"Complaining solves nothing but creative problem solving amongst people with a common focus will produce solutions."

A/N - Had such a blast writing this chapter...The Edgeworth is back with a vengeance! You think Edgy's given Nick crap before...ya ain't seen nothing yet! I'm taking a break from angst and trying my hand at slight comedic banter. Lemme know how I did! :p

Chapter Thirty-Five: I Heard it Through The Grapevine

Maya Fey and Mia Fey
Hickfield Clinic, Maya Fey's ICU Room
September 8, 2020

"Now that you've filled in all the remaining blanks your beau wasn't able to, I'm afraid these problems you're having in Kurain are beyond Phoenix's ability to fix this time around, little sister," Mia sighed, dropping down onto the foot of the hospital bed. "There's a lot of profoundly entrenched issues that need to be unraveled first and foremost, which have been deeply rooted before you even assumed the title."

"Unless you know how to build a time machine, I can't turn back and undo all the damage that's been done," Maya joked. Mia rolled her beautiful amber eyes heavenward at her quip, so she quickly amended her statement.

"I mean, as much as I'd like to go back in time, obviously I can't, so there has to be another solution, but I have no idea what! How on earth do I take on all these pre-existing issues on top of the new-found hellacious ways they keep finding to torture me?"

"We need to try to get to the root of that cause first, Maya, and then deal with all the other shenanigans you're facing against those who oppose your authority. The first cut is the deepest, so they say. In the case of the origins of this particular deep, pulsating wound...My educated guess would be it all stems from the DL-6 incident."

"You're right, it does." Maya nodded, tightly hugging her pillow to her chest. "I've been shying away from tackling things at the heart of the matter, thinking if only I prove myself, all those years of prejudice and conjectures the elders have about our family, about the law, will just go away. Obviously, I was wrong! It's all so overwhelming, Sis. I don't even know where to even begin!"

"Well, the person who's left this fresh hell for you to deal with is already incarcerated, so there's nothing else that can be done in that regard." Mia's expression was thoughtful. "What we need to figure out is how to tackle the demon spawns she's sired in her destructive wake, starting with her most grueling one, Mildew. If you can get her to topple, we'll get the domino effect we're seeking, and the rest will fall accordingly, thereafter."

"It all starts with one, huh?" Maya brooded. "But tackling the issue that is The Dragon Lady is easier said than done; even if she wasn't always trash-talking and thumbing her nose at you and mom because she didn't agree with the paths you chose, she also makes it clear she will never respect my authority because she's such an avid Morgan supporter. If that old battle-axe had had her way, our duplicitous aunt would have been completely successful in her evil murderous endeavors!"

"You know what I'm thinking here, Maya?" Mia spoke slowly, as a realization suddenly dawned on her. "You can't take the high road with slithering reptilians like Mildew and her ilk. There's no point. We've got to turn things around here! You've been going about this all wrong, trying to prove yourself to them, and trying to garner their reverence…"

"It seemed like the best idea at the time, trying to establish my worthiness of the title…having them winding up respecting me, consequently, just seemed to be the next logical route," Maya professed miserably. "Liking me was inconsequential but not unwelcome!"

"Eureka! That's it!" Mia snapped her fingers and her eyes lit up. "Maya, is there a light bulb over my head?"

"You mean you had an idea?" Maya's voice was hopeful.

"No little sis," she teased. "I'm literally asking you if there's actually a light-bulb over my head!"

"Ha-ha. Alright, wise one, let's have at it then?"

"Have you ever heard the phrase, 'respect is born out of either love or fear'?" Mia enquired eagerly. "Well, forget about trying to make them respect you because they like you and acknowledge your abilities…what we've got to do is strike fear in their hearts!"

"Oooh…I like the way you think, Sis!" Maya exclaimed enthusiastically. "You're thinking if they fear me, they'll also have to respect me!"

"That's right." Mia gave a Cheshire cat grin. "Because we won't let them have a choice."

Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth
Hickfield Clinic, Visitors Lounge
September 8, 2020

"W- what?" Phoenix stammered, completely flabbergasted by the words his friend had just uttered. "W- who? Your manservant? Told you about Maya? H- how?"

"The questions who, what and how are not yours to ask, Wright. The question is mine, and it is: why?" Edgeworth asked curtly. "As in why did I have to hear from Hendricks that Miss Fey, your girlfriend – unless you've loused that up since we last spoke! – and my good friend, had been hospitalized, yet I had not been privy to hear neither hide nor hair of it from you?"

