Ichimaru Gin's Diary
And the 103rd, 104th and 105th reviewer is…CAMEO1 AND ONLY
Chapter 38: Parenting
Entry 398
Yo, Grim here…
I'm sittin' in one of those massage chairs right now…(AN: SO AM I!)
Who knew Neliel has one?
Anways…there's a seat vibrator thingy ma-jig…
It makes your butt feel funny. (AN: ME TOO! XD)
Entry 399
NNOITRA JIRUGA HERE!
And Neliel just turned into a kid again…
So we're dumpin' her on Grimmijow, who's the 'highest ranking sane one'.
Entry 400
Trashy trash, stupid piece of trashy trash…
*sigh* Aizen-sama had taken us to a place called the Bahamas.
But Gin bothered me a lot so of course, I complained.
Aizen-sama thought I was complaining about the Bahamas, which is lovely there.
So he sent me back, saying he doesn't want any unhappy campers…
Trashy Tia personally sent a sharp and freezing wave to bring me back to Las Noches…
Oh look…it's the 400th entry…
Get it? 400th and I am the 4th Espada?
Never mind…you people don't understand any of my jokes…
Entry 401
"Hiya! Ima Nel Tu, who're you?"
"According to you, Segunda Espada, Grimmijow Jeagerjacues."
"Hahaha! Cool! I'm Nel Tu! Who're you?"
"I just said…I'm Grimmijow Jeagerjacues…"
"I'm Nel Tu, who're you?"
"GET IT INTO YOUR STUPID BRAIN! I'M GRIMMIJOW JEAGERJACUES!"
"I'm Grimmijow Jeagerjacues, who're you?"
"I'm Nel Tu-HEY! Wait a minute!"
"M-kay! Ya gotta stop watch? Cuz I can't tell time…"
"I'M GRIMMIJOW JEAGERJACUES AND YOU'RE NEL TU!"
"Yup! I'm still waitin' for da minute ta be over!"
"YOU ANNOYING LITTLE SNOT!"
Grimmijow Parenting? FAIL
Entry 402
"Ulqui-orra-sama!"
"Yes…trash?"
"GRIM HURT NEL!"
"Who's Nel?"
"NEL IS RIGHT HERE!"
"I don't see her…"
"NEL IS RIGHT HERE!"
"Is she your imaginary friend?"
"NO! Pecshe and Dondachakka are! Nel's here!"
"I don't see her…Trash, are you sure you're just trying to get me out of this comfortable chair?"
"Dat's Nel's massage chair…"
"I know…"
"Nel neva said yoo can use it…"
"*realization hits like 4 tons of…trash* Nel…"
"Yes, Ulqui-orra-sama?"
"…"
"I'm bored. GIVE ME A PIGGY BACK RIDE!"
"No."
*STARTS BAWLING AND CRYING EYES OUT. BEING NEL, THERE IS NOW SNOT ON ULQUIORRA'S HAKAMA*
"NO TRASH, GET OFF OF ME."
"WAHHHH! PIGGY BACK RIDE!"
"CERO! GET OFF OF ME. THERE IS SNOT ALL OVER MY HAKAMA! NO! NOT MY JACKET! I just got it dry cleaned! And that takes forever since that trashy imbecile Grimmijow dry cleans everything, seeing that he is afraid of water."
"WAHHH! PLAY WITH ME!"
"NO YOU LITTLE BRAT. YOU RUINED MY JACKET! NOOO! NOT THE HAIR! Never touch my hair or helmet!"
Ulquiorra parenting? FAIL. Wait…make that DOUBLE FAIL. *Unless you are very quiet, boring, and doesn't mind working for him…and dry cleaning his clothes…
Entry 403
"Who're YOU?"
"I am Szayel App- I mean… I'm Tia Halibel^^"
"Hiya Tia-sama!"
"Trash, what are you doin-"
"Hi, Ulquiorra! *whispers* if you play along, I'll give you this."
"…No way, tr- …*stares at it* …Actually…it is strangely tempting…"
"…"
"I will be going now, Tia."
"Hahaha, isn't Ulquiorra nice, Nel?"
"YUSH. Hey…what's dat?"
