APH or "Black Rose" by Trapt.
AN: I've been doing too much fluff and cuteness, so I decided to do some angst. And I went to the complete other end of the spectrum. This one had me nearly in tears, just a warning. You can sort of think of this as a companion to Chapter 23. I did anyways.
I saw you in the garden
I wanted you so much
You're supposed to be here. You're supposed to be next to me right now, as the sunlight creeps into the room. The golden light illuminates the hotel room and (most importantly) the bed where I lie. You're supposed to be here and…you're not.
I really thought that you were different
Oh I couldn't get enough
I say I'm too strong for tears and proud, but even now I can feel the tears falling down my face. You're not here and you're supposed to be. Why aren't you here?
I tried to save you from yourself
I tried. I really did. I tried to save you. I stayed up all those nights just to make sure you were still breathing, making sure you were still alive. I did things just to make you laugh and smile. I tried to fight the evil that was there, inside of you. I'd see it. Your eyes would be flat and dead, a cruel smile. A mockery.
I felt every high and low
But the lows have drowned the highs away
Now there's nowhere else to go
Near the end, I think you started to realize what was going on. That knowledge haunted you. I had to look into your crazy eyes and tell you'd it would all be all right. I told you that you weren't crazy. Maybe that's where I made the mistake. Maybe if I had said what it really was you'd be here.
Black rose your thorns are cutting into me
For the last time
My sisters come and tell me to get up. They dress me, making me look nice. It's not for you, even though they say you would have wanted me to look nice. It's for everyone else. You didn't care if I was wearing a suit or a bunch of rags. You'd hug me tightly, tell me that I had better learn to take better care of myself, and then you'd proceed to rip me out of that expensive suit or the remains of clothes.
My older sister hands me a rose. It's red, for true love. The edges of it are turning black. The thorns are still there, digging into my hand.
Black rose I watched your petals wilt away
I couldn't bring you back to life
Do you know what I'd give for you to be alive? I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat, because that's all it truly was. A heartbeat.
You were always where the sun could never go
I never wanted you to have to be alone
If my sisters weren't standing on either side of me, holding tightly onto my arms, I would dive down into the ground with you. I'd open the coffin and crawl in beside you, keep you warm. I'm not that warm, I'm cold, but maybe through our combined cold, we could find warmth. I'd…I'd keep you company. You should never been alone.
But I couldn't find a way to help you grow
Black Rose
Instead, I have to contend myself with placing the dying rose in your dead hands. It'll never bloom or grow. You will never smile again. You will never laugh or cry or kiss anymore. You are gone.
And I am here.
You never tell me how you feel
And your moods they always change
You'd lie about the bad days, the days when you were falling apart at the seams. I'd confront you and you'd try to smile and laugh it off, but I saw the bruises. I'd pin you against the wall, trying to lock you in, and you'd get angry. You'd shove me off and start to walk away, I'd grab your arm and we'd glare at each other. We'd be reminded of the Cold War, so we'd end up in an abandoned room, making hate.
I really tried to make it real
I tried to give you something to believe in. I tried to prove that you and I were worth living for.
But you never had the faith
You'd say I was nothing but a waste of time, a waste of space. You'd say that there was nothing between us.
I tried to give you something good
To take the pain away
I tried to make you understand
You don't have to be this way
I tried to have you use me. Beat me up. I can take the pain. You don't have to suffer. Go ahead and hurt me. I can take it. You may never let me in, but I can take away the pain, if only for a little while. I tried to show you that we could go through this together.
Black rose your thorns are cutting into me
For the last time
Black rose I watched your petals wilt away
I couldn't bring you back to life
I close your hands around the stem, stained with my blood. I can't bear to see you this way. I can't look away.
You were always where the sun could never go
I never wanted you to have to be alone
But I couldn't find a way to help you grow
Black Rose
I kiss your forehead, wishing I could give you my life. I would have given you anything. I will still give you anything. You just had to/have to name it. Say the word and it's yours.