Whoa! He's seriously steamed about being left out of the loop! Phoenix acknowledged, taken aback by the vehement anger in his friend's undertone, despite his voice not being raised. I honestly never intended to do that! It's just what with suddenly playing daddy to two little girls, and visiting Maya daily while praying for her well-being, and then having to go and bluff my pianist skills at work…it just completely slipped my mind! I'm seriously touched how much Edgeworth cares though. It didn't occur to me how much he really does love Maya; he truly values her friendship beyond mere Steel Samurai kinship bonding. That's why he's so mad. He's hurt I didn't tell him.

The realization made Phoenix smack his forehead with the heel of his palm. Oh boy…time to take my (verbal) lumps like a man…and be thankful he's not here in person to give them to me physically…this time…

Maya Fey and Mia Fey
Hickfield Clinic, Maya Fey's ICU Room
September 8, 2020

"The question is not why, but how. As in, how to train your dragon? That is the $64,000 question." Mia closed her eyes in contemplation for a moment.

"Sis, citing off titles of children's movies isn't going to help here," Maya kidded.

Mia opened her eyes and slowly turned her head towards her sister with a look of complete annoyance on her face. Oblivious that her joke had flat lined, Maya continued jesting in her usual playful manner.

"Well, if you're literally looking at approaching The Dragon Lady as a giant, fiery reptile," she went on. "I suppose we could try to channel the late St. George to slay the beast on our behalf…"

Maya was on a roll now, completely unprepared for the explosive reaction coming her way.

"There is also the option to exploit said creature's particular fondness for gold….Hey, I know! We first lure, and then lock her into room full of pretty, shiny nuggets, treasure and jewels galore…"

"Oh for the love of all holy saints!" Mia snapped, fixing her sister with a ferocious glare. "Can you stop being a clown ass and please be serious here for a minute, Master Fey?"

Maya was taken aback at the reaction. "Awe, lighten up Sis, I was just joking around!"

"Objection! My ribbing you about Phoenix nailing you was a joke! This reprehensible dilemma with Mildew and the others pushing you around, and nearly to the breaking point, is no laughing matter, missy!" Mia scolded, giving her sister such a stern look that poor Maya slumped down on the bed in fright as the former defense attorney continued her tirade.

"Here I am, back from the other side of the grave, frantically trying to help you fix this horrendous debacle you're in, and there you are…" Mia extended her arm and raised her famous legal pointer finger at her sister. "Making insipid, corny jokes!"

"Sis, I'm sorry…" Maya whimpered, cowering even lower and pulling the covers up to her chin.

Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth
Hickfield Clinic, Visitors Lounge
September 8, 2020

"I am so sorry, Edgeworth." Phoenix dragged a hand down his face as he braced himself for impact, knowing his apology would likely be falling onto deaf ears. "It – it just didn't seem like the sort of thing you email someone about…it'd have been such a shock! It was a shock for me and I heard it on the phone! And you did say that you would be inaccessible via phone, after all…"

"I said you wouldn't be able to reach me by phone, yes," his friend conceded grumpily. "Nonetheless, if email correspondence was your sole source of contacting me, it still should have been utilized! That was ultimately how Hendricks contacted me. My American cell phone has been forwarded to my LA penthouse, and he screens my calls and voicemails and makes me cognizant of matters of magnitude, via electronic mail – in this case, the frantic message made by little Pearl three days prior. Then, obviously, I can still call you, if need be."

"How are you calling me, anyway?" Phoenix was confused. "I thought you were on some top-secret Interpol mission and your whereabouts weren't allowed to be known?"

"I am not in any breach of my required anonymity instructions, Wright," Edgeworth informed him, his annoyed tone partially now replaced with his typical dry one. "Take a look at your caller ID. Tell me, what does it say? Does it give you any indication as to who is calling you or the caller's whereabouts, whatsoever?"

Phoenix blinked. He had completely forgotten that he hadn't even checked to see who'd been calling when he'd answered his cell…he'd just been relieved for the excuse to break away from the death glare Maya had given him when he'd blown the whistle on her to Mia!

Oh, boy, I'm gonna pay for that later, too. Yeesh! I'm in hot water with my best friend, and later, my girlfriend…is there anyone in my life right now who isn't super pissed at me?