"Oh, this Neliel, is…well, the most simple term I can put it in is a rather large paper cut."
"What'd you get cut with? Paper?"
"…No…I was using Grimmijow's envelope opener, which apparently is very sharp…"
"Want me to heal it for youu?"
"Sure…thank you very much, Neliel^^"
*drools*
"AAHG! WHAT are you doing?"
"If I fondle mah voice box, den spit comes out and it heals YOU!"
"I'm pretty sure Dondoroni already said this, but ladies shouldn't use the word fondle!"
*drools* "ITSH GOOD FOR YOUU!"
"AH! STOP IT. I'll…um…BAKE YOU CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES IF YOU STOP!"
"N- weally? Okay!"
Szayel Apporo parenting? F- *gets bribed with yummy warm chocolate chip cookies* MMMMMM~ Not a complete fail^^
Entry 404
"Since Aizen-sama is not here and I am the highest ranking Espada, I am the Cero Espada, Ulquiorra Cifer." *is proud*still looks emo though*
"No fair! Nel was da Primera!"
"Well, I am the Cero Espada."
"MEANIE."
"Trash."
"EMO-CAR!"
"Brat."
TRASH."
"Imbecile."
"BAKA! Wait…what does imbecile mean?"
"It means…you are a pretty unicorn…"
"YAYYY! OKAY! I'M AN IMBECILE! YOU'RE AN IMBECILE! EVERYONE'S AN IMBECILE!"
"…"
Entry 405
"Leroux-san! Come and carve pumpkins with me!"
"…"
*in his head* B-brutal…so much…brutality…mercilessly carving pumpkins…pulling out their seeds…*shudders*
"Leroux-san…?"
"DON'T HURT THE INNOCENT PUMPKINS!"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
Zommari Leroux parenting? FAIL. Well..yeah…FAIL FAIL MC-FAIL FAILY FAIL!
Entry 406
Ulquiorra: "APP- I MEAN TIA, WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?"
Grimmijow: "BAKA! GR- HALIBEL WHERE THE JECK ARE WE GOING?"
Nel: "HALIBEL-SAMA WHERE ARE WE GOINGGG?"
"Halibel"/Szayel: "I DUNNO! This Garganta in the throne room suddenly opened!"
Ulquiorra: "Uh-oh…"
Everyone else: "You know where it goes…?"
Ulquiorra: "Sadly yes…"
"TELL US!"
"Not until Szay- I mean…Not until Tia gives me something you promised…"
"FINE!" *chucks a small box at his head*
Ulquiorra: ^^ (keeping his emo aura) Thank you."
Entry 407
"Wait a minute…"
"Ya, Halibel-sama?"
"Who's operating this Garganta?"
"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE!"
"…" *Ulquiorra doesn't notice, staring and poking at the contents of his small box*
"Hi, ev'rbody^^"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" *Ulquiorra looks up from his box*
"What?"
What is in that small box?
Why did everybody scream!
WHO is operating the Garganta!
I'm not tellin' you…yet!
Ulquiorra: Es-pada Snack…TIME! *tripping around since the Garganta is…a shaky ride*
Grimmijow: Who…in Hueco Mundo…*holds back a hurl* would have food…RIGHT NOW?
"Halibel": I do…
Grimmijow: I-I…can't…*holds back another hurl* EAT RIGHT NOW.
Ulquiorra: J-just…AHHH! H-hurry up…with…the food…
Nel: NEL IS HUNGRY.
"Halibel": *passes out food to everyone*
Ulquiorra: Lays?
Grimmijow: Che, Doritos are better.
Nel: YEAH!
Other: Traitors…
Grimmijow: anyways, Aizen usually forces us NEW foods. Not Lays.
"Halibel": *hands Grimmijow the Barbecue Lays*
Grimmijow: YUUMMM~ Lays rock!
Ulquiorra: *munches on his Lays, staring at the box sitting next to him every few seconds* AN: For some reason, I imagine Ulquiorra sitting down eating Lays with a box next to him, looking cute/adorable…XD
Some voice: Ne, Szayel Apporo-kun, don't I get anythin'?
Everyone ('cept Ulquiorra who's still eating Lays and staring at his box): AHHHH!