Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

A/N: Thanks to MiaCara, who is my beta for this story.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Conflicted

"I can't believe you're really going to miss the next match," Seamus said. "You don't look hurt at all."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean I'm not hurt," Ron shrugged, the simple movement taking more of an effort than he would like, though he made sure that no one noticed the strain it took him. "It's not that big of a deal, I'll be healed before we play in the final."

"Not that big of a deal!" Dean said.

"Mate, have you gone mad," Seamus said indeed looking at Ron as if he was crazy. "It's huge! If we lose to Hufflepuff then it will make it that much harder for us to get the cup! We'd have to do more than beat Ravenclaw … we would have to destroy them!"

"Aren't you going a little over board …" Harry said.

"Aren't you a little relaxed for a being the captain?" Seamus shook his head.

"Seriously Seamus, you're not even on the team, why are you so upset about this?" Ginny pointed out.

"That was a low blow," Ron muttered to his sister as Seamus face turned red.

"You don't have to be on the team to care about Quidditch," Seamus grumbled. "And none of you seem to realize that Ravenclaw had flattened Hufflepuff and they're probably going to destroy Slytherin too … which means if we lose this coming up game that we're going to be in a tight spot."

"Well I'm glad you think Gryffindor can't win a game without me …" Ron said grinning widely.

"I didn't say that …" Seamus argued but the red head wasn't listening.

"But I'm sure whoever Harry's going to replace me with will do fine," Ron continued. "By the way Harry … who are you getting?"

"I'm not sure … McLaggen was the best of the people that tried out," Harry said, this was something the seventh year Gryffindor had mentioned to Harry several times over the past week. He looked over to the other side of the common room where McLaggen was talking with his friends.

"Oh please … don't pick him," Ginny said making a face. "He's a jerk."

"That's no reason to not pick someone if they're good," Seamus put in his two cents.

"Maybe, but you don't really need someone that disrupts the team," Neville pointed out. "Especially, since it's only for one game."

"He has a point," Dean said thoughtfully. "If what happened at the tryouts is any indication, McLaggen is probably going to try to prove that he's better than Ron …"

"Which he's not," Ron interrupted, not that anyone paid him any attention.

"Who knows what he would do to try to prove that," Dean concluded.

"Then who do you reckon I should use if not McLaggen," Harry said frowning. "I don't think there was anyone else at the tryout that saved two shots."

"Seriously mate, you've got to play," Seamus said turning back to Ron.

"He's already said he can't!" Hermione snapped at Seamus.

"Er …" Seamus said surprised at being yelled at by her and noticing for the first time that her hands were balled into fist. He raised an eyebrow, clearly questioning why she was so upset about this but didn't get the chance to say anything as Hermione got up and left the common room.

"Hermione, wait …" Ron said starting to get up to go after her, but stopped as he noticed she was halfway up the stairs to the girl's dormitories and he couldn't follow her even if he wanted to. He then turned back and glared at Seamus. "Why did you have to keep pestering me about that?"

"Why the hell does she care so much," Seamus snapped back. "She's never cared about Quidditch before."

"You really think that was about Quidditch?" Neville asked looking concerned.

"What do you mean?" Seamus asked. "It's not about Quidditch?"

"I don't think so," Neville frowned. "She's been acting oddly since we've got back from the holidays."

"No she hasn't," Ron said in what he hoped was a convincing manner.

Seamus looked at Ron convinced now that Neville had a point. Turning to Harry, who seemed to be finding the ceiling fascinating at the moment, he said, "So what happened?"

"You're an idiot Ron," Ginny said shaking her head. "You practically told them something happened."

"I didn't bring this up," Ron grumbled shooting a glare at Neville.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to pry."

"So what happened?" Seamus asked again.

"That's none of your bloody business," Ron snapped and he left the common room much like his girlfriend had done moment ago.

Seamus turned to Harry and Ginny, but neither one of them said anything either. "I don't know why I even bothered, you guys never tell us anything."

"It's not really my place to say," Harry said getting up to head to the boy's dormitory.

Ginny, not wanting to be the only one left for the other's to question, got up as well. She had planned to go to her own room, but when she found herself outside of the sixth year's door. She wasn't sure what she was doing here; she hadn't talked to Hermione much for the last week, ever since the meeting with Draco because she was angry with Hermione for defending his request.

"Oh Ginny, whatever it is you want, you might want to save it for later," Parvati said as she walked out of the door followed by Lavender. "I don't think Hermione wants to talk to anyone … and we're leaving."

"I'll take my chances," Ginny shrugged and entered the room.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked.

"Now, now, Hermione, is that any way to talk to your friend," Ginny scolded teasingly.

"I'm not in the mood to talk right now," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Why, are you too busy blaming yourself for Ron not being able to play in the up in coming match?" Ginny asked bluntly and Hermione's shoulders dropped.

"It's not fair … for him to be injured like that," Hermione agreed. "I know how hard it is on Ron not being able to play and I just got angry that Seamus was bothering him about it."

"Yeah, he was being a bit annoying wasn't he," Ginny said. "But that's Seamus."

Neither one of the girls said anything for a long time.

"You know the others were worried about you," Ginny said.

"Yeah right," Hermione snorted in disbelief.

"Well, Neville was worried … he's noticed that you've been uptight since the holidays," Ginny said and Hermione stiffed. "Ron sort of made it clear that something happened but we didn't say more than that. Hermione, are you planning on telling the others about the attack?"

"No," Hermione answered immediately. "It's none of their business."