I'll do whatever, as long as I know I'm yours.
I'm not the one who hurt you (I couldn't save you)
So why are you so scared (You are who you are)
People always thought you were crazy for ending up with me. But, I wasn't violent. I never hurt you. I let you hurt me. There were times when you'd be scared of me. I never did anything. I don't know how it got this bad.
All that you've been put through (I couldn't break through)
Couldn't be repaired (We're too far apart)
I tried. I guess it just wasn't…wasn't enough.
I'm not the one who hurt you (I couldn't save you)
I'm the only one who cared (You are who you are)
I know the others saw the changes. They just wouldn't do a thing to save you. I cared. I cared so much it hurt. I tried and tried.
You'll need someone to turn to (I couldn't save you)
And I will not be there
I just couldn't save you.
Every time I held you I knew that it would hurt
Only through the pain I could find a way to learn
It hurt you. It hurt me. You hurt me. I hurt you. This game of hate and love we've played for too long that we've forgotten how to play any other way. Through holding our cards close, through hiding our hearts, we proved our love and hate for each other. I knew that it would hurt like this.
It would always hurt me the most. But, through it, I could learn who…you were...are.
Black rose your thorns are cutting into me
For the last time
Black rose I watched your petals wilt away
So wilt away
Couldn't bring you back to life
You're lowered into the ground. Please, don't do this. You're supposed to be here with me. The past is a thorny vine wrapped tightly around me, throttling me and killing me. Your face is the black rose, dying. I can't save you! I can't bring you back!
I-I can't let you go.
You were always where the sun could never go
I never wanted you to have to be alone
But I couldn't find a way to help you grow
Black Rose
You're supposed to be alive, standing here with me. You're not supposed to be gone. I need you here still. I love you.
And all I could do was stand and watch you fall into madness.
I'm not the one who hurt you (I couldn't save you)
So why are you so scared (You are who you are)
You were angry. I was pissed. It started off as a fight, ended up in sex. It always does. You lost it afterwards. I held you and tried to hold you together as you were breaking. You snapped out of it, asked me why I was crying.
All that you've been put through (I couldn't break through)
Couldn't be repaired (We're too far apart)
Then you asked me. You asked me to kill you.
I'm not the one who hurt you (I couldn't save you)
You gave me no choice. I loved you. I love you. I had to hurt you. I had to…had to kill you. You made me promise. You never break a promise to someone whom you love.
I'm the only one who cared (You are who you are)
The gun was cold, resting against your temple. At the bang, the cold seeped into my body and yours. This is what we're left with. What we had was all there was! And now, it's gone.
You'll need someone to turn to (I couldn't save you)
We'll always be connected. You aren't fully dead, not yet. And I'm not fully alive. We're two parts of a whole.
I'm dying. I couldn't save you. You couldn't save me.
And I will not be there
Y-You're supposed to be here with me.
AN: This thing they call love is stupid.
ALSO!!!!! Thank you to all the people who tried to explain English and Russian relations! I was just wondering if there was some type of war or anything, because American education is seriously lacking (We didn't even cover the Austrian War of Succession, like come on! And Prussia was only mentioned as the unifier of Germany. He's too awesome to only be a two day lecture). I love how Catherine the Great was the ruler who got the really awesome warm water port; Peter got an all right...girls rule! Sorry, I'm rambling. I have an excess of knowledge on some historical topics. Anyways, thanks to: Whimsical Shmoo (England really was possessive of India, but I didn't know Russia tried to get ports that far south), Gemini Artemis (Who isn't scared of Ivan? And I need to actually reread the strips. I'll look those ones up), Victoria Wan (Russia really has issues with PEACETIME. Always have to have a conflict going on...^-^), and VIITheChariot (HTA is VERY hopeful. E: You are never going out for that crazy blood thirty/blood fetish nation, so shut up! HTA: But he's so PRETTY!).
Also, I'm sorry if this chapter was really depressing. You have permission to chase me through the streets with a chainsaw.