Chapter 35 – Lost Chance
"So..." Laura and Taylor were at the latter's doorway, about to say goodbye. "I better get going."
"Yeah," answered Taylor, every part of her body wanting to ask Laura not to leave and to just spend the rest of the day with her, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. This day had been way too good for her to grab the chance of ruining it.
"I'll see you at work later?" asked Laura, not removing her gaze from Taylor's face.
"See you," Taylor smiled. She watched Laura come closer to her and waited for what she was about to do. When her face was only inches from her, she felt her eyes close out of habit, and then she felt Laura's lips just at the side of her own. Before she could stop herself, she sighed, smiling at the short but sweet contact. She'd been longing for this kind of contact in a really long time which made it enough for her, for now.
Laura smiled back and started stepping into her car. But Taylor was okay. Because this time, she knew Laura really wasn't walking away from her. This was her coming back. Laura was coming back to her. With that thought, she went back inside her place with the biggest smile in the world.
-o-o-o-
Eleven days.
Eleven long days ever since Taylor and Laura had that talk. Eleven excruciating days of waiting for something to happen that now seemed to be just a product of her imagination, of her being hopeful for something that was never possible anymore. Eleven days it took for her to have her hopes up, only to get crushed again by the same person who had made her hope in the first place.
It had been eleven days ever since that night, when she thought her connection with Laura was back, when she thought that it never really went away. Eleven days since she woke up with a new-found hope that maybe, there was still a chance for her and Laura. She greeted that day with lightness filling her, thinking it was the day that she was gonna get her back, that she was going to be complete again.
But it had been eleven days, and Laura had not said a word to her. She saw her at work later that day but Laura acted as if nothing happened, like it was some normal day that didn't need any more attention than it already got, and Taylor had been okay with that. She figured that it was still too soon to talk about anything else. The moment they shared earlier that day still lingered and she had hoped for it to stay with her as long as it could and maybe Laura thought that, too.
And then came the next day, and then the next, and then the next and Laura still kept quiet. She had not sent her a single message or hadn't rung her phone. They would see each other at work, but she would barely say a word to her unless they needed to shoot a scene together. She would even barely look at her, it hurt.
It was a mistake to think that they would still work out. It was a mistake to think that there was still a 'them' in the first place. Their relationship had been such a merry-go-round for so long now and it was stupid for her to think that she would never get tired of it. Because right now, she was too exhausted to even think of anything anymore. And so on that fucking eleventh day, that's when Taylor decided that it was all just too much for her heart to take.
So after work, she decided to do what she thought was left for her to do. She went to a private bar, somewhere she knew she wouldn't be bothered and let all the alcohol she could consume that night take away all that she was feeling. She wanted the pain to go away and she yearned for the last eighteen months of her life to be magically gone as she drowned herself in all the drinks she managed to gulp down that time.
And then after what felt like an eternity, she suddenly started feeling numb. She wasn't feeling anything else anymore except the horrible feeling of wanting to throw up everything inside of her but couldn't because she didn't actually have anything inside to throw up. She hadn't eaten the whole day and it was what was killing her right now. But she was thankful for that, because it was all she could allow herself to feel. She also couldn't feel her legs, which was why she fell on her first attempt to stand. She tried again but her legs couldn't support her weight even though she felt lighter than she ever felt her entire life. So she gave up, and just let her body fall on the soft cushion under her.
But after a short while, she felt warmth on her face. She tried opening her eyes but all she could see was a total blur. Someone was speaking to her, she was certain of that but she couldn't make out who it was and it made her head spin even more.
"Who are you?" she attempted to say without slurring the words, to no avail. "Get out of here, I just want to sleep."
The other again said something, inaudible to Taylor's ear and suddenly she felt her body getting hoisted as an arm wrapped around her body. She felt herself move without actually moving her legs. She tried to resist it but she felt too weak and so she just let whoever was holding her drag her away from her solitary place for the last two hours, before succumbing to the darkness that had been pulling her for quite some time now.
-o-o-o-
"Hello?" answered Laura, irritated at whoever was calling at this ungodly hour. She looked at the clock beside her and it read 2:17AM.