"But they're our friends," Ginny pointed out. "And maybe it would do you some good to talk about this …"

"I'm doing fine," Hermione lied; she knew that in many ways she was still very affected by what happened over the holidays. Half the time she was angry and the other half she was worried. Whatever time she had left she spent it trying not to think about the attack and concentrating on her work. "Besides, what do you care, you haven't even talked to me in a week."

"You know that's because of …!" Ginny started to shout but stopped herself before she said too much. There was no telling who was listening in to them it wasn't safe to talk about the meeting with Draco so openly. "You know what I mean."

"I don't see why you're angry at me about that when it wasn't even my choice to make," Hermione rolled her eyes. "And you're not even angry with Harry about that anymore … why are you still upset with me?"

"First of all," Ginny said hotly. "You know that I've never been good at being angry with Harry."

"Hmph," Hermione snorted but she couldn't help but be slightly amused by Ginny's response.

"Second, I don't understand how you of all people could think it was okay," Ginny said. "I mean you're supposed to care about justice and rights and stuff. How could you just agree like that?"

Hermione bowed her head at that. "You're right of course. I shouldn't have agreed. I shouldn't have been on his side. But after what he did for me over the holidays …" she looked up at Ginny, her eyes pleading the other girl to understand her reasoning. "How could I not try and help him? Especially with a request like that?"

Ginny grimaced, it was easier to see her friend's point a week after that meeting happened but she still wasn't happy about the decision that was made. "Oh screw this, Muffliato," Ginny said pointing her wand at the door.

"Gin I still don't think it's wise to talk about …" Hermione cautioned.

"Yeah, well, I've got to say this or I'm going to be angry for another week," Ginny said. "You know what Lucius Malfoy has done to me … and what he has done to countless other people. I know that you feel that you owe Draco because he was the one that let us know that the Death Eaters were attacking …"

"It's more than that," Hermione frowned. "I almost lost my dad … I know what it's like to fear that there's nothing you can do to help."

"Yeah, well if you don't remember my dad was nearly killed too, only last year, but you don't see me being all sympathetic," Ginny pointed out.

"That was before we changed things," Hermione said softly. "In the book the Malfoys … my parents … they weren't hurt. If we didn't choose to change anything, nothing would ever have happened to either of our parents. I can understand what Draco is feeling better than anyone."

Ginny huffed and then sat on Hermione's bed. "It still doesn't mean that that jerk should get away with things."

"I know," Hermione sat next to her. "I was thinking more about Draco's mentality than Lucius' crimes … that's not right …"

"No, but you have the right to think of what you want," Ginny sighed. "Sorry for being angry with your for disagreeing with me."

"That's okay," Hermione said.

"Mione, you really should think about telling the others about what happened," Ginny said. "It feels a lot better when you let go of the anger you've been holding onto."

"Yeah, maybe," Hermione sighed.

O

"Hermione? What are you doing here?" Dean asked. He answered the door to the boy's dormitory later that night. "It's kind of late."

"I came to apologize," Hermione sighed.

"It couldn't have waited until the morning," Dean muttered but stepped aside to let Hermione in.

"Well, I have something else to say, and I don't think I'll do it if I don't say it right now," Hermione said, walking over to Ron, who was looking confused.

"Mione, what …?" he stated to ask.

"On Christmas my house was attacked by Death Eaters," Hermione forced herself to say before she leaned her head against Ron's chest. She knew that she was showing weakness and she always hated showing that but she needed the comfort of Ron's arms right now and she didn't want to see how the others reacted to this.

"What … are you okay?" Neville asked, jumping out of his bed and taking a few steps closer to Hermione before hesitating, not sure what to do now.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hermione said bitterly.

"Hermione, you know it's not your fau …" Ron started to say softly to her.

"Ron, Gin, Fred, George and I all went to her house to visit just after the attack started …" Harry explained to the other, realizing that Hermione wasn't going to say more and that if no one did, the others were likely to ask questions that shouldn't be answered. "That's how Ron got hurt …"

"Oh … Shite," Seamus said his eyes widening. "Hermione I'm sorry that I kept bringing it up …"

"It's not your fault," Hermione sighed. "You didn't know."

"It's not your fault either," Ron said. "I'd rather never play Quidditch again than have you hurt. It's that bitch's fault anyways."

Hermione smiled sadly at him. "I know that …"

"Who …? Who are you talking about," Neville asked, his face had gone pale. "Who … attacked …?"

Hermione didn't say anything as she looked at him miserably.

"It was her … wasn't it," Neville said in a shaky voice before he balled his fists and clenched his teeth.

"Do you know who it was?" Seamus asked Dean in a whisper.

"Bellatrix Lestrange," Neville answered, the look in his eyes was so furious that the other two cowered from him. It was really quite odd to see their normally shy friend look so murderous.

"Yes, she was there," Hermione said.

"But no one was hurt," Harry hasted to say.

"Not permanently at least," Ron grumbled.

"I'm glad you're okay, Hermione," Neville said and the anger drained from him to be replaced by sadness. "And I can understand why you couldn't bring this up before."

"Thanks Neville," Hermione smiled and walked over to hug him. When she released him she didn't know what to do so she added, "I should probably go …"

"Are you going to be okay," Ron asked concern. He knew she had nightmare sometimes about what had happened.

"Yeah … I think I will," Hermione smiled, and went back to give him a kiss. "It feels nice to say this out loud … to tell someone that didn't already know what happened … to get this off of my chest."

"You're just saying that to look brave," Ron grumbled.

"I might be … but you don't have to ruin my attempt," Hermione pouted and Ron chuckled. She kissed him one more time before she left the boy's dormitory.