Possibly Mia. But only because she was dead. He was sure he was long overdue for some slaps from Pearls later for some reason or other soon enough…

"Um, yeah, good point, it says 'unknown name, unknown number.' So yes Edgeworth, you have thus maintained your status of International Man of Mystery, heh, heh."

"I wouldn't start chuckling just yet, Wright. I am still completely unimpressed with you. Tell me, something – did Gumshoe know about Miss Fey's critical condition?"

"Yes, in fact, he and Maggey look after Pearls in the evening, along with Trucy, on nights she's not working at The Wonder Bar. But since Maya is in ICU, only immediate family are allowed to see her."

"Then how did you manage to get in there?"

"I, um, claimed I was a cousin." However, after since witnessing the way I've been talking to Maya in her unconscious state, and the copious amounts of kissing on her sleeping face, the medical staff here undoubtedly think we're the most incestuous cousins on the planet! Oh maybe they just figure we're from the South?

"You just can't stop bluffing, can you?" The prosecutor sounded a trifle amused for a second, but then his voice hardened again. "So Gumshoe also knew of this occurrence, yet didn't see fit to notify me either, did he? Remind me to cut his salary during his next review…dammit, he's rich now, so I can't threaten him with that anymore! Ngh! Do remind me to send him a scathing email, then, after we wrap up here, Wright."

I will do no such thing! Damn, poor, unsuspecting Gumshoe, who's also due a what for! At least he and I can later compare the battle injuries of Edgeworth's verbal lashings together though…

"For what it's worth, Maya's no longer in a coma. She woke up just moments before you rang, and it seems she's going to be just fine."

"And when were you going to tell me that, Wright?"

Jeez Louise, Edgeworth is really on edge! If I didn't know better, I'd think something else was eating him, beyond being mortally wounded by my unintentional silence on this matter…

"Edgeworth, exactly how many times are you going to rake me over the coals for this?" Phoenix sighed. "You're absolutely right to be mad at me. You're my best friend in the world, and Maya and I love you like family. Although it was unintentional on my part, you absolutely shouldn't have been kept in the dark, and I swear to you on all that is sacred and holy, I will never be so careless again."

Silence on the line. Phoenix wasn't sure if his friend was at all mollified or simply reloading his ammo. He affected a more imploring tone, just to be safe.

"I apologize, Miles," he said sincerely. "I'm really and truly sorry."

It was his rare use of his friend's first name that seemed to do the trick this time.

"Forget it about, Wright."

Despite the gruffness of the words, the other man's tone had softened a tad. After all, while Phoenix was too big a man to mention it, they both knew he'd forgiven the prosecutor for much more dire sins in the past.

"So, anyway, how's Franziska?" Phoenix asked, keen to change that subject.

Another strange pause.

"She is blissfully still dead to the world as we speak, as it's only quarter past five in the morning where we are. However, she's doing well, thank you."

Phoenix was positive now he'd heard an edge to his friend's voice when he'd asked about his fiancée. Which was odd, considering Edgeworth had been so besotted with the woman that he'd decked him for slighting her! But he knew how jealously his friend guarded his privacy, so he didn't even try to pry. Edgeworth knew he could always turn to him if he needed an ear.

"In response to your prior, subtle as a Mack truck query, I'd like to let you know, for the record that yes, Maya is still my girlfriend. Shockingly, no I didn't louse things up. And yes, we're still together. Um, about as together as we can be, anyway…" he added without thinking.

"What on earth does that mean?"

Damn your slippery tongue, Phoenix! You've apparently lost your sharpness, along with your badge!

"Well, you know," Phoenix began awkwardly. "Circumstances being what they are right now since my disbarment… and her being a prominent master and all…. and factoring in that she no longer resides with me, and is now a two hour commute away and everything…"

"You're babbling, Wright," Edgeworth stated dryly. "Is there something fallacious between you and Miss Fey? Are you due yet another talking to, the way I had to do that fateful night at the bar?"

Oh God no! Not that! Anything but that!

Miles Edgeworth's lectures were the painful mind-numbing, ego-crushing, pride-stripping stuff that most paint thinners could have been made of! Phoenix was still recovering from his last one! That had taken him longer to get over than the actual physical blow he'd received from him!

