The Prophecy Revised - XXXVI
'Prophecy, however honest, is generally a poor substitute for experience'
- Benjamin Cardozo
A secret that is not yours to tell is often the most difficult to reveal. Buffy had indeed found this to be the case when faced with the prospect of informing both Giles and Xander of Dawn's pregnancy. A unanimous decision had been made to allow Dawn to be absent for the discussion and so that afternoon Willow had made her excuses regarding the library before leaving Dawn alone in the Summers' house. Buffy knew that Dawn would not appreciate the fact that crisis talks were being held behind her back, but Buffy was filled with the strongest desire to protect her sister from the reactions of her friends. She hoped that this was a small sign at least that some healing had begun on her part.
With the news broken and the preliminary reactions to it out of the way, Buffy sank into the cushions of Giles' couch feeling utterly sapped of energy. Angel wasted little time in positioning himself at her side, clasping Buffy's hand in his lap and beginning to rub soothing circles on her skin with his thumb. Buffy smiled up at Angel, finding herself for the innumerable time that day to be thankful for his reclaimed humanity. Willow lowered herself onto the arm of the couch at her friend's side and folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes remained trained upon Xander's features, which had knitted into a frown that betrayed the nature of his present thoughts. Willow held little doubt in her mind that once he had overcome his initial shell-shock, Xander would choose to share his opinions with the rest of the group with abandon. She awaited this event nervously, hoping quietly that Xander would manage to harness a semblance of tact and diplomacy before speaking. She hated to admit that her expectations of this occurring were rather low.
Xander leaned back against Giles' antique bookcase; a gesture that the former Watcher would have scolded him for had he not currently been slumped over the dining room table with his head cradled in his hands.
"Oh Buffy, I'm so very sorry," Giles moaned, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes which were red-rimmed due to lack of sleep. "I more than suspected that Dawn's relationship with Spike was getting out of hand but I did little to prevent it. I fear that had I only intervened sooner then…"
Buffy silenced Giles with a mere glance, biting her bottom lip and determinedly shaking her head. She had long since come to terms with the surprise that Dawn had presented them with, and Buffy was not prepared to allow Giles to entertain even a slither of the blame that she had been forced to sift through.
"No Giles, I'm not going to accept that this is your fault… or anyone else's for that matter. The fact is, Dawn's not a kid anymore and I… well, I guess I just didn't see that until it was too late."
Buffy glanced down at the floor, breathing deeply in an effort to collect herself, whilst Angel squeezed her hand in gentle reassurance. Buffy shot her lover a brief smile before turning once more to Giles.
"The most important thing now is to make sure that Dawn and the baby are taken care of…" Buffy began, running one hand through her hair as she spoke.
"Wait, what?" Xander demanded, meeting Buffy's gaze for the first time since he had received the news. "You're telling us she actually plans on having this… this thing grow inside of her and…"
"Xander!" Willow interjected, her tone harsh and reprimanding. Xander merely shot Willow a dismissive glare before continuing his rant with both hands balling into fists at his sides. Buffy stilled herself for the oncoming tirade, having been thoroughly prepared for Xander to receive the news poorly. Xander had always been the more volatile of her friends to approach with information such as this since he appeared to regard change of any nature with the utmost disdain.
"There's some ancient almighty prophecy foretelling the end of the world and Dawn is planning on playing happy families with Spike? How the hell can you allow this Buffy?" Xander challenged, his eyebrows raised as he shook his head slowly from side to side in a demonstration of his disbelief.
"I am not allowing anything," Buffy replied through gritted teeth, "Dawn is seventeen years old, she is more than capable of making her own decisions."
"Because so far she's demonstrated such wisdom," Xander countered archly.
"Dawnie needs our support," Willow interrupted, folding her arms across her chest and shooting Xander a pointed look which he chose to ignore. Willow bristled in response to the affront but remained silent in an attempt not to add to the already palpable tension amassed in the room.
"What she needs is someone who isn't afraid to tell her the cold, hard facts," Xander replied, his one good eye flashing angrily as he spoke. Buffy rose from her seat and regarded Xander with murderous intent, almost as though daring him to continue his rantings. Xander stared levelly back at Buffy, no traces of trepidation present in his body language or expression. The patch that concealed his empty left eye socket gave him a decidedly more dangerous air by which Buffy remained unaffected where others may have been cowed.
"You don't get to make those kinds of decisions," Buffy snarled, her lip curling as her anger mounted, "Dawn is my responsibility and I will be the one to deal with this situation."
"Well you've done a stand-up job so far," Xander retorted, his tone bitter. Buffy faltered, blinking rapidly as the barb penetrated. A faintly wounded expression crossed her face for a moment before being replaced by one of pure fury that ordinarily would have seen Xander offering his apologies.
"That's enough," Angel growled in warning as he rose to his feet in order to observe Xander from the advantage of his full height. "You have no right to even pretend that you know how much Buffy has done or would do for that girl."