"Hi, Laura?"
It was a familiar voice of a male but Laura didn't bother thinking whoever it was, still annoyed at the interruption of her sleep.
"I'm sorry, I knew I woke you but I didn't know who else to call. It's Taylor."
That's when Laura felt every inch of her come to life. She then realized who had called her. It was Bryan, the owner of the private bar she and Taylor always went to whenever they felt like being away from everyone they knew and just bask in on the presence of each other.
"What happened? Is everything okay?" she nervously asked as she sat up.
"I don't think so. You have to come down here, now."
-o-o-o-
Laura reached the bar in less than twenty minutes. She immediately went to her and Taylor's usual spot but she wasn't there. Bryan had then appeared and led her to a different VIP lounge and that's where she found Taylor slumped down on the couch, with her head lulled to her side. She had never seen her this drunk her entire life and she felt her heart race in a not so good way.
She rushed towards her and cupped her face with both hands, trying to wake her. "Taylor..." she whispered, knowing she wouldn't wake up through that, "Tay, wake up, we gotta get you home."
"Who are you?" said Taylor, in an unrecognizable voice. She tried opening her eyes. "Get out of here, I just want to sleep."
"It's Laura, honey. Come on, you have to help me get you up."
She then pulled Taylor up as she wrapped her arm around her. Bryan made an attempt to help them but she shook her head, telling him she could do it. So with all her strength, she almost dragged Taylor out of the bar and brought her to her car.
At first she thought of bringing her to her own home, but then decided against it and brought Taylor to her place. While driving, she called Sam and asked him if he could look after Taylor tonight because she couldn't. A few minutes later, she was laying her down to Taylor's own bed.
When she was about to go to her bathroom to take some damp cloth, she felt Taylor stir as she grabbed her arm. "Hey..." she stopped to face her and found her with her eyes open, looking at her.
"Laura?" Taylor asked, half-conscious, trying to keep her eyes open as she looked at Laura.
"Yes baby, it's me." She hadn't even noticed how she had called her anymore. She was just so upset seeing Taylor this way that she couldn't think clearly anymore. "I just have to get something, okay? Just close your eyes, and get some sleep." She inched her face closer to Taylor's as she kissed her on her head. She was about to start walking when Taylor spoke again.
"Don't leave," she still had her eyes closed. "Please. Please stay. I love you so much. Please don't leave me again." With that, she closed her eyes as her grip on Laura loosened up.
-o-o-o-
If someone had told Laura Prepon ten years ago that she would one day be utterly and completely in-love with a woman, to the point of being consumed by that love, she would probably laugh at that person's face. It wasn't so much because of the 'woman' part, but it's the part where she would allow herself to be consumed by something that could be possibly make her self-destruct at some point in her life if she wouldn't handle it the right way. She never let that happen. She was always careful, always taking care of herself, not giving anything or anyone the power to completely hurt her.
But here she was, out on her porch, smoking what seemed to be her fourth cigarette in less than 30 minutes, thinking of the only person she had ever allowed herself to love more than she could ever handle it. She left Taylor's place the minute her brother came and as much as she hated to leave her on that state, she knew she couldn't face her in the morning when the weight of the past days was still on her shoulders. So, she asked Sam not to tell Taylor that she was the one who had brought her home and when he asked why, she just sadly shook her head and slowly helped herself out of the house.
When she first met Taylor, she knew there was something special about her. But never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought of her as someone who would one day make every pain she had ever felt for the last 34 years of her life, combined, seem like a child's play as compared to how she was feeling at this exact moment.
When she had spoken those words to her, when she asked, begged, for her to stay and not to leave her again, every wall she had surrounded herself with came crashing down at her. Ever since she had broken up with her, she had never allowed herself to think of the impact it had on Taylor. She knew she caused her pain but she never really thought of how much it had, of the intensity of that pain, because she knew that if she did, she would never be able to forgive herself for it.
And then the fact that Taylor had been able to move on, or so she thought, helped a lot, because then she could tell herself that she had not hurt her enough to fully destroy her. That she was okay, and that she could finally forgive herself for it. And so she had not prepared herself for what was about to happen when Taylor said those words to her, with so much pain in her voice. Because what she did all those months ago had not only ruined Taylor, it had broken her, too.