"We've seen each other three times in the last year and a half." Phoenix slumped down in his chair and pulled his beanie over his eyes, as if trying to physically block out the weight of his confession.

"Do you care to enlighten me as to why?" The prosecutor was unable to hide the surprise in his tone. "The last time you and I spoke of her, you were playing dodgeball with her calls because you were worried about how she would react to the news of your disbarment. Then we spoke on the phone the next day, and I got you to confess that the real concern wasn't her feared rejection of you. You'd indicated that you were actually fretful about the repercussions of Children's Services if they found out about the two of you, hence, you didn't know how you and Miss Fey would be able to make things work in the meantime. Has that particular matter not yet been resolved?"

"Oh sure, Trucy's been formally adopted now and is legally and truly mine. That's not the issue at all."

"Then what, pray tell, is keeping you from leaning on the woman you love in your darkest hour, and at the very least, being a family with her and Trucy?"

And Phoenix told him everything. His voice nearly broke a few times as he unburdened the sorrows and hardships that he'd been facing to his best friend at long last. He told Edgeworth all of it, from his suspicions about Kristoph Gavin's thinly veiled threats and his consequential fears for Maya's safety, to the Kurain restriction, and the heartbreaking events that had transpired the day of the Master Ceremony with Mildew.

Edgeworth listened quietly, occasionally murmuring the odd "Interesting," and "I see," his tone giving no indication of his own feelings on the matters whatsoever.

"So at least in Kurain, I know Maya's safe," Phoenix finished, taking a moment to catch his breath. "Or, so I thought…before this happened! But it kills me that I couldn't even go see her once all this time because that miserable old bag…"

"Ngh! Don't say Oldbag, I implore you. I still have nightmares about that woman."

Phoenix chuckled at the mention of his friend's geriatric stalker, who was the one thing that Edgeworth feared more than elevators and earthquakes combined.

"Sorry, Edgey-poo," he snickered, using the unfortunate nickname Edgeworth's relentless admirer had bequeathed him.

"You're an ass, Wright."

Phoenix smirked, picturing Edgeworth's famous glare at him even through the phone line, his arms crossed across his chest while he tapped his index finger on his arm, the way he always did when he was impatient or unamused.

"Apologies, dear friend. As I was saying, I can't go see Maya in Kurain because that crotchety, cantankerous old coot…"

"You've been working on your vocabulary, I see." Edgeworth's amusement at Phoenix's colorful depiction was evident.

"Put a sock in it, Edgeworth! Now is not the time to be a heartless, condescending prig! Where's your damn empathy?"

"Wright, you really should come up with a supply of cheese to match your vintage whine."

"I don't really think you're grasping how dire this situation is, Edgeworth!" Phoenix cried. "I can't go see Maya because The Dragon Lady threatened to have me charged with trespassing –"

"I see that line of logic as a big failure or a foolish joke."

"Hey! Don't just cut into my monologue like that!" Phoenix was indignant. "Can't you see I'm explaining things here?"

"No, Wright, you're whinging to me about a problem to which there is a perfectly simple and logical resolution."

"Really, a solution to the issue of this Kurain embargo? Well since you seem to have all the answers, I'd love to hear it, Mr. Logic!"

"You need to free your mind more, Wright, and let it fly like a bird on the wind."

Says the man whose hair looks like a bird on his head…Phoenix grumbled to himself as he wracked his brain, trying to deduce all possibilities to the situation with the village elders. Unfortunately, he drew a complete and total blank. Frustrated, he yanked off his hat and ran a hand through his hair.

"Dammit Edgeworth, I just don't get where you're going with this. I mean, maybe it's because I'm too close to the blasted situation…"

"I believe the proper phrase here is, you fail, Wright," chuckled Edgeworth. He was obviously enjoying having the upper hand.

"I super-hate you, Edgeworth." Phoenix muttered darkly.

"Wright, I know you're not a lawyer anymore, but you should never stop thinking like one!" Edgeworth urged. "There is a giant contradiction right here in front of us. Can't you see it?"

"I cannot believe you just used the word contradiction, Edgeworth," Phoenix couldn't resist a slight dig. "It appears that over the years, I must have really rubbed off on you. You're even starting to sound like me!"

"Ngh!" Edgeworth grunted, then cleared his throat and pressed on. "The point I'm trying to make is that this Mildred person, who is she to vanquish you off the land? Is she the sole proprietor of it?"

"Nooo…" Phoenix said slowly. "She's just a village Elder, and possibly ancient enough to be Oldbag's grandmother!" He added. "Maya's the Master, and she's the owner of all that land. At least, her family was. And I think she is now…"

"You think, Wright? You mean neither you nor Maya ever looked into looked into the title of land ownership? Or her Mother's Last Will and Testament?"

"Well…as you know, Maya barely had time to mourn her mother's passing before she was thrust into assuming the role right afterward…there was no final will reading or formality…"

"So I take this to mean that you didn't." Edgeworth sighed. "Don't worry, I shall look into the matter."

"Maybe I've been a non-attorney for too long, but for what purpose? Where are you going with this?"

"The law is merely a tool, Wright. There is no limit to it, only the skill of the craftsman." Edgeworth reminded him. "Think, man, think! If it can be lawfully proven that Miss Fey is the sole, legal owner of the land and the property that is Kurain Village…"

"That means absolutely nobody else has the authority to eject me from the boundaries of the property, because it belongs to Maya!" Phoenix sat up straighter now, and tugged his hat back on his head, feeling his first surge of hope in years. "Edgeworth, you're a genius!"

"I can't always argue with you now, can I Wright?" The prosecutor sounded as self-satisfied as the cat who'd eaten the cream. "So that's one hassle potentially out of the way – and don't worry – you're welcome. What else?"

"Well, it's like I told you, I have my suspicions about Gavin, but I have no proof…but I told you the underlying menacing comments and thinly veiled threats he's made. He thinks Maya and I are broken up for now. But he always seems to know my whereabouts!" Phoenix yanked at his beanie in agitation. "And even if I can sneak into Kurain say, in the middle of the night going forward without any legal repercussion, I'm still too paranoid to risk Maya's safety having her come down to see me. Gavin knows where I live, Edgeworth. He – he comes to watch me where I work! He knows where Trucy works…there is little doubt that he's following me. So if he sees Maya…"

"You're afraid he'll follow through on those implied threats."

Phoenix shuddered at the thought. "I just can't take that risk. So there's nowhere safe for Maya and me to see one another here in LA. Hotels are out of the question, what with the closest one, Gatewater being across the street, and visible viewing distance from my place. And plus, I don't have the money for that kind of extravagance what with raising a daughter and all…"

"Wright, please, cease your rambling." Edgeworth ordered. "I got it. Franziska got a lead about the Gavins the other day, and I will look into that matter for you. I haven't stopped my investigations on that subject, but this man is one smooth criminal. He's left no trails whatsoever, so if he is indeed cause for your suspicions, finding the evidence of it will be no easy feat."

"Words cannot describe how screwed I am." Phoenix griped.

"But in the meantime…" His friend went on, as if he hadn't heard him. "You're aware of the location of my residence, are you not?"

"No, I've never been there." Possibly because you've never invited me…

"It's 1 Palos Verdes, Coto de Caza, Penthouse. Surely you've heard of that area?"

Heard of it? Are you kidding? I wouldn't even know how to spell it!

"Um, can't say I have, actually…"

"The Empire Bellagio building."

"That's your place? Damn! That's a really exclusive area! In fact, that's where the Gumshoes are moving to next week!"

Holy toledo, I didn't realize the Gumshoes were that loaded! They're officially in Edgeworth league now!

"I know." Edgeworth sounded smug. "I was told that there was a 20 year waiting list for a suite in that condo when I was first shopping around for a penthouse. I didn't feel like waiting. So I just outright bought it."

"What, that penthouse?"

"No, the building."

"You own the entire Empire Bellagio building?" Phoenix's jaw dropped.

"How else do you think Gumshoe was able to secure a place in that building?" Edgeworth replied. "I told you that Hendricks keeps me abreast of any relevant matters that occur in my absence did I not?"

Wow, I guess this favor sure atones for all the times he cut Gumshoe's salary when he was on the force! Hmmm…so good old Edgeworth has a heart and a conscience it would seem…

"That's really great that you did that for the Gumshoes, Edgeworth…" Phoenix scratched his head. "Although I still don't quite get why you're giving me your address?"

"Wright, how daft are you? I'm giving you use of my place as a safe ground for you and Miss Fey to meet up whenever her business travels bring her down to LA, or whenever you two so desire. Let me know what day is best for you, and I will ensure Hendricks will be available to give you the keys."

Phoenix was completely dumbfounded at the generous offer. In a dozen lifetimes, he would never be able to afford such a luxury residence, and as it was on the other side of town, in an upscale area, it was unlikely he would be noticed or followed there. Even if he was seen going into the building, Gumshoe, as Trucy's baby-sitter was the perfect ruse to be going there if he ever was noticed! He could safely hold Maya in his arms in the undoubtedly opulent penthouse suite with not a worry or care in the world…and his precious baby girl would safely be a few floors down in the care of one of his dearest friends in the meantime.

It was an absolutely perfect solution which was the answer to his prayers and essentially all his relationship problems…but he couldn't take it.

"That's an incredibly magnanimous offer, Edgeworth," Phoenix cleared his throat. "And as much as I appreciate it - and believe me, I do - I just can't accept it."

"What?" For once the usually cool and collected Edgeworth was unable to hide the incredulity from his normally composed tone. "Why in the blazes not, Wright? Have you lost what is left of your mind?"

"Edgeworth, you've already done so much for me...you're my best friend, please try to understand," Phoenix pleaded. "I at least need to maintain my dignity, if nothing else. I just can't accept a handout from you."

"You foolish fool of a man! A handout? That's how you choose to look at this?" Edgeworth demanded, his ire unmistakable now. "Do you not remember when you defended me in court four years ago, and then refused to accept payment from me?"

"Of course I do. And I still won't! Why are you bringing that up now, though?"

"This isn't a hand-out, Wright. Consider this the other part of my debt repaid."

"The other part?"

"Have you not noticed that you haven't received an internet, phone or cable bill for the last four years, Wright?"

Phoenix scratched the back of his neck as he thought. As promised, Maya indeed had paid his rent, in a lump sum, for the next few years. And the money he and Trucy both made at their jobs paid his other bills: water, electricity and groceries, quite manageably, although for the past year, even more so. This was mostly due to the large, sporadic, anonymous cash donations he seemed to keep getting in the mail! In the midst of all this, and the general chaos that was his everyday existence, the absence of the one aforementioned consolidated bill had indeed escaped his notice, to his complete embarrassment!

"Um…" Phoenix mumbled. "I guess I thought…they just sort of…forgot to bill me?"

"Good God, man!" Edgeworth groaned. "You really are as trite as Godot said, aren't you?"

"Hey!"

"Wright, I took the fee that I normally charge my clients and applied it to your account with your TV/cell/internet provider. You're paid up for at least another decade."

Phoenix mentally did the math in his mind, and nearly did a spit take with the coffee he'd just helped himself to from the vending machine. It was at least half a year's salary! And Edgeworth still thought he owed him?!

"Edgeworth, your so-called debt to me is repaid at least ten times over!" Phoenix exclaimed. "How on earth do you figure you're still indebted to me?"

"Do you have any idea how much I typically charge, Wright?" Edgeworth asked wryly. "After this is all said and done, I'll consider us to be square. But not before then."

Phoenix shook his head stubbornly, even though he knew his friend couldn't see him. "Edgeworth, no. I just can't. Forget charity…I'd feel like I was taking… malapropos propitiousness of your friendship, of your kindness! I can't lower myself to be a man of such low moral turpitude!"

"Phoenix Wright," Edgeworth growled. Phoenix could easily picture his friend's fearsome angry zombie expression even over the phone. "That does it! I am not going to waste one more moment attempting to have a logical conversation with a man who has the common sense of a lemming, regardless of his new-found enhanced vocabulary! I demand you go over to Miss Fey and let me speak to her, posthaste."

"W- what?" Phoenix was stunned. "You want to talk to Maya now? Why?"

"Do not argue with me, Wright," Edgeworth stated, in his frosty don't mess with me voice. "Give. Miss. Fey. The. Phone. Now."

"B - but..."

"Silence!"

Maya Fey and Mia Fey
Hickfield Clinic, Maya Fey's ICU Room
September 8, 2020

"Silence!" Mia fumed, slapping her hands down, courtroom style, on the hospital over-bed table, with such force it went wheeling across the room. "Maya Fey, you are lucky I'm not giving you more of an earful for your completely impetuous actions which made you wind up in here in the first place, you…you reckless ninny!"

I'm lucky she's not giving me more? Mystic Ami help me…this is her holding back?! Maya cringed and barely resisted the urge to dive under the blankets for cover. Mia had always been slow to lose her temper, but when she did, look out!

"And for the record, little sister, if you know what's good for you, I'd better have since dissuaded any and all fool-headed notions you've been having about checking out early!" The former defense attorney added, getting off the bed and pacing the room while she continued her tirade.

"You and Phoenix make quite the pair, you know that? Just a few days ago, I had to give your boyfriend a good talking to about his superhero complex, and going around carrying the burden of the world on his shoulders alone. Apparently, I am now required to give you the same lecture!" Mia put her hands on her hips. "Do you know he blamed himself for your ludicrous actions? That he somehow convinced himself that his lack of presence at your side was the underlying cause of you nearly killing yourself while trying to prove your worth to those wretched harpies?"

"Oh God, he didn't! My poor Nick!" Maya wailed and buried her face in her hands, then peeked at Mia fearfully through her fingers. "Did you try to convince him he was being absurd and he couldn't have been further from the truth?"

"Maya, what on earth do you take me for?" Her sister asked crossly, catching the rolling under-bed table with her foot and placing her palms down on it to keep it in place. "Of course I did! The poor man was ready to have a nervous breakdown when he found out what had happened to you. I told him the last thing we needed was him you joining him in here. I know misery loves company, but that would have been ridiculous!"

"At least if he were in here with me I'd finally get a chance to actually see him." Maya folded her arms across her chest and sighed. "Oh, don't worry, I don't mean it of course, but…Sis, this long-distance relationship thing we've been having…" her voice trailed off desolately.

"Phoenix told me you've only seen each other three times in the last eighteen months, Maya." Mia looked at her sympathetically. "That must be so hard on you both."

"It is, it completely sucks," Maya admitted sadly. "But I love him, Sis. And in my heart of hearts, I know, ultimately, he's worth it."

"I'm sure he is," Mia drawled, trying to lighten the mood. "Jeez, only three times within a year and a half, eh? And you've managed to somehow make that tide you over, and you're willing to tough it out? Damn! He must be good!" She arched an eyebrow suggestively.

"Gahhhhh!" Maya shrieked in horror, grabbing the closest throwable object near her.

Mia managed to dodge swiftly as Maya, with surprising new-found vigor, hurled a pillow in her direction. It sailed out the door, almost beaning Phoenix, who'd just been about to walk back into the room, right in the kisser! Luckily, he managed to duck slightly, so instead the pillow sailed harmlessly off the top of his head, slightly knocking his beanie askew. He clapped a hand on his head to secure the hat back in place, while staring at the two guilty-looking sisters incredulously.

"Exactly what did I miss?" He asked disbelievingly. "You know, aside from finding out which one of you is trying out to be the new starting pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels baseball team?!"

"Oops! Sorry, Nick," Maya grinned sheepishly.

"Well, speaking of grand slams and home runs, I'm still deciding whether I should be giving a look of disapproval and/or a high-five to the man who deflowered my baby sister?" Mia derided, smirking as Phoenix's face turned so red she could have dabbed him with white paint and used him as a stop sign.

"Ngh! Phone – Maya – Edgeworth!" Phoenix spluttered, sweat-dropping profusely as he all but hurled his cell at his girlfriend. "You – talk – now! Me– bathroom – bye!" With that, he bolted from the room, nearly leaving smoke trails in his wake.

"You'll have to return back here at some point, Phoenix!" Mia called after him merrily. "You know you can't hide in the john forever!"

"Hiya, Mr. Edgeworth." Maya swallowed her giggles and shook her head at her sister, before at last speaking into the phone. "How's it going?"

"I am going to pretend that I didn't hear a word of that conversation, Miss Fey. It. Did. Not. Happen."

Edgeworth? Mia thought quickly. High Prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth! Perfect! He's just what the doctored ordered!

"Hey, little sister," she said sweetly, before Maya could say another word. "When you're done speaking to my favorite prosecutor, do allow me to have a word with him, will you please?"

"Sure…." Maya answered uncertainly. "But why, what's up?"

"Oh, I've just figured out how to slay that dragon of yours," Mia replied with a mischievous smile.

"What, you're going to try to fight fire with fire?"

"Nope," Mia shook her head, a devilish glint in her eye now. "I'm going to attack that beast with the one thing that it fears more than anything in the world."