"It's ok, Angel," Buffy soothed, her fingers wrapping gently around Angel's tensed forearm. Her tone cooled as she turned to address Xander, who seemed to have allowed his shock to overwhelm him into silence for the moment. "Dawn has made her choices… maybe they will prove to be poor ones… but still, she made them. Nobody has the right to tell her what she should do here… and nobody is going to try. Do I make myself clear, Xander?"
Buffy's tone left no room for disagreement and she noted Xander's shoulders tense as he realised the implications concealed within her words. By any means necessary, Buffy would protect her kid sister's right to make her own decisions in this matter and any other.
"Crystal," Xander snapped, pushing himself forcefully away from the cabinet and causing it to wobble precariously. A small vase toppled from its perch on the edge of a shelf and clattered to the floor where it exploded into fragments of china upon impact. Xander appeared nonplussed and did not so much as pause to offer an apology to Giles as he gathered his coat in preparation to leave.
"I'll be around when you guys finally see sense," Xander said bitterly, moving towards the door at speed. He paused, his hand wrapped around the door handle as he turned to glance at Buffy, "Oh, and tell 'Rosemary' congratulations from me. I truly hope it ends well for her."
Buffy stood in shocked silence as the door slammed behind Xander's retreating figure. Willow sagged visibly against the couch, relieved that the confrontation had drawn to a close without the bloodshed she had believed to be inevitable.
"Jackass," Angel simply grumbled as he too sank back onto the couch with a sigh.
"Well, however lacking in eloquence Xander may be," Giles began tentatively, wincing as Buffy's intense gaze came to rest upon him, "I fear that he may have a point."
Buffy swallowed hard, all traces of her previous anger melting away now in the calming and fatherly presence of her former Watcher. Folding her arms, Buffy nodded at Giles signalling that he should continue without fear of condemnation.
"I informed you of the prophecy Buffy because I was concerned by it's very implications. It doesn't take a genius to deduce that with the arrival of this… child… is foretold something rather more ominous indeed."
Giles gestured to the pile of ancient texts and scrolls spread across the table before him and frowned.
"I have been researching all mention of this particular prophecy in every volume and piece of parchment that I own… but I fear that I am drawing much of a blank," Giles explained, stifling a yawn with the palm of his hand before continuing, "there is little to no mention anywhere else of a vampire ever having procreated and that fact is presenting rather a problem. Given that Dawn's pregnancy is rather unprecedented, we have no idea whatsoever as to what we should expect."
"Will the child be human?" Willow inquired, and her cheeks immediately coloured at her embarrassment at having touched upon such a sensitive subject in an apparently nonchalant manner. As a scholar herself and also a practitioner of magic, Willow was unsurprisingly curious about the latest developments in both the natural and supernatural worlds. Mercifully, Buffy shot her best friend a smile filled with only understanding. Willow relaxed a little but her cheeks remained stained with a scarlet hue that stretched to the tips of her ears.
"Truthfully," Giles began, rubbing at the shadow of stubble that had sprouted on his chin during the past several hours, "I haven't the foggiest."
"Is it even safe for Dawn to continue the pregnancy?" Buffy demanded, chewing worriedly on her bottom lip as she peered at Giles.
"I wish I knew, Buffy," Giles replied in defeat, tossing his glasses across the pile of withered parchment that lay before him. He rubbed the back of his neck slowly with one hand and cast his gaze downward, his expression clearly one of silent contemplation.
"I presume that she has already made her decision as to…" Giles began in a rather stilted fashion as he attempted to gauge how best to pick his way across the delicate subject at hand.
"She wants to keep the baby," Willow offered, sparing Giles the need for any further discomfort. "We talked this morning… well, barely, but she plans on having this baby despite the prophecy."
"Silly, silly girl," Giles murmured, shaking his head and beginning to massage his brow with his fingertips. Buffy remained quiet, tracing her index finger over the foreign scrawls and scribbles that littered the yellow scrolls now dominating the face of Giles' dining room table. She understood her sister's decision perhaps better than anyone as, when she had believed the child of prophecy to be her own, Buffy had been filled with nothing more than the most natural of instincts for it's protection.
"What do we do, Giles?" Buffy whispered, suddenly dropping down onto her knees in front of the man who blinked in surprise before gathering both of Buffy's hands in his own.
"We will work it out together," he promised, his responding smile filled with warmth. Giles touched the back of his hand fleetingly to Buffy's face and his expression wavered to one of sorrow as she leaned into his touch. Despite Buffy's best protestations, Giles felt that he had failed in his task to keep the Slayer's sister safe in her absence. Giles knew that should anything happen to Dawn as a consequence of this new life taking root inside of her, he would never forgive himself.
"Thank you," Buffy breathed in response, forcing her lips into a smile against the will of her emotions. She glanced up hurriedly as a figure brushed past her in a dark blur and disappeared into the courtyard of the apartment complex.