Eleven days ago, she was ready to give them another try. She was ready to tell her how much she loved her and how much she wanted to give them the chance of forever. But maybe the whole universe was conspiring against them or maybe the thought of them was just really so fucked up all that could ever happen to and for them was one fucked up thing after another. Because the moment she reached her home, what was waiting for her, or rather, who was waiting for her was the last person she ever thought she'd see.
So, even if she didn't want to recall that particular day anymore, she couldn't stop her mind when it wandered back.
Laura was so sure that this was gonna be the best day of her life in a really long time. She even found herself almost skipping to her door, when she saw a familiar figure standing just outside her house. She came to a halt, unsure if she should approach him or wait for him to come to her. Maybe he sensed her hesitation so he slowly walked towards her.
For a moment, he just stood there in front of her, as if trying to take in everything he could about her just by staring. When she couldn't stand the silence anymore, she spoke. "Yes?"
The first time she heard about Finn was when she was watching an entertainment news, something she rarely did in her spare time. It was just a rumor back then, about him and Taylor being an item, and as much as she should've hated for it to be true, she actually hoped that it was. She wanted Taylor to be happy and if that guy was gonna be the key to that, she wouldn't have anything against it.
Then, the rumor was confirmed, not by Taylor, but by someone close to them both and she made true to her promise to herself that she was going to be happy for them. But then she found out about the guy's feelings towards her and she suddenly resented him, like he didn't deserve Taylor at all. If he wasn't going to be okay with some of her friends, he shouldn't be with her, she thought. But then again, she also wondered if that was really the reason or was it really because she realized that she was actually still in love with her?
Now that he was in front of her, she tried to assess what she now felt towards him, now that he's not with Taylor anymore. But she couldn't come up with anything so she waited for him to say something to her, to tell her why he was there, even if she knew that it was gonna be about a certain blonde she just parted ways with a while ago.
"Stay away from her," he said, with venom in his voice.
(to be continued...)
A/N:
I hate to leave it here but I had to. Please don't kill me. Lol. I know this chapter is a bit angsty but I actually kind of like it. :)) So what do you think? Will Laylor be endgame? You'll find out next chapter! And btw, it will be way longer than usual, so there's that.
sara lance, Awww, thank you for saying this is the best when there are really great Laylor fanfics out there. *happy tears* Yes, it has to end at some point though. I'm sad, too, btw. But again, thank you!
moanzs, Thank you for love for Shattered! =) And yeah, just one more chapter. Thank you for that review. =)
tash, hiodhdaldjha you are so cute *blushes*
Marijn, I hope I didn't crush you with this chapter. Lol. The next chapter will be the last, sad to say. And please don't let this fanfic be the end of you, lol. There's always Shattered for that haha.
Marjolein, I'm glad you liked the previous chapter! And thank you for reading Shattered =)
Anas, And your review made my day. Thank you!
I3Vauseman, Wow, I am 'Your Awesomeness'? Lol I don't think so, that's you! Thank you for that review. And I'm sorry if this chapter is very anti-climactic. And sorry, too, that this time, I really left you with a cliffhanger. Please don't hate me. Hahaha. Love lots, girl!
FFChik, 'The Talk' may not be happening anytime soon. Lol jk! Find out next chapter. Haha. Thank you!
Ellen0000, Yeah, people outside the fandom really don't understand us that much, do they? Lol. But thank you! I'm glad I was able to bring you to those kinds of emotions =) I wonder what this chapter made you feel. Haha.
jo michael, Thank you for checking Shattered out! And for leaving a couple of reviews. Summer is almost over for me. I go back to school in a little more than a week and I'm really bummed. I don't wanna go back yet. Lol. How about you? =)
pautassium, Oh hi new reader! Welcome! Lol. Sorry, I'm being weird. Anyway, thank you for leaving a review and I'm really happy that you like my story. You are wonderful, and here's your update. (sorry btw that you didn't get any mushy laylor on this chapter =( )