Buffy shot Willow a questioning glance which was deflected by a simple shrug from the witch, who had watched Angel disappear from his seat with equal puzzlement.
"I better go…" Buffy began, hooking her thumb in the direction of the door in way of explanation, "Angel's taken this kind of hard I guess."
"By all means, Buffy," Giles replied kindly, reaching for his glasses and beginning to clean the lenses vigorously, signalling an imminent return to research. "Take all the time you need."
Buffy smiled at each of her remaining friends in turn, grateful as ever for their support and mere presence in her life. Turning on her heel, Buffy followed Angel out into the bright courtyard and closed the front door behind her with an inaudible click. Angel was seated on one of the several benches that circled the perimeter of the yard, his shoulders hunched and his head resting in his cupped hands. Buffy observed him from the doorway for a few seconds before closing the space between them in five easy strides. Angel remained unmoving and Buffy felt faintly wounded by this fact as she knew beyond all doubt that the former vampire could not have failed to sense her approach. With the transition from vampire to human, Angel had indeed been stripped of a number of his supernatural powers. Yet extensive training and research as well as time in the field had determined that with the metamorphosis Angel had retained a degree of his former strength, as well as a muted cocktail of more acute senses. The explanation for this was unclear but neither Buffy nor Angel were going to look a proverbial gift horse in the mouth.
Seating herself on the bench at her lover's side, Buffy folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently. After no less than five minutes of unnerving silence, Buffy began to grow impatient and chose to clear her throat rather pointedly. Finally, Angel met her gaze and Buffy felt an instant rush of guilt as she noticed how his eyes sparkled unnaturally in the daylight with unshed tears.
"Angel…" Buffy started, reaching across the divide between them to seize Angel's hand. To her surprise and even horror, Angel appeared to recoil from Buffy's touch. The Slayer frowned, hiding her hurt behind a mask of anger.
"I'm sorry Buffy," Angel said simply, his tone that of a broken man. Buffy shook her head, her confusion regarding Angel's mood mounting as each second passed more fraught than the last.
"I don't…" Buffy began. She was silenced by Angel's fingertip pressed tightly to her lips and suddenly he was drawing her into his arms, kissing her with the fevered passion of a man half crazed by hunger. After many breathless seconds had elapsed, Angel broke away from the clinch leaving Buffy panting and evermore confused.
"I just wanted to kiss you… one last time…" Angel explained, his expression unbearably pained. He squinted at Buffy as shafts of bright sunlight filtered into the courtyard and half blinded him. Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat and shook her head at Angel to demonstrate her ignorance.
"Giles was wrong, Buffy," Angel said quickly, desperation in his tone and pleading written across his features, "when he said that there was no record of a vampire ever having reproduced- well, that much is true. Wolfram and Hart would have done an amazing job at hiding the paper trail for me. But before I tell you this, I need you to know one thing. No matter where I have been in my life, what I have done… I have always carried you in my heart."
"Angel, you're scaring me…" Buffy whispered, seizing Angel by the shoulders and shaking him roughly as her fear threatened to overwhelm her in a sweeping tide. Angel winced as his lover's fingertips cut into his skin but he made no protest, knowing that he deserved much more than this.
"She was there, Buffy," Angel stumbled on, his eyes desperately sweeping Buffy's face as he attempted to discern the point of her comprehension, "she was there and you… I thought you were gone. I'd lost everything… everyone I loved… I felt like I was failing… no, falling… nothing I did seemed right anymore and nothing made sense and Darla…"
"Darla?" Buffy repeated with a scowl as though the name left an unpleasant taste upon her tongue. "What does she have to do with anything?"
"She was there," Angel moaned, finally breaking Buffy's gaze as his eyes dropped to the sun kissed ground, "I just needed to feel again. I know you've felt that too, Buffy… I know you'll understand. I just needed something to wake me up from the inside… I never once dreamed that it… he… would happen. You have to believe me that if I had known I would never…"
"I don't understand," Buffy hissed, her eyes narrowed now as she observed her lover.
The guilt had been gnawing a hole in him ever since his return to the human world. The ability to walk with Buffy in the daylight had seemed like a fair exchange at first for the crushing shame his secret warranted. But after a while Angel had begun to question his strength as visions of the people who had already been lost to his mistake mingled in his mind with those who potentially might be. Now, with the revelation of Dawn's pregnancy, the remorse had begun clawing away at his soul with renewed vigour. Angel could not simply go on withholding a knowledge from them all that may prove of undeniable value. Nor could he go on building the foundation of his life with Buffy upon a lie of the most unforgivable nature.
Angel hunched over further in his seat, his arms wrapped around his abdomen as he leaned towards the ground.
Several moments passed like this before Angel drew his gaze once again to meet Buffy's. When he did, his eyes were haunted with ghosts he had thought to be long exercised from his life.
"Buffy…" he whispered, "I have